by Rosie C.
Table of Contents
Title Page
Dedication
Contents
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Epilogue
Chapter 15
Author's Note
Resources
Acknowledgments
Trusting My Own Heart
Copyright © 2017 Rosie C.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form, including electronic or mechanical, or by any other means, without written permission from the author. The only time passages may be used is for a teaser, blog post, article, or review, so long as the work isn’t being wrongfully used.
This book is a work of fiction. Characters, names, places, events, and incidents portrayed are solely from the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual places, people, events, or other incidents is coincidental.
Cover Design: Liv’s Lovely Designs
Formatting: Formatting Done Wright
To anyone who has made mistakes and lost themselves along the way.
Contents
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Epilogue
Author’s Note
Resources
Acknowledgments
I was known as somewhat of a party girl. I wouldn’t go as far as saying that I was the life of the party but, I mean, I was fairly close.
In my opinion, having a good time was a thousand times better than stressing over life, especially when half the time there was no controlling the inevitable. Hence why they were called inevitable. I always felt that life was way too short to dwell on things that probably wouldn’t matter a year from now anyway. Or heck, even a month.
Did I honestly believe that? Yes. Maybe? I wanted to.
Did I like my reputation? Most of the time, no.
Was I going to change it? Not if I could help it.
The girl people portrayed me as was the girl I grew up watching in movies. The girl with the seemingly perfect home life, the incredible social life, the never-ending pool of boys to choose from, and the best friend you secretly wished you had because yours just hadn’t been cutting it lately.
I had all of that.
At least, that’s what others thought. In all honesty, I was your typical seventeen-year-old girl just trying to get through high school. Despite my so-called too perfect family, even I knew that all that appeared perfect usually weren’t. And that was definitely true for my own life. I might have looked like I had it all figured out, but I didn’t. I honestly had no idea. I was learning along the way just like everyone else.
My life wasn’t as perfect as it seemed and it was getting harder to keep that image up, especially with my life turning in ways I never thought it would.
“Courtney, sweetheart, everyone is outside waiting for you.” My mother’s sugar-coated voice filtered through the house. It wasn’t the type of sweet sounding voice that forced you to cringe, instead it was the type of sweetness that made you want to swim in a pool of cotton candy, or maybe that was just me. Either way, my mom was one of the most genuine people I had ever known, and I loved her for that.
“They’re definitely not waiting for me, mom.” I shook my head, quickly walking down the stairs to stand in front of her. “They probably forgot that I even live here.”
She scolded me. That’s right. She was doing the thing that all moms had perfected throughout their years of parenting. I sighed, waiting for her to speak. “They’re family and they love you.”
I clenched my hands into fists to keep from rolling my eyes. I rarely showed my mother how feisty I could be. She was too kind for that. She’d probably have a heart attack if she even knew half of the things I said, did, or even thought. She was trusting, too trusting at times, but it worked in my favor. I had a lot more freedom than most.
I gave her one of my well-practiced, polite smiles. The thought of seeing my cousin churned my stomach. He was always such a jerk whenever we had these family gatherings. It was interesting though. I was an only child and so was he. I adored his parents, I just couldn’t stand him. But secretly I liked him. A little. I guess.
“You’re right, mom. Completely.”
“Aren’t I always?” She gave me a quick peck on my cheek. “Now, go outside and greet everyone.”
I nodded in agreement. There wasn’t much else I could do in a situation like that. Sometimes with parents, especially when they were as sweet as mine, you had to take what they said and do it with little to no argument. Trust me, life was much simpler that way.
As I exited through the sliding glass doors that led to the backyard, I was grateful that the term everyone included a small amount of people. A very small amount. My mom’s family, for some unknown reason, had moved to the middle of the country when I was, like, five years old. I’m exaggerating, but it had definitely been a long time since I had seen them. My dad’s side lived in Southern California, too, which made visiting relatively easy. They used to live in the same city as us but moved a few years back, which I was silently grateful for because it meant I didn’t have to see Levi’s cunning smile as often.
“Well, well, well, if it isn’t my loving cousin Courtney.” A wet, muscular arm was thrown across the back of my shoulders. “How are ya?”
“I’ve had better moments.” I replied, giving him a terse smile. “Like the one that happened seconds before you decided to invade my personal space.”
He leaned in close to my ear. “Now, is that any way to talk to your favorite cousin?”
“You’re my only cousin.” I sharply pointed out. “In this state, anyway.”
His face scrunched before he belted out a laugh, removing his arm from my shoulder. “Huh, that’s right. I almost forgot.”
“Are you ever not annoying?” My arms crossed over my chest.
“Yeah, whenever I’m not around you.” He shook his head, walking back toward the side of the pool. “You just make it too easy.”
