Hold Her Heart (Words of the Heart)

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Hold Her Heart (Words of the Heart) Page 10

by Holly Jacobs


  I laughed. “I know your secret, Logan Greer. You like to pretend to be all action films and sports, but at your heart you’re a sci-fi fan.”

  He snorted and then added, “You did mention Firefly. I thought we could have a marathon today.”

  I gingerly eased my legs over the edge of the bed and stood . . . slowly. Very, very slowly.

  The throbbing turned into a sharp pain that radiated up my spine. I tried to hide it, but Logan, being Logan, noticed. “And we’re going to get you some breakfast and then one of those lovely little pain pills the doctor gave you.”

  “It’s not that bad,” I told him.

  “Maybe not, but it’s bad enough. Siobhan, you don’t have to grit your teeth and bear it. If you take it easy today, odds are you’ll feel a lot better tomorrow.”

  I nodded. “Fine.”

  I made my way downstairs with the speed of someone twice my age as Logan made pancakes.

  I sat at the counter and watched as he beat the eggs and then added the other ingredients. He poured the first of the batter on the griddle and brought me a cup of coffee.

  “This feels like home,” I said. “My dad is an awful cook. I mean, really awful. When Mom wasn’t home for dinner, his specialty was creamed tuna on toast. And maybe if he could make a white sauce I could have managed it, but . . .” I shook my head.

  Logan laughed and turned to flip the pancakes; then he looked at me, waiting for the rest of the story.

  “The only dish Dad can make is pancakes. We had them almost every Saturday. He’d call Mom and me to the kitchen by bellowing out Pancake Saturday.” I smiled at the memory.

  “He seemed nice when I talked to him.”

  Dad had wanted to come down for my procedure, but I’d convinced him that it wasn’t necessary. Logan had taken his phone number and kept him posted.

  “He is very nice,” I said.

  “You should have let him come. Sometimes the people we love need to feel needed. Last year I was home for a couple of months and stayed with Mom. I got the flu and she made me a bed on the couch, just like she used to when I was little, then she spent the day rewatching all six Star Wars movies with me. She debated about watching the originals first, or the first three episodes. I was too sick to participate in the debate, but she did fine on her own,” he said with a bit of laughter.

  “What did she decide?”

  “One, two, three and then the older ones. I kept waking up to Wookiees and lightsabers. She still talks about it being a special day. I remind her that I’d been sick and slept through half of it. I thought she was going to tease me and say something snarky about that’s what made it special, but what she said was, That’s just it. You needed me again.”

  “Maybe I should call my dad even though I talked to him yesterday is what you’re saying?” I asked.

  “Maybe he just wants to be needed a bit, too.”

  I nodded, and Logan served me a stack of pancakes. He had real maple syrup and butter.

  “They’re delicious,” I assured him.

  “Well, it’s no creamed tuna,” he said with a laugh.

  I couldn’t help but laugh as well.

  Logan brought his own plate over and sat down next to me. We ate in companionable silence. After I finished about half my pancakes, he handed me a pain pill.

  “I think I’ll be okay without it,” I said.

  “I saw how you walked into the kitchen. Why don’t you take this one and see how you feel by afternoon? I am a medical professional, remember?”

  I smiled. “Okay.”

  “Follow me ma’am,” he said, offering me an arm as I hobbled out to the living room. He had a pillow and a quilt laid out on the couch.

  “You made me an actual bed on the couch.” It would have seemed sweet no matter what, but after the story about his mom, it seemed even sweeter.

  He nodded. “And I have all the Firefly DVDs and the movie for after.”

  I realized he was recreating his day with his mom, and I felt . . . I wasn’t sure what I felt, but it was nice.

  “Let me start the fire then clean up the kitchen before we turn them on.”

  I called my dad while he was in the kitchen.

  He picked up on the first ring. “Ban, you okay?”

  I heard the concern in his voice. “Yes. I just called to say good morning and to check in.”

  “How are you really? I was going to call later. I didn’t want to wake you up if you were sleeping.”

