I couldn’t breathe. I could feel a panic attack coming on. It couldn’t be true. The boys who had raped me may have been shifters, too? Where did that leave Oscar? What was he? I had never suspected anything like that. I couldn’t fully comprehend it now.
“Janie? Janie?” Annie frantically yelled through the phone. “We didn’t know, I swear to you, we didn’t know. And we would never hurt you. You know that. It’s part of our most sacred vow as guardians, to protect people like you. Janie, please!”
I pulled myself together and steeled my voice. I had to be strong now, for Oscar. Liam was right, we could never go back. “My name isn’t Janie. It’s Madelyn. Madelyn Collier.”
I heard the sharp gasp confirming that they recognized the name as easily as Westin, and I hung up the phone.
I grabbed the first booster seat I saw and headed to the register. At the counter I loaded up on chocolate and grabbed two root beers. I knew it was Liam’s favorite. I didn’t think Oscar would wake before we got home.
Home.
I was going back to the pack, not my pack, but the next best thing. I’d be with my kind again, and they’d know I lived. I didn’t have a choice now. While the thought terrified me, it also brought me more peace than I realized.
Liam jumped from the car and grabbed the car seat from my hands. He tossed it on the ground and pulled me into a hug. We just stood there holding each other while I cried some more.
“You called them, didn’t you?” He didn’t sound upset or surprised that I had done that and I just nodded against his chest. “Ah sweetie, I wish it weren’t true.”
“They-they said they didn’t know about me. They never even suspected. They-they were tracking a pack of out of control tigers. They-they thought maybe Oscar had been fathered by one. Is that possible? What will happen to him? What is he?”
“Shh,” he comforted me. “It’s going to be okay. Whatever he is, whoever he turns out to be, it’s going to be okay. He’s a great kid, with a fantastic mom. Wolf. Tiger. It doesn’t matter.”
I looked up at him in confusion. “What do you mean? What happens when shifters of different species mate? Is it even possible?”
He growled at me and I shrunk back. My head dropped and I immediately submitted to him. He took a deep breath before speaking. “First, that wasn’t mating, Maddie. I will be your only mate. What they did to you was the furthest thing from that.”
I nodded. I knew what he meant was true. I hadn’t meant to upset him.
He softened and brushed a hand through my hair as he pulled me back against him. “It’s not impossible for different species to mate. I’m sorry I growled, it’s just hard for me to think of any other man touching you. I just want to track them and rip out their throats every time I think about it.”
I smiled against him. I liked that he went all protective like that. It made me feel safe, and cherished even.
“Second,” he continued, “it’s my understanding that interspecies mating doesn’t produce some weird hybrid or anything. God only places one animal spirit in each of us, so there will be a fifty-fifty chance of Oscar being wolf or tiger when he comes of age. Only time will tell. We don’t even know for sure that’s the case. He could just as easily be half human. And it really doesn’t matter. He’s just Oscar, and we’ll love him unconditionally no matter what he is.”
I started to cry again in his arms. My mate loved my son. I had never even dreamed it would be possible. I didn’t think I could ever return to the pack because no one would ever accept a half human child, but Liam was telling me he already had. He would protect me and my son. It was so much more than I had ever hoped for, more than I deserved.
For too long I had felt like a shell of myself, only existing and never really living. The last few days with Lily and Liam had already begun to change that. They were changing me, or maybe they were helping me just find myself again. I felt like Maddie Collier, not the weak, broken Janie Winthrop, and I liked it.
“Come on,” Liam said. “I won’t fully relax until we’re back on pack land. Hate to wake Patrick up this late, but I really think I need to warn him.”
“Patrick? Not Kyle?”
“Well, Kyle will need to know too, but Patrick’s his security Beta. He’ll be the one that needs to know of the Order of the Verndari most.”
“Annie said they were some sort of shifter guardians, that they protect our kind, not harm them.”
“That’s what the creepy guy told me too, except he also said that there was a group of them changing things up and wanting to research on us to better humanity.”
