by J. D. Dexter
“Ankarrahi are beings of essence. Any two people can donate energy to create other beings. In the terms you would understand, you donated a portion of Hunter’s adira. This makes you, in human terms, his mother. I have donated adira to Hunter, making me his father.”
“I’m going to be sick.” I push to my feet and sway as the rooms swirls around me.
I’m caught in Hunter’s arms. I push him back. “Not now. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”
Brian pulls me around Hunter’s body, and ushers me down the short hallway to the half-bath. I hear the door shut as I lift the lid of the toilet and empty my stomach.
As my stomach calms, I hear the water running in the sink. Moments later, I feel a cool rag on my neck. Brian’s giant hand rests on my hair as I sit there in shock.
“I’ve got nothing but inappropriate jokes, Finley-babe. Tell me what you need me to do.”
“I don’t know. My mind is numb. It’s so quiet up there, there’re echoes.” I shake my head, clenching my eyes shut. “I guess we should go back out there. I don’t know what else to do.”
He helps me to my feet and wraps me in his arms before opening the door. “Well, let’s go out then. We can figure it out as a group.”
The plop of the wet rag hitting the sink follows us out into the kitchen.
“Then you should have led with that, Shavix. You do not realize the damage you could have done,” Kezi says.
“What’s wrong now?” I ask, my voice flat.
“Shavix has something to tell you.” She glares at him. It must be something big for her to drop her protocol and give him sass.
“What?” I move in front of the screen.
“Since Hunter is still human, as I have been assured he is, there should be no hinderance to your romantic relationship. The only problem you might encounter is trying to have young.” Jessica’s cheeks are no longer rosy, the sparkle has left his eyes, and his mouth is turned upside down.
“It seems Hunter is fully Ankarrahi and fully Human. I’ve never experienced something like this before. I’ll have my researchers and Fragmenters begin looking into this issue.”
I just nod.
“But, if we were on Ankarrah, it would be seen as …” I wave my hand in the air, unable to voice the words.
“Depraved and socially unacceptable, yes,” he finishes for me.
“Does it matter to you that between us you and I have given Hunter a full-blown adira energyscape?” I ask Jessica. Grasping at straws is really all I have left.
Jessica’s eyes pop wide. “I hadn’t thought of it like that.” His head once again tips, his moustache twitching as he bites at his lips. “We’ve never met, not face to face. But I am experiencing a vague,” he flutters his hand near his round belly, “discomfort now that it has been brought to my attention.” He shakes his head, the edges of moustache fluttering in the wind.
“I’ll have to think upon this, and get back to you once I’ve done some consulting with my advisors.” He nods his head, once, sharply.
I turn to look at Brock and Kezi. Kezi looks like she’s about to cry, her eyes shimmering under the lights of the kitchen. Anguish in the tilt of her eyes, pity in the slope of her mouth.
Brock looks…like Brock. Not a lot of expression to work with. As he catches my gaze, he gives me a sad smile, before resuming his fantastic resting bitch-face.
I feel my head moving up and down, my mind blank, my heart ripped to shreds. I swallow the scream that wants to rip from my chest.
“Is Hunter the Ashen Angel or not?” I ask.
“He very well could be,” Jessica says.
“So what does that mean for us?”
“It means you will need to work closely together, become a single cohesive unit to defeat Anixia. I’m sorry, Finley. I truly am.”
I growl at him, baring my teeth. “You’re sorry?! Turns out the love of my life is also my adira son who I created with my adira father; our relationship would be awful on a number of levels. That same love of my life could be involved in a prophecy that could kill him. My life has turned up-freaking-side down with this freaking crap; it more closely resembles an awful country song. Don’t tell me you’re sorry.” I jab my finger at the screen.
I can feel the tears pressing against the back of my eyes, the burn pushing on my throat.