  “I’m fine. Achy but fine. I thought maybe you and Margo would like to take a drive down to Erie this weekend. I’ve been helping with Fiona, but you’ll love her and—”

  “Honey, I can’t wait to meet her. I didn’t want to butt in, but these people—they’re a part of you, so of course I want to meet them.”

  I felt tears gather in my eyes. “Thanks, Dad.”

  “I love you, sweetie.”

  “Love you, too.” I collected myself and added, “I was talking about you this morning.”

  “Oh?” he said.

  “Logan made me pancakes, and I said they were your specialty.”

  I could hear the smile in his voice as he said, “They still are.”

  “I might have mentioned creamed tuna, too,” I admitted, trying to hold back the laughter.

  “And of course you told him how delicious it is, right?” Dad asked.

  I made a delicate gagging noise. “It’s awful, Dad. Utterly awful. But I do love you.”

  “I know, honey. Your mom knew it, too.” As if he could read my mind he added, “You’ve got more than enough heart to love us all.”

  That was my dad. He’d always known my secret worries without me having to say a thing. “I’ll see you on Saturday then.”

  “Yes. Maybe we’ll leave early so that Logan and I can make you ladies brunch.”

  “I’ll have to see when he’s working, but if not Logan, I’m sure Fiona would make brunch with you. Margo and I can manage to be waited on.”

  Logan came back into the living room as I hung up the phone. “Dad’s coming on Saturday, if that’s okay.”

  “I can’t wait to meet him,” he said.

  “I wasn’t sure when you were working—” I started, only to be interrupted by the doorbell.

  I glanced at the clock. It was only seven thirty in the morning. Ned was getting Fiona off to school before going to the hospital. Maybe it was them?

  Maybe something was wrong with Piper. My worries about not having the time I wanted with her grew like a giant balloon—expanding at a frightening speed as Logan went and got the door.

  It wasn’t Ned or Fiona who walked in the room. Cooper, Piper’s best friend, came in with a smile. My balloon of worry popped, and I could breathe again.

  “I saw the smoke and lights, so I knew someone was up. I know we’ve only met a couple of times, and I don’t make a habit of popping in on acquaintances, but you’re Piper’s daughter, and you just . . .” She burst into tears and thrust a box at me. “I brought you donuts. I know, it’s utterly absurd, but I wanted to do something to say thank you.”

  She brushed away tears and shrugged. “Like, I said, I know, it’s stupid. How are you?”

  “I’m fine,” I said and set the box of donuts down on the coffee table.

  I felt awkward with Piper’s best friend. I felt as if she wanted something more from me, and I didn’t know what, so I didn’t know how to give it to her.

  “Well, I should go.” Cooper taught across the street.

  “Thanks for stopping,” I said awkwardly. I wasn’t quite prepared when she leaned down and hugged me before she practically ran out of the house.

  “You okay?” Logan asked after she left.

  I nodded. “I am. It’s just that . . .”

  “Just that?” Logan prompted.

  “I don’t know what to do with that kind of emotion from people who are practically strangers. Though even as I say the words practically strangers, I realized that none of you are that. N
ot really. With my parents, and now with Margo, I’m connected and I understand the fabric of that connection. With Piper, Ned, Fiona, you, Cooper, my grandparents, and everyone else I’ve met here, I’m connected, but it’s as if I can’t understand the fabric of it. Intellectually, I get it. I’m related by blood to Piper and Fiona.”

  “And to your grandparents.”

  I nodded. “And there’s an emotional connection to Ned and Cooper that’s almost blood. And you?”

  “Me?” he asked innocently.

  “You’re the biggest tangle of complicated connections that I don’t understand.” That was the truth. I felt as if I’d known Logan my entire life. I felt as if I could tell him anything.

  I thought about how he’d held me after my nightmare. There was definitely a connection there, a complicated one.

  “Me? I’m as uncomplicated as they come.”

  “I met you half-naked. Moved in with you that same day. You’ve been a friend, now a nursemaid—”

  “Nurse man,” he corrected, determined to put a light spin on this.

  “No. Don’t joke. You’ve become a friend. I’m not antisocial. I have plenty of acquaintances and people I am friendly with. At home, there are a number of people who wave at me as I walk by. But true friends? I only have a few. Jaylin is one.”

