She couldn’t tell if he was mocking her choice or if he was surprised by it. In either case, taking offense wouldn’t get her anywhere, so she decided to poke fun at herself instead.
“You know the old saying. Those who can, do, those who can’t, teach,” she told him.
He nodded. And then he took her completely by surprise as he told her, “I guess I wanted to see you so I could apologize.”
She weighed her words carefully, knowing that if she responded the wrong way, she would succeed only in chasing him away. But she did need to know why he thought he needed to apologize to her.
“For?”
“For disappearing without telling you where I was going.” He understood now that it must have been hard for her to deal with. “In my defense, I didn’t think you much cared.”
“Of course I cared.” It was an effort to keep her voice down, but what Shane had just said was completely ridiculous. “Just because I didn’t want to get married the second we were out of school didn’t mean I didn’t care, that I didn’t love you.” For the first time, she looked directly into his eyes, searching for the man she had loved. How could he have doubted that even for a second? “The exact opposite was true.”
“And you decided to show me how much you loved me by turning me down,” he told her. He was highly skeptical of her protest.
“I didn’t turn you down, not really. Not in the forever sense.” She could see he didn’t believe her. “I was stalling,” she explained.
His brow furrowed as he tried to make sense out of what she was saying. Despite the number she had done on his heart and his ego, heaven help him but he did still love her.
“Stalling?” he questioned.
“I was afraid that if we changed the dynamic we were in, you’d eventually realize that you’d made a mistake.” She could tell by the look on his face that he didn’t understand, but she went on. “That you’d realize that you really didn’t want to be married to me and then I’d lose you. I just wanted to keep everything the way it was a little longer.”
“What kind of twisted logic is that?” he asked, shaking his head at what he felt was the sheer mind-boggling stupidity of it all.
“My logic,” she said simply. “Don’t forget, I was twenty-two, fresh out of college with no real-life experience.”
Shane gazed into his cup and at the fading foam for what seemed like an inordinate amount of time. And then he finally looked up at her.
He supposed, seeing it from her point of view, he could sort of understand what she was saying. But she should have come to him with that, not made him feel as if she was throwing cold water on his plans.
They had both made mistakes. And their lives had changed because of it.
“In hindsight, maybe I should have left you a note,” he conceded. “But I was so hurt by your flat-out refusal that I just wanted to get away from the scene of my disaster. I wanted to put as much distance between us as possible.” An ironic smile curved his mouth. “And then my brother showed up on my doorstep. He’d come for my graduation.”
“I don’t remember meeting your brother at graduation,” Gina said.
“That’s because Alan’s flight got delayed. He wound up arriving two days late—just after you had turned me down.”
Gina winced. With all her heart, she wished she could be able to relive that day. She’d do it all differently now.
“Alan saw something was wrong. Instead of giving me a pep talk, he offered me a way to see beyond my own small world. He asked if I wanted to come back with him to Uganda and help people who really needed help, people who had nothing. Before I knew it, I said yes and I was on a plane, heading for Uganda.”
“You could have written,” Gina told him.
Her voice wasn’t accusing, she was just pointing out the fact that he could have found a way to get in contact with her and let her know what he was doing. He didn’t even have to call. Just a simple note would have been enough. A simple note would have spared her a world of grief.
But then, she had also caused him grief, Gina reminded herself. So maybe in his mind, that made them even.
“I could have,” Shane acknowledged, and looking back, he knew he should have. But at the time, he wasn’t thinking clearly. “But I was angry and hurt and thought you didn’t care. And then, once I got there, I was just too caught up in what needed doing to take the time to write. Life in that country is totally different than what we’re used to over here. I found I had no time to think about myself. Or you.”
He paused for a moment and looked at her. “I guess that was the whole point, not to think about you.”
His words reverberated within her. Though she wanted to fault Shane, she really couldn’t. Gina now understood why he had felt the way he had.
There was something about his story that didn’t quite add up as far as she was concerned. “How long have you been back?”
“Three years,” he answered.
And if she was any judge of ages, his daughter was four. Which meant that he had gotten together with the girl’s mother almost five years ago. Not exactly the solitary life he was painting.
“Well, it seems like you must have had time to think about someone,” Gina said.
He finished the last of his coffee and set down the container. “I’m not sure what you’re getting at.”
“Ellie’s mother,” Gina answered. She deliberately kept any accusation out of her voice. But for her own sake, she needed to get this straightened out. “You must have found time for her. Was Ellie’s mother a nurse?” Gina was trying to piece together his life as best she could. Shane wasn’t exactly a font of information.
“Yes,” he replied, recalling the woman. “Ellie’s mother was a nurse.”
It was like pulling words out of his throat, she thought impatiently. “And did she come here with you when you left Uganda?”
“No.” The word rang with finality. And then he told her, “Ellie’s mother is dead.”
