Her friend’s mouth hardened. ‘Lianna, no one wants your pity.’
She faltered at that, feeling a sudden flush of uncertainty. ‘It’s not pity. Everyone needs the food, and I won’t have anyone starve this winter.’
‘None of us wants to be beholden to the Normans,’ Iona said, gasping as another pain rolled over her. ‘No one believes that we’ll be protected. Your husband will return to his lands in England, and we’ll have no means of defending ourselves.’
Lianna couldn’t tell whether Iona’s anger was genuine or whether it was labour pain that bothered her. ‘His brother Warrick might stay,’ she offered. The young man had spent his days training with the other Norman soldiers, keeping to himself.
But Iona only rolled her eyes. ‘Can you not see that we don’t want outsiders, Lianna?’
‘They aren’t outsiders. Rhys wants to help us.’ Her husband had done all that he could to distribute food and supplies—but he had withheld some of the stores from certain folk.
‘Our enemy, you mean.’ The young woman shook her head as if she did not believe the Normans could ever be anything else.
‘He’s not my enemy,’ Lianna started to protest, and Iona started pacing again. She strode beyond the house, towards the centre of the fortress. More than once, she stopped to take a breath and her hands rested upon her spine. From the pain etched in Iona’s face, Lianna wondered if she should summon the midwife. It did seem as if the labour pains were increasing.
Her friend made a face. ‘Rhys de Laurent gives us orders and expects us to obey. He doesn’t belong here. Alastair is our chief, not him.’
‘The land belongs to Rhys,’ Lianna pointed out. ‘He deserves to live here as much as anyone else.’
Iona stopped walking again, panting slowly. ‘Tell yourself that if you want. But everyone sees that you’re whoring yourself to him. You care naught for Eiloch, and you’ve forgotten Sían. You have an enemy in your bed, and you want him there.’
Her cheeks turned scarlet at Iona’s accusations. How could her friend say such things? ‘I am not whoring myself. He is my husband,’ she countered. ‘And you’re wrong. I do what I must for the survival of this clan.’
Her friend’s eyes lifted to something behind her, and she shook her head. In a low voice, she murmured, ‘You betray us every night, Lianna.’
Her anger rose hotter. She had done everything she could for the clan, and none of it was ever good enough. Though she knew part of Iona’s accusations were born of anguished pain, she could not stand aside and let her say this.
‘I have never betrayed you. I am a MacKinnon and that will not change, no matter who my husband is.’
Iona met her gaze, and her expression revealed disbelief. When she only shrugged, it made Lianna’s fury boil over. ‘Rhys is a Norman whom I wed because I had no choice. I was promised to him before I was born. No matter what I might have wanted, I was forced to marry and bed him.’
Her friend had gone silent. Then she turned back, returning to her home. Lianna was about to follow, when a shadow crossed over her. She looked over her shoulder and saw Rhys standing there. From the dark expression on his face, he’d heard every word. And so had the dozen or so clansmen standing nearby.
‘Is it such a trial, then?’ he asked, his voice cutting like a sword. ‘Do you pretend to enjoy my touch, when all the while you wish I would leave you alone?’
She could not answer. The fury in his eyes burned through her, and she felt sick to her stomach. Everyone was staring, and she could not gather the right words.
In the end, Rhys didn’t wait for her to answer, but strode away. Silently, Lianna berated herself for what she’d said. She did enjoy his touch—far too much. But it confused her to be torn between her kinsmen and her husband. She didn’t deserve happiness with Rhys, not after all that had happened.
Misery filled up inside her, along with the wish that she had never said anything at all.
Chapter Ten
During the next fortnight, Rhys was careful not to touch Lianna. He left her alone in their bed, waiting to see if she would deny his accusation. If she offered even the slightest affection, he would return it. But she kept to her own side of the bed, turning her back each night.
It was torment lying beside her with the scent of her skin and the warmth of her body so close. But he would not reach for her any more. His pride refused to allow it.
This had been an arrangement, and he knew she’d been forced to wed him. But there had never been any force within their bed. Her claim that there had been no choice rankled him. He knew what it was to have power taken from him, to be touched without his consent—and he would never do that to her. Lianna had been the seductress on that first night, and he had enjoyed every moment of pleasuring her. He loved watching her come apart, her body convulsing around him as he gave her the release she craved. Why, then, had she claimed that she had been forced to share his marriage bed?
He could have forgiven her for the idle words, had she reached for him, even once. But night after night, she kept to herself. And he would not touch her unless she asked him to.
He kept himself busy each day, training the Highlanders. The men were interested in Norman fighting methods, and he had learned about their own style of clandestine attack. It was a tentative peace, one that grew with each day.
Eachann had joined the men, though it was mainly due to his wife’s interference. Janet was an outspoken woman, fiercely protective of her family, and she would not allow her husband to rebel any longer.