Jessica sighs, his eyes pinched. “I am sorry. More sorry than I can say. As to whether or not he could be the Ashen Angel from the prophecy, he very well could be. He has had steadily increasing doses of adira. He seems to have adapted well with no ill effects. The only suggestion I have is to take him with you when you defeat Anixia, transfer her power to him. If he doesn’t die, then yes, he’s your prophetic Ashen Angel,” Shavix says.
I will not kill my father, I will not kill my father, I will not kill my father.
“If you think my son is going to go help save your world on the off-chance he’s this Ashen Angel, then you’ve got another think coming,” Abby says from the back. Her voice is like acid, eating away at everything in its path.
“Mom, we can discuss this—”
“Never. I’ll not allow you to put yourself in danger with no better guarantee than ‘possibly.’” She glares at him.
Damn straight, Abby. I’m not letting him do that, no matter our relationship.
Her eyes trap me, the ferocious protective gaze of a mother. I give her a slight nod. She exhales noisily, her hands unclenching.
“Speaking of fighting Anixia. How do we set that up? Pistols at dawn. I’ve been doing nothing but training for the last however many months. I evaded her and Lazara on the Matrix, I met the Bulcepts. One of whom helped me unlock my adira capabilities. I’ve learned how to fight with Kezi and Brock. When will this threat either manifest or dissipate?” I ask Jessica.
His eyebrows pull together. “I have no idea. Engaging in a war with Anixia isn’t something I would suggest. She is very powerful and has many at her beck and call. She has been amassing adira through her followers.”
“We have lost many more citizens to her massacre. Now that she knows you are alive, she has her sycophants absorbing as many Ankarrahi as possible. Our population has been reduced by two percent already.” He shakes his head, sorrow pulling at his features.
Brock’s and Kezi’s sharp inhales explode through the room. “Our families?” Kezi asks, her voice hollow.
“Are safe. Peprange came to me after an attack on your family, Keziry. I have placed them with some trusted acquaintances. Brock, I have done the same for your remaining family members.”
“Who didn’t make it?” Brock asks.
“Samina, Whick, and Kandrota. I’m very sorry. I did not know they were being pursued.” Jessica touches his right index finger to his forehead, bowing deeply.
Brock nods before pushing away from the table, away from the group. Kezi pats my shoulder and follows him.
“You say that two percent of your population is now gone. How many people is that, exactly?” Reggie asks from the back of the group.
“Close to fifty thousand citizens.” Jessica looks haggard. As the Out Prime, he’s tasked with keeping the skies around Ankarrah safe. I can’t imagine how he feels about not being able to keep the people inside Ankarrah safe.
“Damn,” Brian and Brent say in unison.
The shamelessness of Anixia and her people killing others just for their adira sets a fire blazing in my stomach. The more I learn about that woman, the more I hate her.
I don’t care anymore about her childhood, the damaged child she was. She’s had choices and time to make other decisions. She’s running as fast as she can down this path of power, not caring how much destruction she leaves in her wake.
I will stop her.
And I won’t let her take anyone else from me, either.
“Jessica, you need to start talking to your people to figure out how this show-down is supposed to work. We’re taking the fight to her. Even if that means me acting as bait.”
S
huffling and sounds of protest begin. I raise my hand in the air, bringing silence.
“I’m the one she wants to absorb. I’m the one she’s going to get. She doesn’t get the chance to take or hurt any of you. She doesn’t get to take that away from me, too.”
Jessica’s gaze hardens. “She does not get to take or hurt you, either, Finley. You are too precious to too many to barter your life away so frivolously.”
“Seconded.” A chorus of voices.
“And I certainly don’t want to die or get hurt. But she’s done hurting me through anyone else. She killed my parents, people who had no adira to give. She’s a monster. She doesn’t get to set the terms, she doesn’t get to choose the field. I’ll take her out however I need to in order to make sure she’s gone for good.”
I swallow back the rage-backed tears.
“This ends now. Jessica, get me a workable plan as soon as you can.” I tap the Window, turning it off before he has a chance to reply.
I push back from the table, shoving my way through the small crowd of loved ones behind me. I make my way to my bedroom, quietly closing the door behind me. I simply stand in the quiet.
