The rest of it was a necessary evil, minimally tolerable unless you’d spent the night before unable to sleep. JT was not looking forward to schlepping his belongings into the belly of the bus tonight after the show. They weren’t leaving until morning, having begged Stuart for one last night of stationary beds; he consented, but only if they were otherwise ready to leave just past the crack of dawn.
It was one o’clock in the afternoon, and JT was just stepping into the shower to wake up. His sleep had been solid, what he’d managed to get of it. He didn’t normally require a lot of sleep, but he did prefer to get a decent night’s rest the night before a show. At least his voice wasn’t tired or weak. He’d have hated to stomach the god-awful tea today. The lemongrass and willow bark tea did do the trick when he needed it, provided that he could actually choke the stuff down.
He allowed the steamy flow to waterfall over his head and down his back, relaxing him and freeing his mind. Damn but it was so echoing lonely in his room today. He’d gotten quite used to waking up next to her; the few nights they’d spent apart weren’t so devastating as this last one. Unlike previous nights where the possibility existed of changing her mind, Korina was completely out of reach for a while.
He leaned back against the cool tiled wall of the shower and wondered just what it was that had snagged her into his mind (my heart) so much that he couldn’t get her out. And what was with the constant urges to pin her to the wall and press deeply into her warm curves? Maybe because it was safer that way? The ever-present need to feel her underneath him was almost overpowering, and if he had her laying beneath him, tossing off clothing was the next inevitable step. Yeah, he sighed, walls were infinitely safer. Until yesterday, anyway.
Christ, he’d taken her in a scuzzy freight lift, right up against that oh-so-safe wall. He found himself growing hard with the memory. Damn it, not again. He reached out a hand to the single water knob and twisted, sending icy sheets raining over his skin. His arousal quickly deflated. Good. It’s only been half a day, I shouldn’t have to be fighting off using my own hand so soon.
Like the previous night, one thought of Kori and his brain wandered off. He was too tired to reel it back in.
These will be a difficult next few months, and who knows for how long after that. On the surface, she seemed to have accepted Mark’s looming end, but one tiny prod at that emotional scab had her fighting tears. She’d expected to spend her life by his side, had planned her future around growing old with her husband. And as much as we’ve connected, I know I can never replace him in her heart. They’ve shared tragedy and triumph, created a child together and watched him grow. There’s no replacing that. All I can do is help her mend and to be there for the rest of her future. If she’ll still have me when this is all over.
Now why in the hell would I go and think that she wouldn’t? This is one relationship I’m not going to do anything to fuck up; lord knows I’ve sabotaged enough of them in the past. Bad choices of women didn’t help much, either. What I’d perceived as personal strength turned out to be nothing more than the desire to be Mrs. Rock Star Moneybags. Those women had no patience for the work it took to earn that money; the long strange hours spent recording, the tediousness of touring. No respect for the consuming passion of the creative process, no tolerance for the feeding frenzy that was the fans, and no understanding of the energy exchanged between us and the audience when we worked that stage.
But with her, it won’t be that way. I don’t suspect it because she can read me and know how I feel and how much I really need all of this in my life. On a gut level, she understands. She’s like that herself. Not satisfied with less than headlong, with anything short of perfection. And only content when she’s forgone burning the candle at both ends and just tossed the bleeding thing into the fire entirely.
And then there’s Zach to think about. It’ll be a different, and hopefully wonderful, experience to have a kid around full time. I’ve never had that before. Never thought I would, either. I’m not foolish enough to think that he’d ever call me Dad, but it’ll be nice to help raise and shape him, to love and worry about him. And who knows, Kori and I might get lucky enough to have a child together. And it sure will be fun to try to make one…
He realized he was blanketed in gooseflesh and shivering; he’d never turned the water back to warm. He quickly reached out a hand to bring back the steam. His last shiver shook loose his sentimental reverie, and he picked up the bottle of shampoo. My life was supremely uncomplicated before she came into it. But it was also boring and so lonely.
