by Taylor Dean
When we pull into the parking lot of Belle’s, Grayson says, “Cool. I love it.”
A big sign outside of the rustic structure says, “Belle’s Chicken Dinner House.”
It’s crowded as usual and we have to wait to be seated. Grayson takes a seat on the metal saddles that are meant to be chairs. “Oh, yeah. This is my kind of place.”
I’m an observer tonight, watching him, inspecting him, examining him. He seems too good to be true. I’m waiting for his faults to emerge, something about him that I hate and just can’t live with. Instead, I like what I see. Way too much.
When they call our name, a waitress takes us into the family style dining room. It’s just a huge open warehouse with long tables pushed together and mismatched chairs. We have a view into the open kitchen where the cooks are beyond busy and the country music blares loudly over the speakers, creating instant atmosphere.
“This is amazing.”
I love that he’s not disappointed. He gets a few more brownie points for that. Once we’re seated he says, “No menus?”
“Nope. It’s pay one price for all you can eat. Here’s how it works. We each choose our own main entrée. Fried chicken, chicken tenders, chicken fried steak, fried catfish, chicken fried ribeye, or chicken and dumplings. The rest of the sides are served family style. Rolls, corn, green beans, and mashed potatoes and gravy. That’s the menu.”
Our waitress arrives to take our order. “I just died and went to heaven,” he tells her and she smiles at him for several moments too long. I don’t blame her for a minute. Grayson is a happiness magnet. He exudes life and vitality. It’s no wonder I’m taken with him.
“I’ll take the chicken fried ribeye,” he tells the waitress.
“I’ll take the chicken tenders.”
I watch Grayson’s eyes as they wander around the restaurant, taking everything in. Then his eyes rest on me. I watch his skin crinkle at the corners of his eyes as he smiles. A family sits next to us with two wiggly toddlers and he isn’t fazed by them. This is not a restaurant meant for privacy or meaningful conversation.
This is a restaurant meant for me, the girl who wants to watch, discern, and dissect. I want to disappear and observe. I want my eyes to have their fill of Grayson Elliott so I can bring him to my mind whenever I choose. I want him ingrained into my memory. Because being with him is an impossibility in my life.
When the moment I’ve been waiting for arrives, I wonder how he’ll react.
The waiters and waitresses form a line as the music starts to beat loudly. Serving the patrons is momentarily forgotten as they begin to execute their moves to “YMCA” in unison. They encourage diners to join them and several young children do, mimicking their actions.
Grayson doesn’t hesitate or wait to be invited. I don’t even have to coax him. He hops to his feet and joins the line of dancers, his huge smile ever-present. He doesn’t pressure me to join. I think he senses my reserved mood this evening. I almost don’t want him to know this is me. What you see is what you get. I wish I was still the person who joined life with enthusiasm. I want to be her again so much it hurts.
As I sit in my seat allowing my eyes to devour him, something inside of me seems to break open and releases a warm rush of liquid throughout my body. I watch him dance, laugh aloud, and sing along to the music. He’s uninhibited, with no sign of self-consciousness. He’s not out there dancing to impress. It’s YMCA, obviously not. He’s out there dancing because he loves life, because he snatches every opportunity to live it to the fullest. I want someone like him. I need someone like him.
I also notice the man can move and he has rhythm, no doubt about that. I watch the way his hips move and the way he bounces to the music with perfect timing.
When it ends, he returns to the table, locking our eyes together as he approaches. He stands there for a moment and his smile fades as he looks upon me. I feel like the fly on the wall that has been noticed. I have been caught. It’s obvious I’m watching his every move. He sits very slowly, never breaking our eye contact. I notice his jaw clenches on the right side as his eyes narrow.
“You okay?” he asks.
I’m not sure. When in his presence, I don’t believe I will ever be okay. There will always be a storm of emotions letting lose and playing havoc.
“Yes,” I lie.
“Is this too much? We can leave if you’d like.”
