by Bowie, Emily
I forget about the other mail and close the box, my fingers scurrying on the envelope. Using my mailbox key, I place it under the folded corner and pull all the way through the top. The sound of ripping paper feels so satisfactory to my ears.
I scan for the all-important words and see conditional acceptance in italics. My eyes are huge once I realize that Luke and I are getting what we talked about. We get to go to school together. The looking for housing is now a reality and not just a pipe dream.
Not being able to contain myself, I jump up and down. This is it. This piece of paper is my way out of this town. Luke’s and my way to get away. I actually twirl with the letter in front of my face. I hoped I would get in but in the back of my mind I kept telling myself not to get too excited. I tend to do that, then over plan. But this time it worked out.
I know without even planning that the first person I will tell is Luke. My toes do a twinkle dance up and down, still not being able to contain my excitement. Thinking it over, I don’t care. This is it. I’m going to college. Everything is falling perfectly in place for me.
Like most nights, I have found a way to leave the watchful eyes of my parents. This night is no exception. I did my and Kellen’s chores, hoping it will distract me from the letter burning a hole in my pocket. It already looks years old by the amount of times I have opened and refolded it just to double-check I read right the first time.
Walking through the dusty alleyway, I make my way toward the old Selena mural to meet Luke. It’s the quickest route and the best way to go unnoticed. It seems that the only time Luke and I can meet is at night. Even with the orange sky behind me, this path is safe, just as is all of Three Rivers. Nothing exciting happens here. A small breeze pushes through my thin sweater; a sign that the warm days of the year have begun to pass.
The looks at school have died down, along with the silent whispers, but I have not gone back to being invisible. Making it extra hard to sneak around with the school’s football captain.
Stepping out from the row of large garbage containers that line this very small section of road, I see Cynthia ending a kiss from someone other than Brax, even though she is still also seeing him.
Her eyes catch mine immediately, making me want to sink behind the worn and paint-peeled bins. Despite all the good happening in my life, there is still always some bad. Every yin has its own yang.
Cynthia decided to make me her new pet project. No matter where I went in town, she was always there.
She walks up to me with a huge grin on her face.
“Hello, doll.”
That seems to be her favorite word for me. And it seems practically true. Maybe I am her play doll.
“Did my brother get a new haircut?” I ask her, trying to look innocent as she stops in front of me. I refuse to back down from her stare. She is a master manipulator. Her eyes take me in and dissect each movement I make before she pounces. The key is to never show weakness around her. She is like a parasite that won’t stop sucking your blood once she hooks her little claws in you. She does it so gracefully that you almost miss it happening before it’s too late.
“Oh hush now.” She swats at my hand like we are joking around. I’ve had enough of her. I decide in this moment that no matter what she says I will tell Brax about what a cheating whore his girlfriend is. I just can’t understand it. Why stay with him if she is servicing half of the town anyway? It’s time I force him to hear the truth.
I can’t stop the laugh that escapes me and I shake my head in disbelief. Slowly she turns her stance, allowing me to pass.
“Be careful, little Shay,” she says condescendingly.
For a moment I wonder if I said what I was thinking out loud. She makes three tsking sounds with her tongue hitting the top of her mouth, making sure she has my undivided attention. In that split second I give it to her, allowing the first of her tiny nails to sink into me.
“I am not the only one holding onto secrets. This little one is just the tip of the iceberg.” She winks at me and I think she is talking about her adulteress ass that I just caught red-handed again but then she continues speaking. “I would hate for Kellen to go down with me.”
I want to ask her what the hell she is talking about but I laugh it off, trying not to show that she got to me. That is what gives her power.
For a moment the thought that Kellen has been with her too flashes across my mind. But I know Kellen, he may be a lot of things but that is not one of them. He is not a cheater; he would never do that to any one of us. He is loyal to a fault. Wild and reckless, yes, but that is all. I believe this in my heart and my gut undeniably. I would even bet my life on it.
I walk off but not before flipping her the bird over my shoulder. I refuse to look back to see if she is watching me, wanting to get the last say in.
The night’s air, although not that cold, seems to have seeped into my bones. I shiver as my light zip-up sweater does nothing for me. I try to remind myself this is Texas, even our colder days still warm the pavement.
Before turning out of the alleyway, I take a quick glance behind me, double-checking that no one has followed me. Luke is leaning against the mural, looking divine. I can feel my skin flush with heat as soon as he looks at me. My smile widens because I can’t wipe it off my face.
He’s so graceful as he pushes off the wall and struts towards me, like he doesn’t have a care in the world.
“Hi,” I greet him but it comes out breathless. “How was practice?”
It was the last practice of the year before they head into the championship final game. Before we know it, it will be Christmas.
He shrugs like it was okay.
“That good?” I question.
I lean into him, smelling his cologne, loving the warmth that runs though my body.
“I want you to wear my number at the game.”
My heart flutters for a moment, bathing in his words. It has my heart swooning that finally Luke has chosen the moment to tell Kellen. All I want is for this to be out in the open.