Rhys didn’t trust the man, but at the same time, he understood that he had to give Eachann a second chance. There was still resentment within the Highlander, though it seemed that he respected Rhys’s fighting expertise. This day, he was sparring with the man, and Eachann nearly won the match.
‘Good,’ Rhys complimented him. ‘Your balance is improving. Keep working on your speed.’
The man gave a slight smile. There was a hesitancy in his demeanour, as if he wanted to say something. Rhys waited, and then prompted, ‘Was there something you needed?’
The Highlander glanced over to a small group of MacKinnons where his wife was standing. ‘I never thought I would say this, but I was wrong about you and your men. It’s...better at Eiloch now.’ He exhaled a breath, which was visible in the cool autumn air. ‘My wife is expecting our first child, and now I ken that we will have enough to see us through the winter. We are grateful for the supplies.’
‘That was Lianna’s doing,’ Rhys responded. ‘She saw the need and demanded the grain as her bride price. She took nothing for herself.’
‘Her brother Sían used to mock her,’ Eachann admitted. ‘If we agreed with him, he rewarded us with silver. It amused him to put her down.’ His expression turned grim. ‘I am sorry I ever did.’
‘And where did he get this...silver?’
The Highlander shrugged. ‘I don’t ken, but Sían did wager a lot. Some MacDonnells travelled through our lands last spring. He bragged that he won coins from them, but we never saw them.’ Eachann thought a moment, and added, ‘The clansmen were angry with us, and I overheard one talking of vengeance.’
Rhys wondered if they were the same men who had attacked Lianna earlier. If they ever dared to travel through Eiloch again, he’d not hesitate to run his sword through them. He eyed Eachann again. ‘There will always be dangers from other clans, but we will be ready for them.’
Eachann nodded. ‘So we will.’ He accompanied Rhys back to the house and added, ‘What of your Norman estate at Montbrooke? Will you have to go back?’
‘In time, yes. My brother will remain here, along with Lianna. Alastair will continue to be chief.’
Eachann’s expression dimmed. ‘He isn’t well, is he?’
Rhys shook his head. ‘But he will remain chief for as long as he can. I will see to it that his orders are car
ried out.’
His words seemed to satisfy the Highlander. ‘Alastair has been a strong leader. And when he is gone, I suppose you will take his place.’
Rhys hesitated, for he had other responsibilities. Truthfully, he had intended for Warrick to take on that role. ‘There is time before that decision must be made. But Lianna will help the clan with their needs.’
‘Does she ken that you’re leaving her behind, when you go to Montbrooke?’
Rhys shrugged. It hardly seemed as if it mattered any more. Lianna pretended to be asleep when he came to bed, and he wasn’t about to touch her if she did not want him. The frigid ice had returned, and he was weary of it.
‘My wife would murder me in my sleep if I went away and did not take her with me,’ Eachann admitted. ‘Janet is demanding in her ways.’ He spoke then, of the child they wanted, and in the man’s eyes there was a light of excitement. ‘She wants a son, ye ken, but I wouldna mind having a daughter. A wee lass with her mother’s eyes.’
Rhys thought of Lianna, but it was too soon to know if she was with child—especially since he had stopped touching her at night. Nor had he pressed her for answers. He would never force her to share his bed.
He parted ways with Eachann and went into the house. As always, it was neat and tidy, with nothing out of place. Lianna had an ironclad command over the household, and everything was always where it should be.
And suddenly, he had the desire to rearrange it all, to break through the façade of control and see if there was an emotional flesh and blood woman beneath it all. If he tore through her carefully arranged life, what then? Would he shatter the ice? Or would she only retreat deeper into her restricted world?
He found her in their chamber, scrubbing the floors. Though she tensed at the sound of his entrance, she gave no greeting, nor did she cease her efforts. Instead, she continued her work, carefully ensuring that there was no dirt upon the wood. The sight of her on her knees with her backside raised brought a flare of interest, but he tamped it down.
It was as if he were married to a stranger now, and she hardly spoke to him. Were there any emotions in her at all? He decided to broach the subject of his estate in England to see how she would respond.
‘I am leaving for Montbrooke in the morning.’
At that, her hand stilled upon the rag and she turned to face him. ‘So soon?’
He nodded. ‘It has been weeks since I left. I need to speak with my father and attend to my responsibilities.’
She sat back on her knees. ‘I do not know if we can leave so soon. It will take time to pack our belongings and ensure that while we’re away—’
‘I said “I”, not we.’ Rhys moved towards the small trunk containing his clothing. ‘You will remain here with Warrick.’ He knew that she hated England, and he saw no reason to bring her back.
Lianna paled and got to her feet, folding the cloth into neat squares. ‘But my place is with you.’
