Ellis bit his lower lip. He knew it was true. He had treated Dale pretty roughly in the beginning, and he probably still did sometimes. “I’m sorry. I just… I didn’t know you, and I thought you were like the rest of them. I’m not saying they’re stupid, but not one of them ever tried to talk to me or was even nice to me. Not all of them are as bad as Mark or Cole, but… you know.”
Dale sat on his bed and patted the space next to him. Ellis hesitated, but in the end, he sat next to him. He didn’t move, not even when Dale leaned back on his elbows. “I’m sorry I never noticed how hard school life is for you.”
“Why should you have? It’s not like we were ever friends.”
“But we are now, right?”
Ellis smiled, even though he knew Dale couldn’t see him. “I’d like to think so.”
“Great.” Dale sat up and punched Ellis on the shoulder lightly enough not to hurt him—not too badly anyway.
Ellis yelped and pressed his hand on his shoulder, exaggerating a bit, and Dale shot him a glance of dismay. “God, we have to work on your muscles.”
“Uh, no, I don’t think so. I’m fine the way I am, thank you very much.”
Dale stood up and went to the DVD player. He looked at Ellis and muttered something Ellis didn’t hear, before turning to the dresser and crouching. He opened the bottom drawer. Ellis saw it was full of DVDs, and he blushed again at the thought of what they were about to do. Dale looked through the DVDs as if looking for a specific one, and Ellis shuddered, wondering what the guy had in store for him.
“You still use DVDs?”
“Yup. The TV screen is bigger than my laptop’s.”
“And aren’t you afraid your mother will find those?”
“Nope. She doesn’t look in my drawers, doesn’t even come in my room, in fact.”
“Oh.” Ellis’s mother had no problem getting in his room, although he didn’t think she looked around. Or at least he hoped not.
“Ah-ha!”
Dale had found what he’d been looking for. He stood up and put the DVD in before grabbing the remote. He returned to the bed and toed off his shoes, then sat against the headboard. He patted the space next to himself again and turned to the nightstand when Ellis moved toward him.
Ellis took his shoes off too and settled as far from Dale as he could in the space the bed offered. It was enough that they weren’t touching, but he knew he’d still wish he could be a lot farther away in a few minutes.
Ellis looked everywhere but at the screen in front of him but regretted it when Dale turned toward him again and placed tissues and a bottle of lube between them.
Ellis couldn’t help it. He blushed fiercely and looked down at his hands, wondering if he could teleport home if he wished hard enough.
“Looks like we have everything we need,” Dale said.
Ellis gave him a tiny nod and kept his eyes down, even when the TV was turned on.
What had he gotten himself into?
DALE STARTED the movie and tried to keep his eyes on the screen rather than on Ellis. It was hard, though. Ellis blushed so prettily, and he’d been doing it almost nonstop since they’d entered the room. It made Dale want to do things, things like turn Ellis on and make him come just to see if the blush extended to his chest or not.
The man and woman on the screen were spouting cheesy lines. Dale had chosen the movie with particular care. The woman had short wavy brown hair and a nearly flat chest, and it wouldn’t be hard to pretend she was a man. Dale himself had done it more than once. He’d bought the DVD when he was still hesitant about his sexuality. He’d been too scared of buying a downright gay porn DVD, and this was the best compromise he’d found. It had made him feel less guilty too.
Ellis shifted next to Dale, and Dale peeked at him from the corner of his eye. The blush he so wanted to see was there, and Ellis was trying to avoid looking at the TV. He could do nothing against the sounds, though, and when he squirmed again, Dale saw the slight bulge in his pants.
Dale looked at the movie again when Ellis’s gaze swept to him. He uncrossed his legs and opened them a bit, aware his own jeans were becoming uncomfortable fast, and not only because of the couple happily fucking on screen. It didn’t take much for Dale to imagine they were him and Ellis, even if the guy looked very different from him, and once Dale thought about that, he had a hard time pushing the mental image away.
He tried to concentrate on the woman, on the curve of her waist, on her small breasts, but Ellis’s presence next to him made it impossible, and Ellis’s face kept flashing in Dale’s mind.
