I felt guilty for the sudden, intense rush of relief that swept through me. It wasn't that I didn't like children, it was that Jasper and I hadn't even discussed them. I had been pretty certain before falling for Jasper that I wouldn't ever have any. Adding one to our relationship, from a woman who was still technically his wife, would have been a tremendous complication on top of the already awkward situation.
“Right, yeah. I just...wasn't sure.” Jasper finally shook off his shock and stepped aside, gesturing for Asia to enter. “Come in, come in. You met Finley yesterday. Finley, Asia.”
“I did. Hello,” I said. Now I felt twice as awkward.
Asia carried the baby inside, gesturing to the cab driver to wait with a raised finger. She didn't help herself to a seat on the couch, but stood, swaying on a low pair of heels. From a large purse hanging on her arm, she withdrew a set of folded papers and handed them to Jasper. “I'll cut right to the chase. If you'll sign these on each page, near the bottom where the red sticker is, and pay half of the divorce cost—which is two-hundred and fifty dollars—then the divorce will be final. All I'll have to do is file the papers and that's that.”
I could tell Asia was under a large amount of stress. It was easy to see this was a difficult, distressing task. Kaia gurgled and giggled and bounced a little on her mother's hip. I didn't see a ring on Asia's finger, either an old one from Jasper or from a new paramour. Then I realized I wouldn't be able to tell the difference either way, and was glad there wasn't a ring at all. Nevertheless, I wondered what kind of ring Jasper had chosen for this classy lady.
Jasper eased the papers out of Asia's fingers. The two traded a long look. “I figured that's what you were here for.”
“Well. When I realized you weren't coming back, ever, I decided to take matters into my own hands. It took me a while to find you.” She lifted her chin and hitched the baby up a little higher on her hip.
It was hard not to wince. Clearly, Asia harbored ill feelings toward Jasper for up and leaving her with no warning. Not that I could blame her. He was on my List, too, albeit for different reasons.
The cab driver honked his horn.
Asia gasped and went back to the still open door. She gestured with her finger. One more moment.
The cab driver honked twice.
Asia pressed her lips together and glanced at Jasper. “If you could hurry and sign them, I'd appreciate it. I don't think the driver is going to wait much longer.”
“I need to read through these, Asia. I can't just sign without looking at the papers,” Jasper said.
I knew why Jasper was wary. After being burned last year on a property deal, he took extreme caution these days signing his name to anything. These were probably on the up and up, standard documents that would do nothing more than make the divorce final, but it was wise to make sure there wasn't a clause in there that needed rewording.
“All right, well—no, wait!” Asia glanced from Jasper to the taxi.
The driver gestured to his watch while he set a car seat and a diaper bag on the sidewalk. I heard something about the end of his shift and that she could easily call another cab from their company when she was ready. No problem! Then the driver got in the cab and left.
Asia talked over the driver the whole time, half begging him not to leave.
“Here, I'll get your car seat and the bag,” I said, when it became clear Asia was, for the moment, stranded with us.
“I, well...okay.” Asia shifted the baby on her hip and looked more distressed than I'd seen her yet.
I stepped past and made my way to the sidewalk. I wasn't sure how I felt about my sympathy for Asia. The woman hadn't asked for all this. Hadn't known Jasper would walk out. Granted—the marriage was a lark, had been from the word go, but still. This sucked for Asia. Carrying the baby seat in one hand and the diaper bag in the other, I went back to the porch, where Asia and Jasper waited.
“Thank you, Finley. I'll call another cab. Like I said, my car wouldn't start this morning, so I'm at the mercy of taxis today.”
Somehow, I'd missed the tidbit about the car. Probably when Jasper and I had been locked on the baby, trying to decide whether or not she was Jasper's. I'm not sure what made me say what I said next. “I can take a look at your car, if you want. That's what Jasper and I do, aside from working at a casino.”
Apparently, I had missed a bigger, more important detail other than that Asia's car was on the fritz. Jasper was frowning, his attention on the woman rather than the divorce papers. Before Asia could reply about her car, Jasper interrupted.
