Compulsion: Magnetic Desires

by Misti Murphy

  April 2010

  I stood at the front of the church. The suit was too tight and I rolled my shoulders, trying to loosen the constrictive feel of the stiff material. It didn’t help. Tugging at my collar, I turned to Chris. He smirked and dug me in the ribs with his elbow. "Are you ready for this circus?"

  You’re not ready for this. Why did you agree to be here? Fuck, you’re a sadomasochist.

  I wasn’t ready, but it was too late to do anything, wasn’t it? Birdie sat in the front row; her hair twisted up into a French braid, the icing on the simple azure dress she wore. She mouthed at me, "It’s going to be all right."

  No it wasn’t, not this time. What the fuck was I doing here? I swallowed, trying to ignore the dryness in my mouth. How much longer would I be stuck in this torturous suit? The music started, and Clo glided down the aisle. She was the most beautiful bride I’d ever seen in a strapless dress that gathered around her waist and skimmed her hips, trailing out behind her. Tiny crystals caught sunlight, sparkling with each slow, tentative step she took towards the altar, and I froze in place, unable to tear my gaze away. Her wide-eyed gaze settled on me for a fraction of a second and her lips curved in a tiny smile. No matter how much I wanted to run from the church, I couldn’t. If this made her happy then I’d support her, no matter how much it fucking sucked. She stood right in front of me, and I wanted to reach out and take her hands and tell her she was beautiful.

  Instead, Zack took her hand in his and whispered in her ear, causing her mouth to turn up as she gave him a watery gaze. Clamping my mouth shut, I watched them take their vows in front of the minister, knowing I was saying goodbye for the last time.

  She turned to him, and I listened to her say her vows with tremulous adoration. Staring at her, I pretended she said them to me, letting myself linger in the moment, until he slid a plain gold ring on her finger. Something in my chest shifted as he brushed his lips over hers for the first time as husband and wife. There was no place for me in this life of hers, and there never had been. I’d been fooling myself all along.

  After the wedding, I went with the bridal party to the reception. One of Clo's bridesmaids, whom she had met in college, tried to sweet talk me into finding somewhere private to carry out the old bridesmaid, groomsmen tradition. Instead, I made my way to the bar and ordered a scotch, double, neat.

  I took my drink and found my seat, having no plans to move until the opportunity for escape presented itself.

  The scotch refills got me through dinner and the cutting of the cake.

  "Come on, Orion, you have to dance with the bride," Clo said, coming up to me as the band started yet another slow song.

  I got up since she would hound me until I did. Besides, she was the bride, and I could never say no. Wasn’t that why I was here at their fucking wedding in the first place? Putting down the scotch I’d been nursing, I let her lead me onto the dance floor. She took her time arranging the train of her white gown before she placed my hands on the small of her back and wrapped her own around my neck. "You know how to dance?"

  I answered her by swinging her around, her feet not touching the floor, before settling into a waltz.

  "I'm so happy, Orion."

  "I'm glad. You are by far the most beautiful bride." I meant every word.

  "We need to find someone for you."

  I’d rather be kicked in the balls. "I'm happy the way I am. Don't you dare set me up with any of your friends."

  "Fine. I only want to see you happy, like I am."

  The song ended, and Zack made his way over to claim his bride. "Time to go, sweet-thing."

  She leaned in and kissed my cheek. "I'll see you when we get home from our honeymoon."

  I waved goodbye with the rest of the crowd as they drove away. When everyone else went in, I took a cab home.

  I crashed through the front door and stumbled over my own feet, shedding my shoes and jacket. My tie landed on the back of the couch and slid down behind it. Fuck clothes, and weddings, and stupid girls who couldn’t see they were making the biggest fucking mistake of their lives. Kicking off my pants, I fumbled with the buttons on the stupid shirt. I just needed a damn scotch. Okay, a couple of scotches. Buttons scattered over the floor as I yanked free of the shirt, balled it up, and dumped it in the trashcan.

