“And we wanted to help solve it.” Zoya looked to Cole. “We were hoping you could help us get it open today. Even if we had to break it.”
“Well, I will gladly help you with that.” Cole raked a hand through his hair. “But we need to find it first.”
Andie turned to her stepfather. “Are you mad at me for losing it?”
His face softened. And he sighed. “Sorry, Squirt. I know I seem tense right now, but I’m not mad at you. After your description of the engraving on the back, I’m curious to take a look at it.”
A knock sounded at the door, and then Sean called out.
“Come on in, Sean, we’re in the dining room.” If only Marc had never been involved in the military and its secret technology. How much would they have to endure for the rest of their lives because of it?
“Hello, everyone.” Sean sat down and began to fill his plate. He looked around the table at the solemn faces. “What’s going on?”
“I lost something important today.” Andie looked like she just might cry.
“Well, we’ll just have to find it then, won’t we?” He shot her syats’ae a smile. “Where do we look first?”
Zoya smiled at him. His kindness to her best friend must’ve earned him some brownie points. “The church. That’s the last place she remembers having it.”
“All right.” Anesia caught her daughter’s eyes and winked at her. “Now that we have a plan, why don’t we finish eating, and then we’ll call Pastor about letting us into the church. Sound good?”
Cole and Jenna shared another glance down the table. Was there some other significance to the box?
* * *
ANESIA
3:22 p.m.
The troops clomped back into the house without speaking a word. A dark cloud hanging over their heads wouldn’t have been more obvious. What happened to the box?
Pastor Brian had helped them search the entire campus. Everywhere the girls had been. Even the snowy parking lot. He’d even pulled out shovels and they dug through all the snow piles.
But no black box.
Andie and Zoya clung to each other and sat side by side on the couch.
The adults stood in her foyer, trying to figure out what to do next.
“Cole,” Jenna wrapped an arm around her husband’s waist. “We can’t do anything about it. Maybe it will turn up.”
“I know, hon. I’m more frustrated with myself that I didn’t think of it sooner. Hank, Marc, and Lee all had one of those boxes. They had to hold something important.”
“But maybe it wasn’t anything you actually need.”
“Yeah.” He smiled down at his wife.
Anesia felt that sense of longing flood her again. There were times watching those two that she thought maybe, just maybe she was missing out by remaining single.
Cole grabbed her by the shoulders. “Thank you for not killing me earlier.” He chuckled. “I know you wanted to. You know how thick a skull I have, and well, I needed you to temper me.”
“You’re welcome.” Her best friend had found a prize in that one.
Sean clapped and rubbed his hands together. “Well.” He winked conspiratorially at Cole. “Who’s up for a game of Phase 10? I hear we have a champ in this house, and a couple of teens who think they can beat me.”
The girls perked up on the couch. Anesia could’ve kissed Sean for his suggestion.
Whoa! Where did that come from? Kiss him? Not likely. Not that the idea was repugnant or anything—
Anesia shook her scrambling thoughts into submission, hoping her face wasn’t as red as it felt.
“You okay?”
She jerked a look at Sean. “What? Why?”
“Your cheeks are all pink.”
Drat. Time for a distraction. She forced a smile at him. “Let’s go back to the dining room and I’ll get everyone some ice cream and hot chocolate.”
“That would hit the spot.”
Sean’s warm smile sent her stomach into a little flip. What was wrong with her? She wasn’t a teenager anymore.
The men followed Andie and Zoya into the dining room.
Jenna came up beside Anesia. “Hit the spot, huh?” She elbowed Anesia in the ribs.
“Oh, stop it.”
“No way. After all the razzing you gave me about Cole, you have to give me my turn.”
Anesia elbowed her back. “Razzing? I don’t ever recall razzing you, my dear friend.”
“Whatever.” Jenna laughed. “I’ll stop. But you’re not foolin’ me, Anesia Naltsiine. I’ve known you far too long.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Oh, please. You’re attracted to him. And that scares you to death.”
“Wha—?” Anesia could feel her jaw muscles stretch as it lowered to a definite bug-catching stance. No other words would come. She stood there. With her mouth hanging open.
Her friend wrapped her in a hug. “I’ve got two eyes.”
Anesia pulled back and stiffened. “That’s good. Maybe you should open them more often.”
“Don’t get all bristly with me. Give me a little credit here.”
Anesia rolled her eyes. “Fine. Let me have it.”
“If you think you’re fooling anyone, you’re wrong. I’d have to be blind to miss the attraction between you two.”
“Who two?”
“You and Sean.”
Anesia gasped. Was it that obvious? Could her daughter see it, too? Did Zoya think she flirted with Sean? Is that why Zoya teased her about him? She covered her mouth with her hand.
Jenna grabbed her arm. “Don’t worry. I don’t think the girls suspect anything. And Sean’s just as clueless.”
“Hey!” Cole yelled from the other room. “You ladies gonna join us?”
“Be right there.” Anesia wanted to melt into the floor then and there. She felt the heat rise to her cheeks yet again.
