by Noelle Adams
She just nodded again, shaking as she kept trying to control herself.
“It’s okay. It was awful. You don’t have to act like you’re invulnerable. Not with me.”
The adrenaline had now left her completely, and she was just standing in her underwear in the grass in front of Ethan.
She started to shake as she choked out, “Thank you. For helping me.”
For some reason, this finally seemed to be the undoing of his composure. His voice broke as he said, “Ashley, honey, it’s all over now.”
He took her in his arms, and she felt a little better as she shook against him. She didn’t like to cry, and she definitely didn’t like to cry in front of Ethan.
He tried to comfort her as he held her. Said silly, reassuring things like, “It’s all right,” and “You’re okay.” He stroked her back and hair.
After a few minutes, she’d pulled herself together and finally looked up at Ethan. He was watching her carefully. “Are you all right?” he asked softly.
She made herself nod her head. She still kept having shivers run through her body as she felt random tickles on her skin and thought they were the ants again.
“Is it all right if I go take care of your clothes so you can get dressed again?” His face was strangely stiff and tense.
She cringed at the thought of her clothes covered with ants. “I don’t know if I can put them back on.”
“Ashley, you have to put on some clothes.” His voice wasn’t as sweet as it had been. In fact, it sounded kind of impatient.
She shifted against him and suddenly realized why he needed her to get dressed. She felt something hard against her middle.
“Oh,” she murmured, finally starting to feel a little self-conscious.
“I’m sorry,” Ethan muttered, pulling away from her a little. “It’s an involuntary physical reaction. Doesn’t mean anything.”
“I know.” Ashley tried to sound light and casual as she stepped back. “I’m sorry I kind of fell apart. But can you please make sure there aren’t any ants left on my clothes?”
“Of course.” Ethan stood up and walked over to where they’d tossed her clothes.
Ashley stood there, trying to think about what she could put on. Now that the ants were gone, she didn’t really want to be in her underwear.
Then she remembered Ethan’s camp shirt. He’d thrown it in the back that morning, since he was wearing Gus’s old T-shirt. Ashley went to retrieve it. It was a bit dirty and didn’t smell perfectly fresh, but it certainly wasn’t any worse than her own clothes.
And this shirt hadn’t been crawling with ants.
She pulled it on and buttoned four of the buttons. It came down to mid-thigh, and so she felt far less exposed.
And it smelled a lot like Ethan.
He came back then, carrying her clothes. He halted suddenly when he saw what she was wearing and stared at her strangely.
“I hope it’s all right,” she said. “I don’t know if I can put my shirt back on—at least not today. Maybe it’s silly, but the thought of those ants...”
Ethan smiled a little, although he still looked kind of stressed. “I don’t ever want to wear that shirt again. You’re welcome to it.” He handed her back her clothes. “I promise I got rid of all the ants.”
“Thank you,” she said, a little shyly. “I’m sorry about the little breakdown.”
Ethan’s smile broadened. “Don’t be. I’d probably act the same way if I were crawling with ants.” He shuddered, his smile fading. “I almost had a heart attack when I came back to find you lying there covered with those things.”
“Thanks for helping me.” Their eyes met, and it was another one of those warm, intimate gazes that so terrified her. She forced her eyes away from him.
Ethan cleared his throat. “I’ll give you some privacy to get dressed. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
“You don’t have to—” Ashley began, but he was already out of sight, past the trees.
She was perfectly decent wearing Ethan’s old shirt. She didn’t need privacy. He didn’t have to leave her.
She waited for another minute, but he didn’t reappear. What was he doing anyway?
Then she thought of something. Remembered how something had felt against her hip. Had a strong suspicion as to what he might be doing by himself.
It didn’t mean anything—he had said so himself. He probably would have had the same reaction if he’d been hugging any woman in her underwear. But it still gave her a little bit of a thrill that it had been her body that had gotten him into that state.
Even if she had been covered in ants.
***
When they finally got going again, it was approaching dinner time. They drove another hour or two, but then the sun started to set, and a lot of these country roads weren’t marked, so they missed several of their turns and kept having to back track.
Finally, at about 9:00, they approached the outskirts of a town. In the distance, Ashley saw a water tower that read, “Williamstown, Kentucky, Gateway to the Bluegrass.” They passed a run-down, out-of-the-way motel, and Ethan pulled into the parking lot without saying anything.
“Are we going to stay here for the night?” Ashley asked tiredly.
He shrugged. “Might as well. We’re just wasting our time out there in the dark. We’ll start off fresh in the morning.”
That sounded good to Ashley. She was drained and exhausted from her trauma.
They went to check in and got a single, since those rooms were cheapest. One bed again tonight.
She hadn’t expected their luck to improve.
As she lay in bed while Ethan finished up in the bathroom, Ashley tried to sort out all of her conflicting feelings. Not surprisingly, most of them revolved around Ethan.
She had worn his shirt to bed.
He came back into the bedroom, turned out the light, and crawled in beside her. Ashley felt the mattress shift under his weight.
“At least the bad guys haven’t found us yet,” she said, trying to be optimistic.
