by Max Walker
Sandy was talking in slow motion. That was how it felt to Red, who was watching her lips move but hearing the words on a delay.
“I tsk whenever he drops the f-word, but he just gets so upset.”
Red felt himself drop back into his body. He had to respond. This wasn’t about him. Someone else. She was talking about someone else. His father didn’t know. How could he?
“He’ll get over it.”
That was all Red could say. He had no other words. He grabbed the large rounded silver tray holding the crispy golden grilled cheeses and got the fuck out of there. He was seconds from cancelling the entire thing. It was still early, no one was there yet. Caleb would understand.
The doorbell rang. He had an app on his phone that buzzed him in case he was somewhere in his place where he couldn’t hear the tune. He dropped the tray on a long table set up outside next to his pool. He double-checked to see if his dad was good on drinks (fuck, I’m gay) before heading to the door. He opened it, expecting a smiling Caleb and a quick dose of ‘everything is going to be fine’. Instead, it was his assistant and close friend, Crow Kenworthy.
“Hey, Crow.”
“Heya, Red. Picked up the dessert.” He lifted a huge tan box with the name Porto’s Bakery written across it. Inside were stacks of Cuban pastries, the kinds people lined up around the block for. Crow was probably there for a good half an hour waiting for these. Red had to remind himself to do something special for him.
I could do a new car for his birthday.
Crow was a twenty-six-year-old aspiring musician who was basically the reason Red had his head attached to his shoulders. He was so good at what he did, with scheduling press and film shoots along with running the little things, Crow did it all and he did it with a smile. For the first year, Red considered Crow an excellent assistant. Now, after four more years, he considered Crow one of his closest friends.
“You’re looking extra put together today,” Crow said, throwing expert shade with a smile. He was good at that.
“Thank you, Crow.” Red said sarcastically with a chuckle.
“No but seriously, you never wear suits. It’s hard enough getting you to put one on for your premiers.”
Red laughed at that. “This isn’t a suit suit. It’s a casual suit jacket.” He stressed that last part.
“Well, whatever it is, you’re rocking it.”
They headed inside, bringing the pastelitos to the now empty kitchen, where they worked on laying them out on another tray before putting them in the fridge to keep them fresh. It was during this when Red was overcome with an impulse he just couldn’t control. He was back outside of his body, but this time, nothing was in slow motion. Everything was sharp. Blood pounded in his ears.
“I’m gay.”
Red looked down at his hands. Shaking. Not a lot, but enough. He took a breath. Those words had never left his mouth. Not even when he was by himself, standing in front of a mirror, trying to figure out how to say it out loud.
Crow put the cheese pastelito down on the platter and walked over to Red, who was looking down at the counter.
“Well, good.”
Red looked up, brows furrowed.
“That makes two of us.”
“Huh?” Red wasn’t sure he heard right.
“I’m gay, too. Surprise.” Crow lifted his arms, a playful smile on his bright face.
“Seriously?”
“Yep.”
Red arched an eyebrow. “Are you stealing my spotlight?”
They both started laughing. Maybe it was the mix of fear and relief that had them both giddy all of a sudden.
“I had no idea,” Red said, as though he expected Crow to have noted it down on his job application. “This would have been so much easier if I had known.”
“I know, right? Well, better late than never, I guess.” Crow opened his arms and pulled Red into a hug. It was exactly what he needed. Most likely what they both needed. Red couldn't’ have chosen a better person to break his coming-out cherry with. Selena had known, but that was more of a business deal and she just sort of assumed it over the months, Red never explicitly said it out loud. He could only hope that his next experiences would be as positive, although he highly doubted anyone else would simultaneously come out to him.
“This entire time I thought you were just focused on your career and had no time to date,” Red said, with a smirk, a little playful shade thrown in for a good measure. There were a few times in the past when Red thought Crow might have been gay, the lack of a girlfriend for four years being a big question mark, but he never imagined them sharing this moment together in the way they did.
