by Amy Cross
She stares at me for a moment. "Okay. How?"
"Never mind," I reply, realizing that I can't make her go through with this. "I was wrong. The Library is gone forever. The shelves have fallen, and the books have been destroyed."
"You're lying," she says. "I can tell. Come on, tell me what to do."
"You must..." I pause. It's strange, but when I first met Claire, I planned to kill her and serve her as a meal. Now that I understand her true place in the Library's history, I find it hard to accept what must happen next. "Your blood contains a blueprint, Claire, and that blueprint can be used to grow the Library again from scratch. But in order for that growth to occur..."
She stares at me, waiting for me to continue. "What?" she asks, as tears flow down her cheeks. "What do I have to do?"
I take a deep breath, trying to work out how to explain it to her.
"I have to..." She looks down at the dry, barren soil. "My blood? In there?"
"Perhaps it is better to take no action," I reply. "Perhaps the Library's time is over. Just because the Librarian sought to ensure its survival through your body, we don't have to go through with such a thing. All worlds have their time. All places have to die eventually. Perhaps -"
"So it's me or the Library?" she asks. "Can't we both survive?"
"You would survive on one level," I tell her. "You would be... everywhere. You would be the source of every shelf, every tree, every bush, every living thing. It would all come from your blood, for time immemorial".
"That's sounds pretty cool," she replies, her voice filled with fear. "Would I... would I be conscious?"
"I do not know," I tell her. "I can make no promises". Taking a deep breath, I put a hand on her shoulder. "As I said, the Library had its time. We must let it go. The Library was a wonderful place. It was filled with all the knowledge of the seven worlds, but perhaps there is no need for it anymore. We cannot cling to the past".
She pauses for a moment, and I can see the fear in her eyes. "Okay," she says finally, her voice filled with tension. "What do I have to do?"
"Claire," I continue, "I fear you do not comprehend the enormity of what is about to happen. You have to understand -"
"I understand," she says firmly. "I get it. It's about saving the Library. It's about the Library, a whole world, being born again from my blood. I mean, that's pretty amazing, right?" She pauses. "Everyone has to die sometime. And anyway, I never would have been alive unless I'd been created for this moment".
"You will die," I tell her. "You will die, and your body will be absorbed into the soil, and it is from that point that the whole Library will grow again and the cycle will be reborn. The necessary knowledge is stored in your body, and in order for it to be released, you will have to make the ultimate sacrifice."
"How do I have to die?" she asks. There are tears in her eyes, but she seems strangely calm.
"It is your choice," I tell her.
"My choice?"
I nod.
"I don't want to choose," she replies after a moment. "I can't choose."
"You must."
"Then you might as well get it over with," she continues, looking down at my sword. "I mean, the more blood the better, right?"
"It's possible that a great spillage of blood at this point will speed the process along," I reply. "But -"
"Then let's do it." She smiles weakly. "It's not really death, is it? Not if we all come around again. I mean, it sounds like I'm going to live again, just in a different way. I won't really be dead, will I?"
"Perhaps not," I say.
"But I won't remember?"
"You might have an inkling," I tell her. "You might have moments where you feel as if you've been along a path before, or you might feel that you've met someone in the past, even if you don't remember exactly where. These little wisps of understanding are all that we are permitted, and they are precious. Most people never notice the way that the cycle repeats."
"It's enough," she says. "It means we don't really have to die. And I don't think I will die. Not really. I'll just change. I'll become a whole world. Sure, it's not perfect, but it's enough. And I believe I'll be in there somewhere. Somehow, I'll persist."
We stand in silence for a moment. I know what I must do, but I am delaying the final moment for as long as possible. I have no enthusiasm for the task at hand, and I worry that I will be unable to spare Claire's pain.
