Reckless Karma (Sinners & Saints #2)

by Chelsea Ballinger

  I laugh with her. “Yeah, sorry about that.”

  “No, its fine. My life was rather bloody boring until her parents hired me. I must say they are what Jess would call… cunts for forbidding you from the funeral. She would want you there.”

  I shrug. “Funerals suck anyway.”

  She pulls out an envelope. “She wanted me to give this to you. I wrote it but it’s her words. She figured a text message was less deserving for the truth of how much you meant to her.”

  I’m scared to take it. She takes my hand and places the envelope in it. We exchange a look of knowing and understanding. I realize she does know me and in some way we are forever connected because of Jess.

  “Thank you,” I say and I pull her in, hugging her tight and she does the same.

  “Glad to see the crazy fucka came to his senses,” she whispers and I laugh at the reference to Hugo in Jess’s words no less.

  I say my goodbye to the woman who was the messenger. I say my goodbyes to my family. I say goodbye to my home. My home. London is forever my home, but once I’m on the plane and I look at Hugo who is sound asleep, I feel good about the home I am venturing off to.

  I choose to read the letter now, as I am alone and sound. My heart can take the truth at this moment.

  Dear Bitch,

  You are reading this letter, therefore I’m dead as a coked up whore jumping naked into a pool. Not funny? Too soon for you? I don’t care. This is my last will and testament to you so I’m in charge for one last time. Juliet, I just wanted to sum up you and me through the years. We met when we were six. We were best mates since that moment we borrowed or stole each other’s toys. We’ve envied, hated, and despised each other. We’ve broken each other in ways no one should ever have to. We used to do seriously messed up shit, girl. Then we got worse. I became a paralyzed seizing twat. You became a happy go lucky self-cutting whore. Thought I didn’t know that, did you? I did. I’m glad you stopped too. We mess up, Juliet. That’s what we do. Humans are fucked up. I know you will always in some way blame yourself for what happened to me, but I hope my crazy sexy cool spirit is there over your boney shoulders shouting at you, telling you that it is not your fault. It’s I… and that bottle of Jamison and coke I bought from that ginger fuck Lenny. It’s the self-hate I bestowed on myself for so long. It’s bullshit I let get to me. I. I. Me. I want you to live your life and have enough fun for the both of us. I want you to be happy. I want you to continue fucking that hot new Yankee you got. No seriously. Please do. I’m on your Instagram now looking at a picture of you at a music festival and I didn’t know he had a twin brother! If only I wasn’t dead, I would so get on that. But I am. And you can grieve and sulk for a bit, but you get the fuck back up and live your fucking life. And heads up you might not be invited to the funeral because my parents. Love em, but they are dicks. And they don’t understand how good you’ve been to me and how much I love you. There finally said it. I love you. Told you I’d tell you when I was dead.

  I cry. I laugh. I smile. I keep doing all over again until the words from Jess’s letter set in and calm the stubbornness and unwillingness to forgive. The guilt starts to become faint and I think it will continue to for the rest of my days now. That was the whole point of this letter. She had always forgiven me… it was I who could never forgive myself.

  GABRIEL

  I haven’t seen my grandmother or my uncle in years. Since my mother’s funeral to be exact. I haven’t slept and I haven’t been able to get the horrifying images out of my head. There is no going back after what I’ve seen. I’ve witnessed the destruction of the only two women I have ever loved and it is sending me over a cliff. I am on the boundary line between insane… and insane.

  “Gabriel.” The sound of a delighted voice and a remote control wheelchair makes my organs twist. I turn around and see my Uncle Stewart smiling in awe at me. His blonde hair combed over to the side and his beard trimmed to perfection. His green eyes are wide and big and I see it. I see that darkness inside them. I see the reason why they are feared.

  “Hello Uncle,” I say forcing the closest thing to the smile I can give.

  “Look how big you’ve gotten. You look just like Susannah.” I don’t like it when he mentions her name. He should never mention her name.

  “I need to talk to you.”

  HUGO

  “There it is,” I say. The box sitting in front of us. Karlie, Jordana, Cody, Anika, Poppy, Jaz, Juliet, and I.

