“My date,” Audie mumbled, wincing as the paramedic dabbed something on the laceration above her right eye. “He didn’t want to take no for an answer.”
God. Bile rose in Nadia’s throat. “Did he . . . ?”
“He tried.” Audie glanced at her before her gaze shifted away. “Threw me down, ripped my shirt. I went for his nuts. He hit me, I hit him back, and world war three started. Jane pounded on the wall and said she’d called the cops. He took off.”
“You told the cops who he was, right?”
When Audie remained silent, Nadia leaned forward. “You do know what his name is, right?”
Audie glared. “I might not be able to bag a professor, but I have some standards.”
Nadia bit back a retort. They both knew obtaining last names wasn’t high on the list of priorities when Audie went out bagging and tagging. “Audie, if you remember his name you need to file a police report so you can press charges when he’s found. Whatever happened up to the point you said no doesn’t matter. What he’s done to you isn’t right. He attacked you. Who knows what would have happened if your neighbor hadn’t been home?”
Audie closed her eyes. “I met him tonight at Miller’s Bar. His name is Brian. I think his last name is Peacock or Peabody. Something like that. He said he’s a regular there.”
Miller’s was a known meat market for the college-aged crowd. People went there looking for a good time with their preferred poison, whether that poison was drugs, alcohol, sex, or a combination thereof. It wasn’t a place Nadia would go within ten feet of, not even in her former life.
The police officer stepped forward. “Did you go there with anyone else?”
“No.” Audie pulled her lips back in a grimace. “It’s not the sort of place my friends would be caught dead in.”
“Audie.” That hurt, even though Nadia had just thought the same thing. Kane squeezed her shoulder, and that brief touch of support comforted her as she regained her feet.
“Can you provide a description of your attacker, miss?”
Audie sighed then winced in obvious pain. Nadia reached out, but the paramedic stopped her. She understood why, but the urge to protect her friend prickled across her skin. She needed to do something.
Audie gave the officer a description of her erstwhile date and his car as the paramedic finished tending to her. As soon as the officer indicated he had enough information, Nadia turned to the paramedic. “Are you taking her to the hospital?”
“No! No hospital. This is embarrassing enough without being carted out of here on a gurney in front of all my neighbors!”
“Ma’am.” The medic looked up at Audie, his eyes dark and sympathetic in his olive-toned face. “I know this isn’t easy, but it’s my job to take care of you. You’re alert now, but you were fuzzy earlier, do you remember?”
Audie frowned, winced, then frowned again. “Not a ma’am.”
Concern clenched Nadia’s stomach muscles. That wasn’t a good sign, was it? Audie could have a head injury, internal bleeding, and the people that were supposed to take care of her were sitting around like it was just another day at the office.
“Audie.” The paramedic spoke again, his voice soft yet commanding. “Do you remember me?”
Nadia watched Audie focus on the man kneeling in front of her. “You’re Jose, Jose with the kind eyes.”
“That’s right.” He smiled, and it was like looking into the face of an angel. “Do you remember what I told you?”
“You promised to help me. Most people always make promises they don’t keep though.”
Nadia clamped a hand over her mouth to hold back an automatic denial. Before she could lodge a protest, the paramedic spoke again. “Then it’s a good thing I’m not like most people. Everyone here wants to help you. That means letting me do my job, letting all of us do our jobs. We need to make sure you’re okay, that there are no internal injuries. And you need to give the police all the information and evidence you can.”
“Nadia can pack a bag for you,” Kane said, the calm in his voice soothing Nadia’s worry. “I called a friend of mine. Her name is Sally Jensen and she’s an advocate and a counselor. She’ll meet us at the hospital and help you through the next part.”
Nadia held her breath, but Audie nodded. “All right.”
The two men were able to convince Audie where Nadia could not. In that moment, she didn’t care if it meant that Audie would get the help she desperately needed. The paramedics bundled Audie into the ambulance while Nadia quickly packed a bag and followed with Kane.