"Do it," she says, stepping closer. "Don't drag it out. We've got work to do. Well, hell, I've got work to do. This isn't suicide. It's life." She pauses. "I mean, if it doesn't work, and if I just die, then I guess it is suicide. But I think it will work. Maybe I'm wrong. Hell, maybe I'm just full of myself. But I think the risk is worth taking".
Reaching down, she takes the tip of my sword and raises it until it's pressed against her chest.
"I'll remember," she says. "All of it. Sharpe. Natalia. The Forbidders. I don't know how, but I'll remember it. There's no way I'll let myself forget. Next time around, I'll find a way to make things better. I'll do it all differently, I'll..." Her voice trails off. "Surprise me," she says eventually. "Don't give me any warning when you kill me. Just do it suddenly, when I'm not expecting it. Please. Before I chicken out."
I nod.
"Do you promise?"
I nod again.
"I swear to God," she continues. "I'll remember. I'll remember you, Vanguard. I don't know how, but I'll make sure I remember all of this, and I'll use that knowledge to make sure that things are different next time. I won't let the Library become a soft target, and I won't let the people in the Citadel ignore the darkness, and I'll... I'll... I'll... I'll remember it all, and... I'll... I'll know... I'll remember, and... I'll..." She looks down at her chest, at the spot where a few seconds ago I thrust the blade directly through her heart. "I'll... I'll..."
I pull the blade out and blood flows from her chest. She opens her mouth as if she's going to say something, but no words come out. Instead, she drops to her knees, and finally she collapses onto the ground. I look down and watch as her blood seeps into the already-saturated soil.
Without saying a word, I turn and walk over to a nearby stump of wood. Taking a seat, I stare at the horizon. Soon, the Library will start to grow again, as Claire's blood flows throughout the land. I know that I won't last much longer, and that the process of recreation will take many hundreds of years. Still, as the sun begins to set in the distance, I realize that I am the last person alive in this entire world. Of all the people who ever lived, and who ever will live, I am the only one who is privileged to sit and watch as the old world becomes new again. Still, looking up at the sky, I realize that the eighth world is still out there. After all, the timelines of the worlds are not synchronized, so the darkness of the eighth world will continue to spread. Eventually it will reach this place, and we shall have to find a way to defeat it. If we do not, the cycle will be broken and this land will fall into perpetual darkness.
Taking a deep breath, I decide to focus on the moment. Claire's blood is spreading, and the process of rebirth will have started deep beneath the surface. Soon, the entire Library will grow from the remains of her body, and the cycle will begin again. Although I doubt that Claire will truly be able to carry her memories over from this cycle to the next, there is a part of me that admires her determination and thinks that perhaps she will remember something of her experiences. As for me, I'm certain that I will be like all the others. I will remember nothing of recent events. Finally, the sun dips below the horizon and I am left in complete darkness, the only witness to the end of one world and the beginning of the next.
After a while, the darkness becomes so cold, I can no longer move. Frozen in place, I begin to fear that something has gone wrong, that Claire's blood has failed to start the world a fresh. If that is the case, all of this has been for nothing.
Claire
As I leave my body, I feel my blood soak into the soil. For the longest time, I feel as if I'm flickering on the
edge between darkness and light, but finally I manage to push myself up above the surface in a million places all at once. It's as if I'm growing and spreading throughout this world, while the engine of my memories is pushing my mind to recreate things as they once were. Shelves grow like trees, and eventually books grow like fruit. Trying to maintain control over my mind, I nevertheless struggle as I begin to dissipate into thousands and then millions of new life-forms. Worms, bugs and finally men rise up from the ground, and their voices begin to crowd out my own. I try to speak to them, to tell them who I am and where I came from, but they're too busy with the discovery of life itself; they don't hear me, and eventually I fall silent and just watch as they begin to remodel the world in their own way. I try to find Vanguard, but he's nowhere to be seen. Eventually, too tired and too confused to make any further effort, I realize that I need to find somewhere to sleep, so I retreat to the very first shelf and, finally, to the very first book. Here, I curl my mind up between the pages and decide to wait. This world no longer needs me in order to grow. All I can do is hope that my mind persists, and hope that one day God has mercy on my soul and lets me become human again.