“Just be yourself. You’ve put off your own happiness for far too long.”
“I’m not sure I appreciate God’s sense of humor here.”
“Huh?” Jenna started scooping ice cream into bowls.
Anesia slammed her hand onto the counter. “I mean, right before the shooting, I’d finally gotten tired of feeling alone. Finally thought I’d give love another chance. But Jenna, look. I’ve got to keep Zoya first. Look at what that poor kid has gone through. I’ve got to protect her.”
“Whoa. Hold it right there. Don’t you think you should leave Zoya in God’s hands? And what if God sent Sean so you’d have someone to lean on, someone to help you protect her?”
“This coming from my OCD, control freak, best friend.” The barb slipped out before she could stop it.
“Yeah, it is. And God had to use a plane crash in Denali National Park to get my attention and show me that He could take better care of my daughter and me. I don’t think you want to play tough with the Big Man.” Jenna continued filling bowls.
Exactly. She knew what she had to do. Knew the struggle within herself. Knew the conversation she’d had with Him in the woods. But letting go was so much harder than she’d imagined.
“So . . . spill it. I’m right, I told you so, and all that jazz. Now the real question is: What are you going to do about it?” Jenna popped a spoon of ice cream into her mouth and smiled around it.
Anesia lifted her thick braid over her shoulder. “I don’t know. I noticed him most definitely when he first arrived, but I thought he was too good looking, you know? Like he wouldn’t have a brain or have any substance whatsoever. Then I find out the guy’s been to Harvard and was a VP for CROM. Then he had to go and love the dogs, the kennel, the job—he’s so stinkin’ helpful. The attraction started inching its way in. But with everything we’ve been through . . . first Ma
rc, and then you and Andie, and now the mess with Zoya witnessing that murder . . . I just don’t know.”
“It’s okay to allow yourself to fall in love, Anesia.”
“I made a vow, Jenna.” Her words sounded harsh to her own ears.
“I know. But the vow was to the Lord, to stay pure until marriage. Not a vow to never allow yourself to love again.”
Her friend could never know the truth. That she didn’t trust herself. She was too passionate. That couldn’t be honoring to God. And she didn’t want to lose herself again. Couldn’t forgive herself.
Jenna patted her arm and walked toward the dining room. “I hope you all are ready to get trounced, because I aim to win tonight.”
Anesia stood there for a moment longer and pulled a long breath into her lungs. Was she that attracted to Sean? She shook her head. There wasn’t any room for these thoughts right now. Sean was her employee. And her friend. She wouldn’t allow herself to go any farther than that.
Besides, she’d made a vow. One she didn’t want to risk breaking.
CHAPTER TWENTY
SEAN
January 24
7:54 a.m.
Loosen up.
As he drove to the kennel, Sean couldn’t get Cole’s words out of his head. Loosen up, indeed. Cole had no idea what kind of world he’d lived in all these years. On the surface, it looked enviable. Living in a mansion, surrounded by staff. Hosting elegant fundraisers where the tickets sold for $2,500 a head. Attending coveted dinner parties with politicians.
And his office. A nice little 1500-square-foot corner suite at the top of CROM tower, with walls of windows, two full-time secretaries he didn’t need, and enough technology to run a small country.
He’d come to hate it all.
Cole was right. He was stiff. His whole life had been stiff. Rigid. Trapped in the confines of lies and deceit he hadn’t even known were binding him. But he was free now. So why did he still feel . . . imprisoned?
Maybe he should take up watching television. See how the real world lived. Isn’t that what most Americans spent their free time doing?
Then again, he’d rather not. The few channels he’d flipped to other than his favorite ESPN were filled with reality shows that seemed about as far removed from reality as the moon was from the earth.
He was stuck.
His father’s words raced back into his mind. His gut churned. Then the message in the bathroom mirror drifted into his mind.
The churn turned into a rolling boil.
“Stop!”
He slammed his fist against the dashboard. But the growing fury remained.
All those years he’d worked under his father’s thumb, stuffing his frustration. His resentment. It wasn’t until he broke free, until he was days into his trek across country, that the rage finally erupted. And kept erupting. Sometimes when he least expected it.
He’d gotten good at holding it all in until he was alone, but that wasn’t the answer and he knew it
God, I’m done with that life! Why can’t I let the anger go?
No answer. Well, what had he expected? More and more lately, when he prayed, that was the result. Silence. Like God’s words to him were somehow being blocked . . .
Not blocked. Deflected.
Sean frowned. Deflected? By what?
But even as he asked the silent question, he knew.
By him.
By his anger.
For months he’d wrestled with this burden. The ever-increasing weight pressed into his shoulders with every mile he’d walked. And now . . . that weight had seemed to turn to brick and mortar and stack into an invisible wall.
One that has come between you and God.
The thought brought him up short. He pulled over onto the side of the road. Shut off the engine. And sat there. Taking in the truth.
