Of course, Michael being her first and only experience at maintaining a relationship, she was bound to make a few mistakes. Climbing out of bed, she dressed and primped, ready to make things right with her lover, if it’s not too late. God, I hope it’s not too late, and she sniffed at the sadness the thought of losing him brought her.
Later that morning, the holiday meal turned out nice enough, despite the conflicting ideas and ambitions within the group. The cook prepared a fabulous turkey dinner, and the guys all gathered around the extravagant dining room table to feast upon it.
Michael had continued to avoid his wife, and she had allowed him to do so, still not sure what she would say, fully aware that she had been pulled between two worlds once again. I know what I want; I have to figure out how to get it. Embarrassed about her behavior, she could see a great deal of sucking up in her near future.
Sitting down to loaded plates, Tori noticed that hardly anyone spoke, which left her with the entire meal to observe and consider each point of view.
It turned out, her husband had become increasingly easy to read, his deeply wrinkled features making it all too clear; he really is unhappy, and all he wants is to go home. He pushed his food around on his plate, not eating nearly enough of the delicious meal, the sight of it almost enough to send her packing in itself.
Her brother also seemed exceedingly simple to understand, the way he smiled and doted on her. He never has given up on my living with him. The thought made it even more evident; I really don’t belong in this house, even if the visit has been comfortable enough.
Observing the remaining two members of their small party, she wondered how they felt in the midst of all of this. Collin has been sweet as honey since we arrived. Guess he got over my refusing his advances after all. Or maybe he is playing nice for Danny’s sake; maybe they both are.
She appreciated that they both cared for him, and that brought her some degree of comfort. He won’t be totally alone, and he’ll still have friends to look out for him after we’re gone.
“Wow, this group isn’t usually this quiet,” she broke the silence with a loud voice. Smiling, she tossed a bone to see who would snatch it up, “Better talk it up guys. Michael and I will be leaving Sunday, after all.”
Her husband’s head popped up at her words, his heart pounding, “We are?” His voice squeaked slightly, and he cleared his throat to cover himself, “I mean, we are. Yes.”
Brian was not amused, “But I just bought you guys a closet full of clothes for the winter!” His disappointed expression could not have shown through any clearer, any more than the relieved ones that Cody and Collin wore. If she left, they were off the hook as far as letting her join their band.
Twisting her fork, Tori remained calm, “Yeah, baby; I know. And we really appreciate that. I bet you can return all that stuff if you want. It was a lot of fun, being out, spending the day with you and all. And maybe we might come back for a visit in time to use some of them…” her voice trailed away as she reached the part about leaving. “But we don’t belong here, and we’re only kidding ourselves if we ever thought otherwise.”
Jaw dropped in disbelief, Brian’s mind raced. “You’re serious? Just like that? What if I need you to take care of me some more?”
His sister laughed out loud, “You’re fine, you don’t need anyone to take care of you.” She looked down at her plate, “We want to have a family. And to do that, I need to go home.” Not giving anyone else a chance to speak, she rose from her chair and headed up the stairs.
Family Always Wins
“What the fuck just happened here?” Collin blurted out, holding up open palms in awe.
“I think, they’re leaving,” Cody supplied, still chewing as he spoke.
“Yeah, no shit, Sherlock, I got that part,” the new drummer snarled, “But what the hell? One minute you guys are happy, eating this shit up, and the next you’re running off back to Texas? What kind of game is this?” He glared at her partner while making his demands.
Michael shifted in his seat, uncomfortable at the part he had played in his wife’s sudden change of heart. Clearing his throat, he made a small apology as he stared at the door, “I think it may be my fault. I never really wanted to come here, or stay here that is. I’ve been putting some pressure on her to go home, more or less.”
“There you go with that more or less bullshit again,” Brian spoke up, “So what did you say to her?”
Michael rocked his jaw side to side, studying his brother-in-law intently, “Don’t really matter, does it? She’s my wife, and if we want to go home, we go home. End of story.”
