“Yeah, my mom and I get along great. Dad works a lot and isn’t home as much, or when he is, he spends a lot of time in his office. I really love my parents though. They’ve given me a lot. I just wish dad knew me better. But I know that he loves me.”
“You’re a pretty good kid, Kevin. Go teach Cory not to swear so much.”
Cory threw Richard a dirty look that pigs in trough heaven would have retched at. But deep down, he knew that the evening had turned out better than he could have hoped. Richard and Kevin had hit it off. They didn’t say much, but the way they reacted to each other told Cory that Kevin had just joined the family.
“So, Kevin, anyone special in your life?” Richard asked trying to continue the conversation. He was wondering if Cory might be the one.
“Yeah, there was. I had a girlfriend last year. She was real sweet, but, well, she found someone else.”
“That must have hurt,” Richard said.
“Yeah, it did for a while. But I started talking to her about it, you know, trying to figure out what went wrong. I think that’s when we got to really know each other. I was just dating, because everyone else was dating, and she just happened to come along. We both seemed to understand that. We still talk to each other though.”
“Well, that sounds good. So you parted as friends then?”
“No. Oh, we talk to each other, and that’s cool, but she’s not a real friend. We’re more like acquaintances than friends. A friend to me is...” Kevin looked at Cory, “...kind of, special. It’s the kind of thing where the bond can’t be broken.”
“You’ve really thought about that, haven’t you, what a true friend means?” asked Richard. Kevin turned toward Richard.
“Yeah, I’ve thought about it a lot,” Kevin responded as he turned to look back at Cory. “Cory and I are working on it.”
When the table was cleared and the dishes put in the dishwasher, Cory and Kevin excused themselves and headed for Cory’s room.
Both boys lay on Cory’s bed, arms stretched and behind their heads. Kevin had kept laughing from the time Richard and he started kibitzing.
“Richard is so cool. He’s like the perfect parent,” Kevin started.
“Yeah, well, you two sure left me out tonight.”
“What do you mean?”
Kevin raised himself on one elbow, looking down at Cory lying next to him.
“I mean that you kept joking about me all night.” Cory answered.
“Oh, Cory, you don’t see it, do you?”
“See what? That I’m someone to laugh at?”
“No, not that at all. It was the way Richard was teasing you. He was treating you like his son, man. He really loves you, you know? I felt it in the room, all night.”
“I know he does. I guess I need to quit acting like a kid most of the time. I’m almost 16, you know?”
“Yeah, and I’m right behind you.”
Kevin relaxed and laid down next to Cory.
“He does love you, you know?” Kevin said, ending that topic. “Hey, you wanna watch a movie?”
“I don’t have a TV in my room you know, doofus?”
“Well, we can watch it on your new computer,” Kevin stated.
Kevin jumped from the bed and headed back downstairs followed by Cory. Both boys spend 20 minutes rummaging through Richard’s DVD collection before deciding on which movie to watch.
They watched a comedy with Shirley McLain, but Cory had slept through most of it, as it really didn’t interest him. The screen was too small to see well from the bed. The movie ended and the room filled with silence.
When the movie ended and the sound went dead, Cory awoke. He looked up and started to get out of bed, but seemed to be having difficulty rising. When he looked toward his stomach, he found Kevin’s arm across his chest. Kevin had rolled toward Cory when they were both asleep and had snuggled up next to him. Kevin was still asleep.
Cory watched Kevin as he breathed, his chest slightly expanding and then contracting in a smooth regular pattern. He looked so content. Cory knew that Kevin liked him and probably felt comfortable with touching him, but he also realized that Kevin was asleep and probably didn’t even know that he was lying on him. Cory wanted Kevin next to him, to stay with him, but knew that he had to go home.
Cory gently shook Kevin’s arm to wake him.
Kevin grunted.
“Come on Kevin. Wake up. We’ve slept through the movie. It’s time to go.”
Kevin rolled off of Cory, onto his back, putting both of his hands on his own chest, eyes still closed.
“Kevin,” Cory said to his sleeping friend as he again gently rocked his shoulder.
“What time is it?” Kevin whispered, still with closed eyes.
“It’s almost 11:00. Your mom and dad are going to be pissed.”
Kevin remained motionless and still didn’t open his eyes.
“No they won’t.”
“Why not? What time did you tell them you’d be home?”
“My mom said that I could sleep over here, if I wanted to.” Kevin whispered, not moving.
Cory jumped from the bed, the moving bed shaking Kevin into final consciousness. There was no way that Cory was going to put himself through the anguish of having Kevin sleep next to him, touching him, knowing that Kevin wasn’t like him. If something slipped, Cory knew that their friendship was over. He was NOT going to risk that.
“Get up Kevin, I don’t think Richard would want us to have a sleepover on a school night. He’s still downstairs waiting to take you home.”
“Alright, alright,” Kevin said swinging his legs over the side of the bed and forcing himself to sit up.
Eleven
* * *
The Birthday Party
Richard found his way to the kitchen Saturday morning, looking for a cup of coffee. Unfortunately, he had to make some first which was usually his first action of the morning. Cory had been with him for a month, and he was grappling with a conversation that he had to have with him. It was about Cory’s father. In a way it would be good news but it came out of a tragedy.