She’s taken Josh, my parents, Hunter. She doesn’t get to take anyone else. Once again, I feel like I’m on a tilt-a-whirl, spinning and sliding around on my emotions. Rage, grief, hurt, anguish, everything but joy and happiness make an appearance.
My cheeks stay dry. My chest burns, and my lungs feel like they’re seizing, but I keep the tears inside. I’m done crying, done feeling sorry for myself.
Toeing off my shoes, I sink down into my meditative stance and begin breathing deeply. Readying my body and mind for a practice session.
I picture her in my mind with each kick. I see her take each punch. Her body bloodied and bruised as I kick, stab, whirl, punch, and generally rain down holy hell.
She dies.
She dies by my hand.
A knock on the door interrupts me.
“What?” I call.
“Lando’s here. He needs to talk to us,” Kezi says through the door.
“Be right there.”
39
“Legs, finally. I’ve got some news about Anixia.”
I curl my fingers at him. “Gimme.”
“You okay? Looking rough.” His light bar eyes shift up and down.
“I’m fine. What’s the news?”
He keeps looking at me. Just as I’m about to snap at him, he starts speaking. “Just heard on the Matrix that Anixia is trying to get you to Ankarrah.”
I wait.
“That’s it?” I raise my eyebrows.
He looks at everyone else in the room, but I keep my eyes locked on him. He swallows, the sound hollow in the room. “Yeah.”
“Do you know how she’s going to do it? Do you know when? Who she’s going to use? Do you have any usable information?” I glare at him.
“You’re creeping up on bitch territory. What crawled up your ass and died?” He juts one hip out and props one fist on it.
“If that’s all, I’ll be in my room.” I turn to walk away. And run smack into Hunter’s chest.
“Socks, we’ve got to talk.”
“I can’t. Not right now.” I scoot around him, ignoring the burn in my chest.
“Yes, now.” He grabs my arm and pulls me to his bedroom.
“Careful there, Hunter,” Brent calls, his voice full of warning.
Neither Hunter nor I say anything until we’re behind his closed bedroom door. I yank my arm out of his grip and pace away to the far wall, my arms wrapped around my waist.
“What, Hunter? There’s not a lot to talk about anymore.”
“How about the stick up your ass that Lando referenced?” He glares at me.
I glare right back. “How can you say that? We can’t be together, Hunter. This,” I motion to the space in between us, “can’t work. Not now.” I swallow. “Not ever.”
“Socks, I’m still human. I don’t care how I got my adira, who gave it to me, or anything else related to it. The only thing I care about is you.” He steps toward me.
I raise a hand, stopping him. I shake my head. “I can’t see anything but that when I look at you.” I find his gaze with mine, let him see the torture living inside me. “She’s taken that from me too.”
“No, Socks. She hasn’t.” He moves toward me, ignoring my hand this time. Wrapping me in his arms, I quake on the inside as he nuzzles my hair. “And who knows? Maybe after you filter all of her adira through me, I’ll be back to just human anyways.”
I keep my arms locked around my waist, unwilling and unable to let myself dream about a future with him anymore. “Then we’ll have to wait to see what happens. But I can’t be with you like this. Not right now.” I pull out of his arms. “I need some time and space to think.”
“What does that mean exactly?” he asks as his arms fall back to his sides.
“I think it might be better if I bunk with Brian or Brent.” I watch as his face tightens, his rich brown eyes hardening.
“You can still stay here, Socks. I won’t get in your way.”
I can feel myself softening, wanting and needing to lean on him. “No. I don’t think that would be fair to either of us. I should only be gone for a couple of days.” I pull myself upright, stiffening my spine.
I open the door, and head back towards my room. My head full of everything I need to pack, I’m stopped when Lando steps right in my path.
“What now, Lando?”
“Bitch, we still need to talk.”
“Really now,” Reggie says from the table.
A thump, “ouch,” and “Well, I just don’t think he needs to use that kind of language,” has a smile tugging at my mouth.
