Miss ~ Harloe Rae

by Rae, Harloe

  “Listen, this isn’t how I expected our conversation to—”

  It’s my turn to cut him off. “Because plans always work out so well?”

  He scratches the back of his neck. “Something like that. I’ll be in Garden Grove until the building is done, so you might see me around. Just a heads-up.”

  And just like that, I slam the door on forgiving and forgetting. “Thanks for the warning.”

  “Maybe I can stop by for coffee sometime?”

  I motion around the empty space. “It’s a free country. We don’t make it a habit of turning away customers.”

  His brow wrinkles. “Okay? I’m not sure my point was clear. I was expecting a different reaction.”

  “Well, I stopped waiting for you years ago. If I see you, I see you.”

  “All right,” he says and knocks on the counter. “On that note, I better get going. Take care, Delilah.”

  I almost cringe at his use of my real name, but that’s stupid. I give him a small wave in return. After a final glance, with my green eyes burning into his blues, Zeke walks away.

  While I’m watching him leave, Raven slides up next to me. I nearly jump ten feet in the air. “Jesus, Rave. You scared the crap out of me,” I say with a palm to my racing heart.

  She shrugs. “You were too busy drooling over Zeke’s ass.”

  Apparently I’m not hiding my reaction very well. She’s speaking the truth.

  “I’ve been Zeed,” I mutter. “All over again.”

  Raven’s face lights up with a huge smile. “That’s adorable. You’re making him a verb. I’m going to put that on a shirt. Then you can wear it whenever he’s around.”

  “Whatever. This is not a good thing,” I mumble.

  “We’ll see about that. Seriously, I thought he’d never leave, though,” she complains. “We closed almost thirty minutes ago. I can only keep busy cleaning the kitchen for so long, D.”

  I laugh. “You could have gone upstairs.”

  “And miss the juicy details? As if. So, how did you two leave it?” Raven claps her hands excitedly.

  “Eh, sorry to disappoint. Not very well. I might see him around,” I say on a long sigh.

  She scratches her cheek. “What’s that mean?”

  “It means Zeke is in town for an extended period time.”

  “And you’re going to hang out with him?”

  I shake my head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  Raven pouts. “Or it could be the most brilliant one ever.”

  “There’s too much between us. It’s better to leave our story closed.”

  “What if he doesn’t agree? Not everyone enjoys a cliffhanger ending.”

  I look in the direction Zeke disappeared and sag against the wall. “Yeah, the unknown is what terrifies me most.”

  Regrets

  Zeke

  PEOPLE ON THE sidewalk turn to gawk as my truck rumbles along Main Street. Maybe their stare is due to the blaring noise from the broken muffler. But I’m betting they’re looking at the man driving. I deserve the disdain reflecting back at me, yet accepting the blame doesn’t make it any better. I swallow the bitter acid coating my mouth and push harder on the accelerator.

  I’m stuck in a town where everyone used to know my name. After fleeing the way I did, the glares and gossip are expected. I’ve been feeling like a sitting duck, waiting for people to discover me. The decision to stop sulking and face reality hit me hard this morning. After my less than friendly chat with Delilah last night, I’m feeling the pressure to right the wrongs.

  Five years ago, I made the worst fucking choice. Returning to Garden Grove has made that abundantly clear. Not that I needed the reminder. The constant bile bubbling up my throat is plenty to keep me humbly aware of my mistakes. But I’m done being foolish. There’s no moving on from Delilah Sage, not that I’d even bother trying. It’s pointless. What’s between us will never go away.

  I don’t deserve her forgiveness. She definitely doesn’t owe me a chance at winning her back. That isn’t going to stop me. After walking into Jitters yesterday, my path was set in stone. Being near her again gave me a glimmer of hope in an otherwise bottomless pit of doom. Those fiery green eyes threatened to sear the flesh from my bones. I found so much pleasure in the burn. I’ve been so cold and isolated without her. I hope Delilah is ready because I’m coming for her.

  But not today.