“Whatever.”
“Play nice, kids,” My mom said as she walked by, giving us the side eye along the way. I narrowed my eyes at Levi, resisting the urge to flip him off.
“Yeah, play nice, Courtney.” He mocked.
I looked around to make sure the adults weren’t watching and when I was sure they were too preoccupied to notice, I lifted my middle finger in his direction, a devious smirk never wavering from my face. It was then I noticed someone standing just to the side of him.
I was drawn in, one hundred percent distracted. That was the only way to describe it. Even from a distance, the bright golden hues of his eyes stood out and as badly as I wanted to walk over there, I kept my feet securely planted on the grass.
He laughed at something my cousin said and as the sound drifted over to me, a trail of goosebumps covered my arms. This wasn’t normal. I was used to attractive guys. It wasn’t anything new to me. Besides, I had Brad. Go
od old, all-American boy Brad, who barely knew his way around the bedroom let alone a girl’s heart. I think that’s why I continued to hook up with him. He was safe. I barely felt a sexual connection with him, so I knew my heart definitely had nothing to worry about.
“Courtney, get over here for a second.”
I blinked rapidly, trying to clear my thoughts. Levi looked at me expectantly, a knowing smile on his face. Crap, had he seen me ogling his friend? I hope not. I would never hear the end of it.
I did a quick assessment of my appearance, trying to decide if I looked okay enough to go over there and put myself in a position where my cousin could throw me in the pool or not.
I wore a pair of white shorts and a sheer tank top over my bikini, exposing more skin than was comfortable in front of the attractive stranger. I took a deep breath to shake the nerves. I wasn’t this girl. I didn’t get nervous in front of boys. I threw my long blonde hair into a messy bun on top of my head, preparing for the worst as I slowly walked over to where they stood.
“What do you want, Levi?”
“I want to introduce you to a friend of mine.”
“You have friends?” From the corner of my eye, I could see his friend fighting a small smile. I bit my lip in response to keep my own grin in place. From where I stood, his eyes were softer than any I had ever seen. I tilted my head to get a better look at them. They were as gold as Fall leaves the day after a rainstorm and just as bright. Boy, were they bright. And apparently I turned into a poet around boys with nice eyes. Who was I? Bleh.
“Cat got your tongue, Court?”
“Hmm?” I turned to face Levi. A shit-eating grin took up his whole face.
“See something you like?”
I felt my cheeks flush. He had caught me staring at his friend and if he had noticed, then I was sure the gold-eyed cutie standing next to him had noticed, too. I wasn’t trying to be sneaky about it or anything but I should have known better than to ogle him in front of my cousin. I really was never going to hear the end of it. Levi wasn’t known for letting things go.
“Are you going to speak any time soon?”
I narrowed my eyes. “Are you planning on having babies in your future?” Before he could respond, I bit out, “Because if you don’t stop being a jerk for two seconds, I’m going to make sure your baby maker is no longer functional.”
Levi’s eyes widened while a soft chuckle sounded from beside him. I looked at the mouth the sound came from and allowed myself to really look at him.
He had dirty blonde hair that was so unruly, it was almost curly. His lips were thin but they suited him. He had a deep dimple centered on his chin, a straight nose, and a body that had definitely seen the gym at least once or twice a week. He was fit and lean. And cute. No, not cute. Charming. He had a charming look to him. Almost like Prince Charming. He was nearly too perfect on the surface, but when someone looked that perfect, it was usually a sign that they were anything but. Trust me, I would know.
My stomach dropped at the thought. I didn’t need someone like him. Besides, I had Brad. Sort of. We weren’t exclusive or anything but contrary to what my fellow peers believed, I wasn’t one to sleep with more than one guy at the same time.
“That’s just rude, Court.” Levi grumbled.
“You’ll get over it.”
“Whatever,” he said. “Anyway, as I was saying, this is my friend Josh.”
“Again, I ask, since when do you have friends?”
“Since before I was in the womb. Those little sperm babies that were in the sack with me? We were all really close.”
As disgusted as I was, I couldn’t help but laugh. “I don’t know how you do it but anyone who can be friends with this weirdo deserves an award or something.”
“He isn’t always this witty. You must bring out the best in him,” his friend said.
I wanted to bask in the deepness of his voice and take him back to my room so that he could read me a bedtime story but knew it was too soon, and he would probably be just slightly weirded out by that. “I’m Courtney.”
Our hands met in the middle and as his engulfed mine, a shock ran through my veins and up my arm. My eyes widened in surprise and I silently questioned if he had felt it, too. I’m not sure if I was imaging things or not, but I could have sworn that he nodded in response. We already had that telepathy thing going. We were becoming fast friends, clearly.
“Your eyes are so blue,” he said.