“Nope.” Crow shook his head. “Although that’s going to have to change now, I’m ready to hit up West Hollywood and figure out what I’ve been missing this whole time.”
“You’ve been missing out on some… good stuff.” Red made a face at hearing the words that left his mouth.
Crow crossed his arms, friendly suspicion painting his face. He was a good-looking guy: stony, angular features with ice-blue eyes and neat, short dark blonde hair, a five-o’clock shadow coming in. Red would have been lying if he said he never thought about a crazy night with him. But Crow had crossed over into friend territory a long time ago. Red also knew that there was no one on this world who would be able to take his attention from Caleb.
The doorbell rang again, this time a little too early.
“I’m proud of you,” Crow said as they started toward the door.
“Same with you. We’re going to have to go for drinks tomorrow and really get into it.”
Red wished he could keep talking with Crow, but more guests were arriving and although he had officially come out to one person, he was still in the closet to many others. He would have a much deeper heart-to-heart with Crow, it just felt good to finally get it out into the open and he knew Crow must have been feeling the same way.
So far, so good.
Twenty
Caleb Forester
Caleb was nervous. He checked himself out in his rearview mirror at least five times on his drive to Red’s, making sure nothing had magically appeared between his teeth or that he suddenly found he had lost his eyebrows from some weird nerve disorder he didn’t know he had.
Clearly, he was freaking out.
He parked his car (quadruple-checking the parking sign) and fiddled with a button on his white shirt before realizing Red’s gate was wide open. He could have easily have parked in the driveway. He glanced back at his Toyota (which clearly needed a wash) and decided to leave it on the street. He walked up the driveway, trying to admire the bright green landscaping but finding that he couldn’t focus in on anything. His hands were already getting a little clammy. He stuffed them in the dusty blue pants he was wearing and hoped they wouldn’t get any worse.
He reached the door and rang the bell, waiting with his hands back in his pockets. He gave them a good rub against the other when he heard the lock unclick. His pulse was racing. He wasn’t sure if Red was going to answer or if he’d end up face-to-face with his father without any mental prep.
Thankfully, it was Red. He was looking stunningly handsome in a casual navy blue suit jacket and khakis that fit him like they were tailor made. His smile was on full display as he opened his arms and took Caleb into a tight embrace. It was the kind of a hug you give a lover not a friend, which surprised Caleb, because Red’s assistant was standing right next to them. He hadn’t officially met Crow before, but he had heard a ton about him and knew that he was one of Red’s closest friends aside from being his assistant.
“Caleb, meet Crow.” Red stepped aside, motioning between them both. “Caleb, Crow.”
Is Red… blushing?
Crow, smiling, gave a look between Caleb and Red. It was like he had just figured out the Daily Double. “Hi, Caleb. Great to meet you.”
“Great to meet you too.” Caleb was about to give the typical ‘heard a ton about you’ but slammed the breaks on the co
nversation. He wasn’t sure how much Crow knew, although he was getting the vibe that there was something going on. Before Caleb could explore it any further, another voice came from behind them. It had a sing-song quality which would have pleased most anyone else.
It made Caleb’s hands clammy again.
“Hi, babe.” Selena, practically pushing Caleb aside, one arm hooked and holding her Prada, the other kicked out for balance, got up on her tiptoes and kissed Red. Caleb diverted his eyes as quick he could, but that didn’t stop his heart from feeling like it was just Buffy’ed.
“Hi.” Red was curt. He took a step back, putting some space between him and Selena. She knew didn’t she? Red had said he spoke to her about them. Was Red lying? He wouldn’t be playing them both, would he?
Nope. That’s just dumb.
He snuffed out that flame of thought. Jackson had left him with scars, but Caleb tried to live as best he could without letting that affect him and his trust. He couldn’t grow suspicious at the slightest shift in the breeze.