His anger—and refusal to let go of it—was getting in the way of his relationship with God. The walls, the distance he felt, were of his own making. The rage inside him toward his earthly father waged a battle against his yearning for a closer relationship with his heavenly Father. Instead of allowing himself to heal after cutting the ties with CROM, with his father, he’d fed the growing infection until it festered. And the pain of that was all he could feel. The raging of that resentment was all he heard.
Sean leaned his head back against the seat.
He needed to throw off his old self. Completely. And that meant forgiving his father—and himself—and letting go of the years of bitterness and resentment. Because he wasn’t that person anymore. The person controlled by lies.
The person who hated.
For the first time in his life, he felt real. This was the real Sean. Hardworking. Starting over. So maybe he shouldn’t worry about what anyone thought. He needed to be himself. Even if he needed loosening up. Certainly a few months with the incredible people at Naltsiine Kennels could help him.
Father . . . help me. Help me let go of the past and savor the present You’ve given me. I keep struggling with anger and it pushes me away from You. I don’t know why I can’t conquer this, but You do, Lord. You can help me get past this. Just show me what You would have me do.
He let loose a sigh, then turned the key in the ignition and pulled back onto the road, a fresh peace filling him.
The drive to the property from his hotel would be the last. Over the past few days, Anesia had the cabin cleaned, he’d bought furniture and necessities, and he’d even installed Wi-Fi. The race this weekend wore him out, but the last of his new furniture would be delivered this morning. He would finally settle in.
A basket sat on the seat next to him. Wanda at the hotel sent him off in style with fresh fruit, dozens of cookies, and a couple books about Alaska and racing. What a neat lady. She’d always had a smile for him, sacrificed time and energy to help him. He needed to do something special for her. Maybe he’d ask Anesia to help him come up with a few ideas.
He arrived at the long driveway that would take him to his new home.
Home.
A wonderful word. But more than the word was the feeling it evoked. A feeling he’d never experienced.
He belonged.
Here.
With these wonderful people.
Anesia and Zoya bounced down the front steps, pulling on coats as he pulled in front of the house. More purchases from town loaded down the bed of his truck.
He pressed the button to lower his window. “Hey there. This is a nice welcome.”
Anesia beamed. “Well, you deserve it. We want to get you comfortable in your new place.” She wrapped an arm around her daughter’s shoulder. “What can we do to help?”
“Would you like to hop in the truck and ride with me to the cabin?”
Zoya giggled and covered her mouth.
Sean smiled. Laughter and smiles seemed to come easily here. “What?”
“You said ‘hop.’” She snorted and laughed harder. “It’s so . . . normal. You’re usually so proper, it just made me laugh.”
“I did indeed.” His laughter joined hers. “Guess I might be learning to be a little more laid-back after all.” He opened his door so he could walk around the truck and open the passenger door for the ladies.
Anesia must have anticipated his move because she stopped him with a hand to his arm. “No need. We’ll hop in.”
Girlish giggles permeated his truck as he drove around to the cabin. His cabin. It all made him feel more a part of this family. Moving here also gave him a sense of providing. Protecting. Senses that were innate in men awakened with new strength. New desire. They’d always been stripped from him with his father. As if his own manhood had been taken away. In fact, if he were quite honest, he’d not wanted to admit that he often felt like his father owned him. And no man should
ever—ever—have to feel that way.
After the incident on the picnic, Sean wanted to protect these two. Cole had been a great example. This is where he belonged. This is what he needed to do.
The whole crew tromped up the steps to his domain. He inserted the key into the dead bolt and opened the door for the ladies with a bow.
“Why thank you, Sir Connolly.” Anesia curtsied before entering.
“You’re so weird.” Zoya giggled.
“Zoya Sabiile’!” Hands on her hips, Anesia looked ready to pounce on her teen.
Zoya appeared to be trying to squelch her laughter and smile after a glance at her mom who still wore her scolding expression. “Sorry, Sean. I didn’t mean it. I’m just not used to all the manners.”
Sean laughed. “Didn’t you tell me that your daughter was very quiet and shy? Didn’t really talk to people?” He winked at Anesia. “So”—he tweaked Zoya’s nose—“I’ll just take your words as a sincere gesture that you trust me. Perhaps even like me?”
The young girl erupted in laughter that doubled her over as she sat on the couch.
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
Anesia just smiled at him, her big brown eyes twinkling, and headed back out to the truck for another load.
So beautiful. He shook his head. She was his boss. He couldn’t be thinking of her in that way. Well, he shouldn’t. But she was beautiful.
Change the subject. “So, what does Sa-bee-lah mean?”
“Sabiile’?” Anesia grabbed a few more Walmart bags out of the back. “It means rainbow.”
“Wow, that’s very pretty. And unique.” He ordered his mind not to watch the way she walked, the way she flung her braid over her shoulder, or how she scrunched up her nose whenever she lifted anything.
“Thank you. It’s Ahtna. Just like our last name. There aren’t many of us left, so I wanted to make sure she carried on the heritage of the Athabaskan with her name even if she married and dropped the Naltsiine part. Her first name isn’t a native name—has more of a history with the Russian people here—but it means life and that meant a lot to me.”
Race Against Time: A Novel Page 16
