Annalise felt irritated that she could be so single-mindedly focused on her team above all else.
‘Yeah, well, I’ve had some shit going on,’ she replied.
‘I figured. You got something to drink?’ she said.
‘I’m kinda busy,’ Annalise said, but Elle wandered through the lounge room and across to the kitchen where she opened the fridge, as though Annalise hadn’t even spoken.
‘Not much in here,’ she said. She crouched down, found herself a beer and stood up. ‘You got a bottle opener?’
‘Twist top,’ she replied.
Elle opened the bottle and took a swig. ‘I take it you don’t want one?’
‘Why do you assume that?’
‘Because you’re not well.’ Then she very obviously stared at Annalise’s stomach before raising her eyebrows and taking another swig.
Annalise grimaced. ‘Yep. I’m not great, so it’s probably better if you —’
Elle cut her off. ‘Stop trying to kick me out.’
‘But I don’t really get what you’re doing here,’ Annalise said, exasperated. ‘We don’t even know each other that well.’
Elle feigned a knife to the heart. ‘Hey, that cuts deep. I’ve been coaching you all year.’
‘Yeah, but all you’ve ever said to me is “pass” or “drop” or “pull back”, or “shut down that fucking player before I lose my shit!” It’s not like we’re besties or anything.’
Elle took another sip of her drink. ‘Never too late though, is it?’
‘It kinda is.’
She looked at the backpack again. ‘So you’re leaving?’
‘Yeah. Tomorrow.’
‘That means you’re skipping out on the rest of the season.’
‘Seriously! Is that all you think about? Your soccer team? You really think I’m going to change my plans for a game?’
Elle put her beer down on the kitchen benchtop and crossed over to Annalise, standing directly in front of her, much closer than she expected.
‘No,’ she said, ‘I wasn’t expecting you to change your plans for a game.’ She hooked her index finger in the belt loop on the side of Annalise’s jeans and tugged on it, pulling her closer still. ‘But I was thinking I wasn’t done getting to know you yet.’
Annalise felt her heart rate pick up. Was she . . . was Elle . . . hitting on her?
She’d been hit on by women before, but it had never been like this. There had never been this much friction between herself and the other person. Usually she was happy enough to flirt back, more for the fun of it than anything else. It was nice to be hit on. It was good to feel wanted, desired. But she’d never really felt anything for another woman.
This though. This was different. It was strange because she’d never even looked at Elle that way. She wasn’t sure if she even knew she was gay – the thought had never occurred to her because she’d never had any reason to think anything about Elle beyond what she was like as a coach.
So the sudden sparks between them were throwing her. She didn’t know how to react. She’d lost her usual sense of calm and smoothness. For the past week, she’d barely thought about drinking because she’d felt too sick to even contemplate alcohol. But right now, she wished she could down a couple of shots of tequila.
Elle held her gaze for several more seconds and then she let go of the loop on her jeans and stepped away before turning to pick up her beer again. Annalise was left to wonder if she’d completely fabricated the entire thing. Then Elle walked back over to her, took her by the hand and pulled her across to the couch.
‘Just talk to me,’ she said. ‘Tell me what’s going on. When you’ve told me what’s happening, I’ll go. I’ll leave you be, I promise.’
‘You’re . . .’ Annalise paused, lost for words. ‘You’re . . . odd,’ she said.
Elle laughed and nearly choked on her beer. ‘Odd,’ she repeated. ‘Not the reaction I was necessarily hoping for. But okay, we’ll start with odd and see if I can work my way from there to awkward and then maybe charming, okay? Seriously, talk to me.’
‘What do you want to know?’
‘Everything.’
And so that’s what Annalise did. She told her everything. Well, almost everything. She started with the group. She explained about Poppy’s idea and how she wanted to help her get past Garret’s betrayal. She told her about Lawrence and how she hated herself for leading him on for so long when she wasn’t and never had been in love with him. She told her about the group turning bad and the war starting up between MOP and NOP. She told her about Frankie and how she’d taken that message and not passed it on, and about how afraid she’d been that something really terrible might have happened to her kids and it would be all her fault.