“Hello,” Selena turned to Caleb and gave him a wave before she turned to Crow and hugged him. Caleb didn’t know what to do. He had been faced with cold patients before, people that just flat out didn’t respect him for one random reason or another, but in those case, Caleb went into the room, cared for his patient, and then left. Nothing to carry home with him. As long as the person was healthy, he was fine. But now, he was forced to face someone who seemed to flat-out dislike him. And part of Caleb couldn’t blame her. It was the part of him that was way too nice.
The other part wanted to tell her to snap out of it and choose another guy from the massive line behind her.
Thankfully, Caleb didn’t need to know what to do. Red handled the situation in a surprisingly magnificent way. He moved to Caleb’s side and placed a hand on his lower back. “Let’s head outside. I want to introduce Caleb to my father.” It could have been someone leading a friend along, if someone wasn’t paying too much attention, but there was so much more than that. And, the even more surprising part, Red kept it there the entire time it took to reach his backyard. He was positive Crow and Selena picked up on it. One of them seemed way more happy about it than the other.
Selena. Selena was the one staring daggers whenever Caleb caught her eye.
Red’s hand dropped to his side when they reached the large sliding glass doors. They were wide open, leading them out into Red’s backyard, which was somehow even more spectacular during the day. Caleb remembered how nice it looked during the party, but now Caleb couldn’t help but say “wow” as they stepped out. All the details jumped out at him. The huge stone elephant sculptures he hadn’t noticed before, the animatronic mermaid waving at them from the top of the waterfall that splashed down into the huge pool, the stretches of rolling, emerald green hills behind the pool, next to the tennis court. The recent rains had made the hillsides even greener, making Caleb feel like he had suddenly stumbled into Jurassic Park. He was about to ask Red where the goat was.
They walked out and toward the long table, where a few people were already sitting, talking over glasses of wine. Caleb knew immediately who Red’s dad was in the group. He had the same energy about him, even with the extra years on him. They looked so similar too. Even in his older age, Red’s dad was a very handsome man, and those same genes wrote Red’s code. From the expressive, golden eyes to the same face shape. He still had a thick head of silver hair and— to Caleb’s surprise— a warm smile similar to Red’s.
“Son! Is that your friend? The Oscar-winning nurse?”
Caleb’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. He laughed a little nervously. “Oh, you guys heard about my award-winning performance?”
That got Red’s dad laughing. He got up from his seat, struggling the tiniest bit, and came over to shake Caleb’s hand.
“Michael,” he said. “Nice to meet you.”
“Caleb, and it’s great to meet you too.” The handshake lasted for a second longer than Caleb was comfortable with. It wasn’t intimidating in anyway, though. He didn’t have much time to think about it. Michael was already introducing him to the other people at the table. He went down the line, introducing Frank and Jennifer who were life-long friends of his, and Sandy, who must have been Red’s stepmother. They didn’t talk much about her, but from the conversations Caleb had had with Red, she never seemed like a strong figure in his life. Caleb had the impression that Red’s mother left behind a space that was never going to be filled, and Sandy didn’t even seem to try very hard to fill it. She sounded like she was distant when Red spoke about her, and she felt even more distant in person. She seemed to be looking past Caleb, at something else, lost in her thoughts. Maybe it was one too many glasses of wine, but something was off.
“Come, have a seat, have a seat.” Michael shepherded Caleb to a comfortable chair that faced out to the pool. Michael handed him an ice cold beer, one that was still unopened on the table where Michael had been sitting, and went to the cooler to grab himself another one.
Caleb wasn’t sure who he was expecting to meet, but he realized he wasn’t expecting to like Red’s father this much right off the bat. He seemed like a good, kind man. Someone with a good-enough heart to have raised a man as upstanding as Red seemed to be. Michael Miller wasn’t the angry, gruff homophobe Caleb was expecting to face. That equal parts comforted him and terrified him. Was Michael’s judgment and anger lurking under this warm facade or was there more to this than Caleb thought? Than maybe even Red knew?
