“Yah, we can do that at home,” Clara said with an impish smile.
Ella thought a moment. “Well, you can help me move upstairs. I thought I’d have to wait till Joe and Ronda arrived, but as long as you’re here, we might as well do it now. Ronda stopped by yesterday and made the final plans. They are coming for sure. She offered to help then, but this would be even better.”
“Then busy we’ll be,” Dora said. “Just point the way.”
“My bed first,” Ella said, making sure Mary followed them up the stairs, the baby still in her other arm. “Strip off the covers while I get Barbara settled on the blanket. Then we’ll heave together.”
“This was easier when Eli and Monroe helped,” Dora said as she and Ella wrestled the mattress on the stairs.
“That’s why I thought it might be better to wait for Joe.”
“We can do this,” Dora said, pushing harder and grunting. “Maybe we need Clara’s help. I think the girls can watch themselves for a moment.”
Ella shook her head and then made a sudden rush for the top of the stairs, pushing the mattress for all she was worth. Dora did her part as best she could, and the two girls collapsed against the upstairs wall and laughed heartily.
“See? We did it!” Dora said. “Now if we could just fix some other problems this easily.”
“Other problems?” Ella asked. What don’t I know about?
“Eli saw the Englisha girl again,” Dora whispered.
“No.”
Dora nodded. “I haven’t told anyone. Not even Mamm.”
“But you must,” Ella said. “That was our mistake last time. Mamm and Daett have to be told. That is, if you’re really sure. Are you?”
“Well, I didn’t see them together. But, yes, I just know.”
“Then you really must tell. Today. Right away when you get home.”
“What will this do for you and the bishop?”
“It’s Eli I’m concerned about,” Ella said, not thinking too long.
“Perhaps you should think about yourself for a change. You can’t lose him, Ella, and you know the bishop won’t like this.”
Ella stood still, remembering the words he spoke to her, I see more and more why Da Hah had me wait. I have never met a woman among our people I can value more. Red crept up her neck.
“Have you already promised him?” Dora asked, gripping Ella’s hand. The mattress leaned against the wall, forgotten. “Oh, I can’t believe this! You really are going to marry the bishop.”
Ella shook her head.
“Ach, please don’t say so. If you’re already promised, then this wouldn’t mean anything. The bishop wouldn’t go back on his word.”
“It’s Eli we should be concerned about,” Ella said, finding her voice. The bishop’s words still rang loudly in her mind. Did he really mean them, or were they just words? Is his love real? Her stomach ached. Aden was the only man she ever asked such a question of. The tears began to form.
“So, you do care for the bishop. I never would have thought it from how you were actin’ earlier. But, Ella, oh I’m so glad for you, even if you’re not promised to him yet. He’ll ask you soon enough. He’s a gut man, and we really must keep Eli’s actions secret—at least until the bishop asks. Do tell him, Ella. Let him see that you care for him, like you are showing it right now.”
Ella shook her head, but Dora was looking out the window with a gleam in her eyes.
“Eli will help out with this. I know he will. He’s as interested as we are in keepin’ this a hush. He’ll not spill the beans. He won’t if I don’t tell on him. The bishop thinks the problem’s solved, and Mamm and Daett do too.”
“No, I can’t,” Ella said, mouthing the words carefully.
“But you must. For once, think of yourself. You can’t just lose the bishop like that. He’s much too great a catch.”
“I don’t want the bishop, at least not for those reasons.” Ella said.
Dora turned to face her sister, her hands on her hips. “For once I have to tell you what is right. Ella, this is right. Eli’s problems stay Eli’s problems. It’s not right that he affect your life. This is too important. You’ll never find another man as right for you as the bishop.”
“I had Aden,” she said. The words came out as a cry and were accompanied by the tears on her cheeks.
Dora relented. “Your heart must be pure gold, Ella. If I had a chance like this, I’d take it, no questions asked. It’s all that simple to me. I’d tell Eli to keep his Englisha girl hidden until after the weddin’ or else. And he would too, believe me. But then I’m not you. I guess that’s why I get a boyfriend like Norman, and you get the bishop.”