Once the coffee was steaming in the cup before him as he sat at the kitchen table, Richard began the process of waking up while trying to read the morning newspaper. The day appeared to be starting out kindly with the sunlight from the windows beginning to brighten up the kitchen. Just then Richard could hear footsteps coming down the stairs, and a moment later, a sleepy Cory walked into the kitchen rubbing his eyes in an effort to keep them open.
“Morning, Cory.”
Looking around but not being able to see clearly yet, Cory asked, “Got any more coffee?”
“Plenty left over on the counter. Get a cup and pour yourself some.”
Cory meandered over to the cupboard and retrieved a mug which he filled with coffee and then slid into the chair opposite Richard. Cory began sipping from the mug while his eyes tried to focus on the back of the newspaper that Richard was reading. Within moments, Richard put the newspaper down and looked at Cory. He knew that Cory was still sleepy and decided to get Cory’s mind going before he brought up the subject of his father.
“So, how has your first month of school been? Not too bad, I hope.”
Cory looked up smiling.
“Oh, it’s been good. Classes aren’t too hard and I’ve kept up pretty good so far. Yeah, it’s going good. Oh, and I’ve made three good friends, Matt, Kevin, who you’ve met, and Kelly. You haven’t met her yet. Kevin’s my best friend but you know that. Anyway, it’s been a great month.”
Cory’s smile broadened as his brain began to start working.
Just then the telephone rang, startling Cory into a little more consciousness. Richard stared at the phone for a moment wondering who was calling so early, but then remembered that he had been expecting the call sometime in the next few days. After sliding out of the chair and walking over to the telephone, Richard picked up the receiver.
“Hello.”
A slight pause
“Yes
, of course”
After a long silence, Richard nodded his head and replaced the receiver. Richard looked at Cory. Cory was now awake.
“What’s wrong, Richard?” Cory asked.
Richard didn’t fumble with his words.
“A couple of weeks ago, Mark started asking some questions about you and your dad to people up in Plymouth, where your dad is still living. Well, it got back to your dad that someone was asking about him.”
Cory’s face went totally expressionless. Richard watched Cory’s reaction and then continued.
“It seems that your dad had started asking questions of where you were living now.”
“What do you mean?” Cory shouted. “He wants to know where I’m living?”
“When we found out that he wanted to know where you were, I asked Mark to have someone watch him a little closer. Mark hired a private detective to watch him. It turns out that your dad was only interested in extorting some money out of me. I guess he thought that he could cause a lot of heartaches and grief if he tried to get you back.”
“That bastard!” Cory whispered to himself.
“There’s no chance of that, you know?” Richard asked while looking directly at Cory.
“Oh man, I hope not.”
“No. You’re here legally, but he could still cause a lot of grief, if he wanted to try.”
“Why didn’t you tell me about this?”
“Because we didn’t know anything really. And besides, you were just getting used to your new home and school and started making some new friends. And like I said, I really didn’t know anything until just now.”
“Has he done anything yet?” Cory asked.
Richard continued to look at Cory without answering his question. But thinking about it for a moment, Richard realized that it was probably time to tell him the whole story. It was now too late for the extortion.
“Cory. Listen to me for a second. Mark told me the rest of what your dad’s been up to in that phone call just now. Your dad was out drinking with a couple of his friends two weeks ago. When they left the bar it was late and they were pretty well loaded by then. On their way to his truck, they ran into an older gay couple walking their dog. Well, your dad and his cronies thought they’d have some fun with them. They started giving them a hard time and wouldn’t let them pass, and as it went on, it got a little ugly.”
“What do you mean ugly? What’d they do?”
“When the two men tried to go around your dad and his friends, your dad picked up an iron bar and hit one of the men on the head.”
Richard looked at Cory whose face was in disbelief. Cory was silent. Richard looked down at the floor for a moment and then looked back up directly at Cory.
“The man died yesterday.”
Cory, hearing this, turned from Richard slowly as his eye mist began to form. Looking away from Richard, he said quietly to himself, ‘Oh fuck!’
“What happened to my dad?” he finally had to ask, still not looking at Richard.
“There were too many people around him when this happened, and they all had seen what he’d done. He was arrested last night along with the other men that were with your dad that night. He’s being charged with second degree murder and a hate crime.”
Cory remained silent for a moment.
As he turned back to Richard, Cory said, “You know? I really don’t care. He’ll finally get what he deserves.”
But then, the wetness of Cory’s eyes returned.
“Oh my God, Richard, that man died. I feel like shit. I can’t help thinking that it was partially my fault either.”
“It wasn’t your fault, Cory, and you know that. Your dad made his choices. You had nothing to do with it.”
Cory remained silent, deep in his world.
“Will it ever end?” Cory finally whispered to no one, but Richard had heard him.
“It’s over now Cory. It really is over. I think we’ve heard the last of your past life.”
Cory remained silent, but slowly nodded. He was thinking of his past life now as Richard had just brought it to the table. Cory couldn’t get that night out of his mind, the night that had saved his life.
