I feel renewed – like a fresh start might be within my grasp.
Embracing my new-found confidence and my wanton desire for the man standing before me, I slowly pull the shirt from my body. I release the clasp of my bra and drop it rather unceremoniously to the floor. An unsteady breath hisses through Bryan’s teeth. “Oh God, Melanie. You’re … beautiful.”
As Bryan starts raining down kisses on my lips, across my jaw, down my neck and to the upper swell of my breasts, my breathing becomes labored. Need spikes through my veins and threatens to consume me whole. All thoughts of talking disappear. We can do that after.
Wrapping one arm around my waist, Bryan lifts me slightly and places me on the bed. I prop myself up on my elbows so that I can watch him undress the rest of the way. When he steps out of his tight-fitting navy blue boxers, my mouth goes dry. All moisture is being sent south as my body pulses with need for his naked body.
A quick second later, Bryan has my panties off and on the floor with the rest of our clothes. We stare, wide-eyed and lust-filled, at each other for a moment, lost in the beauty of one another. As he lowers his body onto mine, I revel in the feel of his weight pushing me into the mattress. The need to lick and taste him overwhelms me and, as I devour his neck, I murmur, “I missed you so much. Please … I need …” My words evaporate into thin air as my hips begin to roll and gyrate on their own accord.
His large palm grips my waist to calm me. “Shh … we’ll get there. I just need to kiss every inch of you first.” When his kisses across my neck and chest turn into hot, wet, sucks and licks, my nipples pucker as if they’re reaching out to take part in the torture he’s unleashing on my skin. And what a beautiful torture it is. The flicking of his tongue on one diamond-hard tip partnered with rolling the other with his fingers, stokes the fire he’s already set low in my belly. I tangle my fingers in his silky, brown hair and hold him to my breast before pushing him further down my body.
When he stops at my belly button to plant a kiss there, I surprise myself by not trying to cover myself up. I know he finds me beautiful. It’s a knowledge I wish I had months ago, but at that point, I didn’t believe it about myself. Bryan gazes up at me both awestruck and proud of my newfound confidence.
I believe it now.
Pushing my thighs open, he takes in the sight of me bared before him. His fingers lightly trace over my wet lower lips with such sweet reverence. Almost without warning, he dips his finger inside. “Ahhhh … Bryan …” It’s a bite of pleasure mixed with pain.
“Are you okay, Melanie? Talk to me, please. I don’t want to hurt you.” His eyes are wide like saucers and filled with concern.
“No, you are definitely not hurting me. It’s just … been a while, that’s all.” While my brain scrambles to find the next set of words that should logically follow those, my tongue gets tied in my mouth.
When Bryan says, “Yeah, for me too.” I’m shocked into silence.
I sit upright and kiss him with everything I’ve got. He may not have been mine these last months, but maybe in some way he was. So I claim him with my lips and tongue and only hope that he’s doing the same. Still sitting up, still lip-locked, Bryan slides two fingers through my folds and works them deep inside of me.
“Yes, Bryan. Yes! Please don’t stop!” His fingers thrust deep inside of me, hitting a spot that literally forces me to grind down harder on his hand. When his thumb begins gently rubbing small circles on my clit, the grinding becomes frantic and my impending orgasm causes my insides to flutter wildly.
My need to touch him is spurred on by my need to come. Kneeling before me, his cock is jutting out at me, beckoning me to stroke it.
So, I do.
The feel of him pushing his hips up and gliding his length through my unskilled palm makes me feel powerful. The smell of sex is all around us, and when he calls out my name on a stifled groan, it becomes a heady mix.
Somehow he maintains his stroking while I maintain mine. My clit is on fire within minutes and my legs shake as my orgasm builds. “Bry, I’m gonna … oh God, Bryan … Bryan … Bryan …” His name falling from my lips matches the rhythm of his thrusts and on one last push to the sweet spot deep within, I’m coming … hard.