  “The real Pandora’s box,” Jordana says.

  “Anybody else scared to touch it?” Cody asks and a few of them raise their hands.

  “Hugo,” Karlie says and I just go for it.

  I push in the code.

  “How do you know the code?”

  “I’ve always known the code for this box,” I say as I am opening the box. “It’s the day she lost her virginity.”

  “What?” Juliet asks.

  “She told me the day, the month, the year. She never told me who. I think she told Gabriel though. I think that’s how he was able to open the box in the first place.”

  There they are. Ten USBs. Some black. One blue. Three grey. One white. I pull out a blue one and hold it out. “Someone plug this up.”

  I don’t know if Cody or Jordana takes it, but someone does and my mind is frozen on the truth. The truth I predict that will be revealed once whatever is in that USB is opened.

  The laptop sits there on the coffee table as we all watch it. Cody opens the application for USB. My hands are sweating and I feel Juliet with her hand on my shoulder. Karlie stands next to me and she clears her throat every ten seconds.

  Only one folder pops up. It has a name. Dr. Steven Rodman. Cody clicks on the folder. Different folders pop up and they are all video files. It has to be a hundred of them.

  “Are we sure we want to do this?” Cody asks.

  Karlie goes to the computer and takes over, clicking play.

  It’s what I expected.

  GABRIEL

  We’ve talked for about an hour now. Him about everything that has been going on with the family and I about me and my brothers. He laughs at my silly reputation. He is not ashamed of it. He is only at awe that I am young, wild, and free. If I didn’t know what I know, I might actually like him.

  “What’s troubling you, Gabriel?” he asks me noticing my sullen mood.

  “I know why Mom never spoke to you guys again.”

  His eyes widen and this nervous chuckle escapes from his thin lips. “What do you think happened?”

  “I think my mother was the one who pushed you off the balcony.”

  “No, you’re mistaken, son. I fell. Clumsy fool who had too many drinks.”

  “No, you didn’t.” I shake my head. “She pushed you because she hated you… she hated you because… she didn’t understand your love for her.”

  His eyes soften and I can tell he is warming up to the bait.

  “I understand, Uncle Stewart. I understand because… I have those same feelings as you… for people I should not have them for.” I keep the vile vomit from coming up my throat and out of my mouth as I make him slowly smile as if he’s finally found a true love.

  “What do you mean?” he asks one more time, wanting confirmation.

  “I just… I look… I look at the kids in the park and I feel… I feel things I shouldn’t feel.”

  “No.” His head shakes and he places his hand on mine. “You should feel them. It means you are unique.”

  Everything in my world. Everything I thought I knew completely shatters.

  “That’s how it started for me except at an early age. Your mother was so beautiful and I loved her with everything I had. I still do even in her death, but she just could not understand that no matter how hard I tried to persuade her.”

  I’m speechless. Numb.

  “That’s why I started the Black Card Club. A salvation for people like us. Men in high statuses who can’t afford that gift to get out.”

  “
That club is still around?”

  “Sadly no… but I can still help you.”

  “It’s not around because Scarlett uses you to pay her every year, right?”

  His smile disappears and he suddenly realizes I’m no longer a friend. “How did you know that?”

  “Scarlett likes to play games. She likes to own things and she likes to destroy things.” I remove his hand and stand up from the chair. He wheels back staring up at me in worry.

  “Gabriel what’s wrong?”

  “What’s wrong?” I laugh in a way I have never laughed before. It’s filled with pain and anger and I feel like my heart is running out of beats. It can’t beat anymore, not when I know all of this.

  “This is the root,” I mumble.

  “The what?”

  “You did those things to my mother. Those… disgusting things.” It slides out my teeth like poison. Venom fills my veins and I am left with nothing more but the sting from it. “You really thought I was like you? That I could do that?!”

  He holds his hands up and he’s afraid. He’s afraid—the laughter comes pouring out of me. How could he be afraid when he is the monster?

  “My mother was ill. She hated herself. She hated her life! She slowly died on the inside for years! Begging someone to help her! No one would. You destroyed her! You killed her! You ruined me! You ruined my brothers!”