And then she told her about discovering that she was pregnant – which somehow Elle had already guessed – and that she felt like such an idiot for letting it happen, and that she couldn’t bring herself to tell Poppy because the truth was . . . she wanted to keep it. She was terrified, but she wanted to have this baby. And she knew Poppy was going to be so hurt.
She wasn’t actually sure she even knew herself that she did want to have the baby until she spoke the words out loud to Elle. But somehow, the words had just come to her: I want to keep it. And as soon as they left her lips, she knew it was the truth. Had she been lying to Poppy all this time when she claimed she never wanted children? She couldn’t be sure. All she knew was that some sort of maternal desire had kicked in and taken hold of her – hard.
As she’d spoken, she’d kept her face down, not wanting to look at Elle, not wanting to see how she reacted to anything she had to say. But now she looked up at her and saw something unexpected. She’d either thought she’d be judging her, considering how much she’d unloaded, or else she’d have an expression of pity on her face. But there was something else there. Amusement? Did she find Annalise’s problems – her life – amusing?
‘Why do you look like you’re about to start laughing at me?’
‘I don’t,’ Elle replied. ‘I’m just smiling because I’m kinda thinking, that’s it? That’s the whole story? I mean sure, you’ve been through some stuff, but it’s all manageable. So, what’s with taking off? And where are you going anyway?’
‘Umm, I don’t really know.’
‘You don’t know why you’re leaving or you don’t know where you’re going?’
‘Both.’
‘Riiiight. You really are a hot mess, aren’t you?’
‘Thanks.’
Elle shuffled across the couch, closer to Annalise. She placed a hand on her knee, her other arm on the back of the couch. ‘Well,’ she said, ‘you’re in luck. Because I’m a mess too. So that means the two us have an opportunity. An opportunity to help each other out.’
‘How are you a mess? You’re the most together person I know.’
Elle laughed. ‘You’re kidding, right? You haven’t noticed my anger management issues? You don’t think there’s shit going on in my own life that I’m putting on you guys when I take you to task for stuffing up in a game? Everyone has problems, Annalise. But the nice thing is, it’s usually much easier to sort out someone else’s issues than your own.’
She paused. ‘You do realise that half the time when I’m coaching you guys, I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing and I’m terrified you’re all going to figure that out and call me on it?’
‘No way that’s true. You’re always one hundred percent sure of your decisions.’
‘Nuh-uh. Remember the first game when I pulled both you and Rowena out of the front line at half-time? Shuffled the entire team around?’
‘Yep. I remember.’
‘You want to know why I did that?’
‘Why?’
‘It was because I was seriously losing my mind just being around you. I had this huge crush on you from the moment you first turned up to training. And to start with I felt like I was fawning all over you, telling you what an amazing striker you were
and whatever else. And then I was like, “Oh my God, I need to play this cool.” Next thing I know, I’m creating utter chaos on the field and I was on the sideline thinking, what the hell did I just do? Thank God Poppy set up that goal right at the end, because afterwards I could pretend like that was my plan all along.’
‘You’re kidding? Everyone in the team thought that was the best tactic ever when we won. You’re telling me that was a fluke?’
‘Complete fluke. That’s why I put you straight back up front the following week. And then you had that horrible game after we all heard you and Poppy arguing over something. And I subbed you out and kept trying to talk to you but you wouldn’t have it. I was going crazy! I wanted to say something, to tell you how I felt, but I didn’t even know if you would be . . . you know . . . interested in women. But ever since then, you haven’t been yourself and I’ve been wondering what’s going on with you and if you were okay. And I figured, look – even if you’re not the least bit interested in me in that way, I still care about you. So I figured I’d come here tonight and check if you’re all right, and just be honest with you. No more guessing games. I like you, Annalise. So what do you think about that?’
