Gentlemen Prefer Sass: Sassy Ever After

by Cynthia Fox

  His plan to extend the drive was obvious to her, but she didn’t mind. People watching on the Strip was one of her favorite activities and she was never one to turn down the opportunity. The lethargy she felt, however, surprised her. Professor Wallace had been a vampire of the energy sucking variety, the loss often took longer to replenish than blood.

  They passed limousines full of bachelor and bachelorette parties, which always included intoxicated individuals screaming slurred words from the open sunroofs. Couples posed in front of the famed Las Vegas sign either going to or coming from one of the various wedding chapels. Tourists changed their paths to avoid the people passing out flyers advertising sexual services of all kinds.

  Candace couldn’t help but smile as she watched them doing what humans do. Every important milestone of a traditional life was represented right there on that long boulevard. She watched the throngs walking along the sidewalks, squinting to see if any of the demons Professor Wallace spoke of were visible to the naked eye. She wanted to stand up like one of those drunken bachelorettes and scream for all of them to run.

  I can’t believe I let an old man get to me like this. Candace leaned back in her seat and stared up, pointing an imaginary remote to turn off the lights as Shane had around his house. She tried to dissect the evening, weighing every word the professor said against the feelings now causing discomfort within.

  Warlock. That’s the one that stabbed the most. It wasn’t even his assessment of them that upset her. It was the fact that she was getting upset at all. Alejandro still had incredible pull over Candace and she didn’t want him ruling her emotions the way he owned her body earlier. Fuck the timing. All her years had not prepared her for such rapid highs and lows. It was beginning to feel like an outside force was controlling her life clock and she wanted to take it back.

  “I think we should take a break from seeing each other,” she said without looking in his direction.

  “Why? His voice was calm, which surprised her. “You can’t possibly believe I was in agreement with him or had any plans to...”

  “It’s not him.”

  “Can you give me more of an explanation? I promise he will never again darken the doorway of anyplace where I am peacefully enjoying butt waffles.”

  Candace cracked a smile for him and sighed loudly. “Pull over for a second.” She adjusted her hips on the seat to face him, taking in his handsome features and asking herself why she wasn’t just ripping his clothes off and fucking the waffles out of him. “What do you want for your life?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Do you see yourself hanging out of a limo sunroof before your wedding day? Do you want children? Are you aware of just how difficult it is for vampires to be monogamous?” She breathed a sigh of relief as the last question left her lips. Simply uttering it removed some of the weight from her shoulders.

  Shane just stared at her with a look that was a mix of amusement and confusion. After a few moments, he cleared his throat and answered. “I’m not really the bachelor party in Vegas type. Kids are wonderful, but they are not a deal breaker. And what the fuck is what I have to say about that last one.”

  “Would you mind defining this what the fuck in its current usage? I’m sure you’re aware it can be misconstrued depending on tone, most frequently when received via text.”

  “How about you answer a question for me?” He pursed his lips and relaxed his back against the car door, bracing for the answer. “Who is it you’re keen on sharing your bed with?”

  “So polite,” she smiled. “I am keen on fucking you.”

  “Well, we’re in agreement so let’s get this show going.”

  “And…”

  “And?” He exhaled and crossed his arms. “It wouldn’t happen to be a particular warlock-demon who recently popped back into your life?”

  She stared and her hands and said, “Possibly.”

  “Possibly?”

  “Okay, yes.”

  “I knew it! The way you were so quick to defend warlocks when Professor Wallace was mouthing his hate speech. It all makes sense. Have you been with him recently?”

  She nodded and was quiet for a moment, letting him take in the information. “I could have just not told you.”

  “Who else?”

  “I’m not a vamp whore!”

  “I didn’t say you were. Why so defensive?”

  She caught herself, realizing this was a lot for him to absorb. “Have I fed on and fucked people I had no interest in seeing ever again? Yes. Have I used people solely for food when I’ve fallen for someone and only made love to that one person? Also, yes. And that one person was Alejandro.”

