“Sara!” He shook her hard and she opened her eyes.
His dark form loomed over her, and she resumed her struggle with new energy.
“Sara! Look at me!” He pinned her legs with one of his own, and she lay breathless, imprisoned by his body.
“Look at me! It’s Nathan. Nathan.”
The room was dim, but the filmy moonlight illuminated one side of his face.
“Nathan?” It was a desperate whisper.
“Yes.” He released her and eased down onto the mattress beside her.
She sat up and clung to him, overcome with relief. His robe smelled of him, and she inhaled the masculine fragrance, letting it calm her. He stroked her back, soothing away the ugly memories. She felt safe, so safe, in Nathan’s arms. Sometime later exhaustion set in, and her eyes drifted shut against the broad expanse of Nathan’s chest.
❧
Nathan had heard her screams from his room and had come running. He hadn’t hesitated at her door but had thrown it open, ready to encounter an intruder. All he’d found, though, was Sara, writhing in her bed, fighting an imaginary foe. He had realized during the course of their battle that her nightmare must have involved her stepfather.
It had taken some time to bring her around, but when she’d clutched onto him like she had, he’d longed to comfort her and make her feel safe.
Now, as he sat cradling her in his arms, he felt protective and proud that he’d been able to calm her. Her relaxed body and steady breathing indicated that she was asleep, so he gently lowered her body to the bed and was withdrawing from her embrace when she stirred.
“Don’t go,” she whispered, grasping his hand.
“Shhh. I’m not.” There was a chair under the window and he pulled it close to the bed with his foot. He sank down onto the chair and rested his head against the wooden back. Her tiny hand had gone slack in his, and he knew she was slumbering again. Poor thing. How awful her life must have been for it to bring about such nightmares. He wanted to protect her, prove to her that she was safe with him.
The night was only half gone and he knew the remainder of it would be uncomfortable if he spent it in a hard chair. Nevertheless, he’d told her he would stay, and he was determined to keep his word.
fourteen
The morning light beckoned Sara, and she stirred under the cozy quilt. Even before she opened her eyes she had a vague notion that something had happened during the night. She stretched and opened her eyes. What was that chair doing there? Memories came flooding back in a torrent of humiliation. She’d had another nightmare. And this time there had been an audience.
She covered her face with her hands. What must he think of her? Thrashing around in her bed, then clinging to him like paint to a barn. And asking him to stay! She buried her face in the pillow and groaned. If only she could stay there the rest of the day.
Instead, she hauled herself from the bed and donned her oldest frock, since she knew she’d be working in the garden today.
After reviewing her Bible study of the previous evening, Sara said a quick prayer and joined Hetty in the kitchen.
The men had gotten an early start and had grabbed their own breakfast. At least she wouldn’t have to face Nathan yet. Hetty and Sara fixed themselves a simple meal of oatmeal and toast. Sara was reflecting on her Bible study when Hetty interrupted her thoughts.
“You’re awful quiet this mornin’.”
“I guess I’m just deep in thought. I read something in the Bible that has me troubled.”
“Anything you wanna talk about?”
“Actually, yes. I was hoping you might have some answers for me. I was in the eighteenth chapter of Matthew, and I came across some verses about forgiveness.”
Hetty refilled her coffee cup. “You mean the ones about forgiving ‘Until seventy times seven’?”
“Yes, that’s it. I guess I’m confused about whom that applies to. I know Jesus was saying, in effect, that we should forgive a person over and over, but He surely didn’t mean that we should forgive everyone for everything. Aren’t there sins that are unworthy of forgiveness? What about people who aren’t even sorry for what they did? Do we have to forgive them?”
“You’re talkin’ about your stepfather.”
“I guess I am,” Sara said.
“There are other verses about forgiveness that you might want to look at. I’ll jot a few of them down for you later, but I’m afraid you’re not gonna like what they have to say. There are a couple of verses in Matthew, in the sixth chapter, that say, ‘For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.’ ”
“You mean, if I don’t forgive Pete, God won’t forgive me?” Sara asked in dismay.
“I’m afraid that’s right, dear.”
“But how can I forgive him, Hetty? After what he did to my mother and me, how can I just say it’s okay? He wasn’t sorry. Not even the next day, after he was sober.” Her eyes filled with tears as the enormity of the task engulfed her.
Hetty reached over to lay a hand over hers. “I’ve never had to forgive someone for somethin’ as cruel as what your stepfather did to you and your mama, but I can tell you this: Forgivin’ doesn’t mean condonin’ what he did. It’s not sayin’ that his hittin’ was okay. Forgiveness is releasin’ him from responsibility—not holdin’ him accountable anymore. Even that won’t be easy. I’ll be prayin’ for you, that God will take away your anger and enable you to forgive him.”
“I appreciate that, Hetty. You’ve given me a lot to think about.”
“You know, it might be easier to forgive him if you look at the good that’s come out of it.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’ve heard the story of Joseph from the Bible?”
“You mean the boy who had a coat of many colors?”
“Yep, that’s the right one, but there’s a heap more to his story than that coat. His daddy gave it to him because Joseph was his favorite child. His eleven brothers became terrible jealous and ended up sellin’ him as a slave to a bunch of strangers.”