“About that night you picked me up,” Cory started to say, speaking to the window.
“You don’t have to say anything about that night if you don’t want to.”
“No. I want to say this to you.”
Cory slowly turned back to Richard.
“I probably need to say this more than anything right now. It’s been something unsaid since that night. A month ago, I was cold and alone and really didn’t know where to turn. My dad had kicked me out for being gay. Then, from nowhere, you stepped into my life. I was nowhere, man. I had nowhere to turn. It was like I had just walked into an unforgiving brick wall. Life was over for me.”
Cory had a hard time continuing.
“But there you were. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I am now who I am because of you. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to repay you, except to become the man who you want me to be. But you never wanted me to be the man you are. You want me to be the man who I can be. I want to be that man too. I owe you that. I owe you more than I’ll ever know. I’ve never said this to you before and it’s something that needs to be said. I owe you my life, Richard.”
Cory finally let it out. He wasn’t holding back. He couldn’t, not to the man in front of him. Not this man. Not to the man becoming his ‘dad’.
Richard grabbed Cory and pulled him into himself. He’d never heard a teenager talk like this before. Cory had been himself, revealed himself, opened up his very soul to the outside world. Teenagers don’t do this. But here was Cory, vulnerable, allowing himself be vulnerable. But there was more to this, a lot more. Richard realized that by Cory allowing himself to open up and be vulnerable, he was showing courage, real, not put on, courage, the kind of courage that comes from knowing what is right and following that path, courage that comes from inside, inside his very being.
Richard also knew that Cory was still 15. Yes, he was growing, trying to become a man, but something inside of Cory, something that was hard to touch, hard to put into words, something that is just a part of Cory was emerging – call it ‘will’. Call it what you want, but call it Cory.
Cory will grow, and have self doubts. Hell, we all do at that age, but that ‘something’ inside of Cory will drive him to make the right decisions, the right choices, and probably also get him in a lot of trouble along the way. Cory will act on his own feelings. That’s something that the rest of the world needs to learn. Act on what you feel is right and not what the rest of the world thinks you should do.
Richard couldn’t speak or even think anymore. All he wanted to do was hold onto Cory as Cory gripped him. They cried together as a family does.
The silence between the two lasted for a while. As they calmed down, Richard loosened his hold and Cory slipped away.
Cory began. “Richard? There’s something else.”
Richard continued to watch Cory.
“What is it Cory?”
Cory looked at Richard quietly before he spoke again.
“I think I may have met have someone. I mean I’ve met someone who I kinda like more than like. Does that make any sense?”
Cory turned and couldn’t look at Richard.
“Oh? So who’s the lucky guy who’s going to steal you away from me?” Richard laughed, but not wanting to.
“It’s not funny, and no one’s going to steal anyone away!”
“Well, that’s good then. I think I like this guy, whoever he is, already. Do I know him?”
Cory didn’t answer. He had a hard time trying to say his name out loud.
“Cory? Sounds like you’d like to keep this to yourself. Do you want to keep him a secret for awhile, until you’re sure?”
“No. But, I don’t really know what to think right now.”
Cory had returned to being 15 years old.
“Why don’t you tell
me who the lucky guy is?” Richard asked.
Cory quickly turned to Richard and blurted, “It’s Kevin. I can’t get him out of my mind.”
“Kevin seems like quite a nice boy. I like him, you know?”
“Yeah, but he confuses me.”
“Why? He seems to like you.”
“I know, but he confuses me because I don’t know how I feel about him...”
Cory had to pause.
“...because I don’t know what love is. I’ve never been in love before, and I don’t know how to describe how I feel towards him. It’s just something I don’t know how to put into words. Am I making any sense at all?”
“Yeah, I think I know where you’re going, Cory. If you can’t tell me exactly what you feel, then try to describe the feelings in any words you can think of.”
“This is hard. All I know is that I can’t stop thinking about him. He’s even in my dreams at night. When I feel lonely, he’s always there to be with me, maybe to put his arm over my shoulder or just give me a friendly smile. Every time he touches me, my brain explodes. When I look in his eyes Richard, I feel like my feet are puddling on the floor. I can’t move, I can’t look away, I can’t do anything. When he’s feeling down, all I want to do is hold him in my arms to be his strength, like he does for me. I want to be with him all the time. I want to be with him forever. If he ever gets hurt, I’d give him my body, any part of me, to make him whole again.”
Cory stopped speaking, looking at nothing in the room. Cory was back in Kevin’s world.
“You want to know something Cory? Poets have tried to describe love for thousands of years. But I don’t think I have ever heard a more honest, from the heart, more true description of what love is than what you just said.”
“But what do I do, Richard? I can’t think. I can hardly breathe when I’m with him. And then I can’t breathe when I’m not with him.”
“Well, here’s a question that you might think of asking. Do you think he’s gay?”
“No, he’s not. I have no idea. I just don’t know. No, I know. He’s straight, I think, but, but he likes me, I...”
“He does like you, you know?”
“I know that. Sometimes I think he actually loves me. I just don’t know in what way. God, my head is so screwed up.”
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