  “I’m for food and he’s for fucking, is that what you’re saying?”

  She shook her head. “In an ideal world, you would be for food and fucking and he would be the dessert.”

  “You want to have your cake and eat it too.”

  “I just want to be honest with you, that’s all.” She reached across the seat and grabbed his hand. “I never told you how I was turned.” He sat up, staring intently. “I didn’t have a choice. In fact, I’m not even sure which vampire was my maker. The people of my region did not agree with the ideals of the French revolutionaries and we paid dearly for it. We were simple peasants. Hundreds of us were held captive by vampires who required day fighters to protect their nests. They eventually needed us for food and indiscriminately, sometimes accidentally, turned any warm body they could find. In the end we were no match for the army’s weaponry and nearly 200 thousand innocent people were slaughtered by revolutionary forces. I was lucky to survive, but this new life comes with edicts I can’t escape from. I want you to have a choice. I’m not talking about turning you,” she quickly clarified, sensing fear in his breath. “I meant you should have a choice to avoid the rules of my lifestyle or accept them.”

  “I understand,” he said, squeezing her hands.

  “I meant what I said earlier as well. We should spend some time apart. I was just a girl in a photo to you. I need you to think long and hard about the reality of life with vampires, and supernatural beings in general, should you choose to go down this path. I know for damn sure this has all happened way too fast, at breakneck speed in fact. I’m not sure who’s running the show, but it sure as shit doesn’t feel like I am, and I need to step away until it does again.”

  “How long do you think that will take?”

  “As long as it needs to. The same goes for you. I recommend staying away from the club while you’re deciding. The atmosphere has a way of clouding one’s judgement.”

  “How will we each know if the other is ready?”

  “An army of bats will descend on your house to collect you?”

  “Really?”

  “That was a joke. I’ll just send you a snapchat message.”

  “Cute, but I’m serious.”

  “We’ll just know,” she said softly.

  They shared a kiss when he dropped her off at the club. As Candace watched him drive away, she couldn’t help but feel nostalgic for her first century as a vampire when she just didn’t give a shit. Life was much more complicated once you started having feelings. She blamed it on the switch from feeding on victims to willing donors. Feelings had a way of lingering in the blood of people who weren’t in the process of dying or being drained. It was healthier and safer for everyone overall, but it occasionally meant vampires wound up with the blues.

  “You look exhausted,” Landry said, dancing towards her while sipping from a glass. “The greatest thing happened tonight. A few of those Brony convention guys came in and donated. You must taste their blood. It’s liquid happiness and rainbows. It will make you feel better.”

  She took a sip from his glass and shrugged. “Pretty good.”

  “What the hell happened tonight?”

  “That professor was a total piece of garbage. I guess Shane and I just had our first argument … and now we’re taking a break. I need to get my shit toget
her and he has to decide if he wouldn’t mind me fucking a warlock-demon. Good night.”

  “You didn’t have to tell him.”

  “I know. Adult vamping is hard. These fucking feelings.”

  “Grrr feelings, but why does this taste so good.” He polished off the glass, licking his lips to catch every drop. “Would it make you feel better if I drained them?”

  She laughed and patted his arm. “The professor is tempting, but I’ll give him a pass as well. I’m heading to my chamber. Only wake me if something really serious happens.”

  Candace didn’t leave her chamber at all the next night, hunkering down with Netflix and various nourishing drinks left outside her door by Landry. She wasn’t sure if it was the last bit of blood from the Brony crew or just getting enough rest, but she felt remarkably better the next evening. That is until she saw a stranger sitting at table ten.

  “Want me to move him?” Landry asked as soon as he saw her staring.

  She shook her head. “He seems to be enjoying himself.” The man’s eyes grew bigger as each inch of the sword disappeared down Tiffany’s throat.

