by Kelly Rey
That's when Maizy burst through the door behind me, blue hair flying. I was never so happy to see her, or the cake box she seemed to be carrying.
Cake box?
She hustled past me, flipping the lid open as she went, and intercepted Lizette just as she was about to slash me with the cake server, shoving the box in the way so that instead of plunging into me, it plunged directly into—
—a chocolate cake?
She grinned at me. "I know you like chocolate."
"I love chocolate," I agreed. "But I may never eat it again."
Eunice hooked a finger over the cake box, peered inside at the carnage, and her eyes rolled back in her head before she crashed to the floor.
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
I was wrong. I did eat chocolate again, back at my apartment a little while later, and I ate it pretty efficiently, right down to the crumbs. It was easier than I expected, considering how close I'd been to becoming a shish kabob, but the fat envelope of money from Sybil helped soothe my nerves. Hard to believe the day could end this way, when just three hours ago, I'd been staring death by cake server in the face. Now, with the help of Maizy's earwitness testimony, Bitsy and Lizette had both been charged with murder and accomplice to murder, respectively. And Herman Kantz had dodged an SEC complaint for the moment. Dusty Rose was free to become a makeup artist and to continue the hunt for a more effective rash ointment.
And Abigail and Alston…
Maizy and I were on the floor with Ashley. Sybil was sitting in my recliner, sipping white wine. Eunice was in recovery mode on my sofa with a little smile on her face.
"So," Sybil said, "Bitsy and Oxie had a daughter. No wonder Oxie pushed Lizette Larue's services so hard."
"To be fair," I pointed out, "Oxnard did deny his own daughter for years. It couldn't have been easy for Bitsy."
"Boo-hoo," Sybil said. She looked at Maizy. "And here you come to the rescue."
She shrugged. "It's what I do. Spread the word."
I turned to her. "How did that happen, exactly?"
"My yoga teacher's in the building," Maizy said. "I was in upward facing dog when I saw you two pull into the parking lot."
"And you just happened to have a chocolate cake on you?" Sybil asked. She seemed amused.
"Well, I couldn't very well leave it in the car," Maizy said. "It gets hot in there. I wanted to bring it over later, when I came over to watch Big Bang Theory. Jamie's got a thing for chocolate. Well, and Uncle Curt, but especially chocolate."
I might've put those in a different order.
"So I watched where you got off the elevator, and me and the cake came up for a visit. I visited almost every office on the floor." She frowned. "Those people in 5-F are harsh."
"It turns out," Sybil said, "that Herman Kantz gave her the money just like he promised." She gave Maizy a beatific smile and patted her Chanel bag, which must have contained her checkbook, fattened up again.
"I'm loaded," Maizy said.
"And she's a humanitarian," Sybil added. "She convinced me it was only right to give a larger portion of Oxie's estate to his brother and sister. So I did."
I didn't hide my skepticism. "Define a portion."
"A cool two mil," Maizy said.
"I'm still not sure about that," Sybil said with a hint of ice.
Maizy gave her a look.
"Then again, fair is fair," Sybil said.
Maizy smiled at me. "See? I told you we rock as detectives."
"One of us definitely does," I agreed.
"In loco parentis!" Eunice yelled.
* * * * *
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* * * * *
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
From her first discovery of Nancy Drew, USA Today bestselling author Kelly Rey has had a lifelong love for mystery and tales of things that go bump in the night, especially those with a twist of humor. Through many years of working in the court reporting and closed captioning fields, writing has remained a constant. If she's not in front of a keyboard, she can be found reading, working out or avoiding housework. She's a member of Sisters in Crime and lives in the Northeast with her husband and a menagerie of very spoiled pets.
