by Amy Cross
"Wake up?"
"Don't bullshit me!"
"You think you're in a coma?" he asks. "As in, you think you're asleep?"
"Totally," I reply. "Places like this don't really exist. The only logical explanation is that I'm in a coma, and I need to find some way to wake up. And you're going to help me."
"So you don't think any of this is real?"
"Hell, no."
He laughs again. "I don't know whether to take that as a compliment or not." He pauses. "So... does that mean I'm your dream man?"
"Don't push it," I say, glancing up to make sure the other guy, Vanguard, isn't on his way back yet. "I figure there's got to be some kind of way for me to force myself to wake up," I tell him. "I've read books about people who get trapped in fantasy lands in their own minds. It's always a big metaphor. They usually end up on some kind of quest. I just need to work out what's going on, and then I get find a way out of here. So is there, like, something that needs doing here? Do I need to save the realm or locate some kind of magical crystal?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about," he replies.
"There's got to be something."
"You seem pretty sure of yourself."
"I am," I say, trying not to sound scared. "I'm very... sure of myself."
"Look, Claire the Torturer," he says, sighing as he turns to face me. "If you're so certain that none of this is real, then why are you so scared? Put the rock down and let's talk face to face, like civilized people. If I'm just a representation of your own mind, then I'm harmless, right?"
I keep the rock close to his head. "No way," I say after a moment's deliberation. "I'm not falling for that. You might not be real, but in this world you can still hurt me and..." I pause for a moment, realizing that this is getting more confusing by the second. "Just answer my questions," I continue. "Apart from this Citadel, is there anywhere else nearby that I might need to visit?"
"There's nothing," he replies. "There's just the Library, and the Citadel."
"That's it?"
"That's it."
"No dragons or anything like that?"
"Dragons?" He laughs. "No, no dragons. Not as far as I know."
"So this is just a big library?"
"It's the biggest library in the universe," he replies. "Every book that's ever been written, or that every will be written, is here."
"Huh. I guess that makes sense."
"It does?"
"Well, I mean, I've always loved reading, so it's natural that this is how my brain represents my mind in a physical form."
"You really think you're imagining all of this, don't you?"
I nod. "I know exactly what's going on. I'm in a coma, and this is my brain's way of forcing my soul to resolve whatever problem is keeping me asleep."
"You reckon?"
"Yep. It's basically a big metaphor. A puzzle. A big, puzzling metaphor."
He shrugs. "If you say so."
"What about outside the Library? What's out there?"
"Outside? Well, there's a tree, and then there are the mountains." He pauses. "You liked the tree, huh? The one you were next to when you woke up?"
"I don't give a shit about the tree," I reply. "Okay, so it seems like I need to go to this Citadel. Is it safe for me to go there with you and the big guy? Is he friendly?"
"Depends what you mean by friendly."
"Is he going to kill me?"
He stares at me for a moment. "I guarantee you, if you come with us, you'll reach the Citadel unharmed. Vanguard's far from perfect, but he's a good soldier. I know he knocked you out, but that was because he didn't know what you were. He can be a little jumpy. I mean, if he really had bad intentions, why would he have nursed you back to health? Why would he be willing to take you to the Citadel? It's his way of saying sorry."
I stare at him, and finally I drop the rock back onto the ground. Granted, I have no particular reason to trust this bizarre little creature, and I have no way of knowing whether he's telling the truth; at the same time, I figure I have to trust someone at some point. I can't keep wandering through the Library, aimlessly hoping to bump into something or someone that'll make sense. If my brain has put me in the company of these two creatures, there must be a reason.
"Fine," I say, still feeling a little nervous. "Okay. Good. I'll come with you. But if I get even the slightest hint that you're going to cause trouble, I'm off. You got that? And if you try to hurt me... Well, maybe I couldn't take on this Vanguard guy, but I guarantee I could cause you some serious pain." I lean a little closer. "In other words, if I'm going down, I'm taking you with me. You won't have the benefit of surprise a second time."
"That's fighting talk," he replies. "Coming from a mere human, it's not bad."
"There's nothing 'mere' about me. I'm getting out of this coma one way or another."
"You might think that now," he says, "but there's something you should know. Not many humans have ever been the Library. There have been a few, here and there, but they all have one thing in common. No human has ever been able to leave the library. The closest was a half-werewolf girl who managed to get in and out, but even she had a difficult time. You're fully human. You have no chance."
"That's what you say now," I reply, "but I'll prove you wrong. Now where's Vanguard? I need to meet him properly so we can get going. How long's it going to take, anyway?"
"To get to the Citadel?" He pauses for a moment. "Maybe a few days. Maybe a week. Depends if we have to take a detour to get around the war." He smiles. "You didn't know about the war, did you? Trust me, there's a lot more you don't know about the Library. So while you might think you can just run off if you don't like the way Vanguard and I are treating you, it might be worth remembering that we're your only hope. Without us, you've got no chance of getting through this place. Out here, we're on the edge; there aren't many other creatures. But as we get closer to the Citadel, things are gonna change. Believe me, Claire the Torturer or whatever the hell you call yourself: you really wouldn't want to be making this journey alone."
