“Norman got his hand caught in the wringer once,” Mervin said.
“Not today, though,” Norman said, shrugging. “It was when I was smaller.”
“I never had my hand caught,” Mervin said.
“Arlene doesn’t want either of us caught,” Norman said, glancing at the ground.
“That makes perfect sense,” Ella said, tousling each boy’s hair. “Let me tie up my horse, and then I’ll go look for Arlene.”
The two boys followed her to the house and ran past her when she got to the porch. Since she figured they would announce her presence, she didn’t knock but waited.
They came racing back a moment later.
“You’re supposed to come on in,” Norman said, holding the door open for her.
Ella stepped inside. When they followed, Ella wondered if she should tell them to go play. The conversation ahead certainly wasn’t fit for little ears.
Before she could say anything, Arlene awkwardly opened the washroom door—or rather shoved it open—because of the large hamper of wash in her arms.
“You boys go out and play by the barn,” she said as if she suspected something about the conversation to come. Ella wasn’t sure if this was a good sign or not.
“We don’t want to,” Norman said. “Ella just got here.”
“She’s come to talk to me. Now, get,” she said in no uncertain terms. Then her face softened. “Good morning to you, Ella. I’m glad you came.”
“Come on,” Norman muttered. “We can play horse in the barn since they don’t want us here.”
“Don’t fall through the haymow,” Arlene said, lecturing their backs.
“We won’t,” Norman said, but he didn’t turn around. The screen door snapped shut behind them.
“Well,” Arlene said, shifting the hamper in her hands.
Relief flooded Ella. At least Arlene isn’t angry.
“Here, let me carry that,” Ella said, reaching for the hamper.
“How about one side of it?” Arlene said, letting go of one side. The two walked through the front door together and toward the wash line as Ella searched desperately for the right way to begin this conversation.
“Daniel came over the other night,” Ella began when they reached the wash line and had set the hamper gently on the ground.
“That’s not that unusual,” Arlene said with her eyes on the hamper. Gingerly she reached for a dress, clipped it onto the line, and pulled the pulley to move the wire along. “So what did he have to say?”
“Well, I’d rather not tell you. It’s a little embarrassing, really.”
“For him or for you?”
“I was thinking of you,” Ella said, wishing this conversation wasn’t necessary. “Perhaps I should let him tell you his side of the story.”
“I’m really interested in your side.” Arlene met her eyes. Her smile was now gone. “I already know Daniel’s side of it.”
“He has spoken to you, then?”
“Not since he spoke to you, but I know his side of things. I’ve dated him for more than four years.”
“That’s what I told him. That and some other things. Perhaps I was too hard on him.”
“I doubt it,” Arlene’s said, but her face softened again. “I’m sure he needed it. Sort of a big sister talking-to, yah?”
“I suppose so. He would have been like my brother when Aden and I married.”
“So he asked you to be his sweetheart?” Arlene asked.
Ella detected a tremble in Arlene’s voice. “Yah.” Ella kept her eyes focused on the clothes hamper. “I feel bad about this. I have searched my heart…to see if I encouraged him. I really didn’t, Arlene. I don’t think I ever did. He was like a brother to me—always helpin’ out after Aden died.”
“Sometimes things turn into what they weren’t intended to be. I suppose I could have spoken up, but I wanted to see how far Daniel would take it. He’s always dreamin’ about things that are never to be his. He thinks he’s so much less than Aden. I guess he thought with Aden’s girl, he might be more like his brother.”
“But I’m not better than you,” Ella said, feeling the words burst out of her.
“It depends. In Da Hah’s eyes, no, but men and women aren’t made the same.”
“You are the one for him, and I told him that.”
“I know,” Arlene said, wiping the tear that had dripped onto her cheek. “Da Hah and I know it, but Daniel apparently doesn’t.”
“But he’ll be back. That’s the reason I came to talk to you—or part of the reason. The other reason I’m here is to tell you where I stand, so you would have no doubt. I thought it would be better to hear it all from me—for yourself.”