Bryan wraps his arm around my back to hold me in place and his fingers continue their relentless, yet delicious torment. Pulling a nipple deep into his hot mouth, his sucking mimics the motion of his fingers, and before I realize it, a second wave of pleasure crashes straight on the heels of the first. “Bryan …” His name disappears in our kiss - heated and hard, full of passion and angst, gone missing for far too long.
I flop back on the bed, no longer able to hold myself upright, even with Bryan’s arm banded around my waist. A sheen of sweat covers my skin and goose bumps dot my flesh, which is now chilled in the absence of Bryan’s warm body. He kneels between my legs, his cock in hand just staring down at me with something that looks a lot like love shimmering in his eyes.
But now is not the time for words.
I pull a condom out of my nightstand and hand it to him. I reach up and wrap my hand around his. Together we stroke the length of his cock, from root to tip a few times. He pulls out of my grasp and rolls the condom down his length. When he’s covered and ready to go, I pull him down on top of me. He wastes no time gently nudging at my entrance. Rolling my hips up to meet his, we’re both tempting each other, dancing together in a dangerous temptation.
“Please, Bryan. Please make love to me.” I know that my plea is a risky one, one that could push him away, but this is what I want right now. I’m finally not afraid to voice what I want and I don’t know how many more chances I’ll get with him.
When he finally enters me, inch-by-agonizing-inch, it’s a risk I am so glad I took. Jaw clenched, veins bulging and muscles straining, Bryan looks like he is holding onto his control by a thread. “Ahhh, Melanie … so fucking tight …” His movements are slow and shallow at first, but I open to him immediately. A startled scream fills the room when he fills me completely – a noise mixed of our joined pleasure.
“Please move, Bryan, please … I need more.” Lightly grazing my nails down his muscled chest leaves angry red streaks in their wake, but it spurs him on to give me exactly what I asked for. Hooking my legs into the crooks of his arms, he holds them there as he drives into me hard and fast. “Fuck … Melanie … I’m gonna come … Melanie …”
He pulls out and removes the condom and tosses it on the floor. Stroking his cock in his tightened fist, he comes in thick white ropes on my stomach. It’s the hottest thing I’ve ever seen. My clit pulses with the need to be touched one more time. So I reach down and rub slow, lazy circles on it while Bryan continues milking the last of his orgasm. “Yeah, Melanie … touch yourself … my God, you’re so beautiful when you come. Come for me, baby,” he calls out as he moves to my side to toy with my breast.
The second his lips wrap around the pink bud of my nipple, I come in a hot rush of pleasure unlike the previous two. My body splinters into a million pieces, and just when I think I can’t take any more, Bryan nuzzles into the crook of my neck and whispers, “Simply breathtaking, baby.”
Did he just call me baby?
But before I can say anything, the bed shifts and he gets up. Grabbing a clean washcloth from the pile of folded laundry sitting atop my dresser, he cleans my belly before pulling the comforter over us.
With my arm wrapped around his waist and my leg draped across his, I rest my cheek on his chest and revel in the feel of being next to him. It’s a place I never thought I’d be again. He kisses the crown of my head and exhales a deep breath.
After a few minutes of relative silence punctuated only by the sound of his heart beating beneath my ear, I finally gather the courage to say what I’ve needed to say since I found out about it myself. “Bryan, we need to talk.”
“Yeah, we do.”
As his fingers tangle in my auburn locks, sleep claims me before any words can be spoken.
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nbsp; 17
When Bryan’s arm bands around my waist from behind, pulling me closer to his body, I’m startled awake. I gasp and he chuckles at me. The deep rumbling in his chest vibrates against my back.
“What’s so funny back there?” I smirk even though I know he can’t see it.
“You are.” He squeezes me more tightly and plants a sweet kiss on my shoulder. “Guess you’re not used to waking up with anyone, huh?”
I wiggle my ass into his growing erection. “No, I’m definitely not used to waking up to this.” One more wiggle emphasizes exactly what I mean by this.
I’m surprised by how easy it is to joke with him, but then again, that’s how it’s always been with Bryan.
Easy.
We both share a light laugh before the stilted silence descends upon us. I turn over to face him and prop my head up on my hand. Tucking his arms under his head, he stares up at the nothingness that the ceiling provides.