Gina was instantly filled with regret. Here she was, being jealous and Shane was dealing with a tragedy. “Oh, I’m so sorry, Shane. What happened?” The moment she asked, she realized how intrusive her question was. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but no matter what you think of me, I’m here for you if you want to talk. You have to believe me when I tell you that I have always wanted you to be happy. You deserve to be happy.”
Gina paused, but he wasn’t saying anything. Shane wasn’t answering her questions or commenting on anything she’d just said. Had he decided to give her the silent treatment?
“Is that why you’re back?” she pressed. “To try to make sure that you give your daughter a better life over here?”
Shane debated just letting her go on thinking that, but now that they were finally attempting to clear the air, he couldn’t allow the lie to continue. It wouldn’t be fair to his brother.
“Ellie’s not my daughter,” he told her.
She looked at him, stunned. Why was he saying that? “Sure she is,” she told him. Maybe she’d believe what he was saying if the little girl didn’t have all his features. “Ellie looks just like you.”
“That might be,” he allowed. “But she’s not my daughter. Ellie’s my niece.”
Now Gina was really stunned. “She’s your what?”
“My niece,” Shane repeated. “She’s my brother’s daughter.”
It still wasn’t making any sense to her. “And your brother’s all right with you bringing Ellie back to the States?”
Shane laughed dryly. It surprised him that Gina was so concerned about his brother, seeing as how she hadn’t even met Alan. “He probably would be if he had a say in anything. But he’s not saying anything these days. Alan’s been dead for three years.” He saw the stunned sympathy on Gina’s face and just for a moment he felt close to her the way he had all tho
se years ago. But then that feeling faded. “He and his wife were both killed on their way to bring medicine to some of the villagers.”
“Car accident?” she asked in a hushed voice.
He shook his head. “No, it was as a result of an uprising. The locals were challenging the people currently in power. As it turned out, Alan and his wife, Mandy, were caught in the crossfire. The old jeep they were driving exploded when a stray bullet hit the gas tank.” He walled himself off from the details he was telling her. He couldn’t function otherwise. “I buried their charred bodies, grabbed Ellie and got on the first plane back to the States.
“I was lucky because our parents had set up a large trust fund for both of us. When I came back, I used my share to help set up my business and finance it.”
“Cake creating?” she questioned. She was still having a hard time wrapping her head around that. “How did you come up with that?”
“I found out I had a knack for baking while I was over there with Alan and his wife. The locals only thought of food as a way to survive. Cakes and pastries were unimaginable treats for them. My first efforts weren’t too great,” he recalled with a smile. “But I got better at it. And I got hooked on the mesmerized expressions on their faces when they devoured what I’d baked for them. So whenever I could—and we had the supplies—I’d bake something. I found that it helped fulfill me.
“When I came back with Ellie, I knew I needed something that would make me feel whole again. My own business where I could keep her around so that she wouldn’t feel abandoned. After all, she’d lost her parents when she was only a little more than a year old and I was the only family she had. Her mother, Mandy, had been an orphan,” he explained. “It was one of the things that she and my brother bonded over. That and their desire to help people,” he added with pride.
“Anyway, creating cakes seemed like the perfect solution to me as far as having my own business went,” he concluded. “Any more questions?” he asked.
Gina shook her head. For once in her life, she found herself utterly speechless.
Chapter Nine
Given Gina’s personality, Shane was surprised when she didn’t say anything in response. “Did I overwhelm you?”
Managing to collect herself, Gina said, “No. It’s just a lot to process.” She let out a long breath. “But you did answer all my questions.” She thought about everything he had just told her. “You do have a lot going on,” she freely acknowledged. “What with running your own business and being a single parent—did I get that right? You are a single parent?” she asked, having really no idea how he saw himself in this situation.
Did Ellie think he was her father, or had he told the little girl that he was her uncle? Gina didn’t want to take a chance on messing anything up for him by making the wrong reference around the little girl.
“Single uncle,” Shane corrected. “Ellie knows I’m her uncle. I’ve shown her pictures of her dad and her mother ever since she was old enough to recognize faces. She knows all about how she came to live with me here in Southern California.”
That must have been hard for him in many ways, Gina thought. It had to be painful talking about his late brother’s death and yet he’d had to have kept it simple enough for his niece to understand.
“That’s very progressive of you,” Gina told him.
Shane merely shrugged. For him there had been no other option. “Lies have a way of bogging you down. It’s much easier in the long run to stick with the truth. And if that was your subtle way of asking me if there’s someone currently in my life over three feet tall,” he said with just a hint of a smile, “there isn’t. Between raising Ellie and running my business, there’s just no time for anything else.”
After saying that, Shane rose to his feet. He’d done what he came to do. He’d wanted to apologize to Gina for being so cold and abrupt with her earlier. Now that he had, it was time to leave.