“What?”
“Yeah, that’s why I freaked out and had to get you and Oscar out of there so fast. He told me it wasn’t safe for us, that we couldn’t trust those people, and I don’t know if that includes Jacob and Annie or not. I hope not. I mean, Jacob did send the guy to warn me, but still. I don’t know if we can trust them, Mad.” He lifted my chin till my eyes met his. “I know you trust them, but right now I really need you to trust me.”
I nodded without hesitation. I did trust him and I wasn’t sure if I should trust Jacob and Annie. They had been good to me, and my gut told me I should, but I was so confused. I didn’t even notice Liam’s head descending towards mine until it was too late.
His lips lightly brushed mine, like he was testing the waters. When I didn't pull away he increased the pressure. Hot need burst through me and I wrapped my arms around his neck, guiding him closer, urging him to take more, and he did. I opened my mouth to him and his tongue swept inside, slowly memorizing every crevice he found there. He was delicious and made my mouth water and beg for more. The intensity of the kiss increased and I didn’t shy away. When he finally pulled back, grinning like the young boy I once knew and loved forever ago, we were both breathless.
“Can we go home now?” he asked softly, and all I could do was nod.
We got back in the car and drove in silence. There was really nothing more left to say. The lull of the road had my eyes drifting shut and I fell asleep into a blissful, empty void that wasn’t filled with demons and nightmares for once.
When the car came to a full stop, I stretched and slowly began the process of waking up. My body was stiff, but I felt rested. I wasn’t sure how long I had been out, but thought for a moment I should offer to drive some and give Liam a break.
“Hey, sleeping beauty, it’s time to wake up.”
I smiled without opening my eyes. I yawned and stretched again, taking in a deep breath. Familiar smells surrounded me and put me on full alert at the same time. Wolves! I shot up, fully awake, and looked around.
“We're here? Already? How long was I out? Did you drive through the night?”
The sun was bright and high in the sky. Oscar giggled from the backseat and I looked back to see him safely strapped into his new booster seat. He wouldn’t need it much longer, but it gave me comfort that he was safe and he never seemed to mind, but when? How?
“Was I really out that long?”
“You were snoring so loud, Mommy. Liam and I were laughing at you. You even drooled a little. Even with Mimi’s pills you don’t sleep that hard.”
Liam grinned as I turned horrified eyes towards him. “What? It was cute.”
To my embarrassment he leaned over and gave me a quick kiss on the mouth. I know my face was a brilliant shade of red as my cheeks heated in memory of the last kiss we’d shared. I really hoped I hadn’t dreamed that kiss. Since we were very obviously in pack territory I knew everything had to be true. Oscar made a sound of disgusted from the back seat.
“Eww, you kissed my mom!”
Not helping any.
Liam took it all in stride, as he seemed to do with just about everything. “Better get used to it, kid. Come on, let me show you around and introduce you to everyone.”
Suddenly I started to panic. We were here. We were really here, and I hadn’t told Oscar a thing. We needed to sit down and have a long serious talk. Why hadn’t I told
him all along? He deserved to know his heritage, but I couldn’t risk a small child in the human world talking too much.
“Um, Liam, before that, Oscar and I need to have a talk. There’s, uh, some things he really needs to learn before we introduce him around.”
“You mean about the wolves?” Oscar asked. Nothing that had ever come out of his mouth had shocked me so much.
“You know about the wolves?”
“Yeah, isn’t it cool? Liam says someday I might be able to turn into a wolf, too.”
I glared at Liam. Furious. He was grinning proudly until the moment he felt my anger. How dare he tell him about that. He had overstepped a line and it needed to be sorted quickly.
“Oscar, hon, can you step out of the car and give me and Liam a few minutes to talk?
“What did I do?” Liam asked the second the door shut.
“You told him? You just told him all about shifters and the wolves? Just like that?”
“I’m sorry, I thought he should know. He’s in pack territory, I didn’t want him to freak out or anything. He’s a smart kid, he accepted it and was pretty excited about it all.”