To learn more about Kelly Rey, visit her online at: http://www.kellyreyauthor.com
* * * * *
BOOKS BY KELLY REY
Jamie Winters Mysteries:
Motion for Murder
"Mistletoe & Misdemeanors" (short story in the Cozy Christmas Shorts collection)
Death of a Diva
"Motion for Misfits" (short story in the Killer Beach Reads collection)
The Sassy Suspect
Verdicts & Vixens
A Playboy in Peril
Death by Diamonds
Marty Hudson Mysteries:
Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Brash Blonde
Sherlock Homes and the Case of the Disappearing Diva
* * * * *
SNEAK PEEK
of the next Jamie Winters Mystery
A PLAYBOY IN PERIL
by
KELLY REY
CHAPTER ONE
"Nicky D's dead," Maizy Emerson whispered in my ear.
Maizy was an almost-eighteen-year-old with Smurf blue hair, a collection of body piercings, and an IQ that was off the charts. She was also my landlord Curt Emerson's niece and the ept half of our inept crime-solving partnership, so when Maizy whispered, I listened. Even if I had to mute Bert Convy on the Game Show Network to do it. I had a thing for Bert Convy. I think it was the dimples.
"Who's Nicky D?" I whispered back as I held my phone to my ear.
"Why are you whispering?" she asked. "Oh my God, is Uncle Curt there? He is, isn't he? Are you guys doing nicky-nack?"
Hardly. Thanks to the miracle of air conditioning, I was dressed for a sweltering Northeast summer in sweatpants, a long-sleeve tee, and thick gym socks; if any skin was left showing, it was purely by accident.
"Nicky D?" I prompted her.
"They found him dead in the dressing room," Maizy said. "An amplifier fell on his head."
"That's horrible," I said. "Who's Nicky D?"
A sigh huffed into my ear. "Virtual Waste."
I frowned at the phone. "Give me a break. I'm not that bad. I just had a long day."
I could practically hear her eyes roll. "Virtual Waste is a band. Nicky D's the drummer. He's kind of a stud muffin." She paused. "Well, not so much anymore, I guess, since the amplifier landed on his head. I haven't been able to get backstage, but you wouldn't think something like that would improve his looks, right?"
Eww.
"Why would you want to go backstage?" I asked.
"Are you kidding?" she asked. "I went to the trouble of renting a Cordoba from Honest Aaron and pushing it all the way to the Pinelands Bar and Auditorium so I could sneak into the Virtual Waste concert. Who wouldn't want to get backstage?"
I clamped my mouth shut. Trust me, nothing good was waiting to come out. Honest Aaron was a shyster who operated on a cash-only basis, had no regard for legalities such as a current driver's license, and carried no inventory newer than 1975.
"You're not saying anything," Maizy said. "You're wondering why a Cordoba, right?"
"I'm wondering so many things," I told her.
"Let me help," Maizy said. "It's easy to sneak in here. There's only one bouncer, and she's always too busy putting out dumpster fires to notice who might be avoiding an arbitrary Friday night cover charge."
"I think the word you want is evading," I said. "And what's with all the dumpster fires?"
"Beats me," Maizy said. "They just seem to happen every time I come here. And FYI, I'm going to need you to start saving kindling for me. Newspaper, shopping bags, whatever you've got."
Ashley, the cat I'd acquired through questionable means fro
m a murder suspect who'd turned out to be nothing more than a freaky little guy with lax property management skills, strolled in from the kitchen and stood in front of the recliner, staring at me. After a few seconds I caved and moved to the sofa. That's how it was with Ashley and me. That's how it was with almost everyone and me. Assertiveness wasn't my strong point. My name's Jamie Winters, I'm in my early thirties, I work practically for loose change as a legal secretary in a personal injury mill, I've never owned a home, and I drive an ancient Escort held together only by rust. Those are the high points of my life. Those, and a smoking-hot landlord that makes the rest of it tolerable.
"I'm sorry that happened," I said, "but what do you want me to do?" Hopefully not drive down to the Pineland Bar and Auditorium, wherever that was. I wasn't sure I had enough gas even to make it to work on Monday morning. And I wasn't a big fan of the New Jersey Pine Barrens. The Pines were dark and spooky and full of the Jersey Devil.
"I want you to drive to the Pinelands Bar and Auditorium," Maizy said.
I sighed. "Why don't you just come home, Maize?"