Dale groaned and surrendered to the inevitable—he liked Ellis, and not just as a friend. More precisely, Dale lusted for Ellis’s body, and while it did make him feel guilty toward both Ellis and Stephanie, it wasn’t like he was actually cheating. It was only a fantasy, a fantasy heightened by Ellis’s presence.
Ellis moved again, and the hands they’d both placed between them on the bed brushed against each other. Ellis yanked his away, and Dale finally looked his way, uncaring of being caught. The sight that greeted him was delicious—Ellis was looking at him too, his face flushed pink, his pupils blown and swallowing the warm brown, and his mouth slightly opened as he breathed heavily.
Their gazes locked, and the tip of Ellis’s tongue came out of his mouth to lick at his lips—lips that would look so good around Dale.
Dale stopped himself before he could do something stupid, and instead of reaching for Ellis and pulling him onto his lap, he moved his hand from the comforter and pressed his palm on his dick. Ellis’s eyes went wide at the sight, making him look even more delicious, and Dale opened his jeans.
“What… what are you doing?”
They were still looking at each other, staring, and this time it was Dale who licked his lips as if he could taste Ellis on them. Ellis’s gaze lowered from Dale’s eyes to his mouth, and Dale licked his lips again, just to see what Ellis would do. Ellis mirrored Dale’s gesture, and his tongue peeked out again.
The movie forgotten, Dale finished opening his pants and pushed down his boxer briefs. Still looking at Ellis, he patted around for the lube and grabbed the bottle. He opened it and squeezed a generous amount in his hand before putting it down again. He moved a bit to the side, angling his body so he could watch Ellis without needing to turn his head, even though it meant the nightstand was digging a hard line in his back.
Dale grabbed himself. He groaned and fought against the urge to close his eyes. He wanted Ellis to be with him, to do the same thing Dale was doing. Dale couldn’t touch him, and this would be the next best thing.
He grabbed the lube again and handed it to Ellis, hoping he would get the message. Ellis bit on his lower lip and hesitated, but his hand slowly rose to take the bottle Dale offered. He took it and moved next to Dale, putting himself into a mirrored position against the other nightstand.
Still looking in Dale’s eyes, Ellis opened his pants and pushed them down a bit before taking some lube and putting it to work.
Dale’s eyes went down as if they had a mind of their own, but he didn’t let his glance linger, although he wanted to. Dale had never touched another man. He knew he liked them sexually, but he didn’t have any experience with them, and seeing Ellis like that made him feel weird. Not a bad weird, but still.
The sound of sex filled the room, and Dale didn’t know if it was coming from him and Ellis or from the movie that still played. He didn’t care.
The only important thing was his hand, and Ellis’s eyes at the moment. The TV was forgotten as their hands moved, and all too soon, it was over. Dale bit his lower lip and waited until Ellis opened his eyes after he came. Then he looked away and reached for the tissues and quickly cleaned himself before pulling his pants up and buttoning them. He sat back in his initial position against the headboard, and one leg brushed against Ellis’s for a second before he straightened both of them hurriedly.
Dale could hear Ellis moving, then the sound of a zipper clos
ing. The figures on the screen were done too, and he turned the TV off, immediately wishing he hadn’t. The silence it left behind felt heavy, and it was way too easy to start thinking about consequences when the only sounds in the room were their breathing.
The last thing Dale wanted was to try to explain what had happened and why he’d done it, because he had no idea how to answer those two questions. He peeked to the side, curious to see how Ellis was reacting.
Ellis was bundled up against the headboard, his legs folded against his chest, his arms around them, hugging them close. His eyes were mostly hidden under the fringe of hair that always flopped in front of his forehead. He was doing all he could to avoid looking at Dale, and he was doing a good job of it, though Dale would’ve had to be blind not to notice.
“So, umm…,” Dale started, but he wasn’t sure how to go on.
“Yeah.”