“No, let’s stay. I need this.”
He nods, seeming to understand that I enjoy soaking up the jovial atmosphere, in spite of my somber demeanor. He doesn’t remark on my serious expression or lack of a smile, for which I’m grateful. I don’t want to fake feeling cheerful. I don’t have it in me.
But my insides . . . my insides are smiling and laughing and bursting with joy. Because that’s how Grayson makes me feel.
And it scares the life out of me.
We’re in a crowded restaurant with music blaring. Yet, I can practically hear crickets chirping at our table. It doesn’t seem to matter. I’m content just to be in his company and he appears to feel the same. There’s a feeling of camaraderie between us that I didn’t expect. This wasn’t supposed to feel romantic, not in the slightest.
My plans backfired. Big time.
“THANK YOU, MIA. This is nice.”
Mom felt like enjoying the outdoor air and sunshine for a bit, so I settled her in a cushioned lawn chair on the porch out front. I have to admit, it’s been a peaceful interlude. I hope she’ll feel well enough to do this every day. Already she has a little more color in her cheeks.
I turn my face up to the sun and let the warm rays soak into my skin. “Yes, this has been very relaxing.” It’s about three-thirty in the afternoon. Before we went outside I covertly watched Grayson arrive home through the front window, looking strong and buff in his Army uniform. He is rather easy on the eyes. I could spend my life watching him. But, you know what? I don’t want to watch anymore.
I want to participate.
Grayson hasn’t been around lately. I haven’t seen him since our dinner at Belle’s a few days ago. I know he must be busy getting acquainted with his new job. To be honest, I’m a little disappointed—and yet relieved. But mostly disappointed. I’m a walking contradiction if ever there was one.
After a few minutes Mom says, “Mia, sweetheart?”
“Yes, Mom?”
“Do you remember the way you used to follow Blake and his friends around, doing everything they were doing?”
“Yes.” I followed Stony around as well, but neither of us mention him. He’s off limits.
“I remember one day I walked out front to check on you and there you were hanging upside down from a tree branch. The sight scared me to death. Without thinking I yelled your name and startled you. You fell to the ground, scraping your hands and knees. I took you inside, bandaged you up, and sent you on your way. When I checked on you an hour later, you know where I found you?”
“Where?”
“Right back in that darn tree. You didn’t let your bandaged hands and knees stop you and you didn’t let one fall deter you from what you loved to do. You went outside and climbed back up that tree even higher than before.”
“I was such a tomboy.”
“My point is you didn’t give up.”
Oh, now I see where this is going.
“I know this isn’t how you saw your life going and I’m sorry for that.”
“Don’t say that. I’m happy to be here with you.”
Mom shifts in her chair, tucking the lap blanket securely around herself. “That’s not what I mean. Life is unpredictable and sometimes you just have to go with the flow, tackling each day as it comes. It’s important to not let it knock you down. Life is not about our failures, it’s about what we do after we’ve failed. It’s about getting up and trying again. It’s about discovering the strength inside of us. It’s about persevering and enduring.”
I let her words ruminate for a moment. “I’m trying, Mom.”
“I know you are, sweetie. I hate seeing you so down. I know you think the life you were supposed to have has escaped you. But I think there’s something even better in store for you, something you’re not expecting. I think you just need to climb a little higher in the tree, in spite of your injuries.”
Finding the perseverance I had as a child isn’t easy, but I know it’s there, just waiting for me to tap into it. “I see what you mean, Momma.”
“You’ll find happiness again. This is not the end, it’s just the beginning.”
She’s right. When I was sent to prison, it felt like the end of the world. But here I am, back in the world with my life ahead of me.
“There’s something weighing on you. I can feel it. I hope one day soon you’ll feel comfortable enough to talk to me about it.”