“Would you quit it?” Ella said. “It’s not like that. I can’t explain everything, but it’s complicated.” Should I explain further and tell Dora about the dreams? But the words seem so distant, impossible to find at the moment, as if saying them makes less sense than silence.
She turned from Dora and looked out the window. “Just give me a minute,” Ella whispered.
She looked into the distance and then to the road. For a moment she could almost see Aden in his buggy—driving down the road, holding the lines taut in his hands, smiling that joyful smile he always gave her—but the seat beside him was empty. She opened her mouth to call out to him. That seat beside him was meant for her. She belonged with him. How many times had she sat there, felt the strength in those arms simply because they were near, and sensed the depth of his love for her, his desire that she be with him. Aden, wait for me! She was uncertain whether she whispered the words out loud or not and didn’t care.
The buggy turned the corner, the horse’s legs made long, even strides, and Aden’s smile only widened. But now the smile wasn’t turned toward the empty seat beside him. It was turned up to the sky, as if he saw a great thing above him, a sight that drew him with great fascination. Never had she seen such delight on his face, and then he was gone. Just like that, she was back in the room with Dora. The mattress was still leaning against the wall.
“I loved him so much,” she whispered.
Dora met her eyes and then gave her a hug. “I understand.”
“I thought I just saw him,” Ella whispered. “He was driving his buggy, but I wasn’t with him. You should have seen the look on his face. His eyes were on the sky, Dora.”
“The angel took him,” Dora whispered. “Remember, Da Hah does what He wishes. But you must not scorn the gift He has left you in the bishop, Ella. You really mustn’t.”
“I won’t hide things from the bishop,” Ella said, determined. “I won’t hide something like Eli’s actions from him.”
“Whatever you say,” Dora sighed. “That’s the way you are, I guess. I just wish I was half as good as you are.”
“You shouldn’t say that, and it’s very prideful and not true. I’m just a girl like all the others.”
“Whatever you say, Ella. At least I tried,” Dora said. “Now let’s get the rest of these things upstairs before Clara thinks something happened to us.”
They pushed the mattress into the bedroom and set it on the frame. Together they walked downstairs where Clara was waiting with a questioning look on her face. Ella wondered if she should try to explain about her tears and red face. Should I say the words, “I’m to be the bishop’s wife, and Eli is being naughty again”? How can I explain such things to a younger sister?
Dora took the lead and said, “It’s just grownup stuff.”
“I figured,” Clara said. “That’s what I thought when the two of you didn’t come down for so long. Dora’s telling her secrets there, where I can’t hear them.”
“Let’s just hope you don’t have to go through the sorts of things that must be spoken of in the shadows,” Ella said, laying her hand on Clara’s shoulder. “Aden’s passin’ still hurts me.”
“Oh,” Clara said, “I see. I guess I should mind my own business. Anyway, the baby’s fussin’.”
“I’ll fix a bottle,�
� Ella said, bending over to give Clara a hug.
“We have to go soon,” Dora said, glancing at the clock.
“Then we’ll eat first.” Ella decided that on the spot and immediately started fixing sandwiches while Dora carried small items upstairs. They sat down to eat together but first bowed their heads in silent prayer.
After the table was cleared, Dora said, “We really have to go. Mamm won’t let us come again if we stay past our time.”
“Go, go,” Ella said, shooing them out the door. She walked to the living room window and watched the buggy disappear over the knoll.
Twenty-nine
At the last minute, Ella thought long and hard about whether to attend Joe and Ronda’s wedding. I have an invitation, and the event would be a welcome diversion. There would, of course, be the pain associated with a wedding, but then there is also the wonder of the moment when two people become united as one. Those few seconds in time when the couple’s lives are changed forever is so wonderful.