****
Korina eased slowly awake. The heavy arm resting across her back felt so safe, so comforting, so…wrong somehow. She stiffened and willed herself not to panic, opening her eyes a fraction. Mark. This was his arm. Her mind rushed with memories of the day before and she gave herself a swift mental kick. He’s here, back with me until he’s not here anymore. And I’m starting to think that it’s his arm that feels wrong around me. What the hell’s wrong with me?
She sighed and nestled further into his warmth.
Mark stirred at her movements. He wasn’t quite asleep, but not really awake; he’d been dozing and drifting for some time before she’d shifted. Mark curved his arm around her stomach and moved closer to her inviting softness, burying his face in her wildly tumbled curls. “Morning, Beautiful,” he murmured. His breath tickled her ear and his morning awareness of her pressed stiffly against the back of one thigh.
“Mmmm,” she answered, her desire for him building, warm and comfortable as a favorite old sweater. A detached observation danced along the edge of her consciousness. Where’s the hunger, the explosive fire? Did I ever have that with him? Or is it JT’s sole property, this consuming need? He inflames me with merely the lightest of touches or a sideways glance.
She pushed the thought aside, wanting only to abandon herself to this moment with her husband. But her body betrayed her; it craved a different touch. Want as she might, becoming lost in him was out of her reach.
Fifteen
“Come to me now
There is no tomorrow
I beg your touch
Drive away my sorrow
Wherever you go
My love will follow
My heartmate, my friend,
My world lives inside you.”
JT’s voice broke on the final verse. It was only soundcheck, thank God, but since this was one of the songs they played during the acoustic break, the vocals were far more prominent. He’d better to find a way to get himself together before showtime.
Rafe sat on a stool to JT’s right; he looked over his friend with an appraising eye. He was a little too pale and there were creases in the dark circles under his eyes. Not just one sleepless night, but many. And JT hadn’t been staying late in the pubs after the shows, either. Matter of fact, he’d been the first to leave the last couple of weeks. Once the autographs were signed and the fans took photographs, off he went. Rafe didn’t have to wonder why. The reasons arrived two weeks ago and have been riding in the same bus with him ever since.
“You all right, JT?” he asked quietly. “You look a little under the weather, mate.”
JT dragged his eyes from where Korina was standing several rows out; she had her back to the stage and was holding her long-lens camera in front of Zach so he could look through the viewfinder. Mark was nowhere to be seen at the moment.
JT fixed the bassist in a flat glare. “I’m fine, Rafe,” he snapped. “Just tired. You know how hard it is to sleep on the damn buses. I can’t wait ‘til tonight so I can sleep in a bed that doesn’t vibrate or carry the hum of a motor through the pillow.”
Rafe jerked back. “Bite me head off why don’t ya? Jesus Christ, JT, it’s not my fault they’re here.”
JT’s glare deepened. “Just what the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
Paul and Ian heard JT’s voice and temper rising; they rose from their stools and headed offstage, shrugging off their guitar straps
as they walked.
“Keep it down, JT. Or do you want them, especially him, to hear?” Rafe indicated Korina and Zach with a swift nod of his head.
“Mark’s not with them. And what’s to hear, anyway? That I’m tired because I’m not sleeping very well?”
“No, to hear the reason why you’re not sleeping, JT. We both know it’s her.” Rafe sighed. “Look, I fully wanted to keep my nose out of it. I still do. But I’ve seen things. And when it starts affecting the performances… dammit, JT, get her out of your mind. She’s off limits, mate. When are you going to get it through that thick skull of yours? You’ve had your fun, and now it’s over.”
JT jumped from the stool and sent it flying with a backward kick. “I don’t know what it is you think you’ve seen, but it’s nothing. Nothing. You got that?” He yanked the strap for his guitar over his head and let it fall to the stage floor with a loud thunk. The amplifier pickup resonated the feedback through the stacks of speakers on both sides of the stage.