  He’d talked to her yesterday as well. “She seemed nice. She was as put out as your dad that you didn’t want her here.”

  “That’s not accurate. It wasn’t that big a deal. She didn’t need to throw everything in her life aside to be here.”

  He shrugged. I could see that he disagreed.

  “She’s one of the handful of people I consider a close friend. And Margo, my father’s wife. And now you.”

  “I never thought of it, but I’ve got a small circle of friends, too.” He shot me a smile. “You’re on my list now, too.”

  And with that, he tucked me up in my makeshift bed, started the television, and for the next few hours I drifted in and out of medicine-induced sleep and watched my favorite space western. At one point, I remember asking Logan what he thought, and he said, “Shiny.”

  I smiled as I drifted back to sleep.

  That evening, I skipped the pain medication and simply used ibuprofen. It was enough to take the edge off, and it didn’t knock me out.

  Logan made me an early light dinner of soup and grilled cheese. “I’m a master of grilled cheese,” he said with a laugh. After the first bite, I readily agreed. He’d made it on some kind of sourdough, whole grain bread and the cheese was melted to perfection.

  He was just getting ready for work when the doorbell rang.

  “Do you think Cooper’s back again,” I asked.

  “No, not Cooper,” he said in such a way that I knew he had some idea who was on the other side of the door. He hurried out of the room before I could question him.

  I heard the door open, and he stepped back into the living room doorway. “I’ve got to go to work, so I called—”

  “Me,” said Piper’s mother as she walked into the room. “Your grandfather’s staying with Fiona, and you get me. Yes, I know, you can’t believe how lucky you are.”

  I’d met Piper’s mother a couple of times. I could do the math and realized she was easily in her seventies, but you would never know it from looking at her. She was one of those women whose body might have shrunk but whose spirit simply grew bigger to compensate. Her gray hair was cut in a short, no-nonsense style, and she had a ready smile.

  I smiled back and said, “It’s nice to see you, but, really, I don’t need a babysitter.”

  “So what you’re saying is that I should leave?” she asked.

  Suddenly, I could see the teacher and district superintendent in Piper’s mother. “No, that’s not what I meant, but I’m sure Fiona needs your support—”

  “Fiona and her grandfather are probably in the kitchen even as we speak, making something I would totally not approve of. Then they’ll be heading with snack in hand to the living room to watch some show that I would not approve of. I never allowed television on weeknights. Though rumor has it my husband had the same covert dates with Piper when she was younger.”

  She smiled in such a way that I knew she’d always known about and understood her husband’s rule breaking.

  I nodded. “There’s something special to having someone you love break the rules with you. My mom was a stickler about bedtimes, but whenever she had a meeting, Dad conveniently forgot to check the clock. I used to get such a kick out of that extra hour.”

  Piper’s mother nodded. “Fiona has gone through so much that she deserves a bit of purloined pleasure when she can get it. But if I went over, they’d have to turn off the television, so it looks like you’re stuck with me.”

  Piper had planned on me meeting her mom—my grandmother—at dinner, but she’d gotten sick and since then everything had been a whirlwind. In the weeks since I’d come to Erie, I’d met Tricia and J. P. George in passing at the hospital and at Piper’s house as they helped care for Fiona. Tricia had welcomed me to the family and seemed nice enough, but we hadn’t spent any real time together and certainly not time alone together.

  “Go to work, Logan,” Tricia said. “I’ll take care of Siobhan and see to it she takes it easy.” Tricia actually shooed him out of the room and took a seat. “Do you need anything?”

  “No, ma’am.”

  Tricia George was . . . I searched for the word. Formidable. I suspected that trait had grown over time rather than diminished.

  She looked me over. “I used to make Piper beds on the couch when she was young and sick.”

  “Logan said his mom did the same thing. Mine, too . . .” I let the sentence fade because I didn’t know how she’d feel about my mom, especially having witnessed Piper’s feelings over giving me up.

  Piper’s mom nodded as if she understood why I’d stopped talking. “Honey, we know you have parents out there. We appreciate what a wonderful job they did raising you,” she said softly.