  There’s someone else I need to see first. I pull into the full parking lot and wedge my truck into a cramped space in the far corner. I lower the brim of my hat while checking out the swarm of activity surrounding Green Thumb. Seems like business is better than ever for the plant and garden nursery. As I walk toward the bustling entrance, my focus is set on finding Ryan. Other than Delilah, he was my closest friend so this visit is long overdue.

  Considering his parents own the joint, I figured this would be a logical place to start my search. After wandering around the building for a bit, I find Ryan stacking bags of mulch in the greenhouse. Excuses stumble through my mind as I shuffle over the gravel ground. I’m not sure how he’ll react but expecting the worst is my default setting.

  “Hey, Ryan,” I call across the space between us.

  When he throws a glance in my direction, his long stride comes to an abrupt halt. “Holy shit,” he drags the curse out. Ryan tosses the bags he’s carrying and turns toward me, eyes blown wide while he scans me up and down. “Zeke fucking Kruegan in the flesh. Alive and well. Wasn’t sure I’d see the day. Figured you fucked off and forgot all about us.”

  I hang my head while shame rains down on me. “Yeah, I deserve the heat. Bring it on.”

  He makes a noise in his throat. “Nah, that isn’t my style.” Ryan shocks the hell out of me by rushing forward and slinging an arm around my shoulders for a quick chest-bump. With a pound to my back, he murmurs, “Good to see you, Krue.”

  The old nickname makes me smile slightly. That's what the guys called me in school, but I haven’t heard it since. With his warm welcome, the weight of this situation doesn’t feel so heavy. He’s reminding me of brighter days, and I’m thankful. I definitely wasn’t anticipating an open-arms greeting, and my chest cinches tight.

  I swallow the emotion down. “Fuck, I needed to hear that.”

  Ryan pulls away, and a frown replaces his grin. “What’s wrong?”

  “It’s been a tough adjustment being back,” I admit.

  He nods. “I get that. Looks like you’re hauling a lot of troubling weight around. More than before.” I’m not surprised by his observation. Ryan has always been the perceptive type.

  “Eh, I’m surviving. But I have bad days like anyone else,” I share honestly.

  He scratches his temple. “So, where have you been?”

  The knot in my stomach doubles in size. It’s never easy talking about this shit. “A lot of places. Never outta state, though. I bounced around between family members for a bit. My aunt took me in. She helped me connect with my mom’s brother, who I’d never met. He was all right but couldn’t seem to look at me without thinking of his dead sister.” I cringe at the truth, but shrug it off. “I stayed with a cousin after that. Once she kicked me out, I moved from one sketchy spot to the next. Nothing permanent, and I couldn’t find a decent job to save any money. Not gonna lie, I struggled for a few years, there.”

  Ryan blows out a heavy breath. “But you figured something out?”

  I work my jaw back and forth. “Devon found me when I was at a real low point. He owns a construction company and was looking for reliable help. I needed a job and jumped at the chance. He changed the game for me. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but he’s a great boss and the crew is pretty cool. He keeps me busy. There’s less downtime to let my mind wander.

  “And here you are,” he fills in.

  “Yup, which was a fucking reality check. Never thought we’d land a gig in Garden Grove. Guess I couldn’t escape forever.”

  Hurt flares in his narrowed ey
es. “Was that the plan? You weren’t gonna come back for her?”

  I flinch at his accusing tone. “It’s not like that. You think I meant to leave her behind? Nah, I wanted to go off and build a life for us. Be a man she could be proud of. But my ambitions and confidence were far too high. I made Delilah a promise but couldn’t keep it. Turns out I had no right to offer her a future. I’m a loser, and ashamed more than anything. Why would I be rushing back here to show off my failures?”

  He raises a brow and juts his chin forward. “Maybe because your girl was waiting for you?” Ryan says it like a question but the meaning is clear.

  My neck gets hot under his pressing stare. Suddenly I’m feeling forced into the corner, with rage thrashing in my chest. Regret crashes over me when the burn boils my blood. Coming here was a mistake. All of my muscles strain while I search for the nearest exit.

  “Don’t even,” he chides. My glare clashes with his.

  “We grew up together, dude. I can still read you like a picture book. Stick this out and fight for what you want.”