Our team lost the first few games once my brother was no longer on the field but once the team got their head around it they kept up their winning streak. And now they have entered playoffs.
“Are we going to tell Kellen? He might figure it out on his own if we don’t.”
“He won’t as long as he thinks it’s his idea,” Luke tells me.
“I would love to wear your number, Luke Rogers.” I go up onto my tiptoes and give him a chaste peck on the cheek.
The envelope I was keeping in my back pocket scratches up against my back, reminding me why I practically ran here.
“Guess what?”
He eyes me for a moment.
“What?”
“I got early acceptance into college!” I practically jump up on him as I tell him the news.
“Shay, that’s perfect!”
He takes my hand and kisses it before his eyes look at me with so much warmth and happiness. I can’t wait to start my life away from Three Rivers with Luke. It’s my dream finally coming true.
“We should celebrate!”
“How do you suppose we do that?”
“With teaching you how to drive.”
“Ugh.” I moan in protest. “I’ve told you I can drive!”
“Prove it.” He throws his keys into the air and I catch them.
CHAPTER 19
Kellen has finally come back from the land of the dead and started to live again. He’s been insistent on hanging out, well as much as a guy is anyway. I should be happy that my best friend is back and we can get on with our lives by doing stupid shit that guys do. Instead, I feel like I can’t dodge him or he’ll become suspicious. Taking a deep breath, I tell myself it will be fine. We just need to hang out again and it will all go back to normal, except with me feeling up his sister behind his back. Totally normal. That’s what I keep telling myself.
Not that the rest of this town will bat an eye at what I’m doing, because I’m know
n for being a bit of an ass when I want to be. Just like Kellen is known for being reckless and wild. Together, we are known as the bad boys of this small-minded town.
Up until this point, no Steele could ever say I wronged them. After Kellen gets over this minor hiccup, I hope they still can say that. I have vowed to myself that I will never hurt Shay. She means too much. I didn’t enter into a relationship with her lightly.
Kellen mentioned he needed to blow off steam, so in the Steele world that means shooting stuff. Taking the old tractor up to our homemade target practice facility, I take my time setting down a large bale of hay as our new backdrop for target practice.
Somewhere deep down I am afraid he knows and will want to use me as target practice. Once the hay is in place, I return the large machine that could hardly squeeze into this small area. The grass is freshly cut and I even replaced the old boards in the wooded post set up for our guns and shooting area.
The trees around us help muffle the shots while all loose shots are caught into the hay.
My lucky shotgun sits in its long black case. Every time I use it my shot is right on. I got it for my tenth birthday, a Roger family tradition. I keep it pristine, cleaning it after each session. I look over my gun just to keep my hands working and my mind from obsessing over the fact that he might know about Shay and me.
Just as I finish getting the site ready, I see him walking up but I don’t see his usual rifle he likes to shoot.
He looks cool and relaxed with his aviators masking his eyes. I give him a nod, slightly relaxed knowing he can’t shoot me on the spot.
“How’s it going?” I ask when he becomes close enough to be within earshot.
Entering the shade from the trees around, he lifts his sunglasses, rolling his eyes as he shrugs. “Living the dream.”
“I thought we were shooting today?”
Reaching behind his back he brings out that same old rusted handgun I saw in the hollowed out tree at the watering hole.
“I couldn’t find the key to the gun cabinet. So I had to get this one,” he tells me.
He leaves no explanation as to where he got this gun or as to why it wasn’t under lock and key. I nod a few times as I watch him place the gun down on the small fence-like stand we have. I watch as he brings a box of bullets out from his front pocket and places it on the wood beside his gun.
“That thing safe?” I place my hands in my pockets as I watch him.
He doesn’t seem to notice my jittery nerves around him, or at least he doesn’t say anything.
“I reckon it is.” He opens the cardboard box and flips the cylinder open far too easily and places four gold-colored bullets into it before snapping it closed with a flick of his wrist.
I let out a chuckle. “You Steele boys have no fear, do you?”
“Not when it comes to things like this. We all love the adventure and adrenaline far too much.”
He raises the gun up in front of him, lining it up so he can see over the top, aiming for the target. He slowly pulls the trigger and his hand moves up slightly but his grip stays tight. I expect a fire exploding back at Kellen, but nothing.
“She sure does fire nice. Too bad she looks so bad.” I watch him admire his small, outdated gun with what looks like pride in his eyes.
“This is what I love about this gun. It looks so deceiving. Looking at the cover you would never know this gun has the smoothest, most accurate shot I have ever had.”
I have no idea where this conversation is going. Is he talking about me and I’m the gun? I feel deceiving.
With slow motions I start to open up my gun case, pulling it out to rest on the wood. I can feel the shells bounce in my hand before I reach out for my gun to load it up.
I can feel Kellen’s eyes on me, assessing my posture as I line up with the target. Taking in a deep breath I pull the trigger as I exhale, welcoming the kickback into the crook of my shoulder.
He whistles as I stand up.
“Man. You’re off! I thought you once were good at this.” I watch him chuckle, enjoying rubbing in that he is the better shot.