Slamming his fist down on the table, “The hell if it don’t, jackass. She may be your wife, but she’s my sister, and blood is damn sure thicker than water!”
Upstairs, Tori could hear their voices raised; the shouting echoed through the massive structure. Deep down, she knew that was the reason she never wanted to come to the house in the first place. I didn’t want to choose... I didn’t want to have to choose between them. She would never be able to take a side, and it wasn’t fair for them to ask her to, as she had felt them silently pulling on her since Brian first suggested it, back in Texas.
Now they were there and she felt stuck, like being in the center of a tug-of-war, playing the part of the rope. No matter which way I go, someone I love gets hurt. Leaning on the glass, pressing her forehead against the cool pane, she stared out across the wide yard filled with the colors of fall. God, I need a drink. And then she realized she knew where she could get one.
Turning away from the picturesque scene, she scurried to the far set of stairs, away from the dining room where the small group of men still exchanged insults. Intending to hit the bar in the lounge, she snaked her way down the hall. Passing the studio lined with instruments, she stopped cold. Spying her brother’s guitar, she had another idea. A wonderfully wicked idea.
Moving into the room, she grabbed the neck of the device, prepared to smash it in her fit of rage. Holding it, she stopped, paralyzed in thought. This’s the guitar that Terry built! The memory of her former mentor flooded her brain, clouding her destructive purpose. He cared so much for me. As if she could feel the love he poured into his creation pulsing in her hands, I can’t smash Terry’s guitar… The hot tears on her face, she felt more alone than she had in over a year.
Caressing the finely polished shine, she lifted the apparatus to her, overtaken by the strong desire to play it, rather than destroy it. She wanted to make it talk, to cry out with the flow of pain. My pain. The pain no living person can ever understand… Throwing the strap over her shoulder, she plugged in the amp and allowed her fingers to slide across the strings.
She started with Nobody’s Angel, allowing the song to flow out of her, replaying her special riff several times at the end to emphasize her control over her life and her destiny. Nobody owns me, nobody uses me, nobody anymore… Her raw anger spent on the lengthy display, she became calm, feeling the rush wash over her, and she moved on.
She went through her spiral of songs, her mind turning the pages. She played them as if it lay before her, piece after piece. Lost in her secret place, the one that her soul created when her fingers brought a guitar to life, her hair fell over her face and she drifted into another world, and this one of flesh and blood quickly faded into oblivion.
Having heard the noise over their angry confrontation, the group of men stood in the doorway of the studio. Hovering together, the three band members were in awe, while Michael wore a satisfied smirk. He had watched such displays many times in their home, and he knew the peace she would feel when it was over.
Lost in her completion, and the instrument that conformed to her very being, she took no notice of the four men who had moved from the entrance into the room. She had reached the end of her book, and her fingers ran through simple chords.
Her mind turning, she began to play the album, the guys’ album that her brother had taught her in Florida. She knew how he wante
d the songs to sound, but she didn’t care. She would play his song, only this time she would butcher it, carving out its heart and offering it to the gods.
Hearing the altered riffs, Brian moved to stop her, but Michael caught his arm. “No, man; let her play. It’s beautiful… I promise.” Jerking his arm away, Brian stood with the others, still fuming, like he had done in LA the first time he heard her tearing apart his hard work.
Within a few minutes, she hit upon the sound she wanted, and she began to sing, having chosen the piece whose words moved her the most deeply. Her tone perfect, her voice brought chill bumps as she played the song that she had taken and made her own.
A few minutes later, the men stood dumbfounded as the amp fell silent. Bringing her fingers to her forehead, the girl caught her long black tresses, running her digits against her scalp and tossing the mane behind her. Opening her eyes, she took the group in calmly from her place of serenity.
“Wow,” Collin muttered aloud, his eyes darting back and forth between the two people that mattered more to her than anything else on earth. “I guess I see your dilemma. But in the end, you gotta choose what’s right for you. You do that; you tell both these guys to go fuck themselves, and you go join a band.”