“He’s got dreams in his head, Daniel does.”
“Mostly muddled thinkin’, I would say.”
“He can’t see the road ahead for the stars in the sky. I don’t know, Ella. Sometimes such a mind has to be cleared first before it can walk very far again.”
“I’m sorry for my part in this,” Ella said, hesitating. “I had no idea. I guess I was so caught up in my own world of grief that I never thought about where I was going.”
“I’m not blamin’ you,” Arlene said. “I could have spoken up if I’d wanted to.”
“Maybe it’s just Daniel who’s to blame,” Ella said haltingly. Daniel still seemed like her brother, and one was careful about speaking of family.
“He is,” Arlene said, laughing for the first time.
“And who best to straighten him out than the one who loves him the most, yah?”
Arlene laughed again, clipping the last of the clothes onto the line. The rolled-out wire went off high into the air. The pieces were wet and hanging heavily on the line.
“I’ll be seein’ to him, then,” Arlene said. “That is…when he comes back around.”
“Oh, he will,” Ella said, although her heart wasn’t so sure. Daniel had looked about as stubborn as Eli when he left her the other night.
After a silence, which signaled to Ella that there was nothing more to be said, she spoke, “Well, I need to get back to my house. I’ve been gone all day yesterday, helpin’ out at home.”
“Glad it’s not me with that big house,” Arlene said. “I have enough to do, the way it is.”
“Ronda and Joe will be rentin’ the first floor,” Ella said, relieved the friendship had been preserved. “I need the money, and I don’t need all that house.”
“No husband comin’ up?” Arlene asked with a twinkle in her eyes.
Ella shook her head. “My heart was already taken.”
“You got your eyes in the stars too?” Arlene said. “Don’t let it keep you from findin’ your way around down here.”
“I loved him,” Ella said. “I can never love another like that.”
“I know,” Arlene said, “but Da Hah might still have other things in mind for you. And don’t be sayin’ no just because you remember the past that can’t be no more.”
Ella felt a shock of horror. Does Arlene know about the bishop? If she does, then the whole world knows. It will only make things more difficult if people begin assuming things. “Do you know anything?” she asked through tight lips.
Arlene laughed. “No, I only knew about Daniel, but it looks like there’s more to be known. That’s not hard to imagine, Ella. Really, now just be thinkin’ straight, will you? Aden snatched you right up the moment he saw you. You know that’s true.”
“There are others who have had the same experience,” Ella said, but her voice trembled.
“Yah, but we’re not all the same. Look at me. Daniel has never even asked me to marry him. Sure, I know we’re for each other, but the waitin’ is hard sometimes. He should have been askin’ a long time ago. I expect Aden never had that problem.”
“He wanted to marry two years ago,” Ella said, feeling the tears sting her eyes. “It’s one of the sorrows of my heart—that I was never his wife and could have been if we hadn’t waited. It would h
ave made it easier, I think, to have had his child with me now.”
“You mustn’t trouble yourself with such thoughts,” Arlene said, taking her arm with a firm grip. “You really mustn’t, Ella. Those eyes of yours are always on the stars. You and Aden would have had your share of troubles just like everyone else. Some of us have ours first, and some of us later. But they do come. They really do, Ella. So be thinkin’ about your life now. I know you won’t be left without an offer from some man who is worthy of you. And don’t be turnin’ away from it. Your mind must stay open even if your heart’s still a’hurtin’. It’ll be your lifelong regret if you don’t. Think of your mamm and daett, of your family, and of your children yet to come. You don’t want to get old all alone in that big house of yours with no man to ever comfort your heart. Da Hah has plans for you,” Arlene said, her voice now gentle.
“It’s just so hard,” Ella choked.
“I know it is. But you must not think you know best,” Arlene chided. “It’s better to walk the road one is given by Da Hah.”
Surprise gripped her at Arlene’s words. She knew they were true but hadn’t expected to hear them. The visit had been to talk with Arlene about Daniel, not about her and Aden.