Few things in life are quite like the promise someone gives to another to honor, to love, and to hold alone in the heart until death separates them. Few things are held in higher esteem or are more sacred than the words spoken at a wedding. Heaven or earth or the will of man or woman are never to break them. Only the vows said on one’s knees at baptism held greater weight. The wedding is today. If I am to go, the time to decide is now.
Finally Ella simply said out loud, “I will go.”
Mary looked up from her play.
“Go where?”
“To Ronda’s wedding. Do you want to go?”
“Yah,” Mary said, easily excited.
“Come then. We have to get ready.”
Mary got up and grabbed Sarah’s hand. She ran, partly dragging her sister toward the bedroom and laughing as she went. Baby Barbara giggled from her blanket on the floor, waving her arms and feet around.
Ella took their Sunday dresses out of the closet. Her eyes softened at the sight of their cheerful faces, and she decided once again that she would never abandon Preacher Stutzman’s girls, even with Eli and his troubles with the Englisha girl. Both subjects would have to be brought up with the bishop on Saturday. She would tell him everything. That was just the way things had to be.
She pulled the girls’ dresses up over their heads and slipped their Sunday ones on. They giggled as she fastened the buttons in place. What kind of woman will Preacher Stutzman choose as his wife? Will she be like his Sunday preaching—strong and fierce—or will she fit the rest of his life—timid and tender? Will the new mother have children of her own? Will they take up all her time and care, so that she neglects the girls?
What troubling thoughts and really none of my business. Surely once the vows are spoken between Ivan and his future wife, all things will fall into their proper place, and the three girls will be loved.
Ella quickly dressed herself and gathered up the three girls. Mary and Sarah ran beside her to the buggy as their little black shawls flapped in the slight morning breeze. Ella carried the baby and the satchel in her arms.
Ella left all three in the buggy while she harnessed the horse. He came willingly out of the stall, neighing and rubbing his nose against her arm. She threw the harness on, fastened the straps, and led him outside. Mary acted like she was driving down the road and repeated, “Horsey, getup!” while Ella hitched the horse to the buggy. Mary used her father’s Sunday preaching voice, catching Ella by surprise. It sounded so strange, yet cute, coming from such a little body. The resemblance was unmistakable.
“You’d better stop calling out to the horse like that,” Ella said, holding the reins and making ready to climb in the buggy. “He could take off before we’re ready.”
“Oh,” Mary said, falling silent.
Ella pulled herself up, placed one arm around both Mary and Sarah, and slapped the reins with the other.
Both girls laughed in delight as the buggy rattled out the driveway. It was really gut to hear their joy and feel the brisk morning air on her face. It made one’s spirits soar. It had definitely been the right decision to attend the wedding, even if just to behold the girls’ enjoyment of the ride.
As they passed the river, the mist still hung along the water’s edge. A cardinal sang with such vigor that Ella could clearly hear it above the clip of the horse’s hooves on the blacktop. Only the gurgle of the water at the bridge threatened to drown the sound out, but the two sounds seemed to blend together, almost becoming one. A smile filled Ella’s face. It had been a long time since she had heard such lovely music.
“I forgot where we’re going,” Mary said with a voice sounding like a musical wind chime.
“To Ronda’s wedding,” Ella said, hoping her mixed emotions didn’t come through. She certainly couldn’t explain to a child how her joy was mingling with the regret of going to a wedding without Aden. She didn’t even understand herself how she could be feeling such joy.
“When will we see Daett again?” Mary asked.
Her mind spun. It hadn’t occurred to her that perhaps Preacher Stutzman would be there today. How will this look if he is? I will be there with his three daughters, and he will be sitting on the preacher’s bench. Will everyone know that I have been hired for their care? Sunday care had not been in the bargain.
“He’s comin’ for you on Friday night,” she said, hoping that would suffice.
“When is that?” Mary asked.
“Soon,” she said, “in just a few more days.”
“Is he at church today?”
“I don’t know,” Ella said. Hopefully Preacher Stutzman isn’t going to be there. It would make the day so much better if his district hasn’t been invited. Surely they haven’t been! They can’t invite that many people.