  “No! Your mother was ill, yes, but that was her. I had nothing to do with that. You’re my family.”

  “How could you touch your fucking family, you sick fuck!” I grab him by the shirt and pull him from the chair. His lifeless legs weigh him down and I throw him on the floor.

  “Gabriel stop!” he begs.

  I ball my fists and I prepare to beat his face. I punch him over and over and over again. The blood becomes normal to me as his spills from his face. He continues begging and screaming, but no one comes to help him just like no one came to save my mother.

  The punching isn’t enough. It isn’t taking away the pain. It’s not enough. It’s not enough. I look around the living room and the lit fireplace gains my attention and more importantly it leads me to the fire poker. I walk over to it and snatch it up. I walk back over to him and stare at his helpless body.

  “Gabriel… please!” he cries out. All the begging and pleading only makes me angrier and then I think about my mother. And then I think of Karlie. It’s all his fault. If he hadn’t of did what he did, my mother would still be alive and I wouldn’t have been sent to live with Ms. Eleanor and maybe I would’ve been a better person when I met Karlie. Or maybe I wouldn’t have met her and she would be safe. Safe just like mother would be if this piece of shit hadn’t degraded her. Hugo wouldn’t have seen her jump and I… I don’t know—I just want it all to end!

  I raise the fire poker with both hands over my head.

  “Gabriel. No!”

  “Shut up!” I scream and strike him with the poker over and over again until I can’t recognize his face anymore.

  HUGO

  There is an echoing silence and when someone finally speaks up, it’s loud and painful in my ears.

  “Well, I’ve seen fucked up things in my day… but that by far was definitely the most fucked,” Jordana says and I think everyone agrees.

  We didn’t watch the videos fully. Just enough to see. Each one started with a child or a teenager in a bedroom. Each one scared and alone until someone walked in and that person who walked in was always recognizable to us. They are well known. Well respected. Well powerful. They’d talk to the scared prey. They’d speak sweet and kind. They’d brush their hair back the same way I would do with a woman. Then they would touch them where they shouldn’t and that’s when we would stop the videos.

  “One of the men in those videos has even ran for President,” Cody chokes out.

  “Thank God he lost,” Anika says.

  “I don’t want to see anymore, guys,” Poppy says and holds on to Jaz.

  “I agree,” Margaret Jacobs says.

  “There’s one more,” Karlie says. “The white one. Play the white one.”

  Cody does as she says grabbing it from the box. Two folders with two names pop up. One is Theodore Brayson. The other is Stuart Mandrake. Cody clicks on Theodore Brayson’s. Video files with dates on them as well, but there is one in particular that I recognize. 4-04-99. Also the date of the code. 4499.

  “Click,” I say loud enough for him to hear. He does and there she is. The blonde little girl with big grey eyes. Except she’s not scared. She’s numb. She’s cold. She’s not bothered by the way her father smells her hair and rubs her knee.

  “Is that?” Someone tries to get it out and all I do is answer.

  “Scarlett.”

  “Well… I guess we know the root of evil,” Juliet says as Cody ends it before it goes too far. He ventures off to my uncle’s folder. There is only one video file. No date. Only a name.

  “Hugo,” Juliet says as my head tilts, my eyes burning into the name. I think Cody looks back at me.

  “Hugo, I don’t think we should play that one,” Jordana says.

  “This is what Scarlett showed Gabriel to snap,” Karlie breathes out. “I agree. Hugo, we shouldn’t.”

  “You’re right,” I say. “None of you should see it.” I pull the USB out of the drive hard and head to my room.

  “Hugo,” Juliet says following me. Once I get to the stairs and look up, I get nauseous. The steps seem longer than usual to me. I walk up, holding on to the banister. I’m hot and I begin to sweat. I feel Juliet close by and all I want to do is tell her to get away, but I can’t. I can’t speak. I can’t think. I can’t function. I get to my room and open up my laptop, turning it on. I insert the USB as Juliet reaches me.

  “Hugo, maybe you should wait.”

  I say nothing.

  “Hugo, you already know what’s on it. Don’t do this. Please.”

