by S. J. McCoy
She hadn’t expected April to question her. She thought about her answer. “Because I married a man I shouldn’t have. And the man I should have doesn’t want me anymore.”
April smiled kindly. “I read in a book once that nothing is impossible, and when you believe it is, you have to check your premises. I can tell you your basic premise that Ben doesn’t want you anymore is completely false.”
Charlotte cocked her head to one side. “I’d love to believe you, but I can’t, given the fact that I was just out there begging him to talk to me and he flatly refused, even when I told him I still love him.”
April shook her head. “That doesn’t mean he doesn’t want you.”
Charlotte sighed. “But it does mean he refuses to do anything about it.”
“Because he’s an honorable man. You’re married.”
“To the wrong man!”
“I’m sure Ben believes that, too.”
Charlotte heaved a big sigh. “But if he knows that, why won’t he even talk to me?”
“When the man I loved chose someone else, I respected his choice. In my case he was right, even though I didn’t think it at the time.” April shrugged. “Ben is simply respecting your choice, even if you don’t want him to.”
“But I told him! He’s the one I love!”
April shook her head. “I think it would take more than words. If it’s Ben you love, why are you still married to someone else?” April smiled gently. “I’m not asking because I need to know, I don’t. I’m simply voicing the questions that might be in Ben’s head.”
Charlotte thought about that. Why was she still married to Alastair? God knew, she shouldn’t be! If she was honest—and it seemed about time to be—it was comfortable. She’d grown used to it. She’d resigned herself to it. And she’d resigned herself to the fact that she could never be with Ben. He’d told her that. If he hadn’t, she would never have married Alastair in the first place. She’d never stopped loving Ben, never stopped wishing that there was some way they could be together. She shook her head and looked at April. “Well, since you’ve taken me in, you do need to know, and Ben should know. I’m married because Ben told me we would never be together and I believed him.”
April looked shocked. “I haven’t known him for very long, and it’s not like he says much about it, but from the little he has said, and from what I’ve gathered from the others, all Ben’s ever wanted was to be with you.”
The tears welled up again. “But we well and truly fucked it up!” She let the tears come.
April patted her shoulder and handed her more tissues. It felt strange to Charlotte that, despite being back with all her old friends for the first time in years, the one who was here with her, the one to comfort her was someone she’d never met before.
When she finally dried her eyes, she met April’s gaze. “You must think I’m one crazy bitch.”
“Not at all. I am puzzled though.”
“By what?”
“What happened between the two of you? I’d always imagined that you must have left Ben and he never got over it. But now you’re saying that he told you that the two of you could never be together. It doesn’t make sense to me. I know it’s none of my business, but I’d like to understand, if you want to tell me?”
Charlotte heaved a big sigh then nodded slowly. “If you’ve got the time to listen, I don’t mind telling you. Wouldn’t you rather get back to the party, though? And don’t you have a son around somewhere? Weren’t you going to check on him when Chance landed me on you?”
“Marcus is fine. He’s hanging out with Doc Morgan. I was going to check on him, but for my sake more than his. I’m all partied out. I’ve done more socializing this weekend than I’ve done in the last few years put together. I’d much rather stay here and talk to you, but only if you want to. I’ll go and get you one of the others if you’d rather?”
“No. Thank you. They’re all out there having fun, enjoying themselves as they should be. And honestly, it’s easier to talk to you. You don’t know the history, you don’t have a preconceived notion of what happened and what should have happened. I think it’d do me good to talk to you. If you really don’t mind?”
April shook her head. “I wouldn’t have asked if I did.”
“Okay. How about we get something to drink and I’ll tell you the long and sorry story?”
While April opened up the minibar and fixed them a couple of drinks Charlotte stared out the window wondering where to start. When April sat back down and handed her a glass she smiled. “Here goes nothing,” she said.
Chapter Three
“If you’re not going to go talk to her, will you at least tell me why?” asked Chance. “I’ve never understood what went wrong between the two of you.”
“We fucked it all up.”
“Yeah, I gathered that much, but how?”
“It’s a long story,” said Ben. And not one he was sure he wanted to tell.
Chance shrugged. “I’m not going to force you. I just thought it might do you some good.”
“Thanks.” He sighed. Perhaps it would. “You know, the first time I met Charlotte, we were ten years old.”
Chance smiled. “I know. I remember. She was my little sister’s best friend, at least in the summers. I had to listen to all the giggling and squawking.”
Ben smiled. Remembering Charlotte as she’d been then. From the very first time he’d laid eyes on her, he knew he loved her. She was so different. She was gangly then, with her light brown hair and blue eyes, and she sounded so different too. She was English, and that accent! Well, she was kind of English. Her mom was English; her dad was American. They lived in England, but she came to the lake to spend the summers with her grandparents. Of course Missy had befriended her and she’d become one of the gang. “The summer you left was the first summer we got together.”
Chance nodded.
Damn, Ben didn’t want to open up old wounds for Chance, too. Maybe this was a bad idea?
