As if he knew exactly where to find me, I watched his shadow darken the hallway and stop in the open doorway of the guest bedroom. There was enough spillover of light from the lamps to give me a decent view of his clothing, which wasn't the street clothes I'd seen him leave the house in earlier.
It was a black and white suit, the same kind he wore at work. He'd undone the front button of the jacket and three more buttons of the snowy white shirt beneath.
“I'm really sorry I wasn't there to pick you up. I got called in early to work, right after I dropped Asia off, and my phone died so I couldn't leave you a message,” Jasper said. He propped one arm above his head against the door frame, leaning there as if he wasn't sure I would invite him inside.
Suddenly, I was irrationally angry. Snagging the pillow, I hugged it to my middle and cut loose. “I thought you were with her this whole time. Do you have any idea what that feels like? And after all the rest of it, I really didn't need this tonight.”
“Are you wearing make up?”
“Don't change the subject.”
“I'm not, it's just—all right.”
“Yes, I'm sort of wearing make up. I've been through hell tonight, I don't mind saying, and I gotta be honest. This is the last thing I want to deal with right now.” My mood wasn't in the best shape thanks to the events at work, which made me less capable of reining in my outburst.
“What happened tonight? Did someone harass you at work?” Jasper's demeanor changed. He went from casually leaning to an aggressive posture, pushing off the door frame to step into the bedroom.
I hated the way my body responded to his concern. To the way he prowled closer, ready to take on whatever foe in my honor.
“No. No one harassed me.” Which wasn't entirely true, just not in the way Jasper meant. “But I had a hard time nevertheless, and I don't appreciate coming home to an empty house after seeing you leave here with another woman earlier in the afternoon.” My words didn't have quite the same sting as they had before.
Jasper crouched in front of me at the edge of the bed, the jacket opening further from where the corners caught on his thighs. I could see his eyes now, the blue flickering like gas flame. I might not be happy, but he wasn't happy either.
“Are you sure? Because I'll smear whoever offended you all over the floor. I don't care if I get fired.”
“I appreciate it, really, but if someone pissed me off that bad, I'd smear them all over the floor myself,” I retorted. I might not do as good of a job as Jasper, but the sentiment was the same.
“I couldn't get to a phone, either, because work kept me hopping the whole time. I barely had two minutes to go from one room to the other.”
“You had to work two shows at the same time?” Now that surprised me.
“Yes. And as for Asia, I didn't even go into her apartment. I helped her get the car seat and bags out of the Camaro, but that was it. Before we had even said goodbye and made tentative arrangements to deal with the divorce papers, my phone rang. I had just enough juice to call my supervisor back before the cell died. There was some crisis at the casino, I don't know what it was, and they needed me there immediately. I looked for you in the hallways but never found you.”
I could sympathize with the crisis part, at least. Something was going on at Olympus. Either that or Jasper and I managed to have the worst luck on the same day. “Yeah, well, I had to learn a showgirl routine and perform it on stage tonight. Me. The girl who hates frilly get-ups and high heels. I almost broke my neck. And don't get me started on the fake eyelashes or glued on rhinestones.”
Jasper's lips ticked, as if fighting off a smile. “Wow, I just...can't imagine. You danced?”
“If you can call it dancing, yes. I think it's glorified strutting around, personally, with the least amount of clothing a person can possibly wear.”
Jasper ran a hand through the loose shank of bangs hanging across his forehead, a familiar habit. “I would have sacrificed an entire night's tips to see that.”
“Well, just show up to that performance any time in the next two weeks. I have to cover for some chick named Rita.”
Jasper's brows shot up. “You have to do it again?”
“That's what I just said,” I retorted, still churlish and truculent.
“What about your usual job as an Usher?”
“Adrian said he could pull anyone in to do it, and that he needed me for this other thing.” The second Adrian's name was out of my mouth, Jasper's expression hardened. Last year, before Jasper and I became an us, the two men had a serious falling out. A fistfight, to be exact, which left both Jasper and Adrian at odds with each other. Considering Adrian was one of our higher-up bosses, we toed the line of diplomacy and ignored Adrian whenever we could.