“Yeah,” Cody agreed, “Or you could join ours.” Collin shot him a surprised look, but he shrugged him off, “What? She’s good enough. We’d be lucky to have her!” After all, that was the plan, even if that wasn’t how it should have gone down.
Taken completely off guard, she stared at the trio. There’s no way they’re offering me a spot in their band. Her mind swirling memories of the past few weeks and her brother’s behavior, she was angry all over again. Son of a bitch, he intended this!
She was pissed that he had tricked her, in a roundabout way, meaning to try and persuade her to do precisely that. And even more pissed at the world because she knew she could never accept such a position. Stomping out of the room, Tori felt defeated.
Brian swallowed hard, causing his Adam’s apple to bob up and down. He knew he was close to getting his way, and he grinned at his bandmates, “Give her a few minutes, she’ll come around.”
Taking Michael in with an ice cold stare, he contemplated how he had hurt his friend deeply with his plotting and deception. But it don’t matter, this is family, he thought to himself with a wry grin, and in the end, family always wins.
In her room, Tori’s fingers trembled as she grabbed her backpack and threw in the few items they had brought with them, having no intention of taking the new clothing back to Texas with her. How could I have been so stupid? Why didn’t I see this coming? She chided herself, angry at allowing her brother to draw her in. And the problems this has created between Michael and me! Oh my God, I’m so ashamed.
Hot tears stained her cheeks as she thought about her husband and the hurt she had caused. How will I ever make this up to him?
Her thoughts continuing to tumble, the girl knew there would be no way she could accept such a public position. She no longer feared her old life, as she had dealt with the Dragons and Scorpions; it’s unlikely anyone would be looking for me.
That being said, it would be madness to put herself out into the public eye, not knowing who might see her and put her together with some past incident. It would be folly to think I could go unnoticed by everyone who might recognize me and try to pull me back into my old life, for one reason or another.
Hearing a light rap at the door, Tori paused briefly, standing still to await her visitor’s interjection into her muddied thoughts. After a lengthy gap, she lifted her gaze to find Brian staring at her, his eyes wide with concern at her contorted features.
Drawing a deep breath, she blurted, “I can’t play in your band, Danny. I’m sorry you thought that I would ever consider it, but I can’t put myself out there like that. It would put everyone I care about in danger.”
Shaking his head, he countered, “That’s not good enough. If you don’t wanna play with us, that’s fine, but you’re gonna have to have a damned good reason. Everyone sees what the music means to you. Everyone but you.”
Turning her palms towards the ceiling, she emitted a disgusted tone, “They don’t even like me, why would you put yourselves through such a thing?” She ignored the truth behind his words, “Just let me go, please!”
“Alright, you can go. But only after you come downstairs and explain to everyone why you feel you have no place among us. Because, quite frankly, this is where you belong. Playing that guitar is the thing that brings you to life. It makes you a star, even when you’re not on stage. You love it, and you’re God damned good at it,” he clamped his hands together, shaking them in front of himself towards her as if to pray, “Why can’t you see it?”
His eyes searched for a sign she understood. Seeing none, he went on, “Look, you wanna go hide in Texas and play wife, working on motorcycles and run down houses, that’s your business. But first, you have some explaining to do.”
Trying to send him away, she realized her older brother could be as equally stubborn as she could. Fuck me, if I don’t do this, I could lose him, as if he had been the one who died. Unable to take that risk, she had to make him understand. Following him downstairs, an angry scowl marred her beautiful features, and she fumed every step of the way.
Finding the rest of the group in the kitchen setting leftovers on the table, the five of them took their seats. Tori sat, too anxious to eat, and fully aware that she would soon embark on sharing the story she had not intended to tell anyone ever again.
Looking across at her husband, he gave her a small smile and spoke to her in German. “You don’t have to tell them. I’ll back you if you want to say no is your final word and walk away.”