***
Plates were scraped clean, napkins used up, and the A1 sauce bottle was running on empty. Night had fallen, leaving the air with a chill that made everything so much more refreshing. It didn’t hurt that Caleb was sipping on one of the best drinks he had ever had. A cocktail mixing gin, cucumber, a dash of sprite, a twist of lemon and a squirt of grenadine. One of Red’s favorites to make, and quickly becoming one of Caleb’s favorite to drink.
A Redtini, he had called it.
Caleb sat across from Red for the entire dinner. Next to Red sat Selena, who made it a point to avoid conversation with Caleb as much she could. Most of the night she had spent it talking with Sandy, who still looked a little out of it. The table was long, fitting the ten or so that had attended the dinner. By the time dinner was over the table had broken off into separate conversations, with Red and his father talking about Red’s new Tesla while Caleb chatted with Crow over which team he thought should win on The Amazing Race. The dinner was filled with those kinds of light-hearted conversations, which put Caleb at ease. He hadn’t gotten a chance to have a long conversation with Red’s dad, but he never expected to get one. He wasn’t there under the pretense of dating his son. For all he knew, Caleb was just a friend, why would he need to have a long sit-down with him?
Regardless, Caleb enjoyed the few moments he got to talk with Michael. He didn’t get any negative vibes from him. By this time, the rest of the dinner guests had left, leaving behind the core group.
“So, Caleb.” It was Michael. His voice was as commanding as Red’s, but in a different manner. A paternal one. The sound of someone you felt like you should listen to, someone who’s going to teach you right from wrong and give you sound advice on life. “Do you live around here?”
“Close,” Caleb said, neglecting to mention that close meant about twelve miles away from Beverly Hills.
“And you’re a nurse at your day job?”
“Yep. Permanent job, actually.”
“Oh, so no more Oscars for you?”
Caleb shook his head. “I’m thinking of working toward a Grammy next.”
That got Red and Michael laughing. “Hear that, Crow? You might have some competition in your category.”
Caleb put his hand up, looking to his side at Crow. “Don’t worry about it. I only sing hardcore, screamo rock.”
Red snorted from across the table. He must have pictured Caleb all dressed in black and yelling into a microphone, meanwhile, Caleb was the complete
opposite of a lead screamo singer and Red knew that. Crow also laughed while Michael sat back in his chair, looking between Red and Caleb. It went unnoticed as Crow went on to ask Caleb for a sample of his music. It took some convincing, but Caleb ended up singing the theme song to Friends in what he called his signature ‘church Sunday screamo’ style. It sounded like he had lost his voice and was trying to push out the words to the song. Raspy and low. He looked ridiculous and sounded even crazier and he had close to the entire table laughing.
“Encore,” Michael goaded when Caleb finished.
“Oh, I wish I could. I have to rest my vocal chords, at least, a full two-hundred and fifteen hours before I can sing again.”
Red was shaking his head, smiling from ear to ear. Selena was sitting cross-armed, her hair pulled back in a long, silky ponytail, making her sharp cheekbones prominent underneath her annoyed gaze. She glanced down at her phone sitting on the table, as though expecting something. Caleb noticed her do it a few times throughout the dinner. He couldn’t help it. Even when she wasn’t in his field of vision, Caleb felt like he could feel her every move. He was acutely aware of how close Selena was sitting next to Red, and it fucking sucked. He wanted to be the one in her seat, close enough to reach out and hold Red’s hand if he wanted to. Instead, he felt like a mile-long ocean of distance separated them.
Twenty-One
Red Miller
The only thing that would have made the dinner any better would be having Caleb at his side for the entirety of it. Instead, Red had to swallow the bitter pill of secrecy for the night and accept having to admire Caleb from a distance. He looked from his father to Caleb, both men seemingly having a great time and looking like good friends right off the bat. Red wished it could make him happy, but he felt a seed of sadness take root. He knew what his father would say if he found out who Caleb loved. He heard it from Sandy, he had heard it when he was younger.