“Thank you, Reggie. I fully agree.” I tap Lando’s head like he’s a puppy, something he hates, and move around him.
“Finley Marie. Stop acting like a petulant child and listen to me,” Lando fairly screams.
“Oh, shit,” Reggie whispers. Snickers sound around the table.
“What, Lando? What’s so important right now that it just can’t wait?” I glare at him, my fists propped on my hips.
“Can Hunter access the Matrix by himself?” Lando asks, his light bar eyes narrowed.
“I don’t know. I don’t know why he wouldn’t since he’s fully Ankarrahi now.” I barely manage to stifle the sob that wants to erupt from my throat. “Go ask him.” I wave towards the hallway I just exited.
“No, I can’t,” Hunter asks. “I’ve tried. On multiple occasions, especially when Socks goes missing. I can’t get there unless I’m with someone else.”
I quash the faint flicker of hope.
“If you are fully Ankarrahi, as Shavix has said, then that should be a simple exercise,” Kezi says from her place by Reggie at the table.
“I can’t,” he says flatly.
“Why does that matter, Lando?” I ask.
“Because Anixia is going to pull you to Ankarrah through the Matrix using Hunter as the conduit.” Distantly, I’m aware that Lando’s language is much more formal, but the idea is buried under the terror wreaking havoc with my insides again.
“How do we keep him here with us?” Abby demands.
Reggie puts his arm around her shoulders.
“If he can’t get there by himself, our efforts just got a huge helping hand from fate,” Lando says.
I scoff. “Kezi, can you and Brock see if Hunter just needs lessons or if he honestly can’t access the Matrix, please?”
“Of course, Finley. Hunter, come with us,” Kezi says pushing away from the table.
Reggie raises his hand. “Would you mind if I came along to observe? Fascinating idea.” He rubs his hands together.
“Sure, Reggie. You can come watch.” Hunter motions him to follow the gang heading outside.
“Make sure to bundle up, it’s still cold outside,” Abby warns before looking back at me.
“Finley,” she begins.
“I can�
��t, Abby. I really can’t.” I turn away from her. This woman who, in so many ways, reminds me of my own mom makes me want to break down in tears.
“I know, and I completely understand. But I just want you to know that none of us will think less or ill of you if you two decide to pursue a relationship.”
I hunch my shoulders. “I’d think less of me.”
“But why?”
“Because mothers aren’t supposed to do that to their sons!” I rage, whipping around to see her. “They’re supposed to protect them, not thrust them into danger and hope they survive. They’re not supposed to impose their needs on their children. They shouldn’t ever put their child in the position of needing protection from themselves.” The tears flow from my eyes.
“Even if he wasn’t the Ashen Angel, and I pray to God he’s not, I wouldn’t be able to be intimate with him. Not with this knowledge hanging over me. Some part of him, a part that forced him to quit his job—his passion—is only alive because of me.”
“Exactly. He is here, alive, because of you, Finley. Don’t let the semantics of a different world and species stop you from following your heart. You’ll be breaking both of you. And for what? For some obscure possibility that you are the reason he’s even more than he was before?” She shakes her head, her cheeks pink and her eyes red with unshed tears.
“How can you say that? If he is fully Ankarrahi, I would be considered his mother. How could you support us knowing that?”
“Because my son is as human as ever.” She sniffles. “He’s just a little more extraordinary than he was before. I’ve always known he’s a little more than others. I just thought it was a mother’s pride. But it’s not. He’s more because of what Shavix did to him, and he’s better because you saved him.” She presses her hands together, almost praying. “Don’t push him away with only one man’s inexpert opinion. Shavix said he would have to talk to his advisors. Wait, please, for his information to come back.”
I let my head drop, the weight too heavy. Before I can say anything, the back door opens and everyone troops back into the room. I look at Kezi, her face is open, but a little guarded.
“Well, what’s the verdict?” I ask, as I wipe a hand under my eyes.
