“Nothing. Probably just kick it here for a few days.”
“No parties and…”
“I know, I know, Aneesah. Damn,” she snaps.
“What the hell you mad at me for?”
“I liked it better when you were using,” she laughs. “I’m glad that you’re sober though,” she smiles. “So, don’t take that the wrong way.”
“Well, you can always come and visit me on tour.”
“I know. I’m sure I’ll catch up with you at some stops.”
“You still have the same room. Dontay’s stuff is occupying the other room.”
“Dontay? He lives here now?”
“Yeah, just because we are always on the go. No point in him paying rent if he’s never there.”
“You sure that’s all it is?” She smiles mischievously.
“Dontay is still Dontay. He loves the D just as much as he loves the P,” I laugh.
“So. You ain’t gotta marry the niggah.”
“Nah, B. I’m good.”
“I really am happy that you got your shit together,” she smiles.
“You can too,” I tell her.
“I guess. So, Miss Thang, I saw how you and Tron interacted at the Grammy’s. What was that about?” She laughs.
“Nothing. Dumb mothafucker caught me off guard. I didn’t want to play him out on national TV.”
“He’s cute though. I say go for it.”
“No thanks. I’m good. Did you talk to your dad?” I ask changing the subject.
“Briefly,” she sighs. “I’m about to raid the fridge, take a shower and get some shut eye.”
“I’m leaving in like an hour so if you’re not up by the time I leave, be good and have fun,” I tell her giving her a hug.
“I’m always good,” she says disappearing into the kitchen.
“Hello,” I answer my phone.
“So, you’re not going to believe this, but you’ve just been offered a movie role,” Larry says.
“Uh, do they know I am currently about to start my tour?”
“Yes, but you can’t pass this up. We start filming in July.”
“Is it an action movie?” I question excitedly.
“No. Bigger. Better. An autobiography.”
“What?”
“Jada Pinket-Smith wants you to star in her autobiography that she’s doing on Lena Horne. She was amazed by your Grammy performance.”
“Star? As in, I am Lena Horne?” I ask as my heart sinks into my stomach.
“Yes,” he says like I am the dumbest person on the planet.
“I don’t know Larry. Is Halle Berry too busy or something?” I ask, filling my head with self-doubt.
“No…I don’t know…who cares. What’s the problem?”
“I’m on tour for one…my body type…she’s way smaller than I am…she was more of a tap dancer…my voice…my voice is too big…and…and…,” I am running out of excuses to give. I want to say no because I am terrified of accepting the challenge of mimicking her exact character and bringing it onto the big screen.
“They are willing to work around your schedule. Grant, you will be working non-stop between touring and filming. We will extend the tour to more like a full two years instead of thirteen months. We’ll keep you relevant by releasing the singles and videos a little slower than the original plan. You will barely have any downtime and you will be exhausted, but I know that you can do this. What are you afraid of?” He asks calmly.
“What if I fail at this? What if I am a disappointment? It’s Lena Horne,” I say as all types of self-doubt continue fill my head.
“Are you really going to pass on this?” Larry asks in disbelief.
“I…I don’t know,” I stutter. He lets out a heavy breath.
“You have 24-hours to make up your mind. In the meantime, a box of her movies, autobiography, and the script should be delivered by a carrier. Roger is also on standby waiting for your call,” he says referring to my acting coach.
“You want to be taken seriously as an actress, this here is your ticket,” are his final words before hanging up.
The room is spinning, my head is spinning as I take a seat on the stairs.
“What should I do?” I ask Biggie who lays his fat head in my lap.
***
The tour has been running smoothly as album sales are still doing increasingly well with me killing the charts. It’s already May and I missed the birth of Melissa’s baby girl Maya in March. She was late, but Pree did facetime me and I got to witness the whole thing thanks to technology. I dipped in Philadelphia last month to attend Pree’s baby shower and whispered to her baby girl that if she holds out until Sha-Sha is close enough to see her being born, I would buy her a pony.
My visit was brief because I had a show in Jacksonville, FL the next day. I pray that Pree won’t go into labor while I’m on stage because she will never let me live it down. I purposely booked shows close to home, so I wouldn’t miss the birth of her baby.
On May 15th, no sooner than I step off stage at PNC Center in Jersey, I get the call. I chopper to Philly and haul-ass to the hospital to watch Pree’s second child be born.
“About time you got here,” she snaps as soon as I step inside the delivery room. She is mid push with Knuck holding her hand looking like he is going to pass out any moment. I don’t think it quite registered with him that he’s having a girl.
“I’m here,” I say ignoring her little statement and rush over to the doctor’s side. Yup! I’m in Pree’s cookies again coaching her on as the doctor looks at me like “not this bitch again.”
Twenty minutes later, Miss Kenya Rose McMillian is born weighing 7pounds 8ounces with a full head of beautiful, jet black curls and mahogany skin. Rose, her middle name is after Knuck’s deceased mother.
“She’s beautiful, Pree,” I gush as the nurse wraps her up.
“Here you go Mommy,” the nurse says passing Pree the baby while Knuck is sitting quietly praying…I think. There is a knock on the door.