“What did you think of it?” Ellis finally looked straight at Dale, a bewildered expression on his face, and the double meaning of what he had asked hit Dale. “The movie! I meant, what did you think of the movie?”
“It was, umm, fine. I guess.”
“Oh, okay. Good. I’m… happy you liked it?” Dale wanted to bury his face in his pillow and not come out until Ellis was gone. What had he been thinking when he’d invited him?
“Do you do that often?”
“What?”
“This, uh, you know.” Ellis blushed.
“Watching porn?”
“Well, that too, but I meant this.” Ellis gestured between them to make Dale understand.
“Oh. Oh! Umm, no, not exactly. I don’t often have people over, you know, what with my mom being away a lot of the time and Alicia.”
“Okay, yeah.”
Ellis looked at his socked feet, then at the empty screen, then at the wall. The silence was awkward and uncomfortable, and Dale squirmed on the bed.
“I should—”
“Maybe you should—”
They looked at each other, and Ellis finally smiled again. It was good to see him smile, even if it was tiny. “Go on.”
“I should go home. You know, homework to do and… stuff. Other stuff.”
“Oh, sure.” Dale jumped off the bed and shoved his feet in his shoes. Ellis was already up and walking around the bed to get his backpack.
Even though Ellis kept his head down, Dale smiled at him as he opened the door. He led the way to the stairs only to stop in front of the bathroom. “Do you need to, uh, use it?” he asked, pointing at the door.
Ellis shook his head. “No, no. But thanks.”
Dale started walking again and moved down the stairs. “Do you want me to drive you home?”
“No. I don’t live far from here, just five blocks over.”
“You sure? I promised I would.” And yet, he was praying Ellis would say no.
“Yeah. Don’t worry.”
Dale stopped at the front door and opened it. He stepped aside to let Ellis pass. “So, uh, see you tomorrow?”
“Sure.” Ellis hesitated and took a step toward Dale. He stopped and looked up, then gave Dale a small wave. “Bye.”
Dale waited until Ellis turned on the street to close the door. He leaned against it and thumped the back of his head against the wood, closing his eyes. What had he gotten himself into?
ELLIS OPENED the door but didn’t walk in. He stayed still and listened, sighing in relief when he couldn’t hear anything. He was alone at home.
He got in and closed the door behind himself, then walked up the steps and into his room. He dumped his backpack on the bed and nearly ran to his bathroom.
He was still incredulous and bewildered at what had happened only moments before. He couldn’t wrap his head around it, so he tried to distract himself by stripping and turning the water on in the shower. Once it was warm enough, he climbed in and scrubbed himself clean of the smell of sex and Dale. He didn’t want to think about those two things together. It wasn’t a good combination for Ellis’s sanity.
He couldn’t believe they’d done what they had. Sure, it wasn’t the first time Ellis had done something like that, but it wasn’t a common occurrence either, and this time had been completely different from when he’d tried it with Matt.
He’d never wanted Matt the way he wanted Dale, for one. Ellis had to be crazy, but he liked Dale, and not only in the friendly sense of the term. The guy was cute, smart, spunky, and strong. He’d stood up for Ellis before they’d even been partnered in English and started talking. He wasn’t even put off or uncomfortable talking about gay rights, and jacking off in front of Ellis.
They were becoming friends, and the last thing Ellis needed was to fall in love with a friend, especially a straight one who had a girlfriend to boot.
It didn’t matter that rather than looking at the straight couple going at it on the screen, Dale had kept his eyes on Ellis the entire time. It didn’t matter that Ellis was sure he’d seen Dale look at his hard-on when he’d first opened his jeans.
None of it mattered because Dale couldn’t want Ellis. Even if he wasn’t exactly straight, he was still dating Stephanie, and there was no way Ellis would be responsible for their breakup. Not that Dale had suggested in any way, shape, or form he might like Ellis like that, of course, but Ellis wouldn’t have considered it even if he had. Probably. Maybe.
Ellis swore and leaned his forehead against the cool tile in front of him. Maybe he really needed a boyfriend. He was seventeen years old, nearly eighteen, so it would be normal for him to have one, and he did want to have a special person. He just wasn’t sure he could.