“You drove across the country, just to deliver these to me? Why didn't you fly?” he asked.
All this time, that's what I had assumed Asia had done, and that's why she was taking taxis around town.
“Because I'm not here just to deliver the papers to you. I live here now.”
“You live in Las Vegas?” Jasper repeated with a shocked expression.
Asia lifted her chin a fraction, her hazel eyes glittering with some undefined emotion. “Yes. For the last two months. And before you ask what took me so long to get over here with the papers, I'll remind you that you haven't bothered to send me so much as a text or a note this whole time.”
I thought I heard Jasper groan a little, and couldn't tell what it meant. Which was strange, because I almost always knew what Jasper was thinking and feeling.
“I know it doesn't mean much now, but I am sorry for the way things turned out,” Jasper said to Asia. “I planned to tell you ten different times.”
“You're right, it doesn't mean much now,” Asia said. “Look the papers over. I'll leave you my number and when you're done, call me and I'll come pick them up. Try to do it within the next few days, if you can.” Asia juggled the baby, trying to pick up the car seat and the diaper bag along with everything else. “I'll take care of my car myself, but thanks for the offer.”
“Sure.” I didn't blame Asia for turning down my help. “Do you want me to call you a cab?” The woman was having a hard time handling all the bags, the baby and the rather heavy car seat. The least I could was offer to call her a new ride.
“Give me your number,” Jasper said to Asia, cell phone in hand.
Asia glanced from Jasper to me. “I'll call a cab in a minute. Thanks.” She recited her number while Jasper entered it into his phone, then headed for the sidewalk, somehow managing to make her way there without dropping a bag or tripping over her feet.
“Are you freaked that she lives here now?” I asked Jasper once Asia was out of earshot. Glancing aside, I studied his expression. His eyes were hooded while he stared across the lawn at Asia. Once again, I couldn't tell what he was thinking.
“I'm not happy about it. But what can I do?” Taking a step back from the door, he closed it.
For some reason, I felt uncomfortable closing the door without first making sure Asia succeeded in hailing a cab. The woman had declined all our help, however, so there was nothing more to do. I followed Jasper to the sofa and chairs and sat across from him.
“You don't think she'll bother you, do you?” For some reason, I hadn't gotten that impression from Asia. The woman appeared to want only one thing: a divorce.
“Probably not. I mean, if she'd wanted to, she could have showed up here months and months ago and tried to get back together.”
“Except she said she had a hard time finding you.”
“I left no forwarding address and changed my number. I never even told her much about my parents. Sort of glossed over the whole family thing.”
“Sounds like you had doubts even when you decided to try to work it out with her.”
“Of course I did. I liked her a lot, I won't deny it. She just isn't you.” Jasper leaned forward, elbows on his knees, the papers held between his fingers. He skimmed the text, a frown marring his brow.
“It's something else, then. Because you haven't quit frowning since you opened the door.” I knew Jasper well enough to know he wasn't telling me e
verything. Or admitting everything.
He quirked his lips, then lifted a hand to smooth the pad of a finger over the eyebrow sporting the scar. It was an old nervous habit I hadn't seen him do in a long, long time. He met my eyes.
“What?” I asked, stomach tightening with apprehension.
“I'm not sure that baby isn't mine.”
*
That wasn't what I wanted to hear. And it was also true that I thought the baby had a characteristic or two that belonged to Jasper. Mainly the same color of their eyes. “She wouldn't lie about a thing like that. Would she? She didn't seem the type to me—not that I know her well or anything.”
“She's not that type, no. But I mean...maybe she's in a fix. Maybe she doesn't want me in her life after all this, and it's easier in her mind to deny it. A child means there is no clean break. We'll be attached through Kaia for the rest of our lives.” Jasper glanced at the door, then tossed the papers on the coffee table. Leaning back, he exhaled a sharp breath and laced his fingers behind his head.