“Excuse me Miss Bradshaw but you have a call from Larry. He says that he’s your manager.”
“Tell him I know and I’m coming,” I tell the nurse. “I have to get going to the next city. You would have the baby on a Thursday,” I tell Pree while taking the baby out of her arms. She looks like Pree. I put my nose to her and inhale. I love that baby smell.
“Well Miss Kenya, I guess I owe you a pony. Thanks for waiting for me,” I whisper to her as she holds onto my finger. I feel myself getting emotional, wanting babies of my own. I kiss her goodbye, hand her back to Pree and hug and kiss my family bye before rushing to the airport to fly out to Hawaii.
“Dontay, do you want to have a baby?” I ask on the plane.
“With who?”
“With me but I don’t want to do it the old-fashioned way. We can go to the sperm bank.” Dontay laughs at me while rolling his eyes.
“I’ll tell you what, if you don’t have no babies by 35, I will hook you up,” he says pecking my lips. “But fuck that. The only way I’m agreeing to this is if we do it the old-fashioned way,” he smirks. I laugh, breaking out of his embrace.
“You’re a perv,” I giggle.
“So,” he shrugs. I shake my head while thinking that this will definitely be my last tour. Not that I’m not enjoying myself but it’s simply not in my heart anymore. Fuck it. I’m old and tired and don’t care to be on the road. I rather be home with my nieces and nephew playing the aunt role.
I look over at Rock and Charlie who are passed out in the little cocoons. Serge is still awake reading a book. I smile because if I’m awake, Serge is awake. If I move, Serge moves. I love that he cares for me this way.
“What you reading?” I ask him. He shuts the book and holds it up.
“The Power of Now,” I read. Serge is always reading self-help or some sort of mind and power book. One of the things I like about him. It adds to his mysteriousness.
“I think this is it, Serge. I think that this will be my la
st tour; my last album.”
Are you going to stop singing?
“No. When and if I have something to say, I will say it. Release a single or something; just be a song writer and producer. I forgot how exhausting this is.”
But don’t you love it?
“I do but…I don’t know. I’m ready to settle down and get married and make some babies or some shit,” I laugh. “If I have a baby there is no doubt in my mind that I would fully commit to just being a parent; he or she will always have me, and I don’t want to share my time with the world.
“I want to be able to do simple things like run to the store or take my nieces and nephew to the park without having security with me. I want to be normal, but I want to sing,” I laugh. “I just don’t want the fame anymore.”
Life is all about making decisions that’s going to make you happy, he smiles, popping his dimples.
“I love when you smile,” I giggle.
And I love when you smile. I see you on stage. You’re happy up there.
“I am…most of the time. Kind of sucks when you have to do a show and your monthly is on,” I smirk as he makes a face. Typical man. “Anyway, thanks for listening. I’ll let you get back to your reading,” I smile, standing up and walking to the back of the plane where my room is.
Chapter Eight
Dear Mr. Sperm Donor,
I am living the American Dream
My life is beautiful without you, as hard as that may seem.
I used to cry for a man that was never there
But now I feel sorry for that man because I no longer care
Because I am doing just fine without you as you can see
I’m doing just fine without you by just being me
Dear Mr. Sperm Donor,
It’s been a pleasure not knowing you
And please believe that all the words I am spewing are the most accurate and true
Went from a little girl and blossomed into this woman you see
Did all of this without you and I laugh because I am the one who is living the dream
Dear Mr. Sperm Donor,
My heart is so big
I searched for that love, the only kind that you could give
But what I learned is, what kind of man abandons their kid?
Dear Mr. Sperm Donor,
The American dream is mine
Never will I allow you the power to stop my shine
Never will I allow you the power to stunt my growth
Never will I allow you the power to hinder my self-worth
Dear Mr. Sperm Donor…
Sincerely,
21 million children living in America
It’s June and I am lying in my bed on my tour bus while the drivers gas up. There is a knock on my door.
“Come in,” I yell.
“Aneesah,” Destiny pops her head in.
“What’s wrong, Dest?”
“Nothing. Can I sleep with you tonight?” She asks with tears in her eyes.
“Destiny, are you alright?” I ask, arms stretched out. She crawls into bed with me. I can’t even believe that she is here with me. She was only five when she entered my dance studio and at that time, I had no idea that I would fall madly in love with her uncle.
“Dest, what’s wrong?” I ask again. She pulls out her cell phone and hands it to me.
Happy Father’s Day Daddy, the text message read.
“I text him every year, but he never responds. I have a brother and two sisters, but they don’t even acknowledge me,” she cries. “Please don’t tell my uncle that I have his number and stuff. He hates my dad,” she mumbles. I wipe her tears.
“I can’t believe that I am dancing on stage every night with a star and my father doesn’t even care. He’s not even proud or happy for me,” she sniffs.
“You know Destiny, I am this person, this type of celebrity and I don’t even know what my father looks like. I have the love and support of so many strangers and the one man that is supposed to love me unconditionally, doesn’t even know that I exist but you know what?” I ask, putting her delicate face in between my hands. “Fuck ‘em,” I smile. “You’re sixteen, graduated from high school already, on a world tour, traveling to different countries and experiencing different cultures so fuck ‘em. Your sperm donor can’t even hold a match up to you. You are doing something that the majority of the world won’t ever experience.”