Elle was leaning in close again and once more Annalise’s body was fizzing. A desire to grab hold of her and pull her close overcame her.
‘I don’t know,’ she whispered, ‘I’ve never even . . .’ And she found herself leaning in further still, her words drifting away, her mind fogging, her heart pumping.
Elle closed the final gap between them and their lips met. Her lips were soft and her kiss was gentle and slow. Elle reached for Annalise’s body and she reached back. Their legs tangled. They kissed harder, harder and faster, and Elle’s hand was under Annalise’s top, cupping her breasts, and then her lips were on her neck and they were pressing their bodies together and Annalise thought, This, this is what I’ve been waiting for.
* * *
It was several hours later. They’d made their way from the couch to the bed, and now, as Annalise lay there awake in the dark, she realised she was so comfortable in Elle’s arms that she was on the verge of falling asleep.
But the usual doubts started creeping in. This isn’t you. You don’t fall asleep in anyone’s arms. You don’t relax and you don’t give in.
She shifted away from Elle abruptly and sat up, facing away from her and towards the wall.
‘That was fun,’ she said, continuing to look at the wall. Her voice had taken on a cooler tone.
‘I thought so,’ Elle replied.
‘One-time fun,’ she said. ‘But I don’t have sleepovers.’ She turned back around and tried to look at Elle, but struggled to meet her eyes. ‘So . . . you’re going to need to . . .’ She trailed off, expecting her to get the drift. But Elle didn’t start to scramble for her clothes.
‘I’m going to need to what?’ she asked, her own voice just as cool as Annalise’s.
‘Go,’ she finished.
‘Is that right?’
‘Yeah, well, I’m sorry, but like I said, I don’t do sleepovers. You think we’re going to braid each other’s hair or something?’ She stood up from the bed and moved away. ‘This doesn’t change my plans. I’m still leaving tomorrow. I’m going to take a shower. Just let yourself out and shut the door behind you.’
She didn’t wait for a response, instead walking swiftly into the bathroom and closing the door. Inside, she turned on the shower taps straightaway. She needed the noise to cover the sound of her tears.
Why had she done that? Why did she treat people this way?
Was she ever going to change?
She spent a good twenty to thirty minutes in the shower, using up all the hot water. She wanted to make sure she’d given Elle plenty of time to get dressed and leave.
When she finally emerged from the steam-filled room, she took one step towards the bed and stopped. There was still a shape there under the covers. Was it Elle? Or were the sheets just crumpled in a way that made it look like she was there?
The shape moved. Elle rolled over and faced her. ‘You think you can get rid of me that easy?’ she said.
‘Oh, thank God.’
CHAPTER 33
As much as she was confident Annalise wouldn’t turn up to the fundraiser, Poppy had still knocked on her door on her way downstairs to the waiting Uber, one last try to convince her to come out and join her. But there was no answer, and she couldn’t hear any movement from inside or see any light coming under the door. Annalise had now missed an entire week of work with no explanation. Poppy had the strangest feeling that she was never going to see her again. It didn’t make any sense; she had to show up eventually – she had a job, she lived one floor down from her, she couldn’t hide forever. But it was just this sense of foreboding, and she kept thinking, I’ve lost her.
The boat was much larger than Poppy had expected. There was a huge open deck with fairy lights strung across it and inside, and a function room with at least forty tables and a stage at one end of the room.
Poppy scanned the chart at the doorway to see where the NOP tables were, and her finger stopped over the name of another table: Mums Online Parramatta. MOP. She didn’t know why she hadn’t expected this. It should have occurred to her. They were another local community group full of women, and they’d been around way longer than NOP. Of course they would have received an invite.
She checked the location of their tables and her stomach clenched when she realised that the NOP and MOP tables were quite close to each other.