  I go to the file and I go the video. My finger hovers over the touch pad. For a moment I try to force myself to reconsider. It doesn’t work so I click play.

  “Boys!”

  My mother is in the kitchen, smiling as she lights up candles. “Boys!” she calls again. She’s wearing this green shirt and white pants. “Is the camera on?” she asks.

  “Yes, mam,” the person holding the camera says. Most likely one of our live in nannies. Really they were hired to watch my mother.

  “Okay.” She smiles so bright and normal and she picks up the cake and the camera follows as she brings it to us.

  “Wow, is that a cake?!” I see the younger me ask so innocently on the screen.

  “What is this?” Juliet asks me.

  “It’s my birthday,” is all I say.

  “Gabriel recommended chocolate,” my mother says and Gabriel smiles proudly as August and I gaze at the birthday cake. It would be the last birthday cake she prepared for us.

  “You look so happy,” Juliet says and my heart fills and begins to overflow with every emotion until the words fall out.

  “We were.”

  “Make a wish,” my mother says and the camera zooms in on her smile. “Make a good one too.”

  I did. August didn’t. He just backed away from the candles, but that didn’t bother Mom.

  “My…” The tears fall as my mouth opens. “My wish was… for her to get better.”

  JULIET

  Here comes the snap I predicted.

  “What is this?” He looks at me, questioning once the video ends. “Wh- why would this be on it? Why isn’t anything else on it?”

  “I think… Hugo, I think your brother erased them… and placed this in the folder instead.”

  “Why?!” he yells and I let him. He needs to shout. “Why would he do that? Why would he do that?!” He throws his laptop on the ground not caring about the damage. “He didn’t need to do that. What did he think, I wouldn’t be able to take it? D-Did he think I would break down just like he did and go off and kill someone?! Huh?!” I’m the anchor in this sit
uation and I’m alright with that. This is it. This is what I’ve been waiting for. Hugo Mandrake is officially breaking down. He’s officially becoming human.

  “I think that’s exactly what he was doing, Hugo,” I tell him and he wipes all the stuff from his desk. He picks up the chair and throws it across. It hits against the wall and glass breaks from the picture frame he had and I think that was Monet. Just a lot of shit is getting torn up right now.

  “I didn’t need him to do that! I didn’t need him to save me from the truth! I needed to know.”

  “And now you do.”

  “I don’t know anything anymore.” His hands come over his head as he starts to cry. “I needed to know…” His tone calms down and he holds on to his head as the truth comes pouring out. He’s trying to fight it, but he can’t. “I wanted to know…” He’s sobbing now. “I wanted to not hate her anymore.”

  He falls to his knees and the tears that have been inside for years come pouring out. “She didn’t have to die. I didn’t want her to die. I loved her. I miss her. I want my mom back, Juliet.” I drop down to my knees in front of him and I wrap my arms around him as his head falls to my chest and the loud cry escapes from within.

  “I know,” I whisper. “I know.”

  “I want them both back.”

  And I wish I could give them back to him. I wish I could make everything better for him the same as he wished he could do for me. But we can’t. We are nothing but human and with humans nothing is controlled. It’s all beyond measure and we just have to deal with it. We have to survive.

  “We don’t need to see all that bad stuff, Hugo.” We part and look up and see August standing over us, saddened by his brother’s outburst. I separate myself from Hugo and let August take my place. He gets on his knees and faces his brother. For the first time August is the one tall and clear while Hugo is confounded and vulnerable. “Gabriel didn’t want us to see the bad stuff. You didn’t need to see that. You’ve seen enough.”

  August slowly places his hands on his brother’s shoulders. He leans in and wraps himself around Hugo, who accepts bringing his arms around him. Tugging on his shirt, using him as an anchor. I sit back and watch the two brothers breach a new territory in their lives. They have now found where they come from. They have found the root of the lies and the betrayal and the heart of their mother’s tortured soul. Hugo has found out the hatred of his mother was all for nothing and that no matter what… he could’ve never been able to save her. He could’ve never been able to save Gabriel… but Gabriel could save him. He could save Hugo with the very act of keeping one door closed forever and I am grateful to him for that.