“That wasn’t your place, Liam. I’m his mother. If I wanted him to know about shifters, don’t you think I should be the one to tell him?” I was still furious. He hadn’t done it to undermine me. I knew he was just trying to help, but it should have been me to explain things to him. “I should have been the one to tell him. He’s going to be confused and have lots of questions that need answering.”
“Oh, trust me, we’ve exhausted nearly all of them while you slept. Four hours he’s been asking questions and demanding answers. I even had to let my hand shift just enough to convince him I wasn’t bullshitting him.”
I knew how Oscar could be and I tried not to laugh at the picture Liam portrayed, but I couldn’t keep the smile entirely off my face.
“This is a big deal, Liam.”
“I do hear you. I understand. I didn’t mean to step on the mommy toes or anything. I’m sorry. I really was just trying to help.”
“I know you were.” I sighed, letting go of the anger. “It’s just, he’s my son, Liam. Mine. And I have to do what’s best for him, including making life-changing decisions like explaining things about shifters and other stuff. You need to talk to me before talking to him about stuff like that.”
“Okay,” he said, resolutely. “I’m still new to all this. I’m going to make mistakes along the way, but I only want what’s best for you and the kid.” He grinned at me sheepishly and I knew he was up to no good. “And in another five or so years when he starts hitting puberty. I’m going to remind you of this conversation and let you explain ‘that!’”
I punched him, laughing. “Not funny, I’m serious.” Though even I knew I didn’t sound convincing of that anymore.
“I know. I’m listening and I’ll try to remember in the future.”
I leaned over and gave him a quick kiss. It was the first time I’d initiated anything like that, but it just felt so right. Natural. My heart was soaring. He was talking of five years down the road. I hadn’t even begun to consider the reality of an actual life with him.
We got out of the car and found Oscar kicking a rock as he tried to patiently wait for us. I could feel the excitement ready to burst from him.
“You have any questions?” I asked him, still unsure what Liam had actually told him.
“Nah, well, okay, just one. How come I’ve never seen you turn into a wolf?”
My heart sank. I could never tell him that the night he was conceived they had hurt me and killed my wolf spirit. I would not put that on him. Whoever had fathered him was a bad man, but I had come to terms long ago with that fact that that was not a genetic trait that he would inherit. Oscar was a great kid and I couldn’t believe him capable of what his sperm donor had done to me.
“My wolf never emerged, bud. It happens sometimes. I can’t shift. Never have.”
“Liam says sometimes wolves show early, like Kelsey was only ten when hers came out!” I looked at Liam quizzically. That sounded like more than a slight exaggeration.
“I swear, it’s true!” Liam said.
“Maybe yours is just late, Mommy. Maybe she was scared to come out with all the humans around. Maybe she will now.” He looked at me with such hope in his eyes I had to let my fingernails dig into the palm of my fisted hand to keep from crying.
“Maybe,” I said sadly.
“Hey, you ready to go meet my family? Lily will be there,” Liam said, changing the subject quickly for me as he turned apologetic eyes my way. I didn’t want his pity. I didn’t need him to feel sorry for me.
He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and took Oscar by the hand, leading us both into the house. I had been to visit Lily in San Marco on numerous occasions. I knew the Alpha’s house well. I knew the Westin family well, or I had. But I was a nervous wreck walking through that door. Had he called ahead and warned them? Had Lily broken her promise and told them? I didn’t know what to expect and it made me very nervous.
“Mom!” Liam yelled as soon as we walked in.
“Kitchen,” she yelled back.
“Come on. She’s in for quite a shock,” he laughed, and I knew he hadn’t warned them about me.
Butterflies swirled in my stomach as he led us to the back of the house.
Mary Westin was cooking in the kitchen with her back toward us. I hung back as Liam went to hug his mother. Oscar hid behind me, suddenly uncomfortably and unsure of himself. I watched the two embrace and she kissed his cheek.