“Go on. I don’t need the blow by blow. But if it helps you to tell me, then that’s fine, too. I’ve done a lot of catching up with myself these last few months. It’s felt like raking over old ground in order to plant new seeds. Maybe you need to do the same.”
Ben thought about that. The old ground did need raking over, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to plant new seeds. He’d much rather cultivate long dormant roots in the hopes of encouraging new growth. He shook his head—and didn’t that tell him all he really needed to know?
He looked back at Chance. “We spent three summers together. We were inseparable. I loved her, she loved me. She was the flighty, crazy, spontaneous one. I was the solid feet-on-the-ground rock. That was what she called me. Her one constant in a crazy world. I guess I was a little too constant for her in the end though.”
“How so?”
“She always had these big ideas, big plans, she wanted to travel, to see the world and explore.” He shrugged. “I always knew my world was at the lake. At the resort. I wanted to see the world, but I wanted to build my foundation first. It’s the old, you’ve got to have roots before you can spread your wings, you know?”
The look on Chance’s face told Ben that he didn’t know at all.
It made Ben smirk to himself. He should have learned by now. Everyone had their own perception of how life should be lived, and expecting them to share yours was simply setting yourself up for misunderstandings at best—and bitter disappointment at worst.
“Anyway. She was always chasing tomorrow.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means she was more concerned with chasing dreams and ideals than getting the most out of the day we were in. She could sit around talking about what we could do in ten years’ time when we’d made enough money. I struggled with that, since I’d rather spend the day making the money and worry about what to do with it when we had it. She’d wake up in the morning and want us to go spend the day chasing rainbows. I’d want to take care of the day’s needs
first.”
“But you were a kid. What needs did the day have?”
“Homework. Chores. Working at the resort. I’ve always been invested in that place. Even as a kid I was working on ways to make it better. Or at least to keep it from falling further because of the way my parents neglected it.”
“And your folks got really attached to Charlotte, too, right?”
Ben ran his hand over his face. “Oh, yeah. Very much so. I think they were—and still are—more attached to her than to me. They understand her. She understands them. I’m the odd one out. They’re all happy to chase tomorrow while I’m happier working on today.”
“I don’t get it though,” said Chance. “I mean, yeah, that’s a fundamental difference between the two of you. But it always existed. What happened to make it unlivable?”
“It wasn’t that we couldn’t live with it anymore. But when something happened… Something big… The way we each dealt with it…” He emptied another little bottle. “We’re going to need to get supplies if I’m going to do this.”
“Okay. You get your head together. I’ll go find us some booze. I’ll be back.”
“Thanks, bud.
~ ~ ~
Charlotte sipped her drink while she wondered where to begin.
“You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to,” said April.
“I do. I just need to work out where to start. All you really want to know is what went wrong, but for me, when my mind goes back there, it goes to everything that used to be so right—to the time before it all went wrong.”
“So tell me that, too.”
Charlotte nodded. “I loved that man from the moment I first laid eyes on him. We were ten! And I knew. I told Missy I was going to marry him. She knew too. She didn’t even think I was kidding. It was just this…this…it was a knowing, not a feeling. My world was a bit crazy when I was little. We lived on both sides of the Atlantic. My mum and dad fought a lot, and traveled a lot. Summer Lake was the one constant for me. And Ben was like Summer Lake personified. He was my safe place, my happy place. He was my rock. We were so different, but we complimented each other so well. He didn’t know how to let loose; I didn’t know how to… I guess I still don’t.”
“How to what?”
“To settle down, to be sensible, steady. Ben was that influence in my life. I tend to flit around. Chasing ideas, chasing happiness. Chasing tomorrow as he always called it. I thought he’d come along for the ride. You know, while we were teenagers and everything. We were going to go to Uni together.” She stopped at the puzzled look on April’s face. “College,” she explained. “We were going to travel in the summers. I persuaded him that would be good for him since he’d get good ideas for the resort. I thought we had forever to get around to all the serious stuff that he was so focused on.” She shrugged sadly. “It turned out we didn’t.”
“Why not?” asked April.
“Because of what happened. It brought out just how important those differences between us were.” She couldn’t help it. A tear escaped and rolled down her face, but these tears weren’t for Ben—or even for herself.
“Are you okay? You don’t have to do this.”
Charlotte wiped her eyes and nodded. “I do. I really need to do this.”
“Okay, then. If you’re sure.”
“I suppose all that really counts is that summer, and what happened afterwards. Like I said, we met when we were ten. I came to the States every summer after that, to stay at the lake with my grandparents. Whenever I was there it was like home. I was one of the gang. Missy was my best friend. Well, they all were really. Emma, she’s such a sweetie in her own little way. Pete. He never quite understood me. If Ben is a constant then Pete is, I don’t know, an immovable object. Michael, too. We were all such good friends. Ben was always special though. Right from the beginning, he was my special friend. We had our first kiss when we were fourteen.” She laughed at the memory. “I kissed him, of course.”
April smiled and waited for her to continue.
