“Doing what?” Cassie asked in mock-confusion. She knew exactly what I meant.
“Floating off into your own little world. You keep making me wonder where you go.”
“Sorry – I don’t mean to be rude – does it bother you?” Her expression was contrite and she seemed worried that she might have offended me.
“It’s not rude,” I reassured her. “I’m just interested to see where your thoughts take you.”
For a moment it seemed she was going to blush, which ignited my curiosity immeasurably at what might have been occupying her thoughts. Then her face cleared, and when she spoke I was surprised by her answer.
“I was thinking about a friend of Ami’s who just eloped.” Her tone was dismissive and I waited for the flippant shrug of the shoulders that would normally accompany such a statement. It would confirm that there was a more significant point behind her words. There was no shrug, but I still felt sure that there was something more.
“Oh?” I prompted, barely uttering the question, hoping to draw out more without distracting her.
It worked. Cassie paused for a few seconds, her eyes focused in concentration, before she began telling me about Ami and her reaction to a friend’s elopement a few weeks earlier. I felt halfway normal, like Cassie might actually view me as a friend, as I listened to the story and her observations. Unfortunately, her words reminded me of my own problems with the Married Quarter and people eloping.
* * *
It didn’t take us long to reach Park 42 and I was pleased when Cassie appeared impressed by the wild landscape we were walking into. It was such a welcome contrast to the bland residential streets we left behind us. If she liked this, she would love the surprise I was planning for her, I was sure.
A little voice in the back of my mind was nagging at me. Walking deep into the park might not be the best way to get the answers you want from Cassie…
Right now Cassie was turning slowly on the spot taking in her surroundings. I watched as she twirled, her figure alternately brightening, then dimming in the dappled light that drifted between leaves of the overhanging trees. I really did not care about my plan, right then. The voice fell silent.
“I think it’s beautiful because it’s uncontrolled,” I said, as we walked close together beneath the green canopy.
The sense of Cassie’s body so close to mine made my arm tingle and I struggled to keep my voice neutral, understanding now why Cassie made me feel this way. In silence we walked deeper into the park.
It was only as we began to make our way across the open land that I looked down at Cassie’s feet and noticed her flimsy shoes. The grass we were trudging through was thick and tufted in yellow clumps – I knew the terrain was going to get worse before it got better. “Are you sure you’re going to be OK walking?” I pointed to her shoes.
“I should be fine,” she dismissed me easily, after glancing at my own shoes, which admittedly weren’t much different to hers. “As long as there’s no mud or major rock climbing to contend with, I’m OK,” she added.
“Good,” I nodded, “let’s go!”
I paced away towards the hills rising from the ground nearby and sensed Cassie keeping close behind me. After a short while – hearing her breathing becoming more rapid – I realised that she was trotting to maintain this speed. My walking speed hadn’t even registered with me until I realised Cassie was struggling…I felt perfect, normal…but I was better than normal now, wasn’t I?
For the first time, I really considered the physical improvement I’d seen from the gene therapy: I felt better than good. This realisation of my improved fitness didn’t help Cassie, though. Without being obvious I slowed down a little and took smaller steps so that she could walk comfortably alongside me. We maintained an easy silence as we went now, and I let Cassie spend the time absorbing the beauty of our surroundings, as I focused on analysing the physical improvements in my body.
Once the vegetation became thicker I slowed to pick my way more carefully between the trees and high-growing shrubs, ensuing that there were no loose roots or branches to trouble Cassie as she followed behind. I felt as though I could have sprinted up the hill today, everything felt like a challenge to test my new strength and improved fitness…but I didn’t. We walked in single-file now and I glanced behind frequently to check that Cassie was OK. Every time I looked she was fine and I realised that it was just an excuse for me to look at her. I shook my head recognising my own stupidity: I really was a lost cause.
“Do you come here a lot?” Cassie asked me a while later, as I paused to pull aside a small branch blocking the path and held it away from her as she passed by.
“Sometimes,” I replied, shrugging to downplay the white lie I’d told.
My second home was the only place I would normally allow myself freedom to think and feel what I wanted, but that was before I’d met Cassie. I found I was a different person around her. Someone I actually liked being.
“It’s nice and quiet here – I don’t think it’s very popular – so it suits me well,” I added jokily, smiling as she met my gaze. Sometimes Cassie had a particular way of looking at me that really made me feel as though she knew me. She was looking at me like that right now, until her eyes sparkled mischievously and that magnetic intensity faded.
“I don’t know about that,” she countered lightly, responding to my teasing tone. “You seem to have plenty to say whenever I’ve seen you.”
Cassie was obviously kidding, but it was interesting to know that she had noticed the difference in my behaviour. Perhaps this was a good opportunity for testing what she actually thought of that?
“Have you not considered that it is simply the effect you have on me?” My jesting only half-masked the serious implication behind my words.
Cassie blushed, self-consciously dropping her head and attempting to disguise her reaction by carefully examining her shoes. Her response seemed natural enough and I turned away, not wanting her to fall flat on her face, just because she was avoiding making eye contact with me. I had only taken a few steps when she replied.