  There wasn’t enough scotch to ease the damn freezer burn in my chest. I already knew that, leaning heavily towards being drunk and all, but to hell with it. Tonight was the kind of night where the only way through was passed out. Snatching the bottle off the shelf, I poured a liberal shot. Well, might have been a shot and a half, no two, if I were being honest. Leaning heavily against the counter, I gulped it down.

  "Orion?" Birdie strolled in like she owned the place. "Oh Lord, put some clothes on." She caught an eyeful of my boxers as she entered the kitchen.

  "What are you doing here?" I growled and poured another, eyeing the level in the glass a little more closely.

  Planting her hands on her hips, she glared at the bottle before turning to look at me the same way. "I came to check on you."

  "Leave me alone."

  "No." She slapped my chest hard, leaving her handprint. "You’re being an idiot."

  "Says who?"

  "I do. What are you going to do? Drink until you pass out?"

  Leveling my gaze at her, I drained the glass in one swallow. "Sounds like a plan to me."

  "Sometimes, big brother, you are such a douche." She snatched the bottle before I could pour another. "You’ll pass out, but then what? You still have to wake up tomorrow, only you'll feel worse, and more scotch won't fix it, trust me."

  "What do I do then, little sister? If you're so smart, you must know the answer."

  "Maybe it’s time you put all this crap behind you?"

  "Don’t you think I’ve tried?" I watched her flinch.

  "What I think is you play hard at using women, while the one woman you wait for is never going to be yours. Stop pining after her like a dog, Orion." She poked me hard in the chest. "It’s time you gave up on her. Date someone real and try to move on."

  "How am I supposed to do that?" I groaned, sinking my face into my hands.

  She glanced at the bottle in her hand and passed it back to me. "I guess you just have to get out there and do it."

  I poured another shot, swirled it around the glass and watched the amber liquid spin. "Sometimes, Birdie, I can’t stand your logic." I set the glass down. "If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to bed. You can let yourself out."

  "Ha. That’s what you think." She hefted herself up to sit on the counter. "I’m moving in with you."

  "The fuck you are," I growled. "Now is not the time to try and piss me off."

  "Go to bed, Orion. We’ll talk in the morning."

  Chapter Fifteen

  "Of course, Birdie was right. She always is, and don’t ever try and tell her she’s not." He chuckles and slaps his knee. "Birdie had been living with me for a month, and I waited for her to corner me to have that chat she’d promised. Although I liked to stir her up, I was grateful to have her under my roof, but I missed strutting around my house in the nude and I wondered when she’d move out and start living her own life. I was over Clo, and I’d gotten back into the swing of life without her, again, but Birdie wasn’t living her life and that bothered me. I’d even gone on a few dates, not that they had amounted to anything."

  May 2010

  "Hey, little one." I tugged her ponytail as I entered the kitchen. "What did you do today?"

  "I got a job," she said, "working at KT&K events."

  "The event-planning gig?"

  "Yes." She turned and waved the spatula at me. "I’m only an assistant."

  "You’ll do great." I stole a piece of beef from the pan and grinned with my mouth full. "You should have told me. I would have taken you out to dinner to celebrate."

  Scrunching up her nose, she smacked me with the spatula. "You know I don’t go out."

  "Why is that?" I couldn’t re
member the last time she’d left the house after dark.

  "I just don’t." She focused on stirring the sizzling contents of the pan.

  There was always more going on with Birdie than she let on. Ever since she’d been a teenager, hell since dad died, she’d been like that. I’d tried to get answers out of her back then, but she’d clammed up tight and that hadn’t changed. At some point, I’d let it go. There’d been too much going on for me to worry too much about female hormones. Just the thought of girly issues made me cringe back then. Now, I wondered if I should be trying to get to the bottom of whatever secrets she held on to so tight.

  "What about you?" she asked. "It’s Friday night. Are you heading out?"

  The crew would be going down to O’Malley’s for a few beers later, but I hadn’t made a decision either way. "I don’t know, maybe."

  "You should. You won’t get me out of your house till you find a girl who can cook as well as I can."

  My mind drifted to Clo, and I wondered how her catering business was going. I still thought about her almost every day, but the feelings weren’t as strong.