“Bryan, I need to say some things.” On my words he abruptly turns to his side and faces me. “So do I, Melanie.” His voice is laced with pain and I can only imagine what put it there.
Me.
We sit up and rest against the headboard. With the sheet pulled tightly across my chest and draped loosely around his waist, I inhale a cleansing breath and offer up a small prayer that things turn out well.
His hand falling on top of mine and squeezing gently gives me the last push of strength I need to start talking. “I never slept with that other guy,” I blurt the words and feel instantly lighter they are out of my mouth.
He shifts abruptly and stares at me with a knot of confusion marring his beautiful face. My stomach twists with guilt at having not told him this piece of information months ago.
Pinching the bridge of his nose, he closes his eyes tightly. “I’m sorry, but what did you just say?” The stupefied look that’s plastered to his face does nothing to hide his emotions.
“I know I should have told you a long time ago, but every time I tried to, something happened.” I can see the look of confusion recede slightly as he recalls our few and angry encounters over the summer. Feeling the need to clarify the course of events, I add, “There really was never a good time to tell you. When you first told me about knowing that the text from Courtney was an old picture, the words just got jumbled up in my brain. I wanted to tell you, but you just walked away from me. I even tried to last night, but you were so adamant about … other things … that I just, well, call me selfish, but I wanted you too and I just didn’t want to talk about that and ruin the chance to be with you again.”
On a loud exhale, he rubs his hands over his face as if he’s trying to wake up from this nightmare. “I know. I didn’t want any words to get in the way last night either,” he says softly as he brushes my hair out of my face. I take his nod as a cue to continue my long overdue explanation.
“You already know that I was in a shitty place before we both went home for vacation.” He nods again and it gives me a little strength to carry on. “Well, my mood had a lot to do with us, but it also had a lot to do with other things. I wasn’t happy with who I was. I wasn’t happy about the twists and turns that my life was taking.” I inhale what I hope to be a calming breath, but it gets caught in the thick emotions clogging my throat. “Maddy almost died, and then I found out she was having a baby and leaving me alone. Mom was alone and sad again. Then the stuff with you not calling and thinking you had moved on from me …” My rambling trails off and mixes with the tears that streak down my cheeks. The pad of his thumb wiping away my tears lifts my downcast gaze.
He pulls my lips to his as both palms now gently cup my cheeks. “Tell me the rest. Please.” His eyes are begging for the rest of the story.
“I was partying a lot, too, when I was home. I think Maddy knew, but she never really confronted me. It got bad real quick. It was a way to numb everything, to not have to feel all the things that were making me sad. I didn’t even want to hang out with Maddy all that much. It was like her happiness just made me sadder.” On a deep shuddery breath, he sweeps my hair back once more. “The night I got that text from Courtney, I had already convinced myself that you no longer wanted me. I was drunk. Well, actually shitfaced is more like it. I was talking with a guy. We were drinking, a lot. And after the text, I drank some more, a lot more. We kissed – fooled around a little - but that was it. I promise.”
We sit in silence for a few moments. He doesn’t say anything and I want to give him the space to absorb what I’ve just told him. He finally looks at me. “But I don’t understand, Melanie.” He sighs as he scratches his head. “You said … I mean … how did you … what made you think that you slept with him.” The last few words catch in his throat.
I’ve actually thought about this a lot. I blamed myself for ruining our relationship for so long; I had a lot of time on my own to try and figure it all out. “Bryan, I’m so sorry. I never meant to put us through this, but I think part of it was that I always thought the worst of myself. I remember talking to him. I remember the kiss and the call and then the rest is a blurry mess.” I sniffle and wipe my nose with the back of my hand in a rather unladylike fashion. “I woke up the next morning with in someone else’s shirt, my jeans were unsnapped, my bra was missing and I guess through my hangover fog, I assumed the worst. When I happened to run in to Tyler over spring break, that night came into focus. I wanted to tell you right away, you have to believe me, but you wanted nothing to do with me.” Bryan looks utterly disgusted with me. Hell, so was I when I first found out. But, sitting up a bit straighter, I feel lightened by the truth I’ve just unveiled.
