by Martha Carr
“More like floating.” Marcy laughed. “He does that trick every time.”
“I like it. It’s classic.”
Elijah nodded in thanks to Yumfuck, who gave him a serious nod back. Marcy collected the cards and shuffled for the next round. Secretly, she hoped Yumfuck would lose. She wanted to see another beatbox show like he had done the last time he lost. From the kitchen the Batman Theme song rang out, only it was more beeps and tones than the actual song; almost analog in nature. Yumfuck jumped up from the table, almost knocking his Starbursts to the floor.
“That’s my phone. Hopefully, it’s a call to duty.”
He hurried to the kitchen and opened his flip phone to see a blocked number on the screen.
“This is Yumfuck,” he answered in a deep, professional tone.
The man on the line cleared his throat. “Yes, this is Johnson, your assignment contact. We believe you to be the right candidate for a problem we’ve recently encountered. It might be a little difficult, but nothing you won’t be able to handle. Are you up for it?”
“Batfuck is always up for it!”
“Bat who?”
“Never mind.” He chuckled, cleared his throat, and stood tall. “I’m on it. Send me the coordinates.”
“They’re on their way. You know the drill, and this needs to be handled ASAP.”
“Capture, turnover, and save the day. I’m on it!”
“Yeah,” the guy replied unenthusiastically. “The general will be in touch.”
With that, the line went dead. A text chimed with the coordinates via another blocked number. Yumfuck hurried back to the dining area, where the others waited to resume their game.
“Duty calls!”
“Aw.” Marcy frowned. “You sure you have to leave now?”
“They said it was time-sensitive. Sadly, these things happen fast, and we can’t let them lie around.”
“Understood.” Marcy nodded. “How are you getting there?”
“I gotta run home and get Leira or Correk to open a portal.”
“No need,” Elijah told him, and stood. “I got you. Just show me the coordinates. I swear on my life I’ll keep them top secret.”
“Aloha! Thanks!”
Two camels led by a guide on horseback ambled through the lush grass of the Mongolian Steppe. The landscape stretched for hundreds of miles in all directions, ripe with vegetation and life. Peppered throughout the grasslands were small communities of a dozen or so yurts, carefully constructed several feet off the ground on stilts. Most of the people who lived there tended crops and herded camels and horses.
The sun shone brightly. Women hung clothes on lines, children played in the grass, and horses ran in the distance. Yumfuck stepped out of his portal far enough away from the village to not be seen, but close enough to be on the lookout. The breeze blew across the grasslands, ruffling Yumfuck’s fur. It was a warm summer day, but not anywhere near as hot as it got in Austin.
Yumfuck looked around, not seeing anything out of the ordinary. Suddenly screams echoed from the village, and a shadow crossed the ground. Yumfuck looked up, shading his eyes as an oversized golden eagle with a wingspan of over eight feet soared overhead. From its screeches and the way its wings wobbled, the bird was in some sort of trouble.
As the eagle made another pass over the village, diving at the local livestock and flapping its wings wildly, the sun reflected from something on its leg, momentarily blinding Yumfuck. He rummaged through his Ninja Turtle bag until he found his binoculars under his reserve bag of Cheetos. He watched the bird as it squawked and dove at a small dog before riding the air current back up. On its ankle hung a pocket watch, the chain wrapped around its leg tightly. It was an artifact, and a rather powerful one since even Yumfuck could feel the vibrations from so far away.
“Poor bird,” he whispered. “That thing must be driving him crazy. Gotta help him.”
Yumfuck dropped the binoculars back into his bag and searched inside. He would have to bait the eagle. He finally found his small stuffed Chewbacca figure. He petted the fur on its head and walked over to a large boulder.
“Looks like you’re gonna put in some work today, Chewie. You got this.” Yumfuck made the low trill sound of the Wookie and set him down, scurrying behind the boulder. He reached back into his bag and pulled out his cape—the medium-sized one. He looked up as the bird circled the settlement and headed toward him. He put two furry fingers in his mouth, whistled loud to get the bird’s attention, and ducked back down.