  "You could live with me forever," I teased her. "You and me, stuck under the same roof for the rest of our lives."

  She shrieked. "No way. I’m going to find you the perfect girl if it’s the last thing I do."

  "What about you?" I countered. "I don’t see you running around with any boys. What’s the story there?"

  Her silence twisted at my gut. "Birdie?"

  She put the spatula down. "If they're all like you, I don’t want anything to do with them." She sniggered as she stared at the pan, but it wasn’t her usual effervescent giggle.

  "Can you keep an eye on dinner for a minute?"

  I nodded, and she left the room. Trying to get her to open up was going to take a lot more finesse than I was presently able to muster.

  When she came back with a grin on her face I knew I was in trouble. "You’ve got a dinner date. You better get ready."

  "What are you talking about?" I drew my eyebrows together, knowing whatever she had planned I wasn’t going to like.

  "My friend Bella agreed to go on a date with you."

  "Christ, Birdie, and you thought you’d spring this on me? Not ask my opinion?" This wasn’t how I wanted to spend my Friday night. I crossed my arms over my chest and scowled. "I’m not going."

  "You are." She stared me down. "You’re not going to disappoint her. I’ve already booked you a reservation at Lawson’s. Hurry up and get ready."

  "It’s not going to happen, Birdie. Call her and tell her it’s not happening." I wasn’t changing my mind, despite her looking at me down the length of her nose.

  "I figured you’d say that," she said, "which is why I called for backup."

  Mellie entered the kitchen, having let herself in.

  "How can you talk that fast?" I asked, wondering what mad skills she had to pull off this crazy feat in the ten minutes she’d left me in the kitchen.

  "It’s called texting, Orion." She stuck out her tongue, causing Mellie to giggle.

  "It won’t be that bad." Mellie backed my sister up. "You never know. Bella might be great."

  "Who are you, and what have you done with my friend?" I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that Mellie agreed with Birdie.

  "Go and get ready," both girls said in unison, grins on their faces.

  "Fine," I huffed, "but when I get home, you and I are going to have a talk about boundaries, Birdie."

  Stalking out of the kitchen, I headed for the shower. Lawson’s was an upper class type of place. I’d have to wear a bloody suit. I could still hear the girls cackling in the kitchen when I closed the bathroom door. It didn’t take long to get ready and I went to wait for my mystery date, leaving the two girls to watch chick flicks.

  ***

  How the hell had I let Birdie talk me into this? I was twenty-three years old for fuck’s sake. Old enough to pick my own dates, and definitely old enough that my little sister shouldn’t have had any say in who I dated.

  My hands shoved in my pockets, I scanned both ends of the street. What did this mysterious Bella look like, and would we be able to get along for the evening? I shoved my hand through my hair. Birdie hadn’t given me any details, and I couldn’t rely on Mellie to rescue me if things weren’t going well. At least Mike would have my back, wouldn’t he? Tugging at my tie with a finger, I tried to pull deep breaths through the constriction in my throat.

  A tall brunette made her way toward me, and I stepped forward, taking note of her effortless beauty and doe eyes. She stopped in front of me clutching at a small black bag. "Excuse me, but are you Orion?"

  "You must be Bella." Extending my hand, I ran my gaze over her.

  As far as blind dates went I'd hit the jackpot. She looked amazing sheathed in a silver, strapless dress that flared at her waist and didn't make it to her knees. Black skyscraper heels made her tanned legs go on forever.

  Her hand in mine we walked into the restaurant and approached the maître d’s station. "I have a reservation."

  "Yes sir, name please."

  "Lance."

  The maître d’ scanned his list. "There you are, sir. Right this way."

  Why on earth had Birdie picked this restaurant? The issue wasn’t whether I could afford it. Going into business with Mike had definitely given me a financial edge I hadn’t dreamed of as a teenager, but I preferred to stay away from pretentious places like this when given the choice. If Birdie had chosen it because Bella was the kind of girl who expected to be wined and dined in style, she’d be disappointed in me.

