Light in The Dark
Heaven and Hell Duet
Copyright © 2018 by Lindsay Paige
All rights reserved.
Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products, bands, and/or restaurants referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.
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For Perry
Table of Contents
Title Page
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Epilogue
Coming Soon
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Freeley Clemeth.
That’s all the note from FC says. Finally, I know his name. I only came close to his first name once when I guessed Freeman. I’ve stared at the note every day for six months. The moment I got it, I was tempted to get in my car and drive to Raleigh. After all, that’s where he is now because that’s what the return address says. But the past seven months have been hell. I’ve had my worst bout of anxiety in years and only in the last three weeks have I pulled myself out of it a little bit.
My mind was so messed up, second guessing everything when it came to FC, and I was too chicken to even talk to him about what’s been going on and the sordid thoughts I’ve had. He texts me every other day, still. Hoping I’m doing well and asking for a phone call. Telling me he’s worried about me and if I don’t talk to him soon, he’s driving down here. But it’s been seven months and I’ve yet to see him.
But today, I find myself in front of an apartment door. FC’s apartment. My anxiety clutches my heart and confiscates my lungs, making it a struggle to breathe. But I didn’t drive all this way to chicken out. Just as I lift my hand to knock, a voice down the hall stops me.
“He’s not home.”
I look toward the sound to see an elderly lady at the next apartment over.
“You’re looking for FC? Who are you?” she asks skeptically.
“My name is Idaline.”
The woman smiles and she hobbles over with her cane. Before I can blink, she’s hugging me.
“Oh! I’ve heard so much about you! FC will be tickled pink to see you. He’s at work, honey. I can give you the address; you should go there now. Don’t wait for him here. He needs to know you’ve come to him.” She grabs my hand and squeezes it. “What took you so long, Idaline? That boy has been waiting for you.” She waves a hand in dismissal, dropping my hand. “It doesn’t matter. You need to see him.” She rattles off the name of a business and an address. “Go on. Put it in that phone you’ve got and go see my favorite neighbor.”
A bit stunned, I do as she says. Fifteen minutes later, I pull in front of an automotive repair shop. Should I be disrupting FC at work? The old lady seems to think it would be okay and I’m here now anyway. With a deep breath, I walk into an office off to the side. There’s a woman, who looks a bit younger than me, playing with a baby.
“Hey,” she smiles. “Can I help you?”
“I’m looking for FC.”
Her eyes narrow. “And you are?”
“Idaline McAllister.”
Just like with the old lady, her eyes light up and she smiles. “Come on! My name is Jamie, by the way.” She stands and I follow her to the shop area of the building. “FC!” she shouts. “I need you.”
My heart stutters to a stop when he appears around a truck and walks this way. He doesn’t see me yet. The baby goes nuts, clapping and leaning toward him. FC finally notices me. That handsome, gorgeous smile he always gave me appears.
“Idaline,” he breathes. “You’re here.” I nod in conformation.
“I hate to spoil the moment,” Jamie says, “but your son wants his daddy.”
FC is distracted for a moment as he takes the little boy from her and kisses his cheek, not caring at all that he’s dirty from head to toe. My brain completely stalls on what she said. His son? FC has a son? I don’t understand. And he’s not that little either. Maybe a year old. Oh, god. Is FC still with Lila? He’s had a baby with her?
“Idaline,” FC says, taking a step toward me, but that only makes me take a step back.
“Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you even want me to come?” My eyes are stuck on the little boy who sucks on a pacifier and watches me with interest. “What were you expecting, FC?” I came for nothing. What a fool I am, to think I can come after he told me his name, to think we could finally be together. I swivel on my heels and haul ass out of the shop through one of the big bay doors.
“Idaline! Wait!”
I don’t make it far before FC has caught up to me, grabbing my elbow. He swivels me to face him, his little boy looking a bit perplexed. God, he looks just like FC. A tiny, adorable FC.
FC wipes away one of my tears. “I need to explain everything, but I can’t do that if you leave.” He pulls me against his side and hugs me. “Please don’t leave, Idaline,” he begs with such desperation.
A tiny little hand grabs my hair and I nearly break down because I don’t understand any of this.
“FC!”
FC twists.
“Take the rest of the day off. We’ve got it covered here.”
“Are you sure?”
I lift my head in time to see a man standing near where I ran out nod.
“That’s my boss, Brent. His wife is Jamie. Will you meet me at my apartment? I need to grab his stuff and then I’ll be ready to go.”
“Are you with Lila?” I blurt out.
FC’s face turns to stone. “No. Haven’t been since that Christmas before I came to see you last.”
I relax at hearing that. “I’ll meet you there.”