“I know,” she smiles. “Why doesn’t he want me though?” She cries breaking my heart. I have cried these same tears numerous of nights prior to Rita’s confession about her being raped. I rock Destiny in my arms, wanting to call the one person that I know will make her whole again; the one man that has been there for her since the day she was born but even I know that having the greatest uncle in the world is no substitute for having the love of your dad.
I sit up all night with her, allowing her to cry and talk about how she feels as I try desperately to convince her that she’s not worthless and her dad is a pathetic individual. When she finally cries herself to sleep, I leave out the room and call Morgan.
“Hey,” she answers.
“Hi. I want to do something special for Destiny.”
“Is she crying? I know it’s Father’s Day. She always gets down on Father’s Day. Has James called her?”
“Probably so, I don’t know.”
“I tried to call and text her, but she hasn’t responded. I figured she was busy with the show or something. Thank you for giving her this opportunity, Aunt Neesah,” Morgan laughs.
“She’s earned it but listen, can you send me a prom dress for her? I feel bad that she’s missed her prom and the least I can do is throw her a prom in…,” I pause.
“You don’t even know where you are,” Morgan giggles.
“I’m in Belgium…I think. Anyway, I want to throw her a prom so can you please send a dress? Something special.”
“Now you know I will hook my niece up. You just make sure that you send pictures. I was working on a little something for Laila Ali but with some alterations it will be great for Dest. I will ship the dress sometime tomorrow. Just make sure you tell me where to send it.”
“Okay. Thanks Morgan,” I tell her, hanging up.
The next day I inform my entire crew about prom and that this is a surprise for Destiny. Low and behold, Kyle volunteers to be her date.
“She’s sixteen,” I remind him.
“I know. She’ll be seventeen in August. We are just friends.”
“You sure all you want is friendship?”
“I mean, I like her if that’s what you’re asking.”
“Kyle…”
“I would never touch her. I am a gentleman,” he smirks.
“If you even attempt to try to kiss her, I will hurt you.”
“I’m good,” he says, throwing his hands up in the air. “Besides, she said that her uncles are crazy.”
“Oh, so you tried it?”
He looks at me with a guilty expression on his face.
“No. I swear. We are friends. All we do is talk.”
“You better keep it that way too,” I tell him, handing over my credit card for him to buy a suit and corsage.
We surprise Destiny with her very own prom. Morgan really outdid herself with an emerald green gown that happens to be Destiny’s favorite color. I take plenty of photos and send them to everyone EXCEPT Nyce, but I’m sure that between his sisters and Knuck he has his fair share of photos.
Chapter Nine
We are back in the states as the month of July is coming to an end. We are scheduled to fly out to the Netherlands tonight but due to the hurricane, all flights have been cancelled. I’m happy about it too. Kenya’s Christening is Sunday which means that I am able to make it. We travel to Philly by bus and after dropping all the kids off, I finally make it to my house in Gladwyne by 3am.
I slept well, waking up early to get dressed. I throw on a pair of jean shorts and one of my tour t-shirts and pack a bag because
I figure I’ll just stay the night at Pree’s. I arrive at her house around 1:00 pm, punch in her code and walk through the door.
“HELLO, I’M HOME,” I shout, walking through the foyer.
“Sha-Sha,” Tajee greets as Pree comes out of the kitchen with a dumb look on her face.
“What are you doing here?” She asks surprised and not a good surprised either. It was more of a “you should have called first” surprised.
“Oh shit!” Knuck says coming down the stairs.
“What the hell is up with y’all? Y’all don’t want me here or somethin’?” I ask insulted.
“No, it’s not that. I’m just surprised to see you,” Pree responds, giving me a hug. “Um…Nyce is supposed to be coming, but he’s not bringing Tori’s ass because she knows I can’t stand her,” Pree blurts.
“Oh, it’s cool.” I respond, hiding my resentment. “Where’s the baby?”
“She’s in the nursery.”
I grab my bags and walk up the stairs, into the nursery. She’s sleeping but I pick her up anyway.
“Hey baby girl,” I rock her.
“Aneesah, put my baby down. If you wake her up I swear I’m gonna kick your ass.”
“So hostile,” I laugh, laying Kenya back down. We walk down the stairs and outside onto the patio. I kiss Diana, Mr. J, Trey, Melissa and the kids. Little Maya is sleeping in her basinet next to Melissa.
“Sha-Sha, you wanna come swim with us?” Tajee and Lala eagerly ask.
“Yeah, of course. Let me get settled first and then I’ll get into the pool with y’all,” I reply. I chat with everyone for a good twenty minutes before I hear the baby crying on the monitor.
“I’ll get her,” I jump out my seat.
“Neesah, there are bottles in the fridge, but I don’t think she’s hungry. She probably just needs her pamper changed or her pacifier fell out of her mouth,” Pree yells behind me. I run up the stairs and into her room.
“Hey baby girl,” I smile picking her up. She fusses a bit. I stick her pacifier back into her mouth. She settles down and quickly falls back to sleep.
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