I remain quiet. I want to tell Mom everything, to reveal my ugly truths, but I don’t want to cause her any worry or stress, not while she’s fighting for her life. She needs all of her energy for herself right now. I won’t burden her with my troubles. Besides, I hate disappointing her more than I already have. She believes in me and encourages me, but I know I’ve disappointed her. She’ll never admit to it, of course. But her only daughter spent time in freaking jail. I’ve absolutely let her down. It goes without saying.
Grayson exits Caroline’s house and waves at us. My stomach does a little flip flop at the sight. His huge smile and white teeth are evident from where I sit. He saunters toward us with his swagger and his smile in full working order. He’s tall and brawny, someone who commands attention when he walks in a room. I am attracted to him and I find these emotions new and confusing. I don’t want to face them. I just want them to go away. As he approaches, I notice the way the sunlight highlights the blond streaks in his hair and the way his tanned skin shines. His uniform is history for the day. He’s looking like the proverbial California boy in his board shorts, t-shirt, and flip-flops. I enjoy the casual look on him.
“Mama and Mia. Somehow those two words go together perfectly.”
His words merit a quick laugh from Mom, but I feign aloofness. Truthfully, my entire body just received a jumpstart from his mere presence. I love that he makes Mom happy, she needs something to smile about.
“Enjoying the sunshine?” His eyes acknowledge Mom and then rest on me. I like his eyes on me. I want them to stay on me. He makes me feel as though I can physically feel the weight of his stare.
Mom answers. “This has been so nice. I’m enjoying my time with my daughter. But, I’m a little tired now. Would you help me inside, Grayson?”
“I can do it, Mom.” Why is she asking Grayson for help when she knows I can help her? She’s a matchmaker, she always has been. She’s still matchmaking even when she’s ill. I hope she realizes I can see right through her efforts.
“I’ll do it. Take a load off, Mia.”
Before I know it, Mom is walking with her hand tucked into Grayson’s arm and she smiles slyly at me. What a stinker. At least I know she approves of Grayson
I’m left alone on the front porch as my mother’s words drift through my mind. There’s something even better in store for you, something you’re not expecting.
I think that something could be Grayson Elliott. There’s just one little flaw I can’t accept.
He’s Spencer’s brother.
I can live with the fact that I will never be with Stony again. But I’m not sure I can handle seeing him all the time. I don’t want to live my life always feeling awkward around each other.
Actually, he’s over it. I’m the one still coming to terms with the arrangement.
Grayson exits the house as the screen door slams closed behind him. I love that summertime sound. I never realized how much I would miss familiar every day happenings when I was locked up. It makes me appreciate the smallest things. Like the fresh breeze blowing in through an open window, the smell of chicken roasting in the oven, the feel of soft carpet between my toes, or sitting in a recliner mindlessly watching TV late into the night. I make a vow right then and there to never forget to be thankful for simple pleasures.
I think pleasure is what I feel around Grayson. And that’s just the mere sight of him. What will more do? A shiver wanders up and down my spine at the thought.
“Your Mom’s all settled. I think she fell asleep the moment her head hit the pillow.”
He hands me the video monitor and an ice cold can of soda. He pops open a can for himself too. Then he makes himself comfortable on the chair Mom just vacated.
Get back up, Mia. Even though your hands and feet are scraped up. Climb the tree. You can do it.
But it’s not my hands and feet that hurt, it’s my heart. The heart doesn’t heal as easily as surface scrapes and bruises.
We sit in silence, sipping our cold sodas. I search my mind for something to say to break the silence, but I can think of nothing. I’m sure he finds my company riveting and I wonder why he’s even trying.
He sighs contentedly. “I love a Texas porch on a warm afternoon. It’s the closest thing to heaven besides a . . . cinnamon roll.”
“A cinnamon roll?” What a wacky comparison.
He shrugs. “Hey, we all have our weaknesses.”
I hide a small smile. It escapes without me even realizing it and surprises the heck out of me. He’s not looking at me, so he doesn’t see it. I don’t want him to know he’s already achieved his goal of making me smile.