“They’d be crazy to want to find us, what with the malfunctioning cars, police chases, and attack ants. For their own safety, they should just leave us alone.” Ethan’s voice was clear and wry in the dark room.
Ashley chuckled and turned over so she was looking at him. She could only see his face very faintly. “Maybe tomorrow will be better.”
“Don’t even say it. Tomorrow I’ll probably be shot.”
Ashley stopped chuckling at the thought of that. “I’m sure we’ll be in Sioux Falls by tomorrow night.”
“I hope so. The sooner this wretched trip is over the better.”
And, there, he’d done it. He’d hurt her again, even though there was no reason why Ashley should take it personally. Of course, he wanted this trip over with. They’d been miserable the whole time.
But the end of the trip meant the end of their connection. They’d go back to how they had been. Never talking. Barely even acknowledging the other existed.
She’d go off to college. And Ethan would go back to...something. And she’d never see him again.
“You all right?” Ethan asked into the silence.
Ashley had no idea how he’d recognized her shift in mood. Only hoped he hadn’t read her mind. “Yeah. Better than when the ants were all over me.”
“Me too.”
Ashley sighed again and rolled over to cling to her edge of the bed. Tried not to think about how it had felt to wake up that morning cuddled up against Ethan.
She was in Williamstown, Kentucky—they’d probably gotten no more than six interstate hours of their twenty-hour road trip—and once again she was sleeping with Ethan Moore. And that afternoon he had seen her mostly naked. He’d actually put his hands all over her bare flesh. If the ants hadn’t been there, maybe she’d have felt differently about the incident. But the ants were something hard to forget. Hopefully, she wouldn’t dream about them.
She was about to drift of
f when something suddenly crossed her mind. She gasped and sat up straight in the bed.
“What’s wrong?” Ethan asked urgently, moving into a sitting position as well.
“I just realized something. I think it’s a very good sign. Our truck made it through the whole day.”
“You nearly gave me a heart attack. Don’t do that to me again.” But then he added, “But I think our truck might be a keeper. Let’s try not to destroy it tomorrow.”
Ashley laughed and snuggled under the covers to get more comfortable.
She had to admit that she didn’t really dislike Ethan after all. He might be infuriating sometimes, but she cared about him. A lot.
And it was the end of the fourth day.
Day Five
Williamstown, Kentucky
Ashley dreamed about the ants.
It started like the dream she’d had the previous afternoon—Ethan coming to her, kissing her, starting to make love to her—but then it transformed into a nightmare. His hands were everywhere, tickling her, crawling on her. And then his hands turned into hundreds of ants all over her body. But Ethan didn’t go away. In the nightmare, he was somehow connected to the ants, part of them. To her dreaming mind, Ethan and the ants became indistinguishable.
And so she tried to push him away. Cried out for Ethan to stop, to leave, to get off her.
And then he was speaking. “Ashley, wake up. Wake up.”
It was just like the day before. If she opened her eyes, she’d be covered with ants. So she kept pushing him away, telling him to stop touching her.
“You’re having a nightmare.” His voice had grown stronger, more commanding. “Ashley, damn it, wake up.”
And then she felt his hands on her body. And not just in the dream. They were holding her firmly by the shoulder. Shaking her. It felt almost violent.
So instinctively she fought back. Swung her arms out wildly to protect herself. Felt her fist connect with something. Heard a satisfying grunt.
Finally awoke enough to open her eyes.
She gave a startled little gasp when she saw Ethan above her on the bed in the dim room, holding a hand over his eye.
“What—” she choked out, trying to orient herself. Her heart was still pounding wildly, and her skin was drenched with perspiration.
“Damn it, Ashley,” Ethan roared. “You just punched me in the eye.”
“Oh.” She blinked several times and shook her head roughly. “I must have been having a bad dream.”
“I know that,” Ethan responded through clenched teeth. “That’s why I was trying to wake you up.”
At last coming to her senses, Ashley started to regret her unintentional brutality. “Sorry. Did I hurt you?”
Ethan glared at her with his one uncovered eye. “What does it look like?”
“I’m sorry,” Ashley said again, sitting up in bed so she could see him better. “I guess I was still in the dream. Here, let me see it.” She reached over and tried to remove his hand so she could peer at the damage.
He resisted, pushing her fingers away. They had a brief struggle before Ashley finally gave up. “Will you have a black eye?”
“No. Don’t exaggerate your strength. It’s mostly just the mind-numbing pain.”
Well, he was clearly fine. If he had been really hurt, he would have acted like it was nothing and been all martyr-like.
Ashley lay back down in the bed. It was only three in the morning. She had time for a few more hours of sleep. “All right. I’ll let you deal with the mind-numbing pain on your own. I have aspirin in my bag if you need it. I’m going back to sleep.”
Mumbling under his breath about heartless partners and violent females, Ethan got out of bed and headed for the bathroom. She heard the water running but noticed he didn’t get the aspirin.
She knew she hadn’t really hurt him.
She lay silently and pretended to be asleep when he got back into the bed.
But he must have known she was faking because after about fifteen minutes, he asked into the dark room, “What was your nightmare about?”