Every head in the auditorium swiveled to the front, some slapping their hands over their ears.
“We sound fine. Soundcheck is over,” JT growled into his microphone before covering the top with his hand. “Fuck you, Rafe. You don’t know anything. Not anything at all.” He stalked offstage into the wings.
Korina watched him leave, then turned her eyes to the glowering bassist. He returned her stare.
“What’s wrong, Mommy? Why is JT so mad?” Zach asked.
She kept her eyes locked on Rafe’s as she replied. “I don’t know, honey, but I’m going to find out. Stay here and wait for Daddy, okay? He was going to meet us back here and I don’t want him to think we left.”
Korina hitched her camera strap over her head, then snugged the woven band around the back of her neck. She headed for the stage, the heavy camera gently bouncing against her chest in time with her steps.
Rafe stayed on the stool, ducking out from under the strap on his acoustic bass and set it gently on the empty seat to his left.
Korina didn’t say a word as she approached, her face registering confusion and a trace of anger. She waited until she was leaning against the front of the stage to find her voice. “What’s going on, Rafe? Do you want me to talk to him? I might be able to calm him down,” she said softly.
Rafe snickered. “I don’t think that’s going to help, luv. Nope, not at all…” He shook his head slowly.
Korina was immediately on high alert. He knew. Something, anyway. “Can we go somewhere to talk in private, Rafe? I think you need to know a few things.”
His round blue eyes widened. “Sure, Kori. There’s got to be an empty dressing room we can borrow. Will Zach be okay out here by himself, though?”
“I think so. Mark should be back any minute. He went to help Dan Gordon find something in one of the tech trunks.” She turned to face her son. “Zach?”
Zach looked up at her from his PS2. “Yeah, Mom?”
“Stay put, okay? I need to talk to Rafe in private for a few minutes. If Steven comes in, I still don’t want you going anywhere, not even with him.”
He looked back down at his game. “Okay. Darn it, stupid Gorkon! I pushed the jump button but did you jump? Nooo…” He returned to being engrossed in his handheld video world.
“Okay, we’ve got a few free minutes. Lead the way.” Kori walked to the end of the stage then followed him into the tunneled rat’s den that was backstage Kemper Arena, Kansas City, Missouri.
JT found an unoccupied dressing room and stomped inside, slamming the door so hard it bounced back open. He slammed it again. His brain raced as he paced the length of the room, then spun on his heel and stalked back toward the door.
How could he know? What has he seen? I’ve been so damn careful to not stare for too long, to watch what I say. If he only knew the truth, that her husband’s knocking at death’s door… and that I love her. Then maybe he wouldn’t be so quick to judge. Dammit I miss her.
His thoughts turned back to the two times he’d managed to orchestrate a few minutes alone with her during these last two weeks. She’d been worried, but he’d been so very cautious, making sure there was no one anywhere about…
The first time was at the Compaq Center Arena in Houston when he’d discovered the deserted equipment room. It was just around a corner off the main hallway, close enough to the dressing rooms so it wouldn’t appear he was sneaking away for any reason, just that he was snooping about like he always did (and how he’d found the room in the first place).
Okay, now that I’ve located a little privacy, how can I get her back here, even for only a moment? I just need a touch, a word… It turned out to be quite easy; she was alone in the greeting room, rooting around in a huge bowl of ice for a diet soda, her back to the doorway. He stood outside the open door, glancing first at her, then down the hall in both directions. They were alone. In three long, silent strides he was behind her and had curved a hand around her upper arm.
She turned, uttering a startled, “What the —”
“Shh.” He laid two fingers across her lips and hazarded a look over his shoulder toward the door. Still alone. Wonderful.
The feel of her soft lips under his callused fingertips made his midsection clench painfully. He offered her a lopsided smile but didn’t say a word. He backed the several steps to the door, tugging her along with him, then paused to peer down the long hallway before pulling her to walk in front of him. His heart galloped in his chest, afraid of getting caught but anticipating what awaited him if they weren’t.