“So what’s bothering you?” I ask him straight up, not being able to take any more analogues, if that is what it was.
“I think Shay has a boyfriend.”
I can’t help but to cough. “You mean we haven’t scared off every male in the Three Rivers County?”
I pull back the bolt, allowing for the empty casing to fall onto the ground and reload it up.
“How’s that possible anyway? I thought your family had you guys under house and key?”
I have never lied to my best friend ever before or kept secrets from him. Heck, I’ve always wanted to tell Kellen my secrets. This feels wrong. This feels like lying, and it is the hardest thing that I have had to force out of my mouth while trying to seem nonchalant over the fact Shay has a boyfriend and that boyfriend is me. Not that we have labeled ourselves but this conversation has my heart loving the sound that Shay is my girlfriend. I don’t want anyone else to think they have a chance with her.
My mind races to the last kiss we shared and the feel of her soft lips on mine. I love the way her body curls into mine as we kiss. How she lets me take control over her body.
“We need to find out who the hell this guy is. If he hurts her, I will kill him. You saw how I got over Sam, I can’t help it.”
He is serious, in a chilling, calm, collected way. There is no anger in his voice to tell me he is worked up. I have no doubt if I am the one to hurt her, he will not think twice about even killing his best friend. Loyalty goes far in Kellen’s world, and when he finds out about Shay and me, he will see this as an act of betrayal.
His shoulder nudges mine, snapping me back to reality. Even if I wanted to tell Kellen, I can’t now. No way. I am taking this secret to the grave.
In just a few months both Shay and I will be away at college, away from everyone’s watchful eyes. Maybe at that time things will have changed enough and I will feel like Kellen could accept this truth of ours.
“So?”
I stare at him, forgetting the question.
“You in to help?”
“Fuck yeah.” I pump out my hand to fist bump him, trying to figure out how I can easily derail his plan.
“Sleep over tonight. It will be easier to search around knowing Shay’s every move.”
My dick immediately perks up at the thought of Shay sleeping only a few feet away from me.
“If you say so.” I shrug, trying to downplay each move I make.
I watch as Kellen reloads his gun, this time with a newfound purpose, and I watch his unwavering hand slowly pull the trigger, hitting the target in the bull’s-eye.
“You weren’t joking about that being your lucky gun,” I tell him, realizing I need to work on my shot better.
“No luck about it.” He looks at me then his gun. “It’s going to sound weird but my hands seems to just click with it. And it’s like all of my focus is able to stay on it. I can’t do that with my shotgun.” He shakes his head, frowning, most likely trying to figure out what he’s doing different with this gun verses his large shotgun.
*
Finally getting a moment away from Kellen, Shay corners me in their backyard as I immediately look for any snooping eyes. Luckily, there are no neighbors to spy on us. My ears perk up as I listen for every sound. Despite the situation, I still pull her into me and kiss her. I can’t help myself.
She lets out a little giggle before I force myself to stop touching her.
“So y’all sleeping over?” Her eyes twinkle with mischief.
Her hands run down my chest and over my package, making me groan.
“Tonight?” she challenges me.
And for a second, I consider it. How can I not? She is beautiful and knows what she wants. I keep her connected to me, with my arms around her.
“I am supposed to be helping Kellen find out who you are seeing.” I nip at her bottom lip, enjoying the direction of the conve
rsation.
“How’s that going?” Her hands go up my shirt while I dip one of mine between her legs right at the hem of her jean skirt.
My hand kneads her inner thigh before I slip up to touch her already damp panties. I hear her let out a soft moan as I tease her.
“I think I may have found him,” I whisper into her ear.
“What will be my punishment for being dishonest?”
Part of me knows the sneaking around turns her on, so I go with it. My thumb gently massages the cotton barrier before I allow my fingers to slip under, feeling her smooth, damp, sensitive skin.
Before I can respond with my answer, I hear Kellen yelling my name as he steps onto the back porch where I am hiding just to the side of the house.
Not ready to face the firing squad yet, I pull my hand back quickly. She holds me against her, giving me a kiss before stealthily sneaking away.
“Sorry, man, had to take a piss.” I tell him the first thing that pops into my mind as I round the house and face him.
He looks disgusted. “By the house? Next time head to the back of the property. Ma will kill you if she saw that.”
My answer is as honest as I have been with him since this thing has started between the two of us. “Yes, she would.”
“Brax is home now, let’s play some football before dinner.” Kellen turns around at the same moment Brax throws a football at his head. Kellen doesn’t miss a beat. He jumps up, picking the ball out of the air like he has been practicing all this time. In this moment it’s like nothing has changed, yet everything already has started to.
CHAPTER 20
I watch the clock each time the minute hand slowly creeps down. My heart flutters and I can’t concentrate.
“Shay, darling, what’s going on in your head?” my mother asks me as I attempt to help her bake a cake for dessert. I had to measure the flour twice, after already pouring it into the bowl. Looking up from our long island counter I see her watching me with curious eyes as she swipes her hair out of her face with her arm.