“Can't he get someone else? There has got to be a backlog of talent just waiting to be hired.” Jasper's voice had gone a little gruff, his lips set into an unhappy line.
“I suggested someone, though she's a desk clerk not a dancer. He said the girl had a horse's face. You know how Adrian is.” Temperamental in the best of times. Downright obnoxious in others.
“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Jasper set a hand on my knee and gave it a squeeze. “I'll talk to Ramsey, see about getting you pulled off that job.”
Ramsey, Adrian's cousin, was also our boss and someone I'd nearly had a brief fling with. “But if you do that, Adrian will say we're using our friendship with Ramsey to work the system. He threatened to fire me at first when I protested doing the job.”
Jasper's brows arched again. “He did?”
“Yeah. So I need to suck it up and accept that this is my life for the next two weeks. I don't even get tips from it.” I caught my hand just as it lifted to brush the bangs away from Jasper's forehead. One touch would lead to another, and another, and I was still too conflicted about how I felt to go back to the way things had been before I knew Jasper had a wife.
“I can see why you wouldn't want me to say anything to Ramsey, but I think you should consider how unhappy you'll be. That can't be good for work morale.”
“Maybe not, but sometimes in life we all have to do things we don't want to do. I like my job as an Usher, and I want to keep it. I don't trust Adrian not to jeopardize that if we find a work around.” Jasper was close. So close I could smell his skin beyond the enticing cologne he always wore for work. Why did things have to be awkward? I wanted to sink myself against his chest and put my lips over his pulse. All actions I shouldn't be doing with so many doubts hanging over our heads.
“All right. But the second you don't think you can take it anymore, tell me. I know Ramsey could find a way to get you transferred some way that wouldn't come back to reflect on you.”
“Maybe,” I said, pensive. “We have bigger things to worry about right now though, I think.”
“I'm going to sign the papers—after I read them in the morning—and give them back to her. She's got the check, so my half is paid for. That's that. It doesn't help that I kept the knowledge from you, I know. But it's also not like I was going behind your back when we got together, either. I don't want to be with anyone else but you.”
Jasper's voice rang with sincerity and his eyes were as serious as I'd ever seen them. I wanted to tell him I believed him, but I was still smarting from the surprise that he had a wife, and that he hadn't ever told me about it. I also didn't know if he was telling the whole truth, which disconcerted and disoriented me.
Trusting Jasper had been the backbone of our friendship for as long as I could remember. Now there was a flicker of doubt when he told me something I would have taken as truth a week ago. And I hated it.
“I know, you mentioned that,” I reminded him. Gentle this time, instead of snarky.
“Are you sleeping in here?” he asked.
“Yeah, I think so. I need some space. I need some time to process everything.” Even as I said it, my heart hurt for other reasons. I didn't really want to sleep in separate bedrooms, yet I was jaded enough to n
eed the distance.
Jasper wore his disappointment in the open. He squeezed my knee again, then slowly dragged his hand away. “All right, Finley.”
I watched his face as he pushed to a stand. Pocketing his hands, he stared down at me, then pivoted an about-face and exited the bedroom.
It was hard not to call him back. Not to use sex and cuddling as a defensive shield for my doubt. But that was the easy way. The chicken way out. The pride I felt for not running at the first sign of trouble would vanish in a heartbeat if I didn't take some kind of stand about Jasper withholding something as important as a wife.
Flopping back on the bed, I stared at the ceiling for several minutes, listening to the quiet sounds of Jasper stripping out of his work clothes and into sleepwear, before I scooted beneath the covers and situated the pillows.
The loneliness of the bedroom shouldn't have bothered me as much as it did. Even before Jasper and I had become a couple, we'd slept in the same bed, and I had become used to his warmth and the sound of his breathing. The silence mocked me.
After several hours of tossing and turning, no closer to an answer to my problems, I finally fell asleep.