There were two major problems to get over. One, he had to find a guy he liked and who liked him back enough to want to be with him. Two, the guy had to be okay with being out. Ellis didn’t want to have to hide a relationship, but he knew finding a guy who thought the same way was next to impossible. There was a reason no one was out at school, and he knew it couldn’t be because he was the only gay guy there.
Ellis grabbed his shampoo and wondered if maybe he wanted too much as he slathered it in his hair. He wanted a guy who was out, but he wasn’t, even if most of the school already thought he was gay. As he rinsed his hair, he wondered why that was.
Was it because of the way he dressed or maybe the way he moved? He didn’t think anything made it obvious, unless someone had caught him ogling the football players—but then if someone had, Ellis would have heard of it. There was no way something like that wouldn’t have angered people, and the only one who messed with him on a regular basis was Mark.
Ellis froze. Had Mark seen Ellis do that? Was that the reason Mark was bullying him? It wasn’t like Ellis did it often, but sometimes he couldn’t help himself.
He finished rinsing and turned the water off. He got out of the shower and dried off, then hung the towel around his hips. He’d been so anxious, he’d forgotten to bring clean clothes with him to the bathroom.
Once in front of his dresser, Ellis hesitated. He was in the mood for something comfy, but he would have to go down and eat with his dad later. He shrugged. It wasn’t like his father would mind seeing him in pajamas.
He took out his favorite pair, the ones with the rubber ducks stamped on them. He put on a gray T-shirt and hung his towel, then finally flopped down on his bed.
He’d lied to Dale—he didn’t have homework to do, unless he wanted to work on their project or on the Fiction Writing one. He dismissed the first right away. He didn’t need to be reminded of Dale at the moment, even though he knew he should decide what he was going to do the next day. He didn’t want to ignore Dale, especially since they had to work together, but he knew things were going to be awkward.
Ellis knew who he wanted to talk to. He took his phone from the inside pocket of his bag and dialed the number he knew so well.
“Hey!”
“Hi, Matt.”
“I really don’t like the sound of your voice right now.”
Ellis felt a little hurt. “Do you
want me to call again later?”
“What? Don’t be stupid. I meant you sound down.”
Ellis snorted. “I wasn’t exactly down half an hour ago.” He clamped his lips together, but it was too late.
Matt latched on to his words. “What do you mean?”
“You sure you have the time to hear this? It’s gonna be pretty long.”
He heard Matt move and fabric rustle. “Sure. Come on, hit me.”
“Ah, you remember when we watched porn together?” It’d been the first and only time they’d done that together. It was too awkward.
“How could I forget? We looked everywhere but at each other for two days after that.”
It made Ellis smile, and he knew he’d done the right thing by calling Matt. “Well, I kind of did it again, with someone else.”
“You’re kidding me, right?”
“No. I wish I was, though.”
“I take it it didn’t go well?”
“It was even more awkward than when I did it with you.”
“Ouch. Who was it?”
“Umm, Dale.” Ellis had expected Matt to start yelling, but he stayed oddly silent. “Matt? You still there?”
“You mean Dale Stephens?”
“Didn’t we already have that conversation the other day?” Ellis joked, but it fell flat.
“Ellis. Was it Dale Stephens?”
“Yeah, of course it was.”
“And he agreed to it?”
“What do you think I did, Matt? It’s not like I tied him to his bed. Of course he agreed. In fact, it was his idea.”
“Ellis Aylmer, you better start explaining right now. I want to know where you were, why you were there, and how Dale asked you to do that. Now.”
“I miss your bossy self.”
“I bet you miss all of me. Now talk.”
“It’s not like we decided to do it, not exactly. It was just a bet, I guess.”
“Who bet you to jack off together?”
“No one. He read some of my fan fiction, and I was surprised to see he wasn’t running away screaming after the sex bits, so he challenged me to watch straight porn. We went to his house, he put a DVD in, but instead of watching it, we kind of looked at each other.”
A Good Enough Reason Page 8