“What’s your weakness, Mia?”
Spencer’s brother. I hate that that’s my first thought. But I love that Stony wasn’t. That’s improvement.
“Ice cream.”
“Ah, yes. The downfall of society and the leading cause of spare tires. Fight it, Mia. Stay strong.”
I hide another smile. I really do love his slightly crazy sense of humor. And you know what? It feels good to smile for a change. He’s right, I don’t do it often enough.
“I got off work early today and looked at a few houses. I’m not finding exactly what I want just yet. I’d like to find my forever home right off the bat. I’m tired of moving. No more rambling man for me.”
A man who wants to be settled appeals to me. My father is still a rambling man to this day and it makes me angry every time I think about it. “Where have you lived?”
“California, Maryland, Alabama, Washington, Korea, and now Texas. I did a stint in Nicaragua and in Florida as well. I don’t want to see another suitcase for as long as I live—unless I’m on vacation.”
“How long have you been in the military?”
“Almost ten years.”
That’s a lot of places in just ten years. I see why he wants to be settled.
“My parents are talking about moving here too. They’d like to be close to their first grandchild. I guess they might enjoy being close to me too.” He chuckles at his sarcasm. “I think they’d enjoy the slow pace of life around here.”
The entire Elliott clan will be here soon. I’m not sure how I feel about that. Will they all hate me when they learn what I did to Stony? Will Grayson? What will happen when I reveal my ugly truths? Will I ever escape my past? This is why I didn’t want to return to Sweetwater, like ever. When my mother is better, I’m out of here. I’ll be out of here so fast, they will all feel a rush of wind in my wake.
I’ll miss Grayson and the possibilities he represents. At least now I know I can feel the tingling of attraction for another man besides Stony. That’s huge for me—and very unexpected.
The phone rings and being saved by the bell has never felt more apt. I excuse myself to run inside and answer it.
“Hi, Mia. Just wanted to call and see how Mom is doing.”
I lean against the wall, thankful for the distraction. “Hi, Jace. She’s doing well. The chemo is really kicking her butt, but the doctor says the cancer is responding. So far, the news is good.”
“Chemo kicks everyone’s butt. It’s like dying while still living. It brings you to the brink of death and then somehow, the
doctors bring you back to life again.”
“Good way to describe it.” Grayson enters the house and stands across from me, leaning against the counter. It unnerves me the way his eyes hold me hostage. “When are you coming home, Jace?”
“I’m still wrapping up a few loose ends. I should be home in about a month or so. Can you and Blake hold down the fort until then?”
“Yeah, we’re good. I can’t wait to see you, Jace. It’s been too long.” I’m talking to Jace, but my eyes are locked with Grayson’s.
“Looking forward to seeing you too, Mia. Love you.”
“Love you, Jace.” I whisper the words because the line is already dead, as if he was so busy, he needed to end the call right then and there.
I click end call as Grayson walks toward me. He takes the phone from my hands and places it on the phone cradle on the counter. He leans against the wall, one hand resting above me. He might be tall, but I’m five-nine. He only has a few inches on me. I don’t try to move away and he doesn’t correct the closeness.
“Your brother?”
I feel his sweet breath on my face and my pulse races. “Yes.”
“The one who left Shay?”
“Yes.” I shouldn’t be standing here, letting him get close to me. But my heart’s racing and my legs are tingling from the close proximity. I don’t really want it to end. I’m not sure what’s happening between us, but I know that something is indeed happening.
“She’s still mad at him. I think that means she still has some pretty strong feelings for him. I think she still loves him.”
“I think he loves her too.”
“Does that run in the family?”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you all remain in love with your first love?”
I know what he’s asking. “No.”
He changes tactic and is a little more direct. “Are you still in love with Stony? I think it’s an important question, one that I need an answer to.”
“Why?”
“I love your mom, but I’m actually not here to see her.”
“Why are you here?”
“To see you. You know that.”
Yeah, I do.