“I’m sure that’s the case.” Cassie’s words were heavily sarcastic – overly so, in fact. I might have bought her attempt to sound dismissive if her voice hadn’t been trembling with suppressed emotion when she spoke. There was obviously some feeling beneath her exaggerated words: but was it fear of being caught in a lie or because she felt something for me? I just couldn’t tell and that irritated me more than anything.
“Truer than you think,” I muttered in frustration, low enough that she wouldn’t hear.
“Where are we heading to?”
My feet froze in place. “Why? Are you tired already?” Was she just trying to change the subject or scared of how far we were going from civilisation?
Cassie hadn’t answered and I was turning to check she was OK when she banged into my back. “Oof – sorry,” she apologised staggering backwards.
Instinctively my hands flew out, grabbing her loosely around the shoulders to stop her falling as she lost her balance. It took a second or two for her feet to find traction on the path and as she straightened up – drawing closer to me – I felt a familiar expansion inside my chest, as though I was filling my lungs with huge amounts of air, even when I knew I wasn’t breathing.
Love..? I wondered distantly, through the familiar fog that appeared and confused my mind whenever she came close to me. Too close.
Cassie was only inches away now, almost embraced in my arms but not quite. I was utterly powerless, holding on longer than I needed to; wanting to pull her closer still. It was only when I felt her cool breath on my face and closed my eyes that the spell was broken and I was able to free her. It was certainly a reluctant gesture.
“So are you tired?” I repeated, opening my eyes once more and searching her face for an answer. I hoped desperately – even though I knew I shouldn’t – that we would not have to turn back now.
“No, I’m not tired. I just wondered wher
e you’re taking me?”
“Are you scared to be alone with me?” I taunted, deliberately not answering her question.
Her face brightened as she teased me back. “Why should I be nervous?”
“Well, there’s always the possibility that I might not take you back…”
“I’m sure I’d find my own way if necessary,” she said, dismissing my threat with a joke. “The space station is big, but it’s not that big!”
“I’m sure you would,” I conceded, dipping my head towards the ground in a deferential bow. “That still doesn’t mean I would let you leave, though.”
“You didn’t answer my question you know?”
“I know,” I replied, smiling to myself, as I walked away.
“So…?” She prompted a few moments later, drawing the word longer than necessary, showing a touch of irritation with my childish behaviour.
I couldn’t help myself: something inside me was intent on frustrating her.
“So….” I repeated, imitating her drawling tone as well as I could, whilst resisting the urge to turn around to look at her. “I’m taking you somewhere I like to go when I need some freedom. I think you’ll like it.”
It was best to keep my answer simple, so I left it at that and we continued upwards. Our silent ascent was only interrupted now by the hammering that came from my chest, each time I paused to remove a branch from her path. When Cassie’s eyes met mine, the crackle of energy I felt pass between us would burn into me. Once again, even though I knew it shouldn’t, it gave me hope for something I shouldn’t be hoping for.
“Here we are,” I announced as we broke through the final scrubby bushes at the end of the trail. Immediately I was greeted by the familiar, but always startling, view of the park stretching out from beneath my feet.
Not wanting to ruin the surprise for Cassie’s first visit here I turned back towards her and eagerly held out my hand, so that I could pull her the last few steps into the best possible position to appreciate the view as soon as she made the crest of the hill. She smiled easily as her fingers closed around mine, her skin smooth and warm beneath my light grip. With a small heave Cassie stood beside me on the small rocky outcrop that we’d climbed to. I watched with satisfaction as she focused on the scene before us and almost forgot to let go of her hand. Almost.
“Oh…my…wow!” She stammered incoherently. “I mean…just…WOW!”
Moving away from her I went to lean against one of the larger trees that shaded the top of the hillside and hid it from the sheer rock face that rose behind us. The thick branches, covered in a warm brown bark were overshadowed by thousands of small, pale green leaves and softened the harsh appearance of the stark, grey rock above.
I chuckled to myself as I saw her spinning chaotically on the spot: it was pretty much the same way I’d behaved the day Scarlett and I had found the path. There was so much to see and it was such an unfamiliar perspective to view the Family Quarter from. On your first time it felt as though you didn’t have enough eyes to take in all the information you wanted to. And as far as I knew, she was only the third person to see this.
“What do you think?”
Cassie’s head flicked rapidly from side to side before she appeared to consciously slow her movements and began pausing to take one long, searching glance after another.
There was no answer.
Linking my arms loosely in front of me I left her undisturbed and whilst she was distracted I allowed myself the guilty pleasure of simply watching her. Her chest swelled gently as she breathed and I found myself staring at the narrow band of bare skin Cassie’s day-suit exposed: the small indentation at the base of her throat, then lower. Catching myself, I forced my gaze higher – just in case she saw me. Cassie looked almost severe when she was concentrating and she was certainly focused on the view right now. Her lips moved minutely, as if she were voicing questions and answering them, without ever speaking aloud. A small strand of hair had caught against her lips, but she seemed blissfully unaware of it. I wished I could lean across and brush it away from her face. But I didn’t, of course.