The eagle screamed loudly as it eyed the furry animal on the boulder. It swooped low, its good claw out, gliding toward the Wookie. Yumfuck grew to five feet and waited until the eagle made contact. He leaped over the boulder, throwing the cape over the bird. The eagle thrashed, but the troll held it down as it tried to escape.
“Easy, boy. Easy.”
Yumfuck purred at the eagle and quickly untangled the chain from the bird’s leg. He glanced at the village, but no one had seen him wrestling the bird. As soon as the artifact was off, a portal snapped open beside him. He gripped the watch in his paw and hid it behind his back.
The Gardener peered through it at Yumfuck and the bird.
“Come on, we can keep him here.”
Yumfuck nodded, picked up the bird, and gently handed it to the Gardener. He kept the portal open long enough for Yumfuck to grab his bag and jump through, landing on the edge of the forest that bordered the open field of the sanctuary. The Gardener removed the cape and tossed it to him. The bird perched calmly on the Gardener’s hand, blinking and gently piping.
“You are safe here. Be free within the sanctuary.”
The eagle looked at Yumfuck and the Gardener and flapped its long wings, sending a gust of air over Yumfuck as it rose. It soared over the field and the animals below. The Gardener turned to Yumfuck and nodded, putting his arm out to lead him farther into the woods.
“While you’re here, there are a couple of people who would like to see you.”
Yumfuck followed the Gardener to a small cottage tucked into a clearing in the woods. Yumfuck bounced in excitement, then ran toward the door as it opened to show Rose and Hagan’s smiling faces. Rose embraced Yumfuck tightly. She ruffled his green hair, smiling gently as she always did.
“You’re tall today.”
“Had to save a helpless eagle, so I needed some strength.”
“A real hero.” Hagan smiled, shaking Yumfuck’s paw. “Why don’t you come in? Rose let me bring back some donuts from Austin. Maple Bacon ones, too.”
“Aloha!”
There no way Yumfuck wouldn’t stay and visit. He missed his best friend, and he missed Texas. From Hagan’s enthusiasm, it was obvious he missed them too. Yumfuck sat down on the couch and Rose brought in the donuts, giving Hagan the eye.
“Hey, you should be glad I picked those up, Yumfuck would starve if I didn’t!”
“Mhmm.” She winked.
“So, how are you, buddy? What are you doing to keep yourself busy back there?”
“Leira and Correk have me helping them, and the government calls me for missions, and I get paid for them.”
“Uh oh, watch out! Yumfuck has hit the big leagues now. Man, I really miss being out there, running the streets and taking down the bad guys.”
“Don’t let him fool you.” Rose smiled. “He is living it up in retirement. Helping the Gardener, sleeping in, taking catnaps out back. I even lifted some of the donut restrictions.”
“You got the life,” Yumfuck replied. “If I were you, I’d stay right where you are. It’s getting crazy out there.”
They visited for a couple of hours. Yumfuck told them all about his Neighborhood Watch and caught them up on Leira’s life. When the sun was below the tree line and the crickets started to chirp, there was a knock on the door. Rose opened it to the Gardener, the vines and flowers braided into his dreadlocks had already tucked away for the night.
“You should be getting back, Yumfuck. I came to open a
portal for you.”
“I got to check in with the general anyway. Thanks for the donuts, Hagan.”
He fist-bumped Hagan and gave Rose a big hug, wishing he could take them with him. He smiled and nodded in thanks as the Gardener opened a portal, turning back and waving one more goodbye at Rose and Hagan. He stepped through and watched it close before looking around. He wasn’t at home, but instead in an alley about three blocks down. The Gardener must have been unsure where to open the portal in a big city.
Yumfuck shrugged, figuring it was no big deal anyway. It was late, and few people would be out at that point. He felt the vibration of the artifact as he tightened the straps on his bag and started down the alley. As he approached the street, a man stepped into his path. With the light behind him casting his face in shadow, Yumfuck wasn’t sure who it was.