“Life has a lot of hurtin’ in it, but the angels came to help us. Did they not come when Aden died? It shows Da Hah is firmly in control.”
“I will try” was all Ella could say.
“Be thinkin’ about it,” Arlene said, squeezing her hand. “But I’m thinkin’ I’ve spoken too many words already, seein’ I’ve never walked your road. You will forgive me for my boldness?”
“There’s nothing to forgive,” Ella said through her tears. “I will try to make wise choices in the days ahead.”
“Then I’d best get back to my wash,” Arlene said, letting her hand drop and bending over to pick up the empty hamper.
“And I’d best be getting back to my duties.”
Ella walked toward the buggy, glancing back once, but Arlene had disappeared into the washroom. Nelson and Mervin must have heard her walk on the gravel because they came out of the barn with a shout. Ella’s horse jumped but quieted down under the brush of her hand.
“Sorry,” Nelson said, stopping Mervin with his hand. “We didn’t mean to scare your horse. Is he a new one?”
“New to me,” she said, forcing a smile.
“Those are the skittish ones,” Nelson said as if he knew all about horses. “Once you get to know them real well, they become much better.”
“You’re a horseman already,” Ella said with a laugh, untying the horse as the boys moved back toward the barn. This much they already knew, one did not stand too close when a buggy took off.
As she left, she waved at the two little bodies with their hands in their pockets and mischief in their eyes.
On the drive home, the conversation with Arlene kept playing in her head. Do I really keep my eyes on the stars and not on the road in front of me? Am I really supposed to consider the bishop’s offer? Can love rise up from the earth to reach the heavens instead of coming down from the sky? Life was to be lived with my hand in Aden’s hand. Another man’s hand is simply unacceptable.
Fourteen
The house on the corner of Chapman Road came into view. The white walls almost reached out, invited her in, and drew her to itself. Of course, no house made of wood and block could do that—even her own—but the emotion felt good. She was almost home. How quickly this had happened. Surely Da Hah had blessed her already with a refuge.
The troubling thoughts that had followed her from the conversation with Arlene fell away like dandelion fluff in the wind, floating away into nothing. She would think more about Arlene’s words later.
Ella eagerly unhitched the horse and turned him out to the pasture. He seemed glad to be back, kicking up his heels and tearing around the fence line. Ella watched him run. When the horse got to the back pasture, she went inside. With the front door shut behind her, the feeling of refuge now mixed with a sense of loneliness as she confronted the great silence in the rooms.
These rooms should be full of people; full of laughter and joy. These walls should be home to more than just one person. It’s too large, too beautiful, and too majestic to be lived in alone. Somehow I will fill it. Ronda and Joe are a good start. Beyond that it doesn’t matter. Today the answer came, and tomorrow I will receive the grace I will need for the future.
There were bags to be unpacked. Ella wrestled with the suitcase as she dragged it upstairs. How much easier things would be if Eli or Monroe were here to help. With a final wrestle, she made it to the top. She picked the bedroom at the right with its open view of Chapman Road. The room would also look toward the sunrise. What better way to begin each day of the new life before me?
Ella unpacked, deciding the bedroom across the hall would serve as her improvised kitchen since she still wasn’t convinced of Ronda’s basement-living suggestion. Still, to permanently fasten cabinets on these new walls seemed a shame. Instead she would place them on the floor, simply set up along the wall.
Buckets of water could be brought up the stairs and carried back down in the slop container. An occasional splash of dishwater tossed out the window was not beyond reason, especially at night when no one would see her. Ella wondered how many people threw dishwater out of their upstairs windows. She smiled at the thought. It didn’t seem very civilized.
Ella finished unpacking and went back downstairs. There was still time to do a load of wash since it was not yet one o’clock. If she hurried, the clothes would dry by dark. The wash line was strung up from the back porch to the windmill, which stood high in the air. Its tall blade turned slowly in the wind, creaking as water was pulled up and dumped into the holding tank. The horse drank from there. The rest of the water spilled onto the ground and could be diverted in summers to a rain-starved garden. An inch-wide black pipe ran underground to an outside spigot by the house. From there a bucket could be filled in spurts as the windmill turned and gravity carried the water toward the house.