“I take it you like it then?” I laughed, repeating my earlier question.
At last Cassie’s gaze flickered towards me – accompanied by a self-conscious smile – before she turned back to the view, but still there was no reply. I grinned now: speechless was as good an answer as any.
Relief washed over me that Cassie didn’t seem to be discouraged by the fact I obviously spent a lot of time in such a remote place, nor was she suspicious as to how I’d found it in the first place, which I felt some of our peers – and certainly our parents – would be. The more time I spent with her just made me think that she was different to the others – different from me still, but that wasn’t a bad thing. An echo of an earlier realisation swept over me: I liked the person I became when I was with her.
“I can’t believe that something like this exists in the station,” Cassie murmured, finally breaking her silence.
“I know.” The awe in her voice gave me the most satisfaction, I think I could have felt, at sharing this with her.
She was moving around now, stepping closer towards the lip of the rock ledge to look out further across the wide vista. Pushing away from the tree and unfolding my arms I followed her, allowing myself to move closer than I would normally when we were together, surrounded by others. Her hip brushed against my leg as I moved in and I found myself imagining all sorts of things, before I was reminded of the real reason we were here: finding out if Cassie was my friend, or a threat.
“You can’t see this place from the residential zones, because the rock is so similar to the grey external walls at the edges of the station,” I told her, “it was only when I was hiking out this way one day that I came across it.”
“Wow.” Cassie smiled to herself and started turning on the spot again, gazing out at the station spreading away beneath us from every possible angle.
Watching her, an unfamiliar sense of calm spread through me and I stood beside her feeling more peaceful than I had in a long time. At length I sank down to the ground, settling into an easy sitting position, to leave Cassie undisturbed for a while longer. As I relaxed in the comfortable silence I allowed my own thoughts to return to their earlier preoccupation: what was Cassie to me, and what was I to her?
It turned out that waiting was only making me feel bolder and in the end – unable to hold off any longer – I reached up for her hand, hanging loosely at her side and gripping her fingers lightly in my own tugged her gently, insisting that she sit beside me. Cassie moved willingly as I guided her and once she was seated on the short, tufted grass I released her hand. She shuffled around for a few moments, drawing her legs up to her chest and leaning forwards to rest her chin lightly on her knees as she relaxed.
From the corner of my eye I watched her. The dark strands of her hair were pulled loosely away from her face, allowing me to see her keen, green eyes as she gazed into the distance beyond us. She seemed quite content as we sat there. Content and beautiful I observed, sighing silently beneath my breath. I wasn’t about to articulate that thought again!
“There’s so much to see,” she whispered softly, “it’s hard to take it all in.”
“I’ve been here lots of times and I still find something new each time I come.”
Perhaps sharing some of my own observations would help her put the images into context, I thought, and so leaning forwards I began pointing out some of the main areas she might be interested in. Three tall buildings stood out to me straight away. “That’s the main hub at the centre of the Black, Green and Blue residential zones,” I pointed them out.
“That’s The Clinic?”
She sounded a little more shocked than I’d expected, but I wasn’t too sure what part exactly she was surprised about and so I simply nodded and pressed on with the “tour”.
“We came around the inside edge of the Agricultural Sector in the middle of the station…” I gestured t
owards the far right side of the towers, where the large domes of the Agricultural Sector curved like giant bubbles. “…And skirted through the boundary of the Red Zone to get to the Park entrance.” I traced the arc that we had walked, drawing Cassie’s gaze past me and finishing at the park entrance, behind us to the right.
“It’s so strange looking across the whole of the space station from here,” she observed, as she redirected her eyes back towards the distant Green Zone.
“You can’t see the whole station,” I corrected, more sharply than I intended, unable to stop myself from bristling at her words.
Taking a breath, I reminded myself that Cassie hadn’t spent most of her life obsessing over the minutia details of life on the station. She might not have, but I had – perhaps it was time to start my little investigation… it was the reason we were here, wasn’t it?
The thought encouraged me and I tried again – more appropriately this time – to help Cassie understand what we were looking at by pointing towards one of the areas I found most troublesome about the station.
“It’s hard to see because of the colours, but that’s the Married Quarter over to the right beyond the edge of the food domes. On the left is the Retirement Quarter, at the other side of the Engineering Sector.” Once more I traced the outline of the features I was trying to show her with my hand.
Cassie squinted in the direction I indicated, but showed no sign of recognition.
“Can you see?” I leaned in more closely to check whether the line I was pointing out aligned with her perspective. “There’s a slightly darker grey wall that reaches fully to the top of the arched ceiling...” My words trailed off as I waited for an answer.
“Erm,” she hesitated as I watched her eyes moving across the area I’d shown her. “No,” she finally acknowledged, sounding frustrated.
To be fair the boundary wasn’t that obvious: I’d been here countless times before I even began to understand the wider layout of the station beyond the Family Quarter. I could make this easier for her.
The Rainbow Maker's Tale Page 12