“Who’s there?” Yumfuck called.
“It’s just me,” the general answered, turning into the light. “I’ve been waiting for you to pop up.”
“Sorry. Ran into some old friends and had to say hi.”
“How is Hagan?”
“Good. Bored in retirement, but that’s all for the best.”
Yumfuck noticed the envelope in the general’s hand and reached out his paw.
“Not so fast. Hand it over.”
Yumfuck cringed, having hidden the artifact to pass over to Leira. He hadn’t thought that the general would know anything about it. The general raised an eyebrow and stuck out his empty hand as Yumfuck pulled his bag around and began to dig.
“We knew the bird had gotten tangled in an old net from a shipwreck, and the artifact was thought to be part of the ship’s cargo.”
Yumfuck handed it over and took the envelope, shoving it into his bag. The general inspected the watch, grumbling something before slipping it into his pocket. He shook Yumfuck’s paw.
“Thank you, sir. We’ll let you know when something else arises, because God knows it always does.”
The general walked out of the alley. Yumfuck shrank to five inches and followed, turning to the right on the sidewalk. Most people were already tucked into their beds, but the few who were out were so drunk that they dismissed him. One couple that was staggering along the edge of the curb stopped and stared before jumping into a cab.
When Yumfuck arrived at the house all the lights were off, so he sat on the stoop. He thumbed the money inside the envelope with excitement, then pulled out his mask and cape. He was ready to get his regular neighborhood patrol underway. He liked to help animals, sure, and he loved making money for his doughnuts and candy, but he really loved helping his local community. He was a troll with a purpose.
3
The 1920s era was known for its glitz and glam—the parties, the dresses, and the money. It was a time of dramatic political and social change. A time where the cities bustled, and the farms were left behind. Changes roared through the country as people quietly shed the years of English tradition in favor of wealth and freedom.
New York was the epitome of that change, a place where American consumerism took shape, and ideas and fashion blossomed on an hourly basis.
Beyond that sparkling façade, however, lurking in the shadows and in this case, even in the public eye, was an evil that struggled to be contained. Jack “Legs” Diamond, also known as Gentleman Jack, spent his days and nights as a bootlegger and thief. He was given the nickname “Legs” because of his exceptional dancing ability. The public loved him since he brought booze to the parties and danced the night away, but he had a secret.
Legs was always in the wrong place at the wrong time, and nobody could figure out why he was still alive. People compared him to a clay pigeon since he’d been shot too many times to count. What they didn’t know was that Legs Diamond had in his possession a watch, an artifact filled with powerful magic. This watch helped him rapidly heal from almost anything.
“The watch is a blessing and a curse,” the Professor told Leira, “depending on who possesses it. It had been in a vault, but was liberated when the vault was destroyed. We’ve tracked it for a while and finally nailed it down. It’s in the possession of the New York division of the Yakuza, or the ‘Harriken’ as they are now calling themselves, and we need you to retrieve it. I’ve sent over the coordinates. Let me know when you want to meet.”
“Got them,” Leira replied. “I’m leaving now.”
Leira would need to do this one on her own. Correk was out on a job, Yumfuck hadn’t returned, and her sister and dad were helping the Professor with something else. She stood in the living room, skin glowing, and whispered the coordinates. She stepped through the portal into an alley across the street from the Harriken’s building.
Staying in the shadows, she peered up to the top floor, where she could feel its pulsating aura. She carefully kept the light in her palms hidden as she approached the building. The door opened into a large reception area with a security desk in the back.
“Hello. How can we....” The receptionist’s eyes grew wide. He obviously recognized Leira.
She didn’t waste any time. Shooting a fireball, she knocked the receptionist unconscious. Four men barreled out of the security office toward her, faces determined, fists balled and guns on their hips.