“And she seems to want the clean break, yeah.” I studied Jasper, looking for cues and clues to his mood. He was agitated, no doubt about it. Thoughtful. Concerned. “Well, let's do the math. Kaia is...” I didn't know how old. That made it harder to figure out.
“It's close, that's what I know. It's in the general time frame. If I knew exactly how old the baby was, I'd know whether she's mine or not. But those few months or so could be the difference between Kaia being mine or someone else's.”
“So go ask her. You have the right to make sure. Even if it'll be awkward.” The whole thing was awkward and disconcerting.
“Yeah, because that'll go over well,” Jasper said with a grunt. “I've done enough besides calling her a liar by virtue of my doubt.”
“Hey. This is a big deal. You have every right to make sure. Maybe some guys would shrug it off and be relieved that they didn't have to take responsibility. You're not that guy.” If I knew anything about Jasper, I knew that. He took all his responsibilities to heart. He wouldn't ever leave a child of his blood behind.
“I'll let it rest a little while. Maybe when I give the papers back, I'll bring it up. Right now, it feels too volatile.” Jasper dragged his gaze from the window and made eye contact.
“You keep looking at the window. You might not want to ask her about the baby right now, but you're dying to go look and see what she's doing. Is there more you want to talk to her about?” I asked. On the heels of that thought, I wondered if Jasper still harbored feelings for Asia. She might not be me, that was true enough, but she clearly had wanted to have a life with Jasper, had committed to marriage and living together with no problem. Except for living together, I couldn't give Jasper marriage and talk of forever. I could do right now, tonight, tomorrow, and maybe next week. Looking too far beyond that made me sweaty and nervous.
“Not really. I guess I just feel guilty. She's obviously got a lot on her plate. I don't want to see her suffering or in trouble.”
Should have thought about that before you bailed, I wanted to say, but didn't. Sometimes, in my promise to be honest, I got a little too harsh. Suddenly, he sat forward and stood up with a snap of his fingers.
“Crap. Forgot to write her a check.”
“Just give it to her when you sign the papers.”
“I don't want her to pay for anything out of pocket. It'll take a few days for the check to clear anyway.” Jasper headed to the kitchen, snagged the checkbook out of a drawer and bent over the counter to write out a check.
In the back of my mind, a niggling voice said I should be worried. I should worry that the longer Jasper knew Asia was outside on the curb, in Vegas altogether, the more she would be in his thoughts. And where was my indignation, anyway? What happened to my concerns and anger? I'd forgotten everything the second I laid eyes on Kaia.
Maybe not everything, but my focus had taken a sharp shift.
“I'll be right back.” Jasper headed to the door, waving the check as if I needed a reminder of where he was going and what he was doing.
Getting up out of the chair, I walked to the window. Even as I did, I hated myself for it. For being nosy, for the flicker of unease and distrust. I reminded myself that not very many other women would feel totally comfortable allowing their boyfriends to spend a lot of time with a newly reacquainted wife.
Through the slats of the blinds, I watched Jasper approach Asia, who looked to be soothing an upset baby. Face to face, Jasper gestured with a hand, while the other held the check out. He leaned in to stuff the check inside Asia's bag, then stroked a finger over Kaia's cheek.
Although I'd seen Jasper with elementary age kids, I'd never seen him with a baby. The strange pang inside was, I told myself, not me experiencing womb envy, but a natural concern that Jasper would decide Asia was the better choice of a mate after all. I'd made my aversion to long term relationships clear, but more than that, I was happy to stay just like we currently were for the rest of our lives.
What if Jasper realized it wouldn't be enough? What if he decided he wanted someone to commit for the long haul, someone who wasn't afraid of vows and words like forever. Someone mature enough to handle the longevity that turned my blood cold? And what if, I reasoned, he discovered he liked babies, wanted babies, especially if Kaia was one of his own.
*
I managed to get away from the window in time when I saw Jasper start jogging toward the house. Having him see me peering through the slats would just cement my recent trust issues.
In the kitchen, I took down a glass and filled it with water while Jasper came inside.
