by M. Malone
“Hi, Tank. Thanks for coming.”
“No problem.”
She fell into step beside him and had to control her urge to just stare at him. Tank Marshall, a giant of a man, worked with her brother for Alexander Security. He wasn’t her type at all but she had to admit there was something compelling about him. Something solid and dependable and real. She also felt completely safe since he was built like a tank just as his name suggested.
Tank lifted her luggage into the back of a shiny black Escalade. It looked brand new and way too nice to be one of the company vehicles that she’d seen Matt drive. She remembered then that Matt had said he’d recently come into an inheritance.
“Don’t let the money change you,” she blurted out suddenly and then flushed. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
Tank didn’t seem bothered. He opened her door for her and then waited while she got herself situated. Then he rounded to the driver’s side and swung his big body up into the seat. “It’s okay. Matt told me what’s been going on. So, I understand what you’re saying. And I won’t. I’m lucky that I have someone to keep me grounded. My brother on the other hand, he doesn’t.”
Mara grinned. Big, bad Tank Marshall had a girlfriend? “I didn’t know you were seeing someone. Good for you.”
“Yeah, she is good for me.” He looked down at his hands, flexing them and she noticed then the scars on his knuckles, the thin white slashes standing out against his tanned skin. “She’s the best thing for me there is.”
They were both quiet on the way home and she didn’t speak again until he pulled into the driveway of her townhouse. Trent had driven them to the airport last time and she’d left her car at home. It felt weird to think of driving herself around town after taking cabs and being driven places for so long but she was actually looking forward to it. She wanted to get on with the business of picking up her life.
Because being where she was now, this hollowed out shell of herself, was the worst thing she’d ever experienced.
Tank had already exited the truck and carried her bags up to the porch. She opened the door with her key and he carried them inside. She stood in her living room feeling oddly out of place. Then she turned and noticed that her small dining table was set for dinner.
“How … what?”
A second later, her friend Ridley Alexander came out of her kitchen carrying a small bowl. She placed it on the table. When she turned and saw Mara standing in the doorway, she let out a soft cry of surprise and moved to hug her. Mara sank into the embrace, stunned by how much she needed it.
“Ridley, what are you doing here?”
Her friend gestured around the house. “You’ve been gone so long that the girls and I thought we’d come spruce things up before your arrival.”
Kaylee appeared in the doorway. “Hi, Mara. I just finished with dinner. Mrs. Alexander helped me make enough food to last you for a while.”
At the sound of her name, Julia Alexander came bustling out of the kitchen. She walked over to Mara with her arms outstretched. Her dark hair was pinned up into her usual style that made Mara think of the screen sirens in her favorite old movies.
“Welcome home, honey. I heard you’ve been put through the wringer these past few days. But you don’t have to worry about a thing now. Come on in and put your feet up.”
Penny appeared from the hallway leading to the bedrooms. She had a blue kerchief tied around her head and was holding a spray bottle and a sponge. When she saw Mara, she grinned. “Bathroom is clean. No more dust bunnies.”
“Penny! You’re here too?”
Her future sister-in-law gave her a strange look. “Of course I’m here. You didn’t think I wanted to stay home with your sourpuss of a brother, did you? He’s so grumpy that you ordered him to stay away. I didn’t even tell him where I was going because he would have decided to come along, anyway. You need time to relax and settle in before he comes at you with a bunch of questions.”
Mara nodded, not surprised at all that Penny knew her brother so well. “I do. I can’t believe you all did this for me. I don’t know what to say.”
Julia took her carry-on bag off her shoulder and ushered her forward. “No need to say anything, honey. We’re your family. And family takes care of its own.”
Mara sat down on the couch in her nice clean living room and inhaled the mouth-watering smells of whatever fabulous things Kaylee and Mrs. Alexander had whipped up for her. So overwhelmed by the show of friendship and generosity, she opened her mouth to thank them all.
And just burst into tears.
* * * * *
BACK AT THE penthouse, Trent stood in the center of Mara’s closet looking at the empty drawers and shelves. It looked like she’d packed by taking her arm and sweeping everything off each shelf one at a time. There were belts and jewelry littering the floor. The shoes hadn’t been touched and neither had the rest of the formal evening gowns she’d purchased when she’d gone shopping with his sister.
She’d only taken the things she’d had before she’d come here. Considering how much Mara loved pretty things, especially shoes, he understood what a sacrifice that must have been. It also sent him a message that he’d been trying to ignore until now. She wasn’t coming back. Mara had gone home and she hadn’t wanted to take anything that tied her to him.
It was over.
Up front, he paced the room. His instinct was to have the jet readied so he could fly back to New Haven. He could wait for Mara at her house. She’d have to come back there eventually. He had a beat down coming from Matt and he was ready to take it. He’d let Mara rage at him. She could yell at him, scream at him, call him names, and kick him while he was down. He didn’t even care. He’d volunteer for her anger because at least her anger was part of her. Instead of what he had now.