Fifteen minutes later, FC and I walk into his apartment. His son rests his head on FC’s shoulder, his eyelids heavy.
“What’s his name?” I ask.
FC’s cheeks actually redden a little. “Sawyer Nash Hart.” He walks over to his couch and sits down, patting the spot next to him.
“You…you used my names.” I take a seat and angle toward him, unsure how I feel about this.
“I feel like I should apologize, but I saw those names and they were it for me.” He rocks side to side a little, slowly rocking his son to sleep. “That night I left you? The last time I saw you? Lila went into labor. He wasn’t due until March, but he came into the world perfect and beautiful anyway,” he says, glancing down at Sawyer. “The moment I got full custody of him, I moved back to Raleigh and once I was settled in here with him, I sent you the note with my name on it.”
“So, he’s what you were keeping from me? How did you end up with full custody? Did Lila move here too?” There are so many questions and he can’t answer them soon enough.
“Not entirely,” FC says, looking back up at me. He sighs and leans his head back, looking up at the ceiling. “All those bruises I had? When my back was hurt? They were from Lila. She would hit me. That’s what I didn’t want to tell you. I only told my parents when I found out she was pregnant.” And I continue to listen as FC tells me the horrors of his relationship with Lila. How she abused him. How she essentially got pregnant on purpose. How she kept tempting him to relapse. How she used a damn whip to beat him. And then, he tells me how she was once Sawyer was born and how she suddenly gave up her rights.
“I haven’t let my guard down yet,” he tells me. “She wouldn’t do that for nothing, Idaline, and I’m sure she’ll come after me and Sawyer at some point. That’s everything I didn’t want to tell you. It’s embarrassing and I felt like it would be easier to explain once I was out of the situation than while I was still in it. And I didn’t want you worrying about me either. I’m sorry, Idaline, I really am, but that’s the only way I could handle it.”
“Why didn’t you leave her?” I ask.
“Once she was pregnant, I didn’t feel like I could. I didn’t trust her to take care of Sawyer or herself. She even smoked a few times because she knew I went to see you and that was her way of getting me to do what she wanted. Before that, I was too embarrassed and ashamed.”
This is so much information to process. “And what do you want now that I’m here? What were you expecting?”
“Us to be together,” he replies simply. “If that’s what you want.”
My eyes drift to the little boy, who sleeps soundly now. I’d love nothing more than to be with FC, but he’s asking so much of me. I wasn’t expecting a one-year-old. That’s a lot to add on to a potential relationship, and I’m not sure if I can handle it, or if I’m prepared for it.
“It’s a lot to ask, I know,” he says, echoing my thoughts, “and I don’t expect an answer anytime soon. But you’re all caught up on my life now; you can make whichever decision is best for you.” He takes a deep breath. “What’s been going on with you? You disappeared on me.”
“It’s been a bad time with my anxiety,” I answer. “I waited until I was in a better place to come see you. You really fucked with my head, FC.” He frowns, but I push through. “You had this big secret and you ran out on me the morning after we first had sex. Everything kept getting worse and worse in my head and my anxiety had a field day. It took me forever to get myself back to as normal as can be. And now,” I shake my head, “I never could’ve imagined this.”
“Idaline,” he says in his soft, heartbreaking tone like I’ve crushed his soul. “Come here,” he whispers. FC lifts his arm and I snuggle against his side, but that causes his son to take up most of my line of vision. “We’re soulmates, remember? We’ll get this all worked out.”
“I don’t know if it’ll be that simple, FC.”
“It never is, love. Nothing about us has been simple; I don’t expect any different now that there’s a potential for us to be together.” He kisses my head. “Why don’t you relax here for a bit? I’m going to lay him down and take a shower, get cleaned up. How long are you here for?”
I sit up and shrug. “I wasn’t really expecting to come today. I just packed a bunch of clothes and told my work I needed to take off for a while.” I leave out the part where they fired me because it was so last-minute. They threatened to do it, but I didn’t care anymore. Coming here was exactly what I needed to do. I’ll worry about everything else later.
“Will you stay tonight?” he asks hopefully.
I nod. It’s a long drive back home and I’m not ready to leave yet.
FC gets up and disappears on me to do as he planned: laying Sawyer down and to take his shower. My mind is a whirlwind while he’s gone, never focusing on one thing for too long. How could all those things happen to him and I not connect the dots? How did I not realize he was being abused? How difficult it must have been to keep that to himself. And then to add a baby to the mix? I can’t imagine.
My worst fear comes to life when I hear a wail from one of the bedrooms FC disappeared to first. After panicking for two seconds, in which FC doesn’t leave his bedroom, I get up and walk to Sawyer’s room.
He stands in his crib, crying, stopping when he sees me.