Knowing they wouldn’t fight individually, Leira wasted no time as she pulled energy and threw fireballs. Their guns must have been for show or non-magicals, because they each pulled their true weapons—auburn-tinted red maple wands. Dark magic flew toward Leira but she dodged and rolled, still shooting fireballs. One hit a guy in the leg, sending him wincing to his knees. Another got a Harriken in the side of the head. He was dead before he hit the floor.
Leira jumped to her feet and bolted forward, swiping both arms in front of her. She fired a wave of white light, which caught the two remaining guards and slammed them into the etched-glass fountain on the back wall. Leira directed her magic toward the ground, screaming an incantation. The streams of light cracked the marble floor, and the shock wave knocked down a remaining Harriken.
The guard who had fallen to his knees hissed at Leira, swirling his wand and shooting bolts of electricity all around her. He was fast; so fast that she didn’t see the low bolt he’d fired at her legs. She tried to jump out of the way, but it sliced her thigh deeply. She winced as the blood started to soak her jeans. Growling, she pulled more energy and sent a ball of light straight at his head. His eyes widened as he tried to dodge, but the orb followed him. It crashed into his head and sent him to the next world.
Leira breathed heavily as she headed for the elevator. She grounded some of the energy, took off her hoodie, and pressed the button for the top floor.
While the elevator car rose, she ripped off a strip of the hoodie to use as a bandage and tied it off. When the elevator dinged she balled her fists, pulling the light into her chest, ready for whatever was behind those doors. The doors opened to show a long room, empty except for several lit podiums holding artifacts.
Leira found the watch quickly.
She shook her head, hoping the damn thing was worth it.
An alarm blared as soon as she picked it up. She ran to the elevator, but they were locked down, trapping her on that floor. One Harriken after another lined up in front of her, growling angrily. Looking behind her at the tall plate-glass window, she sighed and rolled her eyes.
“Of course. Of course, this was how this job would go.”
Leira knew she couldn’t fight this many Harriken on her own. They were too strong and dedicated to their cause. She shoved the watch into her pocket and smiled at the Harriken, watching their faces turn slightly confused. Behind her back she pulled magic down her arm, creating an orb. Here goes nothing.
Leira hurled the orb at the window, shattering it. She moaned as she sprinted, not pausing before she leaped through the opening and plummeted toward the street below. She slowed her breathing and let the magic flow through her, holding out her hands and shedding energy through them to slow her fall. She grimaced,
clenching her eyes tight as the pavement approached terrifyingly fast.
Right before she hit the ground the energy bounced back to her, stopping her just inches from the concrete. She opened her eyes as the last of her magic grounded, and she fell the last few inches with a grunt. Groaning, she pulled herself to her feet. No guards approached, but she knew they were inbound. She sprinted out of the alley and crossed the road, trying to put as much distance between her and the Harriken as she could.
She ran six blocks, then ducked behind a dumpster and watched quietly for any sign of pursuit. After a few minutes she relaxed against the brick building behind her, clutching her leg tightly. She was hurt—really hurt—and given the amount of blood she had already lost, she might not be strong enough to make another portal.
Leira thought for a moment, unsure what to do next. She’d won the battle but not the war, which was okay for now. The artifact in her pocket surged, calling to her. She pulled it out and set it down, feeling its power already trying to heal her. Fastening it onto her wrist, she closed her eyes and let the magic race down her leg. There was a sharp pain, followed by intense burning. She ripped the leg of her pants and stared down in amazement as the wound began to heal.
“Well, this little thing is handy.”
She heard a soft cough and quickly held her hands out, lighting up the alley in front of her. A young girl, no older than ten, stood there staring at her in amazement. Leira sighed, and slowly lowered her arms.
“Someday I want to grow up to be just like you. A Tomb Raider,” the girl whispered in awe.
Leira gave her a crooked smile and tilted her head.
“What’s your name?”
“My name is Shay,” the girl told her, backing up.
“Where are your parents? Do they know you’re down here?”
The girl was dirty, her clothes were torn, and her hair was a wild mess. Leira guessed she was either highly neglected or homeless. She softened her tone and started to get up, but the girl gasped, turned, and ran off.