Ella drove out of the river bottom, and gazed at the vista of the countryside before her. In the early morning light, the roll of the land to the south stretched out before her. The beauty of this part of the state never ceased to stir her. In the east and toward the lake, one could see the low mountains, but today they were obscured by the low morning clouds. They were dark, and their movements rapid. That was not surprising. These sudden summer showers weren’t unusual, but this was Ronda’s wedding day. No doubt Ronda was in a tizzy right now. Rain on a wedding day didn’t reflect well on the bride. Of course that was all nonsense, but it still would be a disappointment.
When it came, it came quickly. The lash of the sudden rain brought with it a wind strong enough to stir the tree branches. Ella quickly shut the side doors and pulled the waterproof buggy blanket out from under the seat. Mary laughed out loud. Sarah didn’t look too sure of herself but finally joined in. With the blanket firmly wrapped around their waists, the girl’s laughter pealed out into the rainstorm. Baby Barbara just blinked her eyes in the wet wind.
The horse shook its head but gamely plowed on. He really was a gut horse. A horse that didn’t slow down in the rain was a horse to be thankful for. She remembered a driving horse from her youth that, despite her dad’s urgings, had always stopped beside the road and refused to continue until the hard shower ceased.
It had rained at Aden’s funeral. On that day too, the mountains had given their quick offering. Only then, it had been like a sign of God’s concern as the heavens let loose her tears. Today was a wedding day, and again the heavens were weeping. Were the old women correct? Is this really a bad sign? Ella shook her head. This is just foolishness. Ronda will be the perfect bride, and Joe will be the perfect husband. Soon the sun will break through the clouds.
Ahead of her, she caught the first sight of the farm where the wedding would be held. Buggies were already parked all over the grounds. Ella slapped the lines. No doubt she was late. Thankfully the men were still in a long line out by the barn, so there was yet time.
As she came closer to the farm, her mind reeled in shock. This farm is the place in my dreams. This is the farm where the bishop and I get married. Ella clutched the lines in sweating palms. What does
this mean? Surely the dreams are only a ridiculous figment of my wild imagination. Now that I see that Ronda’s wedding is here, it shows the foolishness of the dream, a monstrosity born of my own fears and ungrounded in reality.
Ella pulled hard on the reins and turned right into the driveway. The horse shook his head as if he objected. In front of the barn, she pulled to a stop. Two boys, wearing their black hats low on their heads, separated themselves from the line of men. Ella couldn’t see who they were and held her breath. Hopefully they were boys she knew and wouldn’t ask too many questions.
“Good morning,” they said together, stopping on each side of the buggy.
“Good morning,” she said, climbing down. One of the boys was her cousin from the district. He would know why she had Preacher Stutzman’s girls with her.
“Thanks,” she said, reaching back inside the buggy for Sarah’s hand.
“Stutzman’s girls behavin’?” her cousin asked.
“They’re angels,” she said, setting Sarah on the ground.
“Preacher Stutzman?” the other boy said, raising his eyebrows.
“Yah,” she said. Why should I explain further? He can ask my cousin.
She walked slowly up the sidewalk with both her hands full and hoped again Preacher Stutzman wouldn’t be there.
Thirty
The song leader announced the first song, and Ella drew in a deep breath. She had just glanced quickly around the room and noticed that Preacher Stutzman wasn’t seated on the preacher’s bench. He had every right to be here—if he had been invited—but his absence did make things so much easier.
The ministers got to their feet and were led by the young Bishop Wayne Miller upstairs for the young couple’s prenuptial counseling. That the bishop was here was no surprise. He might even marry Joe and Ronda. At least he knew she took care of the Stutzman girls.
Ella watched as Joe and then Ronda got up to follow the preachers. What is it like to get up in front of all these people and know that they are all turning to look at you? Ronda’s face was almost white as she took the steps one by one. Joe, his figure sharp in his new black suit, looked more relaxed.
Ella's Wish (Little Valley 2) Page 17