Ella started the washing machine with two jerks of the starter rope. She added the soap once she found it in the grocery bags her mom had sent along in the move. An hour later, her wash was clipped to the line and flapping in the breeze. It would easily be dry before dusk.
As evening approached, Ella’s sense of loneliness increased again. All afternoon she had heard no noise, joined in no human conversation, nor seen another human face, and, besides the wash, she had completed no chores. With this strange silence came the memory of what Arlene had said. Do I really have my eyes on the stars, thus missing the road at my feet? Ella turned the question over all afternoon and was still considering it when she brought the wash in just as the last of the sun’s rays hung in the sky.
She ironed most of the pile of clothes as darkness fell. She lit the kerosene lamp, went to get the casserole from the basement, and heated it in the oven. While it warmed she added the jam, butter, and bread to the sparse table setting. Satisfied, Ella sat down to eat, bowing her head in silent prayer. Chewing slowly, she jumped when she heard the sound of buggy wheels suddenly rattling in the gravel outside and a horse blowing its nose loudly.
Surely Daniel has not returned to try his foolish love talk again. He had better sense than that. She walked slowly to the front door, fear gripping her. Is this the bishop? This soon? Come for his answer? He was the last person she wished to see. What with Eli, her parents’ wishes, and now what Arlene had said, she couldn’t think straight enough to face the blaze of his blue eyes. Her legs were like water just thinking about it.
The firm knock came at the door, and Ella forced herself to answer. She opened it slowly but was unable to make out the face in the darkness. She saw just the shadow of a lengthy beard. So, no, it isn’t Daniel. With her heart heavy, she weakly said, “Come in.”
“Danki,” the familiar voice said. No, it’s not the bishop either. It was the voice from Aden’s funeral—the voice that had thundered con
demnation against mankind’s sin, roared against youthful folly, and came from the one who was ready and able to use even the death of a good man for his own purposes.
“I’m alone,” Ella said, surprised she would say such a thing. Perhaps she responded to the man’s stance. He stood so vigilant against even the appearance of evil but was now ready to walk into a home alone with a woman who wasn’t his wife.
“Am I botherin’ you?” he asked, not moving from the porch.
“I was in the middle of supper,” she said.
“Then I’m sorry. I’ll come back later.”
“No,” she said, “there’s no need for that.”
What he wanted, Ella couldn’t imagine. Surely Preacher Stutzman didn’t come with a marriage proposal. The thought almost made her laugh, but she caught herself in time. He was, after all, Preacher Stutzman and not a man to bring laughter to a woman’s soul.
With his hat turning in his hand, he nodded and stepped shyly inside. Ella had a hard time with the change in the man. He hardly seems to be the same person whose sermon had thundered at Aden’s funeral.
“I won’t keep you long,” he said with a glance toward the food on the table. “Your supper will be gettin’ cold.”
“How are the girls?” Ella asked, wanting to place him at ease. Perhaps what had been said about him was true, that he was a man broken by his wife’s death. If so, he must have loved her a great deal, she thought with a twinge of compassion.
“They’re doin’ okay,” he said with some hesitation. “Sister Susanna helps out when she can. But it’s not the same since Lois passed. Nothin’s quite the same.” He stroked his beard gently. Ella noticed for the first time that his eyes were as blue as the bishop’s. Somehow during his preaching, his voice had always overshadowed any other part of him, particularly his eyes.
“I would think so,” she said, still wondering what could be the reason for his visit.
“The girls—” he said. “The other night when Mary had her earache spell, I was thinkin’ that something would have to be done about their continued care. Susanna already has her hands full, and I have my work on the farm. It’s more than enough to keep one man busy, and I can’t exactly afford to hire farm help. Yet the girls need watchin’ during the day and sometimes a visit to the clinic like Mary did for her ear.”
Ella's Wish (Little Valley 2) Page 8