He slipped her into the room with one last glance around the main hallway, then followed her inside and quietly closed the door. It was faintly lit and dusty but he didn’t care. Atmosphere be damned, he’d managed to steal a few moments alone with her.
Korina clearly didn’t hold the same opinion and she spun to face him. Even in the pale light he could see the anger etched into her features. “Just what the hell are you doing? Christ, JT —”
He stopped her words the fastest way he knew. He took her face gently into his hands and covered her lips with his. She mumbled another word into his mouth before melting. His mental connection with her was immediate and as powerful as the soft caress of his kiss.
—I’ve missed you, needed this…your touch…your breath on my skin… feeling you stir under my hands…just having you near…
He enfolded her in his arms, not daring to let them roam. It had been seven torturous days since that heated episode in the service elevator, since he’d last been able to hold her so close. The several times she’d touched him, a casual brush as they passed one another, he’d found himself immediately heavy in his jeans. If he let his hands wander this time, he wouldn’t be able to stop. He wanted to touch her everywhere and wouldn’t be satisfied until she was minus all her clothing and writhing underneath him. It was a small consolation that he had to settle for this, a kiss stolen in a dusky room. And would have to leave ready to explode from wanting her.
Korina was dazed and her hands grappled for purchase on the front of his shirt as she swayed into his thighs. She moaned softly when his tongue captured hers and began a tantalizing dance. He savored her pressing warmth as she molded her body into his. Even as he wanted more, he knew the possibility of being discovered grew with each passing moment.
–so you missed me too…love, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do…
He broke away from her sweet lips then, but drew her even closer to rest his cheek against her silky hair.
God, I don’t know how I managed to walk away from her that time. I almost didn’t in Oklahoma City…
The Cox Convention Center was huge. There were rooms upon rooms connected to the arena, and most of them were not in use by either the band or the crew. JT hoped for another stolen moment and there were so many empty private places to hide in for a little while.
This time, he’d come upon her alone in a spare dressing room. She appeared to be asleep on the lounge against th
e far wall. Mark and Zach hadn’t come to this soundcheck, nor were they coming to the show later; Zach was bored with the whole process already and wanted to stay in their room and play videogames with Steven. Mark offered to watch the two boys, and Paul caved in to his son’s incessant pleading.
There was no one in the hallway near this room; she’d picked one that was far away from the preshow bustling and shouting. He’d just been wandering, pretending to investigate but actually hoping to find her, telling himself he just wanted to make sure she was all right, and that he wasn’t looking for her for anything else.
JT had stepped inside and closed the door, then silently turned the lock. She didn’t stir. For a prolonged moment, he simply stood watching her sleep, her face peaceful as she dreamed. He crept closer, watching her for any sign of waking, but she lay still, her breathing even and slow. She didn’t move even when his clothing rustled as he knelt down beside the lounge. She only released a soft sigh as he tenderly swept aside the wispy tendrils of hair that had fallen across her face.
He felt himself begin to stiffen at the light sound, so reminiscent of other, more intimate times that now seemed so achingly long ago. With agonizing care, he inched his face closer and held his breath, afraid of waking her with a wayward brush of warm air. He laid a delicate kiss on one of her eyelids. She nestled her head further into the pillow, giving another gentle sigh. With monumental effort he retained his self-control and traced his lips over her other sleeping lid. He’d wanted to stop there, had intended to stop there, wanting only to awaken her like a modern-day Prince Charming, but he saw her inviting lips part on a tiny whimper and his restraint evaporated. Oh bloody hell…
He brought his lips to hers, raining tiny kisses at the corner of her mouth before working his way in further, claiming more and more of their lush sweetness with each caress.
Still languid and thinking it was part of her dream, Korina parted her lips further and invited him inside. With a stifled groan he took her offered prize, burying his fingers in her silky curls.
Dream Me Off My Feet (Sex, Love, And Rock & Roll) Page 29