“His own brothers did that?”
“Yep, and that’s not all. They told their father Joseph had been killed by a wild animal. Then, while Joseph was in Egypt, he was put in prison, through no fault of his own. I can’t recall how long he was there, but it seems like it was years.”
“Why, Hetty? Why did God let all those awful things happen to him?”
“I was just getting to that. Pharaoh had a dream that needed interpreting, and God gave the answer to Joseph. It ended up saving the Egyptian people from seven years of famine. Since Joseph had done that, Pharaoh put him in charge of all of Egypt.”
“Oh. So Joseph was rewarded with a good life. Still, he must have hated his brothers after what they’d done to him.”
“Actually, Joseph had a chance to confront his brothers during the famine. They came to Egypt hoping to get food for their families.”
Sara smiled smugly. “I’ll bet he sent them on their merry way!”
“Nope! To make a long story short, he told them he forgave them.”
“Forgave them! But they’d sold him, for goodness sakes!”
“Yes, but Joseph’s heart was right with God, and God saw to it that He worked things out for Joseph’s own good. It even says that in the Bible after Joseph forgives his brothers. I can’t quote it by heart, but it says somethin’ like, ‘You intended to harm me, but God turned it into somethin’ good.’ ”
“So, you’re saying that Pete intended to hurt me, but God made something good of it all?”
“Well, if your stepfather hadn’t been violent, where would you be?”
“In Boston still, I suppose,” Sara said.
“And you wouldn’t be married to Nathan and livin’ on this
ranch. I, for one, would be sorry about that!”
“I never looked at it that way. I suppose God has brought good out of a bad situation.”
“He has a way of doin’ that.” Hetty drained her coffee and stood. “We have a heap of work ahead of us today, and here it is 7:00 already!”
They cleaned the floor downstairs, which took most of the morning. Hetty’s knee was acting up, so she stayed in the house to make bread and mend while Sara slipped on a pair of gloves and set to work weeding the garden. It was hot, dirty work, but she found it rewarding. Their seeds had sprouted, and as she worked she anticipated the vegetables they would enjoy.
When it was nearly time to fix supper, Hetty came out to the garden.
“How’s it comin’?”
“Let’s just say I hope I’m pulling weeds and not our vegetables!”
Hetty laughed. “I’m sure you’re doin’ fine.”
“Look at me! I look as if I’ve been rolling in the dirt!” Sara said.
“That’s why I came out a little early. I fixed you a bath in the kitchen. Thought you might like to get cleaned up before supper.”
Sara sat back on her heels. “Oh, Hetty, you’re a godsend!”
“Well, the best cure for a hot day like this is a dip in Willow Spring, but a bath will have to suffice for today.”
Sara tugged off her gloves and started into the house with Hetty. “What’s Willow Spring?”
“It’s a lovely spot here on the ranch. It’s a good ride, but well worth it. There’s a stream that comes down from the hills and into a big pool of water. We call it Willow Spring because of all the weeping willow trees on the banks.”
“I just realized how little I’ve seen of the ranch,” Sara said.
“We’ll have to fix that soon.”
Sara went into her room and gathered some clean clothes, then walked to the kitchen. She shut the door for privacy, and enjoyed a short bath in the tepid water. After dressing, Hetty helped her dump the bathwater, then they started supper.
By the time Nathan and Gus arrived, supper was well under way. The men got comfortable and sipped a glass of iced tea while waiting for the meal.
The previous night’s episode was a distant memory now, and time had eased the awkwardness between Nathan and Sara. The meal passed with casual conversation about the day’s activities. When they were nearly finished, Hetty addressed Nathan.
“Sara was just telling me today how little she’s seen of the ranch, Nathan. I thought maybe you’d like to show her around a little one day soon.”
Nathan looked as if he’d been caught off guard for a moment, then cleared his throat. “I don’t know why I didn’t think of it myself. That’s a great idea, Hetty. As a matter of fact, I don’t have anything pressing tomorrow, as long as you don’t mind carrying on without me, Gus.”
“Not a bit. It’s about time your wife saw more than the front yard of this ranch!”
Nathan turned to Sara. “How does that work for you?”
Sara’s mouth had remained open through the entire discussion. “Oh. Well—it’s just fine, I suppose. If you don’t mind handling things around here, Hetty.”
“Of course I don’t. In fact, why don’t we pack you a lunch, and you can have a picnic at Willow Spring.” She addressed Nathan. “I was just tellin’ Sara what a lovely spot it is.”
“That’s a fine idea,” Nathan said. “We’ll ride out after breakfast.” He paused and looked at Sara. “You do ride?”
Sara hid a smile. “I think I can manage.”
Hetty helped Sara pack a picnic after supper, since there would be little time for it in the morning. Gus hung around, too, and kept snatching food from the saddlebag. Hetty slapped his hand. “Gus, you get your hands outa that food!” She turned toward Sara. “That man’s got an appetite that won’t quit!”
“It’s your cookin’, woman! I just can’t resist it!”
Sara smiled at their bantering, enjoying their special relationship. It was clear they adored one another. She hoped one day she and Nathan could share such a close rapport.
