As if that could be you! I scoffed at myself as the errant thought flashed through my mind. I wanted to argue back, but the voice was right. Why bother making a connection with someone if I was committed to the course of action I’d promised myself I was?
I wanted to break out of the Family Quarter and if Cassie was able to help me work out how to do it, then that was fine. Allowing this much was already a significant change to my original plan, and it was a decision I was still questioning every minute. But I couldn’t, and shouldn’t, involve her any more than I had to. It wasn’t fair, and it was an unknown danger I would not inflict on her. I needed to get it straight inside my head: Cassie was a source of information, nothing more.
Cassie is a source of information, I repeated as my eyes roamed over her face, dropping lower to the curve of her throat where her day suit was slightly unbuttoned at the top and then…STOP!
What part of a “source of information” was I unclear on?
OK – so my head had got the message loud and clear, even if my hormones disagreed.
Trying to distract myself, I opened my mouth thinking to say something else, but my appetite for both my lunch and the conversation had vanished, so I closed it silently. There was a short period of quiet at the table – highly shocking as Olivia was sat with us – while those of us with food focused on eating. My fork dipped and rose between my mouth and plate as I forced the unnoticed food items down my throat in a bid to distract myself from my morbid observations. I felt myself wallowing. It didn’t matter that I knew it was the right thing to try and stay away from Cassie – I still wanted something else.
“How’s your day been so far?” Cassie asked, finally disturbing the silence. Even without looking at her I knew that the question was directed at me and so I hurried to swallow the mouthful of food I was chewing. But I was not fast enough and Olivia elected to answer on my behalf.
“It’s been wonderful,” she prattled excitedly, looking around the table, presumably ensuring that all eyes were on her. My mean streak was really working overtime today. “We’ve been all through The Clinic and seen our parents – they work on the same ward funnily enough – ”
“Funny,” Cassie smiled back at her, sarcasm infusing the single word she uttered. I almost choked on my mouthful of food as I laughed silently at her response: you could hear Cassie rolling her eyes as she spoke. Of course, Olivia was oblivious and continued regardless. Karl and Rachel had the misfortune of joining us as she hit full flow and I knew, just from my experience that morning that there was no stopping her now.
Very much relieved for once that I was not alone, I ducked my head down and concentrated on eating, taking things more slowly this time. At least with a bigger audience I did not have to give Olivia the same level of attention she’d been demanding from me all morning. Rachel seemed to be responsive enough and made all the right noises as Olivia continued. I was grateful for the respite.
Keeping my head low I peeked surreptitiously in Cassie’s direction. She had been looking around the occupants of the table as Olivia spoke, before becoming particularly interested in Joel I noticed. I wasn’t the only one. A moment later Joel glanced up and saw her looking at him; she didn’t notice his pleased smile as she turned away. But I did, and I saw the blush that crept onto her cheeks as well. Was it embarrassment or something else? I considered her expression as Cassie focused her attention back on Olivia.
The red faded from Cassie’s cheeks as I watched. Then she noticed my gaze and turned towards me. For once I didn’t look away – she was drawing my attention completely – even though I could sense that Cassie felt uncomfortable under my scrutiny. She was the one who turned away eventually, listening to Olivia once more as I returned to my lunch.
A minute later, Cassie stood up abruptly, her plate in her hand. “I’m heading back to The Clinic now, I’ll see you later.”
“Hang on a minute, I’ll come with you,” I told Cassie, letting my fork fall onto the half-eaten plate of food with a soft clatter. There was no time for her to decline my offer, as I gathered up our remaining utensils and followed her towards the disposal area, near to the serving hatches. “See you later,” I called behind me to the others as I went.
As we approached the exit I pulled Cassie’s tray from her fingers, indicating with a small bob of my head that I was attempting to be gentlemanly. For a second I thought she was going to pull it out of my reach, but then seemed to change her mind. Turning my back to Cassie as I moved into the disposal area, I carefully split my leftovers between the two plates before sliding them onto the small conveyor belt. I’d only eaten half of my assigned meal and knew it would flag up as a fault and report to my parents if I didn’t do something to cover up the fact. Over two plates I was confident it would be below the acceptable food wastage level and not show up.
“You didn’t have to join me,” Cassie muttered, once I’d deposited our trays and left the canteen. She sounded a little tetchy and I wondered if that was because of my earlier behaviour.
“I know. I just wanted to talk to you.” I replied, ignoring the light hostility in her tone. She nodded in acceptance, but did not say anything else. I got the distinct impression that Cassie was going to make me speak if I wanted to talk to her and I smiled to myself at that thought. Smart girl, I acknowledged, not letting me push her into making small talk. “So, how’ve you really found it this morning?”
“Good – like I said before – better than I expected,” she was frank but not unfriendly.
“Why’s that?” I probed, hoping to draw her into the conversation.
“Well, for one thing, Joel’s pretty good company and so the time has gone quickly. But, there’s also more happening at The Clinic than I realised before.”
Yeah, that’s what I didn’t want to hear, I muttered silently and drifted away into slightly unpleasant musings for a few minutes. My thoughts made the monster in my stomach snarl restlessly.