  “Feels like the first time every time,” Landry said, clapping with appreciation. “Such talent,” he mumbled. “Amazing fucking talent.” He was able to pull his mind back to the present once Tiffany was off the stage. “Should I come get you if he shows up tonight?”

  “He won’t. I don’t feel him.”

  Landry looked disappointed. “That Elvis impersonator you like is over on the boulevard charging people for photos again. You liked him. Need me to procure a little donation?”

  “That won’t be necessary. I’ll be in my chamber if you need me.”

  Candace failed to elaborate on the not feeling him part. The full moon would be out the following night and she had a hunch he’d be sharing the same thought. She wanted to be prepared, choosing to fast and rest until she saw him again. The only strenuous activity would involve pouring flower petals into a bath or two.

  She wasn’t used to spending so much time in her chamber, but she knew it was off limits from Alejandro. Whereas she had to order him to stay out of her office, Candace knew he would never enter her private chamber uninvited. They had always kept separate quarters in addition to a smaller shared room for post-coital recovery. A snoring warlock does not make for a happy vampire and both believed separate interests were important even for supernatural beings.

  Candace hated his ability to block his thoughts and presence from her and hoped he was supremely irritated by her chamber sabbatical. All she needed now was for Alejandro to accept Shane and for Shane to not send her away completely. It was a lot to take in all at once for a human mind. She remembered that indescribable flavor she detected in Shane’s blood and it gave her hope that he was up to the challenge for she certainly wasn’t ready to quit him.

  Six

  The air felt light under the glow of the full moon. It was a perfect night for flying. She selected her favorite white dress with the dainty straps and it now clung to her skin as the wind passed by. The scent of the bath flowers on her skin left a perfumed trail in the air behind her.

  Her pink heels landed softly on the edge of the Hoover Dam. It was one of her favorite places to think, but she hadn’t been out this way in months. She sat down, dangling her feet over the sloping concrete. Candace fought the urge to slide down the side, remembering how she’d torn her favorite pants the last time. She closed her eyes, searching her memory for the construction sounds and voices of the men who’d helped build the wonder of modern engineering.

  The workers helped usher in the showgirl era of Las Vegas. The population increased fivefold in a short amount of time and all those men needed to be entertained. Those were glorious days. They were strong and adventurous having left their old worlds behind. Donors weren’t voluntary then. Coming out as vampire was much too risky during the era, but Prohibition made feeding easy with most men overindulging when given access to any product. They wouldn’t remember a thing and bites were easy to hide under injuries earned on the job.

  Alejandro was her first supernatural lover. They met at the Northern Club on Fremont Street which offered both illegal alcohol and gambling. Candace was there to find nourishment while Alejandro had his sights on Mayme Stocker, the owner and first female to ever receive a Nevada gaming license. He never fulfilled his wish to become a kept man.

  Instead he saw Candace easily escorting an intoxicated man twice her size and followed her to the alley where she was beginning to feed. Alejandro stood guard until she finished, winning her over in the process. She didn’t have to hide or lie. There was no interrogation over a few random bloodstains here and there. It was as easy and sexy as loving a warlock-demon could be. They shared nearly seventy years together and then he vanished.

  Candace stared down at her feet, letting the wind lift her legs with each gust. What an odd position to be in. Waiting on a human and not just because he’s dinner. It’s a whole new world. She stood up and performed a swan dive without hesitation. Her stomach flipped as she picked up speed on the descent before whooshing up at the last minute. She pressed her lips together tightly to avoid trapping any bugs in her teeth.

  The boats anchored in Lake Mead grew larger as she lowered herself. His heartbeat called out, bringing her in for a safe landing on the stern deck of a large, white boat. Shane was standing at the bow sipping a glass of wine and watching the moonlight dance on the water. Candace started to walk forward and was about to call his name when the sound of her heels caused him to flip around. He let out a scream and nearly fell over the side.

  “Shane! It’s me.” She ran forward, waving her hands.