“I’m sorry?” Something about my eyes?
“Your eyes, they’re almost turquoise.”
“I could say the same about yours, except yours are golden.”
“Yeah, I guess you could.”
Were we flirting? Is that what this was? Because if it was, I was seriously out of practice.
“I’m surprised your hands aren’t numb by now.” Levi’s voice cut through the bubble that had blocked us out from the rest of the world. He gave Josh and I a weird look before gesturing toward our still joined hands.
“Oh, right.”
My face felt like it was on fire. I was usually cool, calm, and collected. Three things that made girls sexy and desirable. I was anything but those things in that moment. I really needed to get a hold of myself.
Josh looked as flustered as I felt. His cheeks were a tad rosier than they were before our long handshake.
Time to extract myself from the situation. “Alright, well, I’m going to go and see if my mom needs help with the, um, food. Or something.”
Levi gave me a knowing smile before laughing and jumping into the pool. Josh stared at me for a beat longer before following suit.
This was going to be a long afternoon. I was going to need a drink or two. Or maybe just my best friend.
“What do you mean you can’t come over?” My feet were propped up in front of me as I laid out on the lawn chair by the side of the water.
“My parents aren’t in a good mood.” Jenna’s voice sounded quiet and timid. I hated how horrible she was treated by her family, but until she wanted my help there wasn’t much I could do.
“Isn’t that all the more reason for you to come over? It might be good for you to get out of that house.”
“Yeah. Maybe.” Her heavy sigh slid through the receiver. “I really don’t want to upset them any more than I already have. I’ll just see you at school tomorrow, okay?”
“Okay. I love you, Jenna bean. You know that, right?”
“Yeah, I know.”
Just as those words left her mouth, the phone went dead. It pained me. Every. Single. Time. She didn’t deserve the set of cards she was dealt. She was a good person. Even if no one else could see it, I knew different, and I would continue to defend her until people started giving her the respect she deserved.
A shadow passed in front of me before a figure sat in the lounge chair beside me. Assuming it was Levi, I bit out, “Don’t you have a friend you should be entertaining or something?”
“Maybe, but you seemed like you needed someone to talk to a little bit more than he did.”
I inwardly gasped at the deep voice. It definitely didn’t belong to my cousin, that’s for sure. Afraid of what might have happened if I turned my head, I kept my eyes focused on the phone in front of me.
“What makes you say that?”
“Your face.” I turned to look at him, a question brewing on my lips. “It hardened. You were happy a few minutes ago but that phone call, whatever it was, changed that.”
“Were you watching me?”
“You’re hard not to watch.”
As mad as I still was about Jenna’s situation, I had no control over the smile that spread across my face. He was definitely charming. I had been spot on with that one.
I needed a change of subject. “So, how do you know my dim-witted cousin?”
“We grew up together.”
“You live around here?”
“Yeah.” He scratched the back of his head. The movement brought attention to his biceps. I
f I knew how to whistle, that would have been the perfect time for me to do it. “Uh, I actually go to your school.”
Wait, did I hear that correctly? “You do?”
I was pretty sure that I would have noticed him before. Especially since he looked like that. He had to have been on a sports team or a part of one of the so-called popular groups on campus. Unless he was messing with me? He had to have been. There was no way we had gone to the same school for the last few years and I hadn’t noticed him. Maybe he was a transfer?
“Yeah, since elementary,” he answered.
“You’re shitting me.”
“I wish I was.” He placed a hand over his heart. “I’m wounded you don’t remember who I am.”
“Believe me, I wish I did. Who do you hang out with?”
“No one, really.” I tilted my head, prompting for further information. “I’m in the art club, so I sketch a lot, or paint, depending on my mood.”
“Huh.” I did a long assessment of his body, letting my eyes linger up the length of him. “I never would have guessed. You look like the jock type to me. Not the struggled, lonely artist.”
“What can I say? Looks are deceiving.”
“Apparently so.”
We shared a private smile, one that I would have gotten lost in if Levi hadn’t interrupted by throwing me over his shoulder and tossing me in the pool. I barely had enough time to squeal, scream, toss my phone, and hold my breath before my body sunk below the surface. I swam to the edge of the pool, using the concrete edge to keep my body above the surface.
“You suck, Levi.”
“Don’t I know it.” He laughed his obnoxious laugh before bumping fists with Josh. I narrowed my eyes. “But I had to keep you guys from sucking face, it looked like it was about three minutes away from happening.”
“Your imagination needs some fixing.”
“Whatever, just keep your paws off my friend, he isn’t like the other guys you go after.”
It was said jokingly but judging by the warning in his eyes, I knew he was being serious. He didn’t want me to ruin his friend. I would have been offended had it not been true. I wasn’t exactly known for being a good girl.