“Is today what you expected?”
Cassie’s question broke into my thoughts – her impatience with my daydreaming rather obvious in her tone.
“Mostly,” I replied thinking back to that morning. Of course, I’d not really built up any expectations: I had only made my plans to join this rotation two days ago and that decision was based purely on wanting to spend time with Cassie to find out if she did know anything that might help me with my hobbies. A huff of irritated air escaped my lungs as I recalled the one difficult aspect of the placement so far. “I could do without the running commentary from Olivia,” I admitted, before wondering whether I should be so honest with Cassie, when I was being negative.
“Has it been a bit hard work?”
I smirked a little at the blatantly false tone of innocence in Cassie’s question. “I think you know exactly what it’s been like for me this morning.” I told her, working up to a contemptuous scowl whilst still controlling my own amusement. Cassie saw straight through me and a mischievous grin lit up her face as we walked back inside The Clinic.
“I don’t suppose having Olivia as a partner suited your quieter side, then?”
She chuckled when I shook my head glumly. “You suppose right,” I agreed, meeting her gaze. Cassie’s eyes locked onto mine and in the few seconds that we stood there I could think of nothing else but her and how it felt to be close to her. It was a chore to pull myself together: I could have happily drifted a lot longer standing staring at her. If I did that I had no doubt she would soon see my inner stalker peering out at her. Or perhaps Cassie would see something even worse, if I allowed myself the indulgence of getting close to her. I looked away.
“She seems very nice and everything,” I said, returning back to our most recent topic of conversation and trying to sound normal, not mean. “But definitely not for me.” I hoped that Cassie would hear the insistence in my voice when I said this – not that it would matter – but I had to say it for myself all the same.
* * *
My knees felt stiff from
sitting cross-legged, but that didn’t make me move. I was still too shocked to think about doing anything productive, and so I stayed where I was. I was a statue, holding a test tube and questioning my life.
My personal mini-screen – re-wired and programmed to my own specification – was balanced on my legs, open at the page I had just discovered. I had never thought to look for urine analysis records before. As ever, new knowledge of my world brought only more questions. Today’s question was: why would my vitamin tablets contain oestrogen and dopamine?
I stared at the graph filling the screen. It told me that as natural testosterone levels in my body had increased, the changes were identified through urine samples, taken every time I visited the bathroom. Periodically, where changes had been registered, I had apparently reached trigger points – marked on the graph with red asterisks – and had more accurate blood samples taken to verify the testosterone levels. I recalled the blood samples being taken: donation days at school…iron level testing…general health checks. None of it was for what they said it was, and the results had been used to confirm adjustments to my daily vitamin supplements. The follow up reports, on the associated screens that I could click through to, told me that all of this was being used to fine-tune my body chemistry.
Oestrogen and dopamine…it was to reduce my testosterone levels.
“Damn it!”
My fist slammed into the grass beside me leaving a clear dent in the soil and crushed blades beneath my knuckles. Was all of this to control us…? Was it to stop us being self-destructive and real…? This was part of our very nature! And it was being taken away without our knowledge.
I wouldn’t be taking my ‘vitamins’ again, of that I was sure!
I took a deep breath and tried to calm down. Was this any worse than knowing that someone could listen to our conversations and private communications?
Perhaps it was connected…?
Well, I already had a plan that would help me with this; I would just implement it sooner than intended. First I needed to change my urine results: according to the monitoring system, I was heading towards another trigger point soon. In a few seconds I adjusted my numbers back into the normal range and made a mental note to return to the system daily to keep them that way.
With that completed, I struggled to my feet, ignoring the stiff pain in my legs from sitting so long, and moved to the clearing behind the rock overhang. I reached into the branches at the base of a large bush growing there, and pulled a section away. A clump of soil clung to the roots of the small bush I held in my hand, being careful not to damage the roots I set it carefully aside on the ground.
The perfect disguise… I grinned down at the small bush. When I had been looking for a safe place to keep my secrets, I realised that literally burying them was not a bad idea. After digging a hole beneath the large bush, I had installed a waterproof box to hide everything away. The only problem was that, even though nobody else seemed to come up here, it was obvious the earth had been disturbed. I took a cutting from the original bush, nurturing it as a sapling, caring for it until it could be planted on its own, beneath the larger one. The roots of the smaller plant remained shallow, growing over my box of secrets, lifting easily in and out of place when I required.
Symbiosis. The bush needed me: I cared for it, fed it and gave it life. I needed the bush: it gave me security and camouflage. We were two living things, dependent on each other.
When I thought of this now, why did Cassie pop into my head…?
Because I was mildly obsessed, maybe…?
Probably.
A light sprinkling of soil covered the top of the box. I brushed the dirt aside with the back of my hand, so that I could lift the lid away cleanly. The soil felt a little dry. Moving back to the overhang, I returned a moment later with my bag and flask of water. After liberally splashing the roots of the small bush with the water, I turned my attention back to the box. Reaching into the hole, I opened the crate for the second time that day.