  I want to lash out, spew the pain and venom gathering on my tongue. Ryan is getting to me, digging into the recesses of shit I keep hidden. But he knows me, and everything that’s buried inside. This is different than Lewis picking at me. My old friend isn’t shoving harder to be a jerk. He only wants to shake me awake. Too bad I’m not ready to crawl out of hibernation. A boulder drops in my gut and I kick at the gravel. I walked into this fucking pit of darkness on my own. Seems there’s light just beyond the horizon. If only I could reach out . . .

  Ryan prods further. “What’s storming off going to accomplish? You can’t disappear whenever the road gets rough.”

  “Not sure what you mean. I’m fine,” I grumble and avoid his stare.

  “Didn’t take you for a pansy. Don’t let Delilah know you’ve gone soft.” My head snaps up at his mention of her. Ryan notices my interest and adds, “Ah, she’s still a person of interest.”

  “Fuck that. Are you trying to get punched out at work?” My fists tremble from the unyielding tension propelling through me.

  His palm muffles a bark of disbelieving laughter. “You’re not a douche, so don’t act like one.”

  “And I thought this would be a pleasant conversation,” I reply with sarcasm coating my tone.

  “That’s why expectations get dropped at the door. So, have you seen her yet? I’d sure as shit hope you’d go there before coming to visit me.”

  I grunt at his assumption. “I don’t remember you being such a dick,” I mumble. “But for your information, I went to Jitters last night.”

  Ryan’s grin returns. “And?”

  “I talked to Delilah.”

  “Stop being evasive, Krue. What happened?” Ryan widens his stance, like he’s bracing for something.

  I squint into the distance. “I’m fucked. She’s rightfully pissed and shut down, wants nothing to do with me.”

  “Sure,” he says, “but she still loves you.”

  “Fucking doubt it.” My nostrils flare with a forced exhale while I work up some courage. “Do you, uh, know if D’s dating anyone?”

  Ryan chuckles and rocks forward. “Digging for dirt? Bet Marlene would be more than willing to share.”

  “Dude, I didn’t come here for a lecture—”

  “I’m fucking with you,” he interrupts. “She’s not seeing anyone, at least not seriously. She runs around with Addy, Trey, and that new chick. I think her name is Raven. She works with Delilah at Jitters.”

  My processing grinds to a halt and I gawk at this revelation. “Did you say Trey? As in Sollens?”

  “Yup. Hilarious, right?”

  Everything inside of my body locks up. “That asshole has always been a real tool to Delilah. What the fuck is she doing hanging out with him?”

  Ryan doesn’t seem to catch my distress. “Well, it’s hard to avoid your best friend’s boyfriend.”

  “Addison is dating him?” I sputter.

  He tosses his head back and belts out another laugh. “You nuts? Hell no. That Raven girl is all his. Trey locked that shit down.”

  “Huh,” I say. “I wonder what Delilah thinks of that.”

  “Maybe you should ask her.”

  “Thanks for the advice, smart ass.”

  “I’ll be here all day,” he replies with a smirk.

  “Yeah, not sure she would appreciate seeing me again.”

  Ryan waves my concern away. “No way. You two are the real deal.” I lift a questioning brow and he continues. “That woman loves you. Everyone can see it. You can fix the cracks. Aren’t you a carpenter now?”

  “I need more than a coat of paint and spackle to repair this disaster.”

  “Won’t know if you don’t try.”

  He’s got me there. “We’ll see,” I mutter and take in his easy expression. “Speaking of great loves, have you talked to Emery?” Ryan always had a thing for Delilah’s younger sister. Not sure he still does.

  The red flush racing up his neck gives him away. He rubs at the blushing skin and says, “Nah. She graduated and took off for college. I haven’t seen her in a few years.”

  I frown at that. “She doesn’t come back for holidays?”

  Ryan’s posture deflates like he’s losing steam. “Probably, but I lost my connection to her family when you fucked off.”

  “Shit, I’m sorry.” Another cold blast of guilt slams into me. I adjust my hat, wiping my brow in the process. Ryan mimics my movements, messing with the Green Thumb cap he’s wearing. We allow silence to envelope us for a few beats.

  Ryan clears his throat. “Don’t apologize for that. I’m the one who never pulled the trigger. She never knew how I felt. Not sure it would have mattered either way.”