The wait at the hospital was interminable. She wanted to be with Audie, but when she asked if she could, the nurse who’d gone to check didn’t return. She paced the waiting room, too keyed up to sit, to drink the coffee Kane had gotten for her.
“I should call the others. Should I call the others?”
“Having them here would be good for you,” he answered. “But you said Audie asked you not to call them. You don’t want to do anything to upset her further.”
“You’re right. I know you’re right.” She stopped pacing, biting down on her thumbnail instead. “What’s taking so long?”
Kane crossed to her, wrapped his fingers around her wrist, then gently pulled her hand down. “You want the doctors to be thorough,” he told her. “The police also need to finish their report and document every bit of evidence in case Audie decides to press charges.”
“In case?” she echoed. “What do you mean? Of course Audie’s going to press charges!”
“I hope she does. That’s why I called Sally Jensen. She’s very good at what she does. Audie is in good hands.”
Nadia wanted to believe him. Through it all Kane was a silent, steadfast presence. She wanted to push him away. She wanted to bury her face in the crook of his neck and just breathe him in. Mostly she wanted to be in his ropes again, free to do nothing but feel the pleasure he gave her.
No. She couldn’t think like that, think about that, with Audie in trouble and hurting. Taking a deep breath, she stepped back from him, back from the comfort he offered. “You should probably go.”
A hint of a frown creased his forehead. “I will. Once we make sure Audie is okay and you’re home.”
She couldn’t let him do it, couldn’t let him get more involved in her life and the lives of her friends. He was already in deep enough that even this moment of trying to push him out ripped at her, ripped her deep. She had to do it, and she had to do it now before she fell even further.
“That’s not necessary, Kane,” she told him, wrapping her arms about herself. “You’ve had a long day, and I can’t ask you to do anything else for us.”
“You had the same long day, Nadia,” he reminded her, his tone so gentle and understanding it almost broke her. “You don’t have to ask, because I want to help. Besides, your car’s at my place. If the doctors release Audie, I’ll drive both of you back to your place and drop your car off tomorrow.”
He closed the distance between them again by hooking his hand into the band of her jeans. Wrapping his fingers around her wrists, he gently pried her arms open, then cradled her against his chest. “Stop trying to push me away,” he said against her hair. “It’s not going to happen.”
Surrendering, Nadia closed her eyes and held on to him as tightly as she dared. She knew in that moment that Kane meant what he said. She also knew it was a promise he wouldn’t be able to keep.
SIXTEEN
A long while later, Nadia helped Audie into her condo. Audie had refused to stay overnight for observation at the hospital, and Nadia had volunteered to monitor her until morning. She hadn’t said much since she’d been released, just a quiet thank-you to Kane when he’d dropped them off out front. Nadia could almost envy her friend’s numb detachment if not for the price Audie had paid.
“Why didn’t you want me to call Siobhan or Vaness
a?” Nadia asked as they slowly mounted the stairs to the bedroom.
Audie sighed. “Come on, Nadia. You know why.”
“I guess it’s because you don’t want them to know what happened to you. But come on, Audie, they’re going to see you. They’re going to find out. I won’t lie to our friends. That’s not how Bitch Talk works.”
Audie straightened with an effort, away from Nadia’s support. “I don’t need to be bitched at, and I sure as hell don’t need to see their pity. I’m the fuckup of the group and we all know it. Well, Vanessa and I were running neck and neck there for a second but tonight is the icing on the cake. Yay me. Can I have a judgment-free pass as my prize?”
“None of us judge you,” Nadia denied as she opened the door to her guest bedroom, wondering what Audie meant with her comment about Vanessa, then deciding not to worry about it. At least the room was clean and the bed made. With her dads within an easy drive and friends who liked to crash, Nadia always kept it ready.
“Yeah, right.” Audie shuffled toward the bed. “The only reason they tolerate me is because of you.”
The accusation stung. “You know that isn’t true!”
“Ask them if you don’t believe me. You’ll see.” Audie stopped before she reached the bed, teetering. “God, I need a shower.”