*
It was a testament to my internal disturbance that I woke up only two hours later. Disoriented to be in a strange room, I rubbed a knuckle over my eyelid and peered into the gloom.
That's right. The guest bedroom. I was sleeping alone.
In our attempt to use our money sparingly, we'd only added a cheap nightstand and mismatched lamp to go with the bed. Leaving the light off, I put my feet on the floor and got up. I didn't have to worry too much about bumping into dressers or side tables, since there weren't any. A good thing, too, considering I had trouble keeping my eyes open. Two hours was not enough sleep.
Following the short hallway, torn between relief and disappointment that Jasper wasn't shadowing me like the night before, I entered the master bedroom. He'd left the door open, at least, so that I didn't feel like I was invading his domain. It was still our room, I'd simply chosen to take a night or two (or three) off from sleeping there.
So why are you here? The devil on my shoulder had incredible timing. I didn't know why I was here. Approaching the bed, my eyes adjusting to the dim light provided by the moon, I made out Jasper in the tangle of sheets. It looked as if he was having a rough night. Slanted across the mattress, he took up the better portion of space, space that used to be mine.
Was mine, I reminded myself. Just not for tonight.
I could make out the wrecked mess of his hair and the drape of his eyelashes on his cheek. He was on his stomach, head turned to the side, the bare span of his back on display. It almost appeared as if he'd been reaching for me; one arm stretched to the other set of pillows, his hand buried beneath. In our time together, before and after becoming a couple, we had a habit of sleeping with our arms and legs tangled. I wondered if he missed it as much as I did.
Resisting the urge to trail my finger down his spine, I crossed my arms over my chest and considered crawling in with him. I wanted to feel his warm body against mine, wanted to breathe in his scent while I drifted off to sleep.
More than anything, I didn't want to wake up alone.
But this had been my choice, and after close examination of my feelings, I still harbored unease about the events leading up to this. There wasn't any getting around my desire to make a point, to let Jasper know this wasn't okay with me.
Still. It was as hard on me as it seemed to be on him. I wondered who was really suffering more.
Turning from the bed, reluctant yet determined, I crossed to the doorway. Looking back, I was in time to see Jasper roll to his side, then to his back. He reached out with a hand where I'd been standing not thirty seconds ago, as if even in sleep, he could track me. A half-hearted reach, to be sure. He slumped into the pillows and made a low groaning noise that alerted me he might come fully awake any second.
Stop being a girl about it and just go to bed. Sage advice, I decided, and made my way down the hall to the guest bedroom once more.
*
“Jasper, shut your phone off!” I shouted into the pillow. Lifting my head after a moment, I tried again. “Jasper! Your phone!”
The incessant ringing was disturbing my sleep. Prying open an eyelid, I glanced at the bedside clock: 10:10. Shocked at the lateness of the hour, I fumbled the covers off my legs and threw my feet to the floor. Pushing messy strands of hair away from my face, scowling when Jasper's phone went off again, I staggered through the hall to the master bedroom, which proved to be empty. No Jasper in sight.
He must be in the shower, I thought, though I didn't hear the spray of water.
Snatching Jasper's phone off the nightstand, I unplugged the cord to the charger and glared at the screen.
Asia. Asia was calling. I wasn't sure whether to turn down the ringer and go find Jasper, or whether to answer Asia's call.
“Hello?” I said.
“Hi, is this Finley?”
“Yes.” I cleared my throat to try and help with the rusty grind of my voice. I wasn't fully awake, not nearly coherent as I should be. My late night wanderings had caught up with me.
“I'm sorry to keep calling, but is Jasper around?”
“I don't know yet, actually. He's probably here somewhere. Let me look.” I took the phone with me into the bathroom. The lingering humidity told me that Jasper had woken up at some point and took a shower. After walking every room in the house, I said, “Yeah, Asia? I don't see him anywhere. He might have gone somewhere with one of his buddies.”
And left his phone behind?
“Oh, all right. I'm sorry to disturb you,” Asia said, her words wobbling down the line.