  “Fucking chicks, man. Can’t survive without ‘em, right?”

  He gives a frustrated groan. “At least Delilah was yours.”

  I have to bite my tongue from correcting him, but he’s right. She was mine, as in past tense. I crack my knuckles to release some agitation. The nasty habit is better than biting my friend’s head off. After an inhale, I’m able to respond. “But I lost her.”

  “You know her, man. She’ll come around. Delilah has been wrapped around your pinkie since she was twelve. Pull out all the stops and win her back,” Ryan insists.

  “She deserves far better than me,” I argue.

  “Says who? Why don’t you let her be the judge of that? Don’t close the case before going to trial, Krue.”

  “You sound like a damn episode of Law and Order.”

  “Hey, whatever gets you believing.”

  His kindness and genuine encouragement are a healing balm to my battered esteem. Yet it doesn’t close the gaping chasm between what Delilah needs and what I can offer. I’ll never be good enough.

  Ryan seems to sense my hesitation. “I’m not saying you gotta get down on one knee tomorrow. But you’re in town for a bit so take advantage of the situation.”

  I hesitate. Then, I ask, “Got any suggestions?”

  He jerks away. “Uh, sure. We can talk through some stuff.”

  “Thanks, man. I don’t deserve—”

  Ryan interrupts, “Knock it off. We’re friends. That hasn’t changed.”

  “Sorry I’ve been an asshole.”

  “I understand. It’s not easy to admit defeat,” he says.

  He’s returning a piece I’ve been missing. Maybe things can actually work out. I glance around the busy greenhouse. “When’s your shift done?”

  He checks his phone. “I can leave after three. Perfect for happy hour.”

  “Wanna meet at Chasers?”

  “That dive?” He laughs. “Too chicken for Dagos or Boomers?”

  I sigh loudly, letting my frustration show. “You up for a drink or not?”

  Ryan fist pumps. “Hell yeah. I’ll see you there. Delilah won’t be able to resist the epic plan we create.”

  “Right, right,” I mumble. “Thanks again.” Aft
er a quick salute, I walk away.

  “Hey, Krue,” he calls out before I get too far.

  I turn around. “Yeah?”

  “Thanks for stopping by.”

  “I appreciate you not punching me in the face,” I return.

  Ryan shakes his head, hiding a grin. “I’m damn glad you’re back. This town sucks without you.”

  I smile, and the expression is real. “Me too,” I say quietly.

  And for the first time since arriving in Garden Grove, I actually mean it.

  FARCE

  Delilah

  TIME HAS NEVER ticked by so slowly. Three measly days have dragged on since Zeke stomped into Jitters out of thin air. Last week he was nothing but a fading memory. Now he’s rammed into the forefront of my brain, and there’s no reprieve. He shocked the hell out of me with his overbearing presence and grouchy attitude. He’s got some nerve barking demands and making crude accusations.

  A humorless laugh huffs out of me.

  That’s a bold lie—he was fairly pleasant. But it makes me feel better to pretend Zeke was horrible when our exchange replays in my mind. Considering I’ve been stewing nonstop over his unwanted intrusion, there’s been a lot of nonsense revisions. Imagining him as a massive ogre, ripping shit up left and right, isn’t hurting anyone. It’s the solid defense I need against crumbling and running straight to Roosters.

  Why did Zeke come back? My life was fine. Now he’s ruining it all over again. I wish he’d stay away, at least from me.

  I immediately retract that thought. My stomach cramps painfully at the idea of him gone again. Having him nearby in whatever capacity is better than not at all. It seems no matter how mad or betrayed I feel, that man will always be in my heart. He’s here, so close, that the possibility of reconciliation has been planted and is sprouting to life. I smack my forehead for that one.

  What is wrong with me?

  “Uh, D? You okay?” Raven asks.

  I snap out of my stupor and paste on a huge smile for her benefit. “Yeah. Why?”

  She points to my plate. “You’re turning that salad into pulp.”

  I glance down and realize she’s right. My dinner is now a pulverized lump of spinach. Shit. I worry my bottom lip and think of an excuse. This Zeke business is clogging all avenues.