“Let me look at you,” Mary said. “So, how was San Francisco? Anything exciting? You left in such a hurry, and never even called. What was that all about? Did you bring me back something good?”
He laughed patiently, letting her interrogations flow.
“Actually, I did bring home something rather interesting.”
“Well, come on, you know how I love surprises. What is it?”
“My mate,” he said, and I knew my cheeks pinked. I looked down at Oscar, seeing the surprise in his eyes as he stared back at me. I was certain Liam had covered that part already, too.
“Mom, this is . . .” Before he could finish, she gasped.
Her hands flew to her mouth in shock. “Madelyn?”
I started to cry and nod as she descended on me, wrapping her arms around me and pulling me into the comfort only a mother could provide. She broke away and stared up at me in wonder.
“You’re alive? You’re really here? Does your family know?”
Questions kept bumbling out of her and I was reminded of Oscar when he was excited about something. Oscar. I looked around. He was hugging up next to Liam, just quietly observing it all.
“No, I haven’t spoken to my parents,” I confessed, feeling the full weight of the guilt I had carried for the last eight years.
“Liam, how?” She paused, looking at her son and noticing mine for the first time. With hands on her hips in true Mary Westin fashion as I remembered as a child, she asked, “Now who do we have here?”
“Hi, I’m Oscar,” he said bravely. “Are you Liam’s mom?”
“I am, and you know what? I just baked some cookies this morning and I haven’t had a tester yet. Would you like to help me?”
He hesitated, but the thought and the smells from her kitchen were too alluring and he nodded happily. “I can help.”
“Well alright then, come on.” She took his hand and walked the short distance to the counter to retrieve two large chocolate chip cookies and a napkin before escorting him to the kitchen table. They both sat.
“Now tell me, Oscar, how old are you?”
“I’m seven,” he said with a mouth full of cookie.
“Oscar, don’t talk with food in your mouth,” I scolded without thinking.
Mary’s quizzical eyes flew to meet mine. I could see her brain working out a puzzle, doing the math. It wasn’t what she thought, but I couldn’t tell her that in front of my
son.
“Sorry, Mommy,” he said after swallowing, confirming what she already knew.
“Kelsey and Zander will be by shortly.” Then she turned to Oscar. “Zander’s my grandson. He just turned one, but he’ll be excited to have someone to play with if you think you can handle a toddler.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he said. “I can teach him how to play basketball. Did he like the gift Liam got for his birthday?”
Mary continued to struggle to put the pieces together. “How do you know what Liam got him for his birthday?”
“It was my suggestion,” Oscar admitted proudly. “I knew he’d love it. He did, right? He loved it?”
“He sure did. You are a fantastic gift picker-outer.”
“I know,” he said before shoving the last of his cookie into his mouth.
“Mary?” A woman’s voice came from the front of the house as I heard the door shut behind her. “Up or down?”
“Kitchen,” Mary responded back. I smiled, remembering the Westin house had never been quiet. With three rowdy boys and two girls, one of whom was Lily, need I say more? There was always something exciting going on in this home.
Mary rose and went to meet her guest. Kelsey. That was Kyle’s mate, if I was remembering correctly. Liam came over and took my hand, squeezing it reassuringly.
“Oscar, come here and meet Zander and Kelsey,” Mary yelled from the next room. He hesitantly went, checking back over his shoulder to make sure it was okay. I nodded encouragement, but in the end Liam went with him and I slowly followed behind.
“Hey, Kels,” he said, hugging the pretty blonde.
A loud growl bubbled up and out of me. I quickly covered my mouth and blushed in embarrassment. I didn’t understand why that happened, but whenever he was intimately close to another female, I felt territorial. Oscar had the audacity to laugh at me.
Kelsey smiled, and elbowed Liam in the ribcage, putting some distance between them. It calmed my nerves some. “Looks like you brought back more than souvenirs,” she teased him before turning her attention fully to me. She extended her hand and closed the gap between us. “Hi, I’m Kelsey.”
Forever Mine (Westin Pack Book 3) Page 13