Vanguard
The chains are gone. I'm young again. Everything is becoming bright white. White like the blank page of a book.
Thousands of years later
Claire
Trudging through the undergrowth, my bare feet soaked from the morning dew, I stop for a moment and look back to see Natalia running after me. Damn it, why does she always have to accompany me everywhere I go?
"You mustn't go running off," she mutters, clearly a little annoyed as she catches up. "You don't know what's out here!"
"Looks safe enough to me," I reply, finding her concern amusing. Natalia's always fussing over me, as if she's convinced I'm constantly on the verge of some kind of horrific injury.
"That's the most dangerous time of all," she says, glancing around as if she expects us to be set upon by beasts at any moment. "You're lulled into a false sense of security, you let you defenses down, and suddenly you're surrounded by creatures. Trust me, I've been out in the Library. I've seen things you couldn't even imagine."
"We've barely even left the Citadel," I point out, looking up at the imposing building as it towers over us. I feel as if I've been cooped up in that place for far too long, restricted to staring out the window and watching the Library from afar. I've spent countless hours watching the horizon, trying to imagine the kind of life that could fit into these narrow aisles. Now I want to really explore the place, and to see what kind of life forms exist between the shelves. I can't spend my entire life surrounded only by Elders, soldiers and Grandapams. While the Citadel is a wonderful place, and while I know I should be grateful, the truth is that I yearn for a slightly more adventurous life.
"We shouldn't even be out here," Natalia continues. "The Librarian gave me strict instructions that you're not to be allowed outside without an escort from the Soldiers of Tea."
"I'm sure they're far too busy to come and babysit me," I reply. "Anyway, sometimes I think the Librarian treats me like some kind of princess. I'm not some kind of fragile little thing, you know. Look." Stepping over to a shelf, I bang my wrist hard against the wood. It hurts a little, but not too much. "There," I continue. "I didn't shatter, did I?"
"But you're his heir, Claire. He wants to make sure you live long enough to take his place some day."
"I guess," I say, suddenly struck by the strangest feeling of deja vu. Looking back at Natalia, I feel as if I've experienced a moment like this before, almost as if I've met Natalia in another lifetime. Then again, maybe that's exactly what happened. From time to time, I experience strong flashes of recognition, and sometimes I feel that there's a kind of fog in my mind, obscuring part of my memory. Every so often, I'm filled with a strong feeling that somehow I'm not supposed to be cooped up in the Citadel. It's as if I once lived a very different life.
"Claire?" Natalia says, staring at me. "Are you okay?"
I nod. "Tell me again what happened to your people, Natalia. Why are there so few of you left?"
"We came to this world in order to escape our own," she replies, as we reach the edge of the shelves that nestle at the foot of the Citadel's steep slopes. "There's no mention in our records of what compelled us to make this journey, but we're happy to serve."
"A kind of darkness, perhaps," I say, feeling a little uneasy.
"Darkness?"
"Perhaps you were running from something," I suggest. For a moment, I feel as if I know more about the Grandapams than I realize. "Don't you ever want to go back?" I ask. "There are so few of you left."
"We're content to remain in this world," she replies. "We have everything we could possibly want, and we have always been rather docile people. When I was young, my father taught me to seek contentment in life."
I smile sadly. Whenever people mention their mothers or fathers, I feel a flash of loss. The truth is, I have never known my parents. In fact, I'm not even sure that I have any. I was found, years ago, in a patch of vegetation. When he examined me, the Citadel's leading physician noted that I lack a belly button. It's almost as if the natural world itself created me and filled me with life. Perhaps that's why I feel such an affinity with the world's verdure. Still, I've always wondered why, despite the fact that I was named Petra by my adopted family, I was so determined upon the age of sixteen to change my name to Claire. Some kind of stubborn determination broke through from... somewhere in my soul.