  “Thank you, ma’am.”

  “I know we never really settled on what you should call me, but ma’am isn’t it. Tricia’s fine, if you like. Even Trish.”

  I nodded. “Okay.” I didn’t choose either name because my mother wouldn’t have approved of me calling her by her first name. But I wasn’t sure I was ready to call her Grandmother. I’d simply avoid ma’am-ing her.

  I worried that she was going to pepper me with questions, but instead she said, “What are we watching?”

  “Logan and I binge watched Firefly today. I’m open to whatever.”

  “Can I trust you with one of my deepest, darkest secrets?”

  I nodded.

  “I’m addicted to The Secret Lives of Sissy Agave.” She took the remote and flipped with confidence to a new channel. “It’s my secret vice. At home J. P. and I listen to NPR and spend a lot of quiet evenings reading. And I love it, but sometimes I need a bit of fun.”

  Piper’s mother wasn’t who I thought she’d be. I knew she was in education and so was J. P. That’s one of the reasons Piper had picked Mom and Dad. She wanted to give me the gift of the same sort of childhood she’d had. But as we spent a quiet evening together, Tricia didn’t pepper me with questions. She was fun and witty and didn’t pressure me.

  J. P. came over at eleven. “Ned’s home and Fi’s sleeping,” he said. “You are not sleeping, young lady, and after your day yesterday, you should be.” He looked like Father Christmas. Not Santa but Father Christmas. He had a quiet dignity. There was an innate sense of kindness and knowledge about him. But when he winked at me, I also saw the devilish grin.

  “Was your granny making you watch all her secret television shows? The ones she doesn’t think I know about?”

  “Firstly, J. P., I am not now, nor have I been, anyone’s granny. Grandma. Grandmother. Tricia. Trish. All are acceptable, but Granny?” She gave a delicate little snort. “As for television, Siobhan is the one recovering. We watched what she
wanted all night.”

  She looked at me, and I knew she wanted me to back her up so I readily agreed, “Yes. Tricia humored me.”

  He snorted. “So you think you’ve won our Siobhan over to your subversive ways? She’ll confirm your secret reality television addiction to me tomorrow when I drop by with some Frogurtz. No one can resist frozen yogurt.” He winked at me.

  “Don’t listen to him. You don’t have to sway anywhere in order to get yogurt.” She leaned down and kissed my forehead. “Thank you for what you’ve done for Piper,” she whispered. Then loudly said, “You’re sure you’re okay?”

  “I am. But I’m so glad you spent the evening with me.”

  And I was. Tricia, like Piper, didn’t push and prod. She wasn’t trying to force a relationship but rather was present and letting it develop naturally. It made getting to know her easier.

  “Well, Logan said he’d be home soon. His shift was supposed to end at eleven. He scheduled short shifts this week. Ned’s next door with Fiona if you need anything, and J. P. and I can be here in ten minutes. It doesn’t matter what time—you call if you need us.”

  I found myself tearing up. “I will call if I need you, I promise.”

  She nodded and they left, still playfully bickering about television shows and frozen yogurt. I had a glimpse of what I might have had if I’d known them all along. How different my life would have been if they’d always been a part of it.

  I glanced at the hope chest. It still sat unopened under the window. A chest filled with Piper’s hopes and dreams for me. Something tickled my cheek, and I reached up to brush it aside and realized it was a tear.

  I got up gingerly and walked across the room to where the chest had sat since Logan carried it over. I finally opened it. On top there was a box. I pried the lid off it and discovered a charm bracelet. There was a little piece of paper tucked into the lid. I opened it.

  Dear Amanda,

  Some of the charms are self-explanatory. A car for your sixteenth birthday, a binky for your first. I made a list of each year’s charm. You’re turning twenty-one this year, and if I keep adding annual charms, you won’t be able to wear it. So I’m adding this one last one. The small beach glass heart is for this year. I found it as I walked on Presque Isle. I thought of you as I picked it up. I took it to a local shop. They drilled the hole and added the clasp. I hope when you look at it you realize that wherever I am and whatever I’m doing, I am thinking of you.

 

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