“Hey. I'm going to take Asia back to her apartment. The cab can't get anyone here for another twenty minutes and the baby's getting fussy.” He raked a hand back through his hair and stood right next to me near the counter.
I sipped the water to buy myself time to wipe the scowl off my face. Wearing what I hoped was a more neutral expression, I said, “All right.”
“I know we have a lot to talk about, and we'll do that when I get home--”
“I have to go to work. I can't call out two days in a row,” I reminded him. Jasper had the day off. I didn't. Slanting a look sidelong, I met his eyes. Searched them. He seemed torn between staying and going, though I knew Jasper wouldn't leave a woman alone with a baby—and in truth, I didn't want him to. We might not be ready for children or serious commitment, but Jasper and I were compassionate people at heart. Thinking about the baby getting fussy and upset while Asia had no choice but to stand on a curb and wait for a taxi wasn't going to happen.
“I'll pick you up after work, all right? What time, eleven again?” he asked.
I wondered what Jasper would do between now and then. Would he wind up staying at Asia's? To help out? To talk? “Should be eleven. I'll text you.”
“Okay. We'll talk about everything tonight. I'm really glad you're staying,” he said, and leaned in to brush a kiss across my forehead.
“See you later. Be careful.” Once Jasper was gone, I went into the bedroom. I needed to distract myself from watching Jasper pile Asia and the baby into the Camaro.
Other people had ridden in it, I argued with myself when a mild streak of possessiveness hit. They weren't his wife and a child that might or might not be his. Since I'd already showered, I grabbed my phone and my bus pass and a twenty out of the nightstand. Shoving the items into the front pocket of my jeans, I paused to look at the calendar we had tacked to the bedroom wall. On it, we wrote our work schedule. Jasper was off today, but had work tomorrow, like I did. We had later tonight and a little time in the morning to discuss the situation.
What I couldn't decide was whether I could forgive Jasper, totally forgive him, and get back to where we were as a couple any time soon. I didn't want to leave any longer, but staying would remind me every day that I didn't know the man I loved as well as I thought I did.
Departing the house, I locked the front door behind me. Jasper's Camaro was gone from the
driveway. It hit me hard, then, as I made my way down the sidewalk.
Jasper was with his wife, driving through the city to her apartment. Although I knew it, and I respected him for being caring enough to see to someone else's safety, I still couldn't deny the pang in my gut and the heavy black cloud that now lurked over my mood.
More than anything, I wish I knew what I should do. What the right choice was when it came to my relationship with Jasper.
Staving off a sense of foreboding and emptiness, I changed direction for the bus stop.
Chapter Five
The Olympus Hotel and Casino, the place of mine and Jasper's employment, bustled with activity. I walked through throngs of tourists on my way through the front doors into a Greek themed foyer, replete with tall columns, marble floors and several Greek God statues that stood between the foyer and the broad pathway toward the restaurants and casinos. I'd grown somewhat used to the grandeur by now, after almost six months on the job.
Passing a few employees decked out in togas, I punched in a code on a keypad and entered the back area designated for staff only. Here, the marble floors changed to tile, and though the opulence wasn't quite as grand as the main area for guests, it was still classy and upscale. In these long hallways, I could just as easily run into suited security as well as half nude showgirls on their way to a backstage holding area for their next performance.
Sometimes I ran into Adrian, too, the man who was the bane of my existence. Adrian Cassano was also my boss, or one of them, so I'd learned to keep my antagonism to a minimum. Months ago, when we'd met by accident, we'd taken an instant dislike to each other.
Check that: almost everyone who met Adrian took an instant dislike to him. I didn't know what it was about the man, but he was as abrasive as a Brillo pad.
Other times I bumped into Ramsey Cassano, Adrian's cousin and also my boss. I'd nearly had a one night stand with Ramsey before I realized I had feelings for Jasper. These days, I saw Ramsey infrequently, but I considered us steadfast friends. Even though I suspected that Ramsey had liked me a lot more than he let on last year, when we went on a few dates, he'd never crossed the line or made passes at me after I hooked up with Jasper.
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