“Of course.” Grateful for the change of subject, Nadia dropped Audie’s oversized tote bag down on the queen-sized bed, then forced a cheery tone into her voice. “I packed you a sleep shirt, a change of clothes, and some underwear. Do you need help?”
Audie stiffened. “No.”
The dismissive tone slapped at Nadia. “Okay then. Towels and washcloths are in the linen closet next to the bathroom, and so is the stash of extra toothbrushes. I’ll go make you something to eat while you get cleaned up.”
She retreated to her kitchen, her mind reeling. Surely Audie didn’t believe half of what she’d said. Audie had to be mentally and physically exhausted after her ordeal, dealing with the police and her hospital visit. After food and rest, Audie would be good as new, and hopefully ready to make changes in her life.
Nadia loaded a tray with soup, crackers, a sandwich, and fruit then returned to the bedroom. Audie was already there, a bottle of pills in her hand, looking young and vulnerable with her auburn hair pulled back in a damp ponytail, her bruises standing out in stark relief on her pale skin.
“I didn’t know how hungry you were, so I brought different things,” she said, placing the tray on the nightstand. “The soup’s just a vegetable broth if that’s all you can stomach right now. And the fruit is melon, so it hopefully won’t be too much trouble for your lip.”
“You didn’t have to go through so much trouble.” Audie slid beneath the sheets. “I appreciate it.”
“It’s not any trouble.” Nadia added pillows to support Audie as she leaned against the headboard, then settled the tray across her lap before settling in a side chair.
Audie lifted the soup to her mouth, careful of her busted lip. “Was your professor upset that you had to stop your sexy-times for me?”
Heat suffused Nadia’s cheeks. “We were asleep, and no, he wasn’t upset. He wanted to help.”
“Of course.” Audie’s smile managed to look sad and condescending. “You’re so nice, Nadia. You’re more of a sister to me than my sisters ever were. Maybe that’s the problem.”
Confusion and concern swamped Nadia. Audie wasn’t acting like herself, not really. She was always snarky, but this . . . this had an edge to it, and Nadia was the one receiving the cuts. “What’s going on with you? Why in the world would you go to Miller’s by yourself? You know what kind of place that is.”
“Of course I know what kind of place Miller’s is. That’s why I went.”
“Audie . . .”
“Don’t you ‘Audie’ me.” She put the empty soup mug down. “We can’t all be perfect like you, Nadia, with the perfect career, the perfect life, the perfect boyfriend.”
Nadia shook her head in disbelief or denial, she wasn’t sure which. “I’m not perfect, Audie. Far from it. You know that.”
“Yes, you are,” the redhead insisted. “You stopped using drugs. You got clean. You opened your own business. You’re in a real, live relationship with the most eligible bachelor in town, who’s so into you he can’t see anybody else, even if it’s because you’re not giving him the real you. You’re getting your shit together. I’m still wallowing in mine.”
“I’m still a work in progress, Audie,” Nadia said with a calm she didn’t feel. “We all are. I’ve come a long way from my rock bottom, but I’m not done putting myself back together. I think what happened tonight is your rock bottom, or at least you should let it be.”
“Why should I? Maybe I like where I am. Maybe I like my shitty life just the way it is. Have you ever considered that?”
“If you did, I don’t think you would have accepted Sally Jensen’s help at the hospital. She can help you, Audie. You just have to want the help.”
“I don’t need you to preach to me, Nadia. Just because you’re in a perfect place doesn’t mean you get to be all high and mighty.”
Nadia sucked in a wavering breath. “You . . . you can’t mean what you’re saying. The drugs they gave you . . .” Except she knew firsthand the drugs didn’t change you, they just made it easier for you to be what you really were.