Once the bag was packed, Hetty and Gus went home.
The evening was spent in quiet companionship, Nathan reading his Bible, and Sara working on her needlepoint. When darkness closed in upon them, they turned in, each looking forward to a day of leisure.
As Sara lay in bed that night, she remembered Hetty’s words about forgiveness.
God, I don’t want anything to come between You and me. You know my heart. You know I have anger against Pete for what he did to Mama and me. I don’t know how to forgive him. I’ve never had to do anything like this before, and I’m not even sure how to begin. So I guess I’m asking You for help. Pastor Hill says You are capable of anything, and I know now that You care. Maybe You could take these feelings away from me—help me not to be angry or bitter toward him anymore. Well, that’s all I have to ask for now, God. Oh, and please bless my day with Nathan tomorrow. Amen.
❧
By the time the sun peeked over the hills, Nathan had the horses saddled and ready to go.
It was already warm and, since the sky was unmarred by clouds, Sara knew the day would be a hot one. She had on her lilac dress, which was her coolest, and a bonnet to shield her face from the sun.
She left the house to join Nathan by the corrals where he waited with his stallion and an appaloosa.
“All set?” Nathan asked.
“Yes.” She walked to the horse and stroked her face. “What’s her name?”
“Jenny. There’s no need to be nervous; Jenny’s real agreeable. She won’t do anything unless you tell her to. Only Thunder here can outrun her, but she won’t go fast without a command.”
Sara was glad Nathan was behind her and couldn’t see her grin.
“I don’t have a sidesaddle, so I’m afraid you’ll have to ride astride.”
“That’s okay. This is a full skirt, so I can manage.”
Sara positioned herself to mount, but before she could get a foot in the stirrup, Nathan stepped up behind her. “Here, let me help.”
“That’s okay, I can—” Before she could finish, he boosted her into the saddle as if she weighed nothing. He adjusted the stirrups, and she slipped her boots into them.
“Does that feel comfortable?”
“Perfect,” she said.
He mounted his own horse, which was black and at least a hand taller than her own.
They set out for the western pasture, talking some as they went. After a few minutes, Nathan said, “You doing okay?”
“Just fine! How about a race?” she said, feeling renewed joy at being able to ride again.
Nathan laughed as if it were a joke.
“Say, from here to that cluster of dogwoods?” She barely gave Nathan a chance to recover from shock. “Ready, go!”
“Sara! I don’t think. . .”
She shot off, and his words were swallowed by the wind as Jenny dug her hooves into the packed earth. A smile stretched across her mouth as she flew over the prairie. Oh, she had missed this! She bent down low to the horse’s neck. Her bonnet slid off and thumped against her back in perfect rhythm with Jenny’s gait.
Nathan was right: Jenny was a fast horse! Her head start had given her an advantage, but as she neared the copse of trees, she heard hooves rumbling by her side. Thunder had just passed Jenny when they reached the designated stopping point. Nathan and Sara reined in their mounts.
Sara looked at Nathan, breathless, her shining eyes re-vealing her excitement. He was looking at her with something akin to astonishment.
“You little sneak! You ride like a cowboy! Letting me think you were a greenhorn!”
Sara laughed delightfully. “I never told you that! You just assumed it!”
“Well, I sure was wide of the mark!” There was admiration in his ey
es as they sat grinning at each other, before she turned away to hide her embarrassment.
Sara’s pins had fallen from her hair during the ride, so she left it down and tied her bonnet in place. If Nathan truly liked her hair, it couldn’t hurt to let him see it.
They resumed their ride, keeping the horses’ pace at a walk to let them catch their breath. Nathan talked about the ranch and its history. She was fascinated to learn about the place she’d be spending the rest of her life. He told her about the blizzard of ’86 and how costly it was to the ranchers of the area. They talked about the dry spring weather and its effect on the crops and cattle. There would be enough feed for Nathan’s cattle because they had put up hay, but many of the ranchers would have to buy hay.
Along the way they saw various wildlife—deer, prairie chickens, rabbits. There were buffalo, too, he said, but many had been killed.
By the time the sun was high in the sky, Sara was eager to have her feet on the ground. It had been years since she’d ridden for so long, and she dreaded the soreness she knew she’d feel in the morning.
Soon, she heard the trickling of water and was relieved to hear Nathan say they’d reached Willow Spring. They dismounted and led their horses under the willow branches to the water’s edge.
“Oh! This is lovely! What a beautiful spot!” The spring was large and clear. The edges were grassy, and there was a shelf of rock along part of the bank. She stood on the outcropping and let Jenny drink her fill.
“This is the best site on the ranch, I think,” Nathan said.
When the horses were finished, Nathan tethered them to a tree and removed the saddlebag and blanket.
“Here, I’ll do that,” Sara said.
Nathan surrendered the pouch and knelt on the bank to wash his hands and face while Sara spread the blanket under a tall willow. It was comfortable in the shade, and since there was no threat from the sun, she removed her bonnet.
She offered Nathan a glass of lemonade, then poured one for herself. “I’m so thirsty; I think I could drink the whole spring!”
“It is hot today.”
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