She’d hoped he wouldn’t ask. “The ants.”
“That’s all?” He adjusted his position in bed. She was facing the other way, but she could feel the mattress shift.
“What do you mean?” She hoped she hadn’t been talking in her sleep. “Aren’t ants enough of a nightmare?”
There was a long pause. Finally, he said, “You were talking.”
Damn.
“You seemed to be talking to me,” he added.
Ashley thought for a moment. “Really?”
“Ashley.” The word was spoken as almost a warning, as if he’d known she was trying to deceive him. “Tell me the truth. Was I hurting you in your dream? You kept telling me to get off you, to stop touching you.”
She thought her heart stopped beating for moment, as she rolled over onto her other side so she was facing him. “It was a dream. I guess my unconscious got you mixed up with the ants.”
He was silent for another long time, lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling. “Are you afraid that I could hurt you?”
And suddenly, Ashley forgot all about her stupid nightmare. Forgot about the ants. Forgot about the entire trip.
Only heard the veiled fear in Ethan’s voice.
And she knew then that, no matter how much trouble Ethan had gotten into, no matter how much trouble he’d dragged her brother into too, he wasn’t a bad guy at heart. He’d never been truly a bad guy.
For the first time in the last eighteen months, she knew it for sure.
She scooted closer to him, propped herself up until she was looking down at his face. “No. Don’t be ridiculous. I know you’d never really hurt me.” She met his eyes in the dark, trying to communicate the truth of her words through the shared gaze. “It was a dream. Ethan, I’m trusting you right now. On this trip. I couldn’t do that if I was really afraid of you. You won’t hurt me—I know who you really are.”
She was breathing heavily. And so was he. And neither one could look away. Her face was inches from his. One of her hands was splayed out on his chest.
For one ridiculous moment, Ashley thought that he might lean up and kiss her.
But nothing happened. They just kept staring. Finally, to break the strange tension, Ashley added, “The only way that you might hurt me is if I finally explode from too much contact with your obnoxious, infuriating personality.” She backed away from him, lay back down on the bed.
Ethan grinned. “If any exploding occurs, it will definitely be on my side. I’m the one who just got socked in the eye.”
Ashley couldn’t stifle a chuckle. “Nothing more than you deserved. I’ve wanted to do that about a hundred times in the last four days.”
He chuckled too as he rolled over to his edge of the bed. “You better hope I never do what I’ve wanted to do a hundred times in the last four days.”
“What does that mean?” she asked, trying to figure out if she’d just been insulted.
Ethan didn’t answer.
“Ethan?”
Still nothing. He was breathing deeply, pretending to be asleep.
Ashley tried to make one of his growls, just so he’d know she wasn’t happy with him.
Then she rolled over too and fell asleep for real.
***
When she woke up, the sun was starting to rise, and she was snuggled up against Ethan, just like she’d been the previous day.
There was no drowsy lag time this morning. She went from cozy to aroused in about ten seconds.
When she shifted against him, every inch of her skin that made contact with his body—despite the clothes they were wearing—felt sensitized and overly stimulated. She could tell her nipples were tight, so she was glad she was wearing Ethan’s shirt rather than just her bra.
She lifted her head to see Ethan’s face. He was already awake, just as he had been yesterday.
Well, there was no way Ashley was going to do the cuddl
e-thing again this morning. She jerked away from him, rolled off the bed, and hurried into the bathroom. “I’m first today,” she called out over her shoulder.
As she turned on the shower, she thought about the conversation they’d had after her nightmare. Thought about how she’d just felt as she was pressed up against Ethan’s body. Realized something.
She’d told Ethan a lie last night.
He could hurt her. Not physically, of course. And not intentionally. But in ways that would hurt just as much.
So she had to admit a few things to herself as she stepped naked into the shower. Acknowledge that she’d developed certain feelings. She wasn’t a moron, although she sometimes acted like one.
Despite the history they shared and her knowledge that he would never intentionally hurt her, he was still a dangerous man in more than one way, and he’d betrayed her brother. There was no way he could ever fit into the safe, clean life she wanted for herself. No future with him was possible.
Plus, he obviously didn’t want her at all, or he would have made some sort of move on her in the last four days.
So Ashley had better start protecting herself. Put up more boundaries, stronger walls. Things had gotten too intense yesterday—she had started feeling too mushy.
Far wiser to keep on fighting with him. At least when they were arguing, they were both comfortably distant.
So that was Ashley’s plan for the day, she decided, as she stepped wet out of the shower. Self-preservation. She was going to be as antagonistic as she could.
And she could be very antagonistic.
***
Ashley thought she’d done pretty well.
They’d been driving almost two hours, and Ashley had already managed to start six different arguments. Two had been about Ethan hogging all the drive time, one about their lack of breakfast, one about his driving too slow, and the other two about absolutely nothing.
She was feeling quite healthy, and annoyed, and non-mushy. Although she’d had a weak spell when Ethan had looked so smoking hot when he’d growled at her to shut up and stop nagging him.
They were still taking the back roads, and there were no other cars in sight. Their old, reliable truck was chugging along and didn’t seem to be in danger of collapsing.