"I can't," she said. "The Cordoba broke down, and I need a ride."
"You know your father and uncle bought you a nice reliable Civic. It's all yours as soon as you actually get a license."
"I'll get around to it," she said.
I wished she'd get around to it before I hit retirement age. I was getting tired of Honest Aaron and his unending parade of automotive misfit toys, especially since I got the calls to rescue her when doors fell off or rusted floors dropped out onto the highway. In fairness, she couldn't really call her dad. Cam was a cop with no knowledge of Maizy's relationship to the Monty Hall of the junkyard set.
Something gave a screeching kind of wail in the background. I hoped it was a lick on an electric guitar. The alternative gave me a full-body shudder. "But I won't get there for almost an hour and a half."
"That's okay," she said brightly. "I'll just start investigating while I wait. You know, laying the groundwork."
Oh, boy. Groundwork. "Investigating?" I repeated.
"You don't think that amplifier fell on Nicky D's head all on its own, do you?"
"Well…yeah."
"Then I wasn't clear," Maizy said. "It fell out of someone's hands. And I think I saw the someone going backstage before it happened." She paused. "And I think he saw me. I mean, I'm not positive 'cause he had the hoodie up over a baseball cap, and it was kind of dark. But I think we looked right at each other for just a second."
I went still. "Maizy, are you saying what I think you're saying?"
"You bet I am," she said. "We've got another case."
CHAPTER TWO
The Pine Barrens sprawled over a million acres, almost a quarter of New Jersey, encompassing portions of seven different counties. It boasted cranberry farming and white sugar sand, tea-colored cedar water lakes, and enough ghost stories to bleach your hair. At night under a sky stippled with patchy clouds and a timid moon, those stories weren't so hard to believe.
When I cruised past the sign announcing my arrival at the Wharton State Forest, I released my sweaty grip on the wheel long enough to roll up the window and lock the door. Which was the equivalent of a flickering candle in a drafty house when it came to ghosts, but you work with what you've got. The road unfurled in front of my headlights like a silky black ribbon, its edges fringed by unbroken lines of pine, oak, and cedar trees. No houses. No sidewalks. No traffic lights. Just a disorienting darkness that threw shadows beneath my wheels as I drove.
Eventually I reached a break in the trees, and there was the Pinelands Bar and Auditorium, nestled into a copse of towering pines, behind a small phalanx of EMT vehicles and police cars. The dirt parking lot was full and blocked off, so I parked on the shoulder of the road and went to find Maizy.
The "Auditorium" part was clearly wishful thinking. It was a low-slung L-shaped building with a single front window plastered with beer signs. The short arm of the L retreated into the woods in the back. I guessed that was the auditorium. It didn't strike me as the sort of place I'd want to go see a band perform, but then I wasn't seventeen and ideological. I was thirty-two and exhausted and hot. For three months of the year, New Jerseyans lived in a broiler laden with greenhead flies and mosquitoes. It was like trying to swim through hot motor oil under heavy insect bombardment.
A decrepit Cordoba sat at the edge of the lot with two people leaning against it. One of them was tall and beefy in a black T-shirt, jeans, and motorcycle boots. The other inexplicably wore a black hoodie three sizes too big yet still not up to the job of containing a mushroom cloud of blue hair. Maizy.
She hurried over. "Thanks for coming. You didn't tell Uncle Curt, did you?"
"I haven't seen him," I said. "Aren't you hot?"
"That's nice of you to say, but looks aren't important to me."
I rolled my eyes. "Ready to go?"
Maizy nodded. "We'll start investigating tomorrow."
"Investigating what?" I asked.
"Nicky D's murder," Maizy said. "I saw the killer, remember? Weren't you listening?"
"Not after the part about 'I need a ride,'" I said. "Did you tell the police what you saw?"
"Are you kidding?" she said. "I'm underage, in a bar. Even with persuasive ID, I don't want to risk getting anyone in trouble."
My eyebrow lifted. "You mean fake ID."
"An excellent fake," she said. "That's what makes it persuasive. Anyway, don't worry. We can go inside tomorrow."