Placing the lid beside me, I looked down into the plastic case embedded in the ground. One metre by forty centimetres, it held nearly everything precious to me: every tool I’d stolen, every gadget I’d made…every answer I had found. For a few seconds my hand hovered over a large black box. It was a rainbow maker I’d made for a school science project. I smiled briefly, as I remembered this creation as my first attempt to talk to Cassie. Obviously, it hadn’t worked!
We were ten years old, and during a geography class on meteorology I overheard Cassie telling Ami how much she would love to see a real rainbow. When the science fair was announced a week later, I had seen it as my chance to make an impression. The rainbow maker had worked well, if not perfectly, and I won the competition. Needless to say, Cassie hadn’t come near my display and I had not made the impression I had intended. Perhaps, that was when I’d given up on the idea of following Scarlett’s instruction to engage with Cassie…?
Pushing the memories aside – I wasn’t here to reminisce – my gaze darted around the case looking for what I needed. In the far left corner was a small chilled cylinder: white plastic outer casing with a vacuum wall encasing a storage space, permanently cooling the contents. Gripping the cylinder securely I pulled it from the case, placing it onto the ground and settled down beside it.
The clasp on the flask was stiff, holding the lid tight over the contents, ensuring there was no gap between the two seals that might allow air to seep in. I had re-appropriated it from The Clinic that afternoon, not thinking that I might need it so soon. Inside was a single syringe, filled with a virus/gene-therapy mix I had developed myself and finally been able to put together today.
Our rotation in the labs this afternoon was the first time I’d ever gotten close to materials I needed, although not through lack of trying. I remembered a number of failed attempts to get into the virology area during “visits” to see Mother at work, but they had always been off limits, no matter what I tried. Today I had just walked straight in – it was the easiest thing I’d ever done – and it had all come about by accident, because Olivia was too lazy to do her own work.
Olivia had actually been given the easier task this afternoon, but “stock taking” obviously hadn’t sounded that interesting. Of course, I was happy to swap with her when I realised where it would take me. For the first time ever, I was grateful that she was my partner! Once I was inside the virology lab there was no stopping me. This plan had been six-months in the making…who knew that stalking a classmate onto an early placement rotation would throw up such good opportunities on the first day?
As requested by our Medic, I diligently undertook an inventory of the virology lab stock. It was here, among the existing stock of gene-therapies designed to help with specific conditions we treated in The Clinic, that I found the raw virus components I needed for my own project. Each of the vials contained the basic virus, which could be used in conjunction with any specified gene-therapy to deliver genetic changes to the person it was put into. Of course, you had to accept being ill as a side effect of whatever improvement was being made, but I saw that as a small price to pay.
Our technology was based on a technique that biologists on Earth had developed at the start of the twenty-first century. It had been used to cure genetic diseases initially – as we used it now – but on Earth improving quality of life was not where the money had been, and it was the military applications that developed most prolifically, according to the research I’d done. It sounded simple: new genetic material, attached to a virus, which could be delivered directly into a soldier’s system. Within days the body would fight off the virus, but the genetic enhancement – strength, intelligence, indifference – placed inside the body would remain as a permanent change.
It sounded simple, but it wasn’t. Delivering the right changes to the right areas of the body was the crucial part. The historical records I had access to excluded any references to failures there had been during research, but I knew there must have been;
it was a simple fact of science...few things happen as you might expect in your first experiment. So that had ruled out experimenting on myself: as much as I thought I knew about human biology, I just had no safe way of creating my own virus delivery system.
Now I didn’t have to. The perfect virus sat beside me, a gift from my first placement day at The Clinic. Reaching into my bag I pulled out another chiller cylinder, identical to the first. This was all my handiwork: the genetic material to be introduced. If my calculations were correct I would see a five percent increase in muscle capacity, which didn’t sound much, but the associated benefits: faster regeneration and repair; improved strength and flexibility, were what I was interested in.
For some unknown reason, The Council was changing us physically: suppressing our natural human chemistry and replacing it with one of their own. Well, two could play at that game and I was happy to give up a few days to sickness in order to take my life back. I would prepare the dose today and then inject it on Friday afternoon, I could hide being ill for a couple of days over the weekend. Who was there to notice except my absent parents?
Chapter 7
It had been another very long day at The Clinic. In all honesty I was unsure how much longer I could survive the daily onslaught on Olivia’s one-sided conversations, whilst having to be mindful of dumbing myself down in her company, so that it did not appear out of place that I was on the extended rotation. Nearly two weeks on from my initial decision to join Cassie on her placement at The Clinic and I was still only managing to see her for a short while at lunch and sometimes at either end of the day, if I was lucky enough to get the timings right.
That’s why I currently found myself racing along the near-empty ninth floor corridor towards the bank of lifts at the end. Medic Levi had sent Olivia on an errand elsewhere in The Clinic a short while ago, which provided me the opportunity to complete the tasks in the lab at my normal pace. Naturally, I’d finished well before the allocated hour was up and so – slightly surprised by my unusually quick work – he’d allowed me to leave early as there was nothing else on our schedule for that day. Without Olivia’s presence to slow down my work, or commandeer my attention as an audience to her latest monologue, I was virtually skipping out the door, guaranteed to be in time to see Cassie.
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