“Oh, I mean it all right. I’m so fucking jealous of you that it hurts.” Audie smiled bitterly. “And I hate it that I’m jealous of you. It almost makes me hate you. But I don’t. Do you know why? Because I can’t figure out why a professor like Sullivan is taking a risk by being with you. Maybe it’s because you’ve got him fooled. Maybe you haven’t told him everything that happened when you were an addict. But it doesn’t matter. One day you’re going to crash and burn again. Every addict does. Siobhan’s been through twice. Vanessa’s probably on her way. When the professor discovers the real you he’ll take off and then you’ll be right back down here in the filth with me with nothing and no one.”
Nadia shot to her feet, anger and hurt battling for territory inside her. “That’s not fair, Audie.”
“So what? Life’s not fair. If it was, then all those years that I towed the line and tried to be a good daughter despite my genes would have paid off for me. They didn’t. So why should I bother? Why should I change my ways? It’s not going to make a damn bit of difference.”
“Of course it’s going to make a difference,” Nadia insisted, the throat tightening. “It already has. You were in the process of getting your life on track, Audie. We all know that. We’ve seen it and we’ve been behind you a thousand percent. Even when you falter.”
She folded her arms across her chest, tears threatening to choke her. “But it’s hard, Audie. It’s hard for us to watch how little you care about yourself when we love you and want the best for you.”
“Words. They’re so easy for you to say because of where you are right now.” Audie moved the tray off her legs. “Maybe the best thing for me is to not have to try living up to an impossible goal just because you want me to be acceptable. I really, really hope that you can keep living the good life, even though we both know that you and I are good-time girls, not long-term women. I hope your business keeps going and I hope the professor keeps forgetting that you’re an addict. I hope you enjoy where you are and who you’re with while you can. Most of all, I hope you never ever end up down in the shit with me.”
“Audie,” Nadia whispered, her chest so tight with pain she couldn’t breathe. She reached out, but Audie rolled over, turning her back.
Shell-shocked, Nadia picked up the tray and left Audie’s room on unstable legs. She made her way back downstairs and to the kitchen, her hands trembling so violently that she had to fight to keep the tray balanced. White noise filled her mind as she cleaned up on autopilot, the routine of restoring her kitchen to orde
r failing to soothe her.
Weary but too heartsick to go to bed, she crossed to her living room and threw herself down on the sofa as the white noise erupted into blinding pain. She rubbed at her chest, but that did nothing to ease her pain and disbelief. How could Audie have said such horrible things to her? Did she actually believe the things she’d said, or were they a product of her embarrassment or the drugs she’d been given?
She leaned back against the pillows, staring up at the ceiling. No, painkillers didn’t invent new emotions. They just amplified what was already there by lowering your inhibitions and numbing the emotional and social filters that made you care about the consequences of your words and actions.
So Audie was jealous of her. Had that jealousy driven her to go to Miller’s looking for yet another random hookup as a substitute for having a real relationship? If that was what jealousy did, what would hatred make her do?
Yet despite everything, Nadia still cared. She still cared about what happened to Audie. As much as she was sad for her friend, she fervently hoped this was the wake-up call Audie needed to get her life back on track. She didn’t want to think about what could happen if Audie pushed herself even further into dangerous territory.
Knowing all of that did nothing to ease her hurt. Audie had deliberately said those things to wound her, to wound their friendship. Now she had the luxury of sleeping away the after-effects of her harsh words thanks to a little pill while Nadia had to feel all of it.
She closed her eyes and curled her hands into fists as the old need rose, the need to be numb, the need to forget, to put off facing everything and everyone for a few hours of insensate bliss. To put four or five or eight pills on her tongue for that first bitter taste before she chugged them down with a generous cup of vodka and waited for the sweet nothing. Audie wouldn’t even know some of her pills were missing. . . .
No. Her eyes flew open as she cast about for something to keep her anchored, to keep her from sneaking upstairs and pilfering one her friend’s pills. Her gaze fell to her phone lying on the coffee table. She snatched it up, then hesitated. She’d promised she wouldn’t call Siobhan or Vanessa, but Siobhan was the reason she’d made it through rehab. Siobhan would help her right her keel, but she’d also be furious with Audie. Nadia couldn’t handle another emotional outburst at that moment.
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