Like I was worried. "I don't want to go inside," I said. "I want to go home." I tipped my head toward the Cordoba. "Who's your friend?"
"Huh? Oh, that's Bryn Harper. She offered to fix the car, but I told her it must've thrown a head gasket. She was just keeping me company while I waited."
Maizy did a come-here gesture, and Bryn detached herself from the car and joined us. Up close, she was even bigger and more intimidating. The sweeping curves of her quads and shoulders were apparent. Clearly Bryn was no stranger to the gym. I could relate. I'd been to a gym once. Of course, I'd been following a suspect at the time. Fortunately, he'd left before I'd been forced to pick up a dumbbell and expose my inner weakling.
"Bryn's the bouncer," Maizy told me. "She's also a ninth-degree black belt, third dan."
"Impressive," I said, although I had no idea what that meant.
"My Uncle Doug taught me," Bryn said in a lilting, girly voice about two octaves higher than I'd expected. Little pink combs swept back her hair. Her eye shadow was sparkly peach. "He practically raised us, and I learned a lot from him. It's not easy to be a woman in a man's world, he always said."
"Preach," Maizy said.
I rolled my eyes.
"Bryn was a Marine," Maizy told me. "She's fierce."
"Semper fi," Bryn said with a little fist pump.
"She offered to give me lessons," Maizy added. "I'm going to be a lethal weapon."
"I can teach you, too, if you want," Bryn said. "It's a dangerous world out there."
"It's a dangerous world in there," I said, tipping my head toward the bar. "Did she see the guy go backstage?" I asked Maizy.
Bryn snapped to attention. "What's this?"
"It was before Mike found Nicky D," Maizy said. "I don't know who it was, but he didn't belong there. I know unauthorized-access-into-a-restricted-area when I see it."
Bryn crossed her arms. "I don't like the sound of that. Any idea who it was?"
Maizy shook her head. "I didn't get a look at his face. Didn't you see him?"
"Afraid not," Bryn said. "I was taking out the garbage."
"Doesn't the janitorial staff do that?" I asked.
"She means she went nuclear on some goober," Maizy said.
Oh, that cleared it up.
"Can you describe this guy?" Bryn asked.
Another headshake. "But I'll find out who he is," Maizy said. "It's what I do."
"I thought you were a PhD candidate in economics," Bryn said.
&
nbsp; Good grief.
"Come on," I said. "We should be heading home."
"I'll be back," Maizy told Bryn. "Just so you know."
"Let me know if I can help," Bryn said. "Good luck with the dissertation defense."
I gave Bryn a wave and pulled Maizy in the direction of the Escort. "Dissertation defense?" I asked in a low voice, in case Bryn had bionic hearing to go along with her Steve Austin physique.
"That reminds me." Maizy grinned. "Next time we're around Bryn, call me Doctor. I'd hate to disappoint her."
"I hate to disappoint you," I said, "but you're still in high school."
"Only in body," she said. "Mentally, I left years ago."
Couldn't argue with her there.
We got in the car. "Don't tell me she buys that story."
"Sure she does. Bryn trusts me." Maizy snapped her seat belt into place. "She said I remind her of her little sister Brianne. You know, a real sensitive soul. Hey, look at that ubergoober over there."
"Sensitive soul," I repeated dryly. "Is Brianne a lethal weapon like Bryn?"
"Probably not anymore," Maizy said. "She killed herself eight months ago. Something to do with a guy, I think. I know they were really close. Bryn said Brianne came to all the Virtual Waste shows and hung out, but I didn't want to ask too many questions. It made Bryn sad to talk about it."
I glanced at her, surprised. "That's pretty mature for a girl with blue hair."
She did a dismissive wave. "The hair's window dressing. Like Bryn's muscles. They help 'cause she's working in a male-dominated field. Below all that brawn she's pretty girly."
"Maybe so, but I wouldn't mess with her," I said.
"Who's messing?" Maizy asked. "We may need her help to find out who killed Nicky D. She's got connections."