“When I was back in England we used to write all the time. It wasn’t like it is now. There was no Skyping or anything like that. It was good old-fashioned letters. He wrote to me every week. And I wrote to him a lot. Sometimes every day, sometimes every other week. That was the difference again. There was never any question that we were going to end up together. Well, actually there was one time we had a big fallout when we were sixteen. I told him we should start seeing other people. I didn’t though. He did. He went out with Emma a couple of times.”
“Wow!”
“That’s what I thought, too. I couldn’t believe she did that. She told me later why she had. Apparently there was a girl in their class who had this big crush on him and she was all excited when she heard that he wasn’t with me anymore. Emma asked him out before she could.” Charlotte laughed. “It was such an Emma thing to do. I’ll never forget the face she made when I asked her if she’d kissed him. She looked like she was about to throw up at the very thought of it. She said it sounded like incest to even think of kissing him. And I can see that, we were all more like family than just friends. They only went out a few times and it was too weird. But it was enough to get him through the time that we were on a break without actually seeing someone else for real.”
April smiled. “Emma seems as though she’d do anything to take care of her friends and especially to make sure that they end up with the right partner.”
“She would. And I’d watch yourself if I were you. She’s always been an aspiring matchmaker, and by the sounds of it, she’s been quite successful in her efforts lately.”
April gave her a shy smile. “I don’t think I’m ready for that yet, but when I am, I’ll probably be grateful to her. I can use all the help I can get.”
“I don’t think you’ll need much help at all. That guy with the band looks like he’ll be waiting whenever you’re ready.”
April’s cheeks tinged with pink. “I hope so. But go on, this isn’t about me; this is about you and Ben.”
“Oh, okay, but you’re going to have to keep in touch, you know. I want to hear what happens between you and Mr. Band Man.”
April smiled. “You tell me your story and I promise I’ll tell you mine—if I end up having one.”
“Okay, deal. So, Ben and I spent all our teenage summers together. The one where it all went wrong was the year we finished school. Ben graduated high school and I finished my A-levels. The plan was that I would come here for the summer, then we were going to go off to Uni together and make a start on our life.”
~ ~ ~
Ben let Chance back in and grinned when he pulled a bottle of Chivas out of the brown paper bag he was carrying.
“Where the hell did you get that from?”
Chance tapped the side of his nose. “Never you mind. I’m resourceful. Why don’t you grab us a couple of glasses?”
Once they were settled with their drinks, Ben took a long swig before nodding his appreciation.
“Is that going to make this a bit easier?” asked Chance.
“Yep. I believe it will.”
“So where were we? What was this big thing that happened between the two of you?”
“Not so fast. I need to talk my way through that summer. I need to think my way through it. See if I can understand it myself. I’ve spent so many years keeping my head away from it, stopping myself from going there. If I’m going to do this, I need to go all in.” He raised his glass to Chance. “And since you volunteered, you are now my captive audience and have to sit and listen to the whole thing.”
“Not a problem. I’m all ears.”
“So, the summer after graduation she came to stay with her grandparents like she always did. But this time, she wasn’t planning on going back. She managed to get into the same college as I did. We were so excited about it. We thought it was the beginning of our life together.” He took another drink of his whiskey. “Turned out it was the end.”
&n
bsp; Chapter Four
Fifteen Years Earlier
Ben checked his watch. He was glad he’d decided to come hang with the gang tonight. Even here at Pete’s cabin down by the lake, the time until Charlotte finally arrived was dragging. It would have been even worse if he was at home. He hadn’t even been able to concentrate at work at the resort the last couple of days—and that wasn’t like him. He checked his watch again, then grinned when Pete punched his arm.
“It’s been less than a minute since the last time you looked. Watching every minute tick by isn’t going to get her here any faster.”
“I know. I just wish I was going to get her myself.”
“You can understand it though,” said Emma. “Her grandparents wanted to go. This will be the last time they get the chance.”
He nodded. It was true and that made him smile. This would be Charlotte’s last time arriving in the U.S. at the beginning of the summer break—because this time she was here to stay! He still found it hard to believe, but they’d pulled it off. They’d both been accepted to the same school and when the summer was over they’d be heading off together. No more good-byes.
“What’s she going to do over the summer?” asked Michael.
“Work at the resort. She’s going to wait tables at the restaurant.”
“I don’t know how she can stand that,” said Missy. “I tried to talk her into working housekeeping with me, but she wouldn’t.”
Ben laughed. “Charlotte’s not exactly into housekeeping. She’d rather be chatting with customers in the restaurant than cleaning their rooms.”
Missy shrugged. “It takes all kinds.” She, too, checked her watch. “And speaking of work, I should get going. I’m on the early shift in the morning.”
“Do you want me to give you a ride home?” asked Ben. He’d rather be busy doing something useful while he waited for Charlotte to arrive, than just sitting around here with the guys.
Missy gave him a coy smile. “No, you’re fine thanks, Ben. I’ve got a ride.”
Pete gave her a disapproving look. “Travis?”