This nothingness.
Frustrated, he kicked the side table over. The wood splintered and cracked as it fell. The destructive sounds just spurred him on so he kicked it again. Then he picked up one of the small sculptures the designer had placed artfully on the other side table and threw that against the wall, too. The sound of it fracturing and then dropping to the ground in pieces spurred him on.
There was nothing else for him to throw in the living room so he stalked back to the bedroom again. When he saw the dents in his closet door from when he’d tried to ram it open, his anger deflated. This kind of violent emotion wasn’t something he was used to and expressing it didn’t even help, it just drove everyone away.
Driving people away was something he was good at. Or at least something he understood. He’d spent years trying to keep people out until one beautiful, vibrant, loving girl had made her way into his heart and showed him how to feel again.
And now she was gone.
He collapsed on the bed, his shoulders hunched forward as he let it wash over him. She was gone.
Gone. Gone. Gone.
The words flowed through his mind on a loop until he squeezed his eyes shut trying to block it out.
If he’d trusted Mara enough to tell her the truth, there was a chance that over time she might have understood. He could have shown her over the years with every glance, touch and conversation that he saw her as her own unique individual.
Now he just had to look back on it all and remember what could have been.
Chapter Twenty-One
Two months later…
LOOKING OUT OVER the city that he both loved and hated, Trent ignored the beeping sound coming from his pocket. Without even looking at it, he already knew what it was for. It was an alarm set to go off at the same time each week.
He was about to be late for an appointment.
Resting his head on the cool glass, he closed his eyes and tried to absorb the energy of the city below him. He had a busy day planned and if he missed his appointment it would throw off the rest of his schedule. He couldn’t afford any deviations from schedule. It was part of his new system of life. Everything had a place. Everything had an a
ppointed time. It kept him focused so he wouldn’t miss out on the things that mattered. He spent time with his family, on work and quiet time in meditation.
His favorite bench in Central Park seemed happy to have his company again.
A few minutes later, he was in the elevators going down to the lobby. When he approached the front door, Ernesto tipped his hat. “Have a good day, Mr. Townsend.”
“You too. I won’t be home for a while so I’ll say goodbye now.”
The older man looked a little sad at that news but not altogether surprised. Trent had surprised himself by staying in town as long as he had. A multimillion-dollar penthouse was just as lonely as any other place when the person you loved wasn’t there.
Ernesto hailed him a cab and then held the door for him. “Take care of yourself, Mr. Townsend.” When he shut the door, Trent waved to him. He gave the cabbie his destination and then closed his eyes
They pulled up to a high-rise in Midtown. He gave the cab driver a handful of bills and then climbed out. He’d long ago sent Shane home. It wasn’t fair to the other man to keep him on call when Trent was spending the majority of his time holed up in his office. This was the only recurring appointment he had. And even these were coming to an end.
He took the elevator to the eleventh floor and then entered the spacious office suite. The pert blonde behind the counter acknowledged him with a smile as he signed in. He sat in the waiting room but didn’t bother with a magazine. He looked up a few minutes later when the blonde called his name.
“Mr. Townsend? Dr. Winston will see you now.”
He stood and buttoned his suit jacket. “Thanks, Donna.”
He entered the cool interior of the office. It was always slightly dark in the room. He wasn’t sure if that was done on purpose or not. It gave the instant impression of entering some kind of cocoon from the outside world. It was cheesy but it did make him feel like he was in a safe place.
Dr. Winston was already seated behind his desk. His gray hair looked slightly darker, almost as if he’d colored it and it amused Trent to think that even his psychiatrist was prone to insecurities.
“I’m glad to see you back here, Trent.”
Trent sat in one of the leather chairs facing the desk. “You didn’t think I would come back?”
The doctor’s expression didn’t reveal anything when he replied, “Our last session was quite intense.”
Trent looked away. “It was. But I’m here. I want to talk about this. I need to talk about it.”
The doctor nodded approvingly. “That’s good. Talking about what drove you to leave New York last time can only help you. We cannot understand what you were feeling without the context.”
Trent was finally able to admit that was true. He’d been running away from more than just his father when he’d left the city seven years ago. More than just his family and more than just the pain of losing Tia. Her death hadn’t been the only thing that had hurt him. It had also been the humiliation of knowing that she hadn’t loved him back. The shame of realizing that their fight had likely contributed to her death.
Because even when you were angry with someone you loved, it didn’t negate the pain of the loss.
Dr. Winston wrote something on his notepad, the pen making a soft scratching sound as it moved over the paper. “We’ve been over your childhood and your rivalry with your brother. But last time you started to tell me more about the day after your prom. About your friend, Tia.”
His hands suddenly clammy, Trent wiped his palms on his slacks and tried to push down the vague sense of panic clawing at his insides. For years, he hadn’t talked about any of this and now he was going through every phase of that time in his life, detail by detail.