Taking a deep breath, I fight the urge to get up and walk away. The truth is, he's probably right. Even if this place is just a manifestation of my subconscious mind, it still has its own rules and its own sense of logic. If I'm going to get out of here and wake up in my hospital bed, I'm going to have to accept a little help. Once we get to this Citadel place, however, all bets are off.
Vanguard
Among my people, it is a custom to leave the bodies of the dead to be picked apart by ravens. I know that some cultures prefer to bury their dead or burn them, so as to not have to see the process of decay; for generations, however, members of my family have simply been left out for scavengers. The reasoning is simple: whether buried or not, we all end up being recombined into the world around us, so it is better to hasten the process than to hold it back. Still, it is somewhat chastening for me to stand here and see the bodies of my wife and two children, rotting in the moonlight.
It has been ten years since they died, and I regret every day that I did not go with them. I still remember the enormous level of fear in my wife's eyes as she faced up to her imminent passing; that fear is gone now, and she has moved on to whatever realm of existence follows this life. All that remains is her body, and an echo of her spirit that moves around me, brushing against my skin as the wind blows through her bones and resurrects her old voice.
"What are you going to do with her when you get her to the Citadel?" she whispers. Her skull does not move as she speaks, but the voice comes from deep within her bones.
"I shall cook her and serve her to the Elders," I reply. "Human meat is one of the greatest delicacies in existence. Once I have filled their bellies, I will be able to convince them of my new plan."
"And if the Elders are not there?"
"They must be. There is nowhere else for them to go."
"Perhaps they are dead."
"No," I say firmly. "They live. They might be in need of help, and the
y might be pushed back by the force of the Forbidders, but they live. There is still hope."
"You sound so certain," she continues. It is strange, but her voice retains all the same tones and cadences that I remember from the days when she was alive. If I were to close my eyes, I could almost believe that she is still with me. "Do you have any proof that this is the case, or is it simply that you wish it were so?"
"I know it in my heart. There is simply no way that the Elders could have been wiped entirely from this world. And even if they are gone, then there must remain one. The Librarian is at the Citadel; of that I'm quite sure."
"I hope you're right," she says. "I have heard rumors that the Librarian fled as the Forbidders breached the walls. It's said that he was seen running from the main chamber as the bricks fell, and that he didn't stop running until he had found a place to hide. There are those who wait for him to return, and those who accept that he is long gone, but there are precious few who believe he is still at the Citadel. Face it, Vanguard. Things have changed. The Librarian did the only sensible thing. He left."
"That would never happen. The Librarian would never run. I am certain he stayed in place. The Forbidders might have infiltrated the rest of the Library, but they cannot possibly have reached the Librarian."
"And yet you believe you can get to him?" she asks. "You believe you can deliver the carcass of a human, and somehow win him over."
"Once he has the right assistance," I continue, "he will be ready to mount a fight-back. He will be determined to drive the Forbidders out of this land. Even now, he waits for a man such as myself to arrive at the Citadel and show him a path to victory. This is the destiny for which I have waited so long. I always knew that one day I would be called upon to provide a great service to the people of the Library, and now that moment has come. I will find the Librarian and forge an alliance. Together, we can reunite the Elders and restore the Library to its former glory, while driving the Forbidders back to the pit from whence they crawled."
"Are you sure he will be there? Might he not have run, as the rumors suggest?"
"What else would you have me do? Surrender? Should I lie down beside you and wait until I, too, am nothing but a collection of bones?"
I wait for an answer, but she remains silent. Even when she was alive, she was always reluctant to admit she was wrong. Death has not changed her much; if anything, she has grown more certain in her views, and more mocking of my beliefs. Ours was a marriage of arrangement and convenience, rather than of love; although I grew to find her bearable, I never managed to love her. It is my opinion that while a woman can love a man, a man cannot love a woman; it is simply impossible for men to experience such weak feelings. Still, in some strange way, I miss my wife's presence, and I wish I could remember her name.
"This world is full of men who have given up," I continue. "Thousands, perhaps millions, who have set down their arms and accepted this twilight as if it is inevitable. They live in constant fear of the Forbidders, and they act as if there is no way they could ever be expected to rise up and defend themselves. I cannot be like that. I will fight until the very last drop of blood is drained from my body, and until every muscle has been torn from my bones."
"Would you not prefer to stay here with us?" she asks.
"I cannot."
"But we are your family, Vanguard. We are all you have left. Come and sit with us, at least for a moment. If this is truly the last time we shall ever see you, let us at least be close to you one final time. Surely there is a kind of honor in being a husband and a father?"
I shake my head.
"Daddy?" asks a familiar voice, ringing out from the hollows of one of the small skulls. "Why won't you join us? It's been so long. Come and play, at least for a little while."
I take a deep breath. Joining them for even a second would be fatal. As much as I love them, I know only too well that they are attempting to lure me to certain death. I have seen men who have been tricked by such fancies; inevitably, they are lured to their doom. My wife would like nothing more than to have another set of bones alongside her, and there are times when I am tempted by the thought of spending eternity with my family. However, I know I cannot take the easy route. I am a Lord of the House of Lacanth. I have slain ten thousand men. I have led armies around the entire circumference of the Library; I do not bend, not even to join my family. Perhaps one day, when I have liberated the Library and restored the Librarian to his natural position among the Elders, I will be able to come back here and end my life. For now, though, I must prepare to get going.