A part of her wanted to storm right over to them and let them have it. They were the ones who had started all of this. If they hadn’t taken such offence to NOP and assumed they were all out to get them, then none of the back and forth between the two groups ever would have happened. But at the same time, Poppy knew much of the fault was with NOP. They’d provoked. They’d taken things further by letting their members get carried away with the challenges.
It would be smarter just to stay away from them.
She made her way through the room to one of NOP’s tables and looked around at the faces already seated. Annalise wasn’t one of them. Kellie and Jess were sitting side by side, and there were several other women she didn’t know. Poppy claimed a chair for Annalise by slinging her handbag over the back of it and took a seat next to Kellie.
* * *
Annalise guessed Elle’s encouragement was the reason she decided to pull herself together and turn up on Friday night. Enough hiding. Enough running. She needed to tell Poppy the truth. The truth about her pregnancy and the truth about her past.
But she knew the right thing was to tell Lawrence first. Along with Poppy, he’d called her several times through the week, asking if she was okay. He’d sent texts asking if she needed him to ‘nurse her back to health’ followed by winking emojis. He obviously assumed she was home sick with the flu or something like that. She’d ignored all of them. On her way to the boat, she called and asked if she could drop by to chat.
‘Sure! See you soon, babe!’ The excitement in his voice made her feel like she was about to kick a puppy, and she hated herself for how she’d led him on.
Telling Lawrence was so much harder than she thought it would be. She didn’t know how to open. She didn’t know how to make sure he didn’t get his hopes up. She didn’t want him to think this meant something for the two of them, because it didn’t, at least not in the way she knew he would want it to. Yes, they were going to be connected now, but only as friends, friends with a shared responsibility. That was it, nothing more.
He already had the wrong idea though when she asked him to meet her out the front of his place. He obviously thought she must have been there for a trip to the bedroom. She had to catch his wandering hands more than once as the two of them sat down on his front steps to talk.
‘Listen, Lawrence,’ she began, and then, ‘Stop!’ as he leaned in and tried to pull her close. He pulled back abruptly. ‘What’s up?’ he asked.
&n
bsp; ‘There’s no easy way to say this,’ she said, ‘And I’m sorry to spring this on you … but I really should have already told you. I’m pregnant.’
Lawrence stared at her and she could see he was trying to take it all in, trying to figure out the right way to respond. ‘You’re joking,’ he said eventually.
‘No joke.’
‘Is it mine?’ he asked.
‘It is.’ She could hardly be offended by the question considering how much she used to throw it in his face that they weren’t exclusive, that she was more than happy to sleep around.
He remained guarded, but she could sense that there was a tinge of excitement to his voice when he spoke next. ‘So what does this mean?’ he asked.
‘I’m so, so sorry,’ she said again, ‘but it doesn’t mean anything for us in terms of … in terms of a relationship. I just don’t feel that way about you. But I do want you to be a part of this baby’s life – as much as you want to be. If you’re willing, we’ll be in it together, but only as friends, nothing more.’
Lawrence reached out and placed a hand on her knee. ‘Yes, but … but you do have feelings for me, I’ve seen it. And this,’ he motioned towards her stomach, ‘this can only bring us closer together.’
‘No, Lawrence,’ she said, and as gently as she could, she brushed his hand away from her leg. ‘I think … I think I could be in love with someone else.’
‘So there is someone else,’ he said, his face changing, turning ugly with anger. ‘Which means you don’t really know if it’s mine. So maybe you’re just playing me. Maybe you’re messing with me, or you want to get money out of me.’
‘No!’ she said, hating to see him this way. ‘That’s not it. The other person, it’s all really new and well, to be honest, it’s kind of impossible for her to have got me pregnant.’
‘Her?’ he said.
‘Yeah, her.’
‘Oh shit, is it Poppy?’
‘No! It’s not Poppy. Poppy’s only ever been a friend to me.’
‘So … you’re telling me you’re gay?’
Those Other Women Page 27