“Hey, Sawyer,” I say softly as I slowly approach him. “Your daddy isn’t available at the moment, so I’m all you’ve got.”
“DaDa,” he hiccups.
What am I supposed to do with this kid? I’ve never been around kids. Not that much, at least. And as a nurse, I worked mostly with elderly folks. The closer I get to Sawyer, he lifts his arms. He wants me to pick him up? He doesn’t even know me!
With a deep, shaky breath, I pick him up and rest him on my hip. Sawyer stares at me, both of us wondering what’s next. A door creaks and we swivel. Thank goodness. FC appears in the doorway, wearing only a towel around his waist.
“I thought I heard him. Are you okay, Idaline?”
“I feel out of my element.”
He smiles easily. “Come sit in here.” FC grabs a nearby book and I follow him into his bedroom. My eyes stick on his back and all the scars there. My heart breaks, thinking about the pain he endured for so long due to such a hateful woman. He directs me to sit on his bed, handing Sawyer the book, which makes a crinkling sound with his every touch. “Shout if you need me,” FC says before he disappears into his bathroom.
Sawyer holds the book up to me.
“Do you want me to read to you?” I ask.
He pushes the tiny book closer to my face, so I take it and read it. It’s not very entertaining. It’s a counting book with animals and it only goes up to five. When I finish, Sawyer looks at me expectantly, so I begin again. This time, I add the noises the animals make. Mostly to make it more appealing to myself, but Sawyer giggles and claps, so he’s enjoying it too. By the end of the third read, I also get an ovation from FC.
He grins from his stance by the door frame. “We’ll be fine, Idaline.”
I’m still not so sure.
FC walks over and takes Sawyer from me. “Sawyer, this is Idaline.” He points to me. “Can you say Idaline?” Sawyer puts his book in his mouth instead, causing FC to laugh. “We’ll try again another time, son.” Watching FC kiss his forehead is ridiculously sweet. FC holds out his hand, which I take, and we leave his bedroom. “He didn’t sleep as long as I thought he would. His afternoon naps are at least an hour.” FC sits on the floor with Sawyer, dragging a basket of toys close to them. “He may get cranky at some point.” FC pats the space next to him and waits for me to take my seat.
I, of course, sit down as expected. “He looks so much like you.”
FC smiles and I swear his chest swells with pride. “Best compliment ever.”
Sawyer goes from toy to toy before standing and walking around the couch. When he seems to head toward the hallway, FC chuckles softly. “Son?” Sawyer turns around. “Where do you think you’re going? Get back over here.” He waves a toy in the air, but Sawyer laughs and takes his little legs wobbling faster down the hall. FC laughs and runs after him.
The squeal and peal of laughter lets me know Sawyer was caught. Sawyer hangs down FC’s back when they reappear. “I’m going to eat your feet since you ran away,” FC threatens right before he nibbles and tickles his feet with his free hand. Sawyer laughs, an
d it’s such a beautiful little laugh. “You better ask Idaline to help you.” FC winks before turning so Sawyer can see me. “Tell her. Say help. Help!”
He does talk, but nothing comes out sounding like help.
I laugh, stand, and go over. Sawyer holds his arms out and I grab him. “I’ll save you.” FC releases his hold once he realizes I have him. He whirls around and I twist my chest to keep Sawyer away.
I don’t even have to encourage him before he says, “DaDa!” and a bunch of other nonsense when FC holds his hands up as if he’s about to issue a tickle assault.
“No? Are you sure you don’t want the tickle monster to come see you? Maybe Idaline does?” His grin is wicked.
“FC, I’m holding your son,” I remind him.
He rolls his eyes. “Fine.” He holds out his arms for Sawyer, who eyes him with suspicion. “Let’s play.” Those must be the magic words because he leans toward FC with that.
We return to the floor and do our best to entertain Sawyer.
I glance over at Idaline, who seems a bit lost. She stares down at her hands. It’s as if she’s zoned out on us and doesn’t even hear all the noise Sawyer makes right now. I reach over and take her hand, startling her.
“You okay?”
“It’s a bit overwhelming,” she admits with a small smile.
That is understandable. “Do you need some time to yourself? You can go in my room and get away from all of this,” I motion to the rug covered with toys and my son who bangs two of them together, “if you need to for as long as you’d like.”
Her eyes tell me she really wants to do this, but she hesitates for some reason.
“Idaline, it’s been a long, information-packed day. Add a kid to that and you’re bound to be exhausted. And if you’re still having anxiety issues, you really need the break, I’m guessing. Go take it. We’ll be fine. The only one required to be around Sawyer right now is me. If you need to take a breather, love, take it. We won’t mind.”
She leans over and kisses me quickly. “Thank you,” she whispers.
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