An image of Mara’s tear-ravaged face gave him the strength to sit up straighter. The only thing she’d ever asked of him was to know him. Completely. It was the one thing he’d been unable to give her because he hadn’t been ready to face certain things about himself. Even though he couldn’t have her, it was the last thing she’d asked of him. His love for her drove him to try to be the man she’d been in love with, even if it was too little too late.
“I’m ready now. I’m ready to talk about Tia’s death.”
* * * * *
MARA PUT THE finishing touches on her spinach quiche and put it in the oven. She was proud of the way it had turned out, even though it had taken several tries to get there. She made a notation on the pad of paper on the counter, crossing out something and adding the new amount of the ingredients she’d changed. She was working on the recipe that would introduce the savory section of her cookbook and wanted to get it just right.
Matt had been more than happy to test each iteration of the recipe. He wouldn’t admit it but he would have eaten mud pies if it would have made her feel better. He was just happy that she was getting back to normal.
Well, as close to normal as she would ever be.
For the first week after she’d come home, her friends had kept a close eye on her. Despite being heavily pregnant, Ridley had come over each morning and coaxed her out of bed. At first, she had barely been able to manage that without breaking down but Ridley was persistent, in her own sweet way. Mara had broken down one day, sobbing on her friend’s shoulder and Ridley had just put her to bed and stroked her hair. She vaguely remembered mumbling something about what a good mother Ridley was going to be. Her friend had just laughed and told her to sleep.
After that, the girls came over as a group to entertain her on the next Friday night so she wouldn’t have to be alone. They pretended that it was just their usual Girl’s Night Out but Mara knew it was mainly their way of checking up on her. The guys hadn’t crashed their party this time. Mara suspected they’d been threatened by Ridley who could be surprisingly forceful when she wanted to be.
The next week, she’d taken her first trip outside of her house. She hadn’t gone far, just to visit her brother and Penny. It had taken a lot of effort for Matt to stand back and let her work things out on her own, she knew. He was used to being her protector. It was just part of who he was. But this time, Mara didn’t need a protector she just needed the comfort of knowing that he was there. A big hug and a quiet movie night at their place had gone a long way to helping her feel like she was on her way to being okay again.
On her way but not there yet.
Mara sat on her couch and tucked her feet under her. She flipped aimlessly through the channels until she found a home decorating marathon. After watching her second episode, the timer went off and she got up to take her quiche out of the oven.
While it was cooling, she quickly wiped down the counters and rinsed the rag in the sink. She didn’t have much time to taste it before she had to get dressed. It was strange to have an appointment. To have to be somewhere at a certain time. Not that she thought Ethan would be angry if she was late but she didn’t want to keep him waiting. He’d come through for her and now she was ready to return the favor. He needed her to train his new assistant for him and she was more than happy to help out. It would give her something to do besides sit in the house. It would be good to have a purpose again. To be needed.
She sat down a few minutes later with a plate. The quiche was perfectly seasoned and the crust finally had the right consistency. She pressed her fork against the flaky, buttery crust and sighed in appreciation. When she looked at the clock on the wall, she ate her last few bites and then put the plate in the dishwasher.
As she passed back through the living room, she turned the television off. She’d never watched much TV before but over the last few weeks it had been a lifeline. It brought noise into a house that had never seemed so quiet and empty before. Even before Trent had proposed and subsequently moved in, she didn’t remember ever feeling lonely or scared in the house before. But ever since she’d gotten home, she was acutely aware of how solitary she was. Living alone. Eating alone.
Sleeping alone.
Her stomach cramped as she thought of how Trent h
ad always slept right next to her, no matter how big the bed was. She’d wake up right on top of him more often than not, feeling like she was sleeping on a furnace due to all the body heat he’d generated. But despite the fact that she must have been heavy, he’d never complained.
God, she missed him.
Nights alone had been the hardest thing to adapt to. She missed him so much it was a physical ache sometimes. He’d seemed to love it, being her pillow. Keeping her warm. He’d loved it and he’d loved her.
Although that was up for debate because it had been months and there had been no contact. She’d been so upset when she first arrived home but it hadn’t truly occurred to her that she would just never hear from Trent again. For years he’d been as much a part of her life as the air she breathed but he hadn’t called and he hadn’t come back to see her. He hadn’t even made an attempt.
Obviously, he just hadn’t loved her enough.
* * * * *
TRENT CLIMBED THE steps to Matt’s house and hesitated before he rang the doorbell. The last time he’d come to see his old friend he’d gotten away without any broken bones. It was either extremely optimistic or extremely foolish to assume that he could do it twice. So when the door swung open, he braced himself for impact.
But Matt just stood in the doorway, watching him. Finally he moved aside. “Come on in. If I’m going to knock you on your ass, it won’t be in front of the neighbors.”
Trent stepped into the front hallway, grateful for the respite from the summer heat. Being away from the humidity, even just for a few months, had lowered his tolerance to it. He’d changed into casual clothes on the plane, so at least Matt couldn’t make fun of his suit.