Instantly, some of the cobwebs evaporated. “Is everything okay?”
“Sure, yes. I just...well. He said if I needed anything, if there was an emergency, that I could call him. Call both of you.”
I frowned. As annoyed and upset as I'd been, there wasn't any day of the year that I would turn down someone in need. I knew Jasper wouldn't, either. “What's your emergency?”
“It's Kaia. She's had a fever all night. Nothing I've tried is working. I need to take her to the doctor but...”
“But what?” On alert, concerned about the baby, I went to the closet and yanked out a pair of jeans and a tee shirt. Stubbing my toe on the doorframe, I muffled a curse behind my lips and wiggled all my toes to make sure everything still worked. It was painful, but not debilitating.
“My car. It still won't start and I've...I'm...I don't have enough cash for the taxi. I was calling to see if he could give us a ride.”
“Hang on a second, Asia.” I set the phone on the bed and changed my clothes. There was nothing pretty about the way I yanked on socks and shoved my feet into my boots. Grabbing the phone, I took it with me to the front door. “Okay. Let me look and see if his car's here.”
“Thanks. I really appreciate it.”
“No problem. Did you try a tepid bath? For the baby I mean.” At some point, I thought, I'd get myself together and make better sense. Maybe not all the cobwebs were gone yet.
“Yes. She screamed all the way through it.”
Stepping onto the porch, I walked to the end and peered down the long driveway that ran from the street all the way back to our second garage. The Camaro was there, parked next to the regular garage.
“Okay, give me your address and I'll come pick you up. Jasper isn't here, but I can drive you.”
“Oh, thank you so much, Finley.” Asia rattled off her address.
I knew the complex, had driven by it several times. “Hang in there. I'll be there in fifteen minutes.”
*
Approaching mid-day, even the back streets were more crowded than usual. Bathed in sunlight with the temperature hovering in the low fifties, Las Vegas bustled with both pedestrians and cars. Pulling up to a red light, I snagged my phone off the seat and dialed Tyler's number. I figured I had three to four minutes to make
the call before the light changed.
Tyler's phone rang twice before he answered.
“Hello?”
“Tyler, this is Finley. Is Jasper with you?” I asked. I didn't have time for niceties. If Jasper wasn't with Tyler, then I needed to hang up and try Landon or Dalton or Joshua.
“Nah, he's not here. Haven't seen him since his birthday. Everything all right?”
“Yeah, everything's okay. If he stops by, will you have him call my cell phone? Thanks.”
“Will do. Later.”
I ended the call and had to wait two more blocks until I hit another red light. I dialed Joshua next.
“Yo,” Joshua said by way of hello.
“It's Finley. Is Jasper with you?” I hoped the guys wouldn't be offended at my abrupt questions.
“Hey Finley. I haven't seen him today, no. Why, is he on his way here?”
“I don't think so. But if he does show up, have him call my cell, okay? Green light, gotta go.” The light flipped from red to green and I put my phone on the seat again. I assumed Jasper had hit up his friends for an early morning workout or some other gathering. So far, no luck. I only had one more light before I arrived at Asia's complex.
“Dalton, it's Finley. Is Jasper with you?” I asked when Dalton answered on the first ring. He sounded out of breath. This was more promising than the last couple of calls. Though why Jasper had showered before going for a run made no sense.
“He's not with me. Haven't seen him,” Dalton said.
“Sorry to bother you. If he calls or shows up, will you tell him to call my cell? Thanks.”
“You got it.”
I dialed the last number with the sneaking suspicion that I wouldn't find Jasper with Landon, either.
“Yeah, I haven't seen him today, Finley,” Landon said. “You want me to have him get in touch with you?”
“Yes, if you don't mind. Gotta run, thanks.” I ended the call and tongued the underside of my teeth in consideration. Jasper wasn't with any of his friends and hadn't taken his car. Where the hell was he? I couldn't think of anyone else to call. There were one or two guys from Olympus that Jasper had befriended, but I didn't have their number.
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