Gina took the hint and got up from the table. Grateful that Shane had finally opened up a little to her, she didn’t want this to be the last time that they talked like this. Yes, he was taking care of the pastries for Sylvie’s shower and the cake for her client’s wedding, but she really didn’t want that to be the end of it. There had to be a way for them to stay in touch.
She thought of the little girl he was raising. If he was anything like some of her friends, half the time he probably had no idea what he was doing. Maybe he could use a little supportive help. After all, he had said that there was no other family for him to turn to for help or emotional support.
“Listen, I enjoyed clearing the air like this,” Gina began. Shane nodded and turned to walk out. She put her hand on his arm to stop him for a second longer. “If you find that you ever do need help with Ellie, you have my number. Don’t hesitate to call me. I’m really good with kids.”
Shane didn’t respond. He walked with Gina to the shop’s entrance, then held the door open for her.
“I thought you were so busy,” he finally said once they were outside.
“I am,” she assured him. “But I always find a way to make time for the important things.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Shane responded.
Gina didn’t know if he meant it or if Shane was just trying to placate her. She searched for something more to say, wanting him to stay there with her just a little bit longer.
“I appreciate you taking the time to get together with me and answering all of my questions.” She knew she was repeating things, but for the moment it felt as if her brain had completely dried up. “I really did enjoy talking with you.”
They were outside just beyond the coffee shop now and Shane was standing very close to her. So close that she could feel her skin warming as that old feeling that only he could create within her began to churn, taking possession of her entire being.
He was so close to her, she could feel his breath on her face—or was that wishful thinking?
Even so, for a split second, she thought Shane was going to kiss her. The very idea made her pulse begin to accelerate, causing her heart to pound. She found herself willing him to kiss her.
But then, as if breaking the spell, Shane took a step back from her. And just like that, the moment was gone.
“Yeah, well, I decided that you deserved an explanation,” he said very casually. Rousing himself, Shane told her, “I guess I’ll be seeing you at the shower.”
Gina smiled at him widely, doing her best to sound nonchalant. “Absolutely. I’ll be the woman running back and forth, doing my best to make sure everything is going smoothly,” she said with a laugh.
The sun was so bright where they were standing, it was weaving golden streaks through her hair. For just an instant, Shane found himself catapulted back a decade. Feelings were attempting to work their way in.
He forced himself to block those memories. That trusting man with the loving heart was gone now.
“That sounds pretty exhausting,” Shane commented on her description.
“It is,” she agreed. “But it’s also pretty rewarding in its own way.”
Gina had almost slipped and used her usual line about helming the weddings: that there was nothing like knowing that she helped make someone’s dream of a perfect wedding come true. She knew that would only remind Shane that she had torpedoed his dream of their wedding as well as their future together.
So she forced a cheerful smile to her lips and said, “Tell Ellie I said hi and that she’s a very lucky little girl.”
He knew where she was going with this and he wasn’t about to let her flatter him. “I’m the lucky one,” Shane contradicted. “Taking care of her gives my life purpose.” And then, like a polite stranger, he was putting his hand out to her. “Goodbye, Gina.”
“Goodbye.” The words all but stuck to the roof of her mouth.
She put her hand in his and shook it, thin
king how painfully civilized this all seemed.
As they parted and went their separate ways, she was back to wondering if perhaps Shane still hadn’t forgiven her.
Or, if he had, for some reason he hadn’t done it completely.
She needed to find a way to have Shane look at her the way he used to before she’d allowed her insecurities to ruin everything. Gina desperately wanted to turn back the clock because somewhere along the line, in that brief encounter they’d just had over overpriced coffee, she realized all too clearly that she still loved him.
It wasn’t just a matter of wanting something she couldn’t have, thereby making it more desirable. This was a matter of bringing to attention what she had known all along in the back of her mind. That when she had fallen in love with Shane the first time, it was meant to be forever.
Maybe that was what had frightened her so badly, causing her to make the worst mistake of her life. She loved Shane so fiercely, she was afraid that he couldn’t possibly love her the same way. And when he had impulsively proposed to her right after graduation, she was certain he’d regret it before the ink had time to dry on their license.
Afraid of having her heart broken, she’d turned down the proposal. But not the man. However, all he knew was that she had turned him down and that was where all their trouble started.
It was suddenly all so clear to her now, like an epiphany coming out of nowhere and dawning on her.
Now all she had to do was find a way to explain it to Shane. In order to get Shane to listen to her, she needed to get him to be open to what she had to say.
That would require finesse.
She bit her lower lip. Right now, the way to Shane’s heart was through Ellie. Since she thought the little girl was adorable, this wouldn’t really involve any deception on her part—just a clever approach.
Gina was smiling broadly, humming to herself by the time she got home.
Her smile lasted long enough for her to open her front door and walk in. That was when her cell phone suddenly began playing the first few bars of “Happy Days Are Here Again,” letting her know that she’d just received a text message.
Bridesmaid For Hire (Matchmaking Mamas Book 23) Page 9