  He clutched his chest and laughed. “You blocked out the light behind you. I just saw a shadowy figure.”

  “You really know how to make a girl feel welcome,” she said, creeping forward. “I’m shadowy.”

  He lowered his voice a few octaves and said, “I wasn’t scared.”

  “Of course not. Falling overboard is probably a greeting in some cultures.”

  Shane paused and looked at her. “Something told me if I came to the boat tonight you would find me.”

  “And something told me you’d be here, under the full moon.”

  “I didn’t know you could actually fly, though. I was expecting a text from the shore.”

  “I’m full of surprises.”

  “You most certainly are.”

  Candace walked over to the side and leaned against the railing. “I’m going to get right to the point. Have you thought about what we discussed?”

  “You mean that little ol’ problem about potentially sharing a mate with a warlock-demon? Does he technically count as one being or two?”

  “Jury is still out on that.”

  “Figures, although I guess we’re all a mix of light and dark selves, aren’t we?”

  “I would agree with you.” Candace held out her hand, motioning for him to come closer. “Should I take it as a good sign you haven’t tried to go overboard again? I don’t want to get my hopes up.”

  “I’m just afraid there’s some crazy aquatic creature leaving under Lake Mead that you haven’t told me about yet.”

  “Maybe,” she said, looking mischievous.

  He smiled, reaching up to brush a curl from her cheek. “Are you hungry?”

  “I wouldn’t turn away a drink.” She leaned back against the railing, expecting him to go fix a glass and warm it up, but he remained.

  “I should warn you,” he said, unbuttoning his shirt. “You may not be able to control yourself.”

  Her fangs snapped to attention when his neck was exposed. “Are you sure? You’ve thought about this?”

  “Long and hard, just as you suggested.”

  Candace reached forward with one hand, rubbing the bulge growing in his pants. “And this is long and hard, just the way I like it.”

  He bent down, giving her easier access to his neck. She gently sunk her fangs into his flesh, a
llowing her tongue to lick his skin before the blood began entering her mouth. Shane moaned, pulling her tighter against him as she continued to suckle. His blood was sweeter fresh from his veins. The courageous umami was more complex and distinctive, growing in flavor with every pulse.

  Candace ran her tongue along her fangs and lips, enjoying every drop. “You’re more delicious than I remembered.” She licked his wound, instantly stopping the bleeding.

  “I would hope so. I’d hate to think the bagged version was better.” He brought her over to a bench with cushions, pressing her onto her back and kneeling in front of her knees. “I’m sure you’re just as delicious.”

  Shane kissed the top of her knees, dragging his hands along her thighs to lift her dress. She bit her lip and held her breath, waiting to feel the touch of his warm lips. He nibbled the silky skin of her inner thighs, stopping only long enough to yank her silk panties off. “You’re beautiful,” he whispered, admiring the moist, pink flesh before him.

  He buried his face between her legs, sending trembles through her entire body. “So sweet.” Shane licked his lips and returned to explore. Her thighs clamped shut around his head as she shook with surprise at the depth of his tongue.

  “Are you sure that’s not me you’re tasting?” Neither of them noticed the heavy swirl of air that had circled the boat before materializing into a figure.

  “Alejandro! Get the fuck out of here!” She pulled down her dress and jumped up.

  “Like I haven’t seen it all before. I’m sure you know you’re getting sloppy seconds, right?” Shane moved to tackle him but passed right through and slammed against the opposite wall of the boat. He wagged his finger and clucked his tongue. “Candy, tell the human he’s only going to get himself hurt.”

  “What are you doing here?” She ran to Shane and helped him to his feet. He tried to make another run, but she blocked his path, shaking her head to discourage him.

  “Somebody wouldn’t come out of her chamber, so what do you expect me to do? When I have a Candy craving, I really have a Candy craving. I could have just entered your chamber anyway, but then you would have gotten mad and there’s that whole respecting each other’s space thing, so I thought this would be better. Isn’t this better?”