"You're leaving us," my wife's voice says. I can hear the mocking sadness in her tone.
"Yes," I reply.
"You tell yourself that one day you might return to us."
"Yes."
"But you know, in your heart, that you will not."
I pause for a moment. "Yes. I have long known that I shall not die in this place. I shall die far away."
"Then you should go. But there is one thing you should know first. From time to time, lost travelers come past this way, and I hear them speaking to one another. It is rumored that the Elders have allied themselves with the Forbidders; some even say that the Librarian himself has joined this dark union. If you -"
"That is not true," I say firmly.
"But if it is -"
"It's not!"
"But if it is, Vanguard, you must be -"
"Of this I am certain," I say, interrupting her. "And something else, too. I have long struggled to decide whether my wife's voice truly speaks to me from these bones. As you will recall, I am not a superstitious man, and I have never willingly believed in ghosts. Finally, I have come to a conclusion."
"And what is that?"
"You are not my wife. You are a cursed wind that blows through her remains, forming itself into her voice in an attempt to lure me to your siren arms. A weaker man would have surrendered, but I am strong."
"Is that what you truly believe?"
"It's the truth. My wife's spirit, wherever it has gone, is not here."
"It hurts me to hear you say such things," she continues, "but I understand your need to convince yourself that this is true. After all, if you truly believed that we were still here, you would not be able to bring yourself to leave, would you? Do not worry, Vanguard. I understand why you have to deceive yourself like this." After a moment, I see something moving in one of her empty eye sockets; I cannot make out the nature of the creature, but it is enough to show me that I was right. I do not know where my wife's spirit now rests, but it is certainly not in this place.
"Goodbye," I say, turning and walking away. I cannot afford to stop and look back at them, not even for a moment. Should I do so, my heart would surely break and I would bend to join them. It has been so long since I felt my wife's touch, and since I heard my children play; there is nothing I would not give in order to be with them again, but I am certain that I have a much greater destiny. Some men are able to die at home, or at least with their families, while others are fated to die in lands abroad; in my case, I know that I must day within the walls of the Citadel, and I am certain that I must first liberate this land from the Forbidders. As part of this resolve, I must also kill all those who have formed alliances with the invaders. This is why I killed so many of my former allies, and it is also why I killed my family.
As soon as I am out of sight of the bones, I pause and take a deep breath. I always knew that one day I would have to leave this place, but it is still somewhat humbling to have finally reached that day. Every man must eventually set out upon the journey that he knows will lead to his own death; for me, that moment has finally arrived.
Claire
"So there are no trains or buses in the Library?" I ask as we walk along the aisle. "No cabs or... horses or anything? Llamas? Nothing we can ride? We have to walk the whole way?"
"What were you expecting?" Vanguard asks.
"I don't know," I continue. "Do people just walk everywhere?"
<
br /> "If you feel the effort is too much," Vanguard replies, "you can always just sit down and die instead."
Sighing, I decide to keep my thoughts to myself. We've been walking since dawn, and the sun is now high in the midday sky. Although I don't want to admit it to either Vanguard or Sharpe, I'm struggling a little, especially given that my ankle is still painful. There's also the matter of my back, which is kept ramrod-straight thanks to the metal pole screwed to my spine; as a result, my shoulders are starting to ache a little. Still, I get the feeling that Vanguard isn't the kind of person who's willing to offer too much sympathy, even though he could probably carry me quite comfortably.
"So is he always like this?" I whisper to Sharpe, as we drop a little way behind Vanguard.
"Pretty much," he replies, "although today he seems especially ratty. I don't know quite what's got into him, but it's probably best to just let him simmer. He should get back to normal pretty soon, although his version of 'normal' isn't much of an improvement."
"But he's not gonna be like this the whole way, is he? I mean, maybe he'll lighten up eventually?"
"I doubt," he replies. "Vanguard's hardly what you'd call a sociable type. It's best to just let him get on with things. He knows what he's doing, and we're a thousand times safer than we'd be if we were wandering around by ourselves."
"Safe from what?" I ask.
"Oh, just..." He smiles. "I'm sure there are places in your world where it's a bad idea to be a lone female, right?"
"I guess."
"Just accept Vanguard's help, and don't worry too much about the fact that he looks like he just swallowed a wasp."
"But if he doesn't like me, why's he bothering to help me?" I ask. "I mean, he doesn't have to take me to the Citadel, so why's he doing it?"
"Well, we were kind of going that way anyway," Sharpe replies, although I'm not entirely convinced that he's telling the truth. It's hard to read the body language of someone who's basically just a ball with legs and arms, but there's something shifty about his countenance. I don't think he's lying to me, per se, but I wouldn't mind betting that he's leaving a few facts out. There's definitely some kind of subtext to this journey that I'm not picking up on, but I guess I just need to focus on getting to the Citadel right now.