  The waiter showed us to a table, and I held the seat out for Bella before seating myself and perusing the menu, or rather, studying her over the top of it.

  "Would you like to order drinks, sir?" the waiter asked.

  From behind her menu she giggled, and I wondered what had amused her.

  "Can we have a moment?" I glanced up at him, and he nodded stiffly and moved on.

  "I'm sorry, but the snobby accent was too hilarious." Her eyes danced as I held her gaze.

  "It is a little stuffy in here." I grinned. "Do you want to get out of here?"

  "Oh, could we?" The smile she answered with was a dazzling display of straight, white teeth that would make Tinsel Town nervous.

  "Let’s go." Clasping her hand, I led her out of the restaurant.

  "Where should we go now?"

  "There's a waffle house around the corner." She pointed behind her.

  Every word from this girl’s mouth made me like her more. Maybe Birdie had been right to trap me into this date. "Breakfast for dinner? Let's go."

  The night was turning out better than I’d expected. I'd have to remember to thank Birdie, instead of kicking her out of my house.

  Still holding Bella’s hand, we strolled toward our new destination. "So, tell me about yourself."

  Chapter Sixteen

  "I’d been dating Bella for six months, and I’d managed to avoid Clo most of that time. She would call or text me, or I’d run into her in the street, and I’d realize how much I missed her, but I knew there was no point holding on to her. I’d moved on. I’d already had the key cut. I was going to ask Bella to move in with me over dinner that night."

  October 2010

  I waved to the last of the crew as the sun drifted toward the horizon and the overcast sky threatened rain. I’d meant to be home early to get ready to meet Bella, but hadn’t been able to get away. Squatting on the cold concrete slab, I packed up my toolbox, unable to keep the grin off my face. Bella would say yes when I asked her to move in with me tonight. She’d been hinting at it for a while now. Toolbox in hand, I strode through the front of the framed out house, its bare bones reaching into the sky. It was time to take the next step.

  Clo’s car sped up the road toward me. The hum of the motor as she accelerated gave her away. Frozen in place, I watched as her car came to an abrupt halt behind my truck. The thud of the door slamming shut echo
ed in the quietness, and she barreled toward me. A deep scowl marked her face; her eyes were red and swollen. Pressing my lips together, I studied the tightness in her posture, becoming more evident the closer she got. I hadn’t seen her in, how long? Not long enough, since the answer was instantaneous down to the day and the hour. Exhausted, I leaned against the frame. "What are you doing here?"

  "Fucking bastard." She spat on the dirt at her feet.

  "What?" She had no reason to be calling me a bastard. What the hell was going on?

  "Not you." She stepped onto the slab between the framing of the kitchen. "Him. Zack."

  "Oh." I raised an eyebrow and dropped my toolbox, crossing my arms as she took up pacing. She was shaking, not trembling from the cold, but violently shaking. I’d never seen this side of her. Not once had I ever seen her mad like this. It was almost humorous that this slip of a woman could hold that much anger. "What happened?"

  Turning to me, she rubbed at her arm, her eyes etched with pain. "He cheated on me."

  "Oh." She gazed at me, waiting for me to say something else. To tell her anything that would take the edge off.

  "I found him. I found him and some blonde thing in my bed. How could he?" She burst into tears and turned to stare out at the mountain of dirt in the backyard. "How could he do this to me?"

  Traversing the short distance between us, I pulled her against my chest. I’d known all along, or at least I’d been suspicious, and been able to add up the clues. Her anger fed mine. This was exactly what I’d been avoiding all these years. I would kill the bastard for hurting her. "Do you want me to run him over with my truck?"

  Quiet hiccups accompanied her muffled sobs. "No. I don’t want you in jail because he doesn’t love me anymore. This isn’t your problem. It’s mine. I don’t know why I came here."

  Her anger dispersed, leaving the vulnerable girl I needed to protect. I hadn’t done a good job of it so far, or not enough, if Zack had still been fucking around on her. Guilt nibbled at me as relief she was no longer with the bastard flooded through me. "I’m glad you did," I murmured against her ear, "you know I’m always here for you."