Scrubbing a hand through the light stubble that decorates his jaw, he huffs and closes his eyes. I can tell he’s struggling with what I just told him, but the reality is that he wanted me last night before he even knew about any of this. Emboldened by that thought, I scoot an inch closer to him and cup his cheek. Turning his face to mine, I call him out on last night. “But you didn’t know this last night, Bryan. You didn’t know any of it, but you still wanted me. I saw it in your eyes and felt it in your touch too. Last night was not just a one night thing for you.” I lace our fingers together in my lap and squeeze gently.
At least, I hope it wasn’t.
“You’re right. It wasn’t just about last night.” His words sober me immediately; they’re words I never thought I would hear. “When I saw you at Bella’s, I could tell what you thought about me and Abbey. I saw how much it hurt you and I knew. I just knew that you still had feelings for me. When I saw the hurt in your eyes as we were leaving, I decided to finally own my feelings for you, too.”
A lone tear trickles down my face. Bryan kisses it away and smiles at me. “I don’t think I ever stopped loving you.” He opens his heart to me and I shoot him a wry look. “Okay, okay.” He holds his hands up in surrender. “Right after you told me what you thought happened, my feelings may have changed, but even still, there was always a part of my heart that belonged to you.”
“So, what changed between then and last night?” I ask timidly.
Bryan stares absentmindedly out of my bedroom window as the sunlight dances through the thin purple curtains. Closing his eyes, as if he’ll find the answers hidden behind his lids, he finally starts talking. “I spent the last few months struggling with my family. Watching the people you love the most fall apart right before your eyes is pure torture. But when Emmie was staying with me for the summer, I felt alive again. I know it’s cheesy, but she gave me hope again. And then when I saw you again, I knew I had to take a chance.” He pulls my face to his and lightly grazes his lips across mine. “I just didn’t know how. And then when I saw you with that guy at camp, I lost my shit. Everything I thought about what happened between us, came crashing down around me.” Through tensely clenched jaw, he mutters, “I let my anger about everything – about you, about my dad, about my mom – I let it consume me. It changed me. “
I softly press my lips to his cheek and whisper
against his skin, “It’s okay. You’re still you.” He leans into my lips and my heart swells. I missed him so much.
“But I wasn’t for a long time and I didn’t like who I was. I spent a lot of time thinking about how unfair I was to you when we broke up. I told you that you weren’t good enough, that you had to change.” His face twists in guilt. “How fucked up is that? We could have worked on things. Maybe we could have figured them out, but I told you to go fix yourself and here I was becoming the exact same kind of person I told you not to be.”
That’s pretty harsh to hear and it kills me to think that we could have figured things out a long time ago. Opting to take the high road, I bite back what could be a very pissed-off outburst. The truth is that he was right. Back then, I wasn’t a whole person; I was a shadow of the woman I’ve become.
“But Bryan, don’t you realize that I wouldn’t be who I am now, if you didn’t do that.” I take a deep breath and hope that my words make sense. “Most of what you said back then was right. I didn’t have faith in myself. I didn’t love myself. If we hadn’t broken up, I might have never found the strength to figure out who I am. I’m not going to lie; it wasn’t a pretty time for me. But I did a lot of soul searching and I spent a lot of time with my family. I learned so much about who I really am and I found out that I’m pretty awesome.” I flip my hair playfully to emphasize the dorkiness of what I’ve just said. His goofy grin and small laugh reassure me so I continue. “Maybe that’s just how things were supposed to be. We were meant to spend some time apart to figure things out, to pick up the pieces so that we could both be whole when we found each other again.”
Before I can even offer up my lame smile, his lips are on mine. His hands are in my hair and he’s pulling me so close to his body that I feel like we’re going to melt together as one. Pulling back from the branding kiss, he leans his forehead against mine. “I’m still scared.” His admission knocks me for a loop because it’s as if he’s just read my mind.
Let Love Heal l-3 Page 23