Her eyes flitting from one face to the next, she realized she could probably get away with such a course of action, but it would cost her dearly in her relationship with her brother. She wanted to have him in her life, even if she couldn’t stay with him, and to maintain that, she would have to be willing to concede some parts of her past to them.
Outlaw Days
Staring at her plate, Tori tried to decide how to begin the conversation. Shaking her head, she shared the German for a moment, her voice quiet as she replied, “I really can’t do that. I owe him this much.” Her eyes taking him in, she breathed a small sigh of relief; at least he’s back on my side.
“So,” she switched to English for the benefit of everyone in the room, “You think you’re ready to hear about my outlaw days? Well then, let me warn you. You cannot un-hear what’s been said. Search your hearts and be sure this is what you truly want, as my tale will be dark, and we all may live to regret it.” Her voice dripping with ominous foreboding, she cut her eyes around the gathering, waiting for them to indicate their agreement to the terms.
Her words gave the three band members chills, as they considered her lack of emotion at their utterance. To convey his agreement, Brian gave her a single nod, “Yeah well, we spent all that time hiding at your place in Texas, so it’s been pretty obvious that you were involved in some pretty bad shit. The least you can do is tell us yourself, and not leave us hanging with the little amount your old man was willing to share.”
On the inside, Tori allowed herself a small smile at having Michael referred to as her old man. On the surface, she held her face placid, unwilling to show any inward sensitivity.
Feeling the need to make her brother understand how deep and dark her past truly was, she started with her first memories; the day both their lives were changed. She had shared them with Brett, connecting the two of them forever, so they were fresh in her mind, so to speak.
“I guess you know I have slowly regained memories of my life before the Dragons. Not only of us playing together, or rather me chasing you around, such as it were. I remember the day we left you at the farm,” she gave a pause, indicating the day their parents were murdered.
Brian raised his eyebrows at her, “Wow, you were pretty young. How do I know you ac
tually remember it, and not just me talking about it?”
Seeing that he wanted something more tangible than her word, “Oh, I don’t know, I guess I’ve always found it odd that they chose to paint their barn green, rather than the traditional red.”
Upon hearing this, he nodded, having been supplied with the right detail, and knew she did indeed remember their grandparent’s farm.
“After we left you, I was busy being angry. I guess you had noticed I never liked not getting my way, and we stopped at a diner for an early dinner. Mom and dad promised me a treat to cheer me up. Only, a couple of rough guys in leather came in. Mom didn’t like the look of them, so we left. One of them had touched me on the head, and she freaked.”
“I knew I wasn’t getting my prize, so I started throwing another fit in the backseat.” A tear dropped onto her cheek before she could catch it, and she sniffed slightly, willing herself not to cry.
“Mom pulled my bear out of my bag, trying to get me to quit carrying on while dad was driving. Like you can talk sense to a five year old.” Tori grinned slightly at her own misbehavior.
“She saw something out the back glass, and she screamed before we were hit and spun off the road. I dreamt it lots of times after that.”
Michael nodded, having recalled their sharing before she took his name.
“They put me on a motorcycle, and I heard the shots before they set the fire.” She held her face of stone, daring her brother to show emotion at how their parents died. “The bike was scary, as I sat facing the guy, hanging on for dear life, and I was cold with the wind whipping around me.”
“I have no idea how far we went. We stopped at a gas station and I was taken into the bathroom by one of the guys, where he stripped me and gave me a new set of clothes to put on, which I refused.”
“It was Eddie Farrell, leader of the group, and he laughed at me. Grabbed my arms and forced the shirt on over my head and the pants onto my legs. Then he snarled at me, ‘Now, your new name is Tori. Tori Farrell. If anyone asks, that is all you are allowed to say.’ He poked me in the chest and must have thought I would be afraid of him…” Her voice trailed away for a moment, her rubbing the spot as if she could still feel the digit stabbing her small body.
A New Life Series - Finisher Set Page 31