"Are you okay?" Natalia asks.
Looking up at the bright blue sky, I'm overcome by an ominous feeling, as if something might be out there somewhere, lurking in the distance and slowly inching its way toward our world. A kind of shadow that can't be seen. "Remind me to seek out the Astronomer some time," I say, lost in thought. "I have a feeling that it might be wise to pay attention to the heavens now and again."
At that moment, I hear movement in the bushes and a group of creatures come running past. Small, like cannonballs on legs, they pay no attention to me as they scurry along the nearest aisle. One of them stops for a moment and looks back at me, and we share a moment of confused recognition before he turns and runs off to join the others. In that moment, however, I'm quite certain that I've seen his eyes before.
"What are they?" I ask, shocked.
"Inhabitants of the Library," Natalia replies. "Their proper name, I believe, cannot be pronounced by any mouth that has less than three tongues. Fortunately, they're very seldom seen this close to the Citadel, although when they are, it tends to be because they're stealing something. It might be wise to count your jewels when we return to your room."
"There's more to life than jewels," I say quietly, staring at the horizon. "When I become the next Librarian, Natalia, I'm going to change things. People won't sit around and worry about their jewels. We'll spread the good of the Library to the horizon, and we'll keep going until we've enveloped this entire world."
"Watch out," Natalia says, putting a hand on my arm. "Soldiers."
Turning, I see that a dozen heavily-armored soldiers are riding out from the Citadel, heading this way on their horses. I step back and watch as they pass. The Soldiers of Tea are renowned across the Library for their power, and they ride out only when tasked by the Librarian with some kind of particularly sensitive mission. They mostly keep to themselves, operating as much like a holy order as an army. However, as I watch them pass, I'm surprised to find that one of them stops for a moment and looks down at me. For a moment, I'm completely overwhelmed; the Soldiers of Tea have a fearsome reputation, and it's generally considered unwise to attract their attention.
"Let's go!" Natalia hisses, tugging at my arm.
"Wait," I reply, feeling as if the fog in my mind is lifting for a moment.
Slowly, the soldier removes his helmet, revealing the face of a handsome man with a quizzical expression.
"You should be careful coming this far out from the Citadel," the soldier sa
ys, his voice sounding deep and powerful. "Especially if you have only a Grandapam to protect you."
"Do I need to be protected?" I ask.
"One never knows what one might encounter between the shelves," he continues. "We have driven the ticks far from here, but the Library is not a playground. Gum and his followers have been causing trouble a few miles to the east."
"That's fine," I say. "I'm not a child."
He smiles. "Does the Librarian know that you're out here?"
"Why should he care?" I ask.
"I know who you are. You're Claire. You're the first book, brought to human form so that you can one day take over as the next Librarian. I understand that you're to learn as much about the Library as possible, but I would have thought that you would study the texts rather than striking out like this. Direct experience can be so much more dangerous."
"There are some things that aren't in the books," I tell him.
"Sounds like sacrilege to me," he replies with a faint smile.
"The books tell our history," I continue, "and they contain the prophecies, but even in the Library I feel it pays to actually come and look around once in a while. For example, the books tell of seven worlds, but when I look up at the sky I sometimes wonder if there is more that we do not understand. Sometimes, when I look up at night, I worry that there is another shape in the darkness."
"Another shape?" the soldier asks. "Another world?"
"Perhaps," I say. "I know the idea might sound heretical, but I can't shake it. I think we should investigate, just to be sure."
The soldier stares at me for a moment. "Perhaps you are wise," he says eventually. "There are already enough archivists and researchers in the Citadel. They read and re-read what has been written before, but they take little notice of the changing world around them. They can tell us everything about the past, but little about the future. If there is a hidden world out there, it could easily sneak up on us and be here before we know what's happening. It would be useful to keep an eye on the heavens, just in case such a thing materializes."