‘Is it?’ He moved closer, and she took a step away. ‘I thought you were forced into this marriage. It was never your choice.’
‘It wasn’t,’ she whispered. ‘But as you said, we need not be enemies.’
He didn’t know what to think of her words. Her actions had made it evident that she wanted to keep her distance from him. Why would she want to return to England?
‘Do you want to journey to Montbrooke?’ he asked quietly.
‘What I want to do and what I must do are two different things.’ She lifted her brown eyes to his, and his mood darkened. The implication was not lost on him, for she had not offered any affection at all. It was likely that she regretted the marriage, particularly since they had never celebrated a proper Scottish wedding.
‘Is that what I am to you?’ he asked, not bothering to hide the edge to his voice. ‘A duty you must endure?’
She winced, as if his words had been a physical blow. ‘Rhys, I will accompany you. It is expected of me, whether I want to return to England or not.’
‘I do not need you to shadow me. I know you did not like my father’s house.’ Without letting her speak, he said, ‘You can remain here while I go back.’
‘But—’
‘I don’t need or want you at Montbrooke.’ Likely she felt it was necessary to argue, but Rhys knew she preferred to stay behind in Scotland. And why not? Her family and home were here. There was no reason for them to see each other, if she did not want to go back to England. The bargain had been made, and they had consummated the marriage.
‘We need only see one another a few times a year, to conceive a child,’ he said. ‘After that, we could live apart.’
Her lips pressed together as if the thought frightened her. She raised her brown eyes to his, and for a moment she appeared so vulnerable, he regretted the words. But he needed to know if she truly wanted him gone.
Her silence hung between them, and it gave him the answer he’d expected. So be it.
‘Is that what you want?’ she asked at last, her voice flat and devoid of emotion. He searched for some sign that she cared—anything that revealed her feelings. But there was nothing at all.
‘I suspect that you find my touch distasteful now,’ he answered. ‘I won’t burden you with it.’
‘That’s not true,’ she blurted out. The three words gave him a glimmer of hope. He took a step closer, wanting to see if she meant it. With no warning at all, he caught her waist and slid his hand over her breast. Gently, he stroked her nipple, and she jolted, trying to push him away. The instinctive reaction belied her words. But he would not stay where he was not wanted.
‘See that my belongings are packed,’ he said dully. ‘I leave at dawn.’
Without another word, he left her behind.
* * *
Lianna felt as if she’d taken a blow to her stomach. Rhys’s sudden touch had caught her off guard, and her breasts were overly sensitive just now. She had flinched at his caress, for it bordered on pleasure–pain. The reaction had shocked her, but she knew how it must seem to him.
A part of her wanted to hurry after him, to plead with him to stay. But she was caught up in shock right now, and her mind could not grasp what had happened. Was he truly leaving her?
He must still blame her for what she’d said. Ever since she had claimed to Iona that the marriage was not her choice, nor the wedding bed, she had felt the sense of wrongness. The words had been born of her own embarrassment, for how could she admit to her kinsmen that she cared for Rhys?
He had slipped into the edges of her life like a missing piece. He had never mocked her for her rigid habits but accepted her as she was. He’d even begun removing his shoes whenever he entered their bedchamber.
Her heart ached at the thought of losing him. When had this happened? When had he become such a part of her life that she needed him at her side?
Lianna sank down upon a stool, feeling faint. She had tried to distance herself, trying to return to the woman she had been in her former life. But it was impossible to imagine living without Rhys. These past few weeks had tormented her with heartache, for he had left her alone, virtually ignoring her. She felt the physical distance between them and did not know how to heal it. Patient waiting had done nothing, and she was now convinced that he despised her.
She allowed herself to cry, letting out the tight rein she’d kept upon her feelings. It had taken every ounce of control not to break down in tears before him.
For she believed she was pregnant with his child.
She had not had her menses in over a month, and her breasts were terribly sensitive. But the thought of childbirth terrified her. Already, she felt as if her body would no longer obey her wishes. The slightest scent turned her stomach, and it was difficult to eat without feeling sick.
For the past fortnight, she had tried to deny the signs, but even her maid Orna suspected it. Instead of feeling joy, f
ear clouded her mind. Her own mother had died giving birth to a stillborn boy. Lianna had never forgotten the anguish of burying them together.
No, the thought of giving birth alone was unthinkable.
What if something happened to the child or to her? She needed Rhys’s steady presence to reassure her. The thought of spending the winter alone was impossible to bear.
A knock sounded at her door, and when she opened it, she saw Warrick standing there. He stepped inside her chamber without waiting for permission and demanded, ‘Why is my brother leaving on the morrow? He wants me to stay and help govern Eiloch.’
His words broke apart the fragile command over her feelings, and Lianna no longer cared if he saw her weep. The buried emotions swept over her like a wave until she could do nothing else but cry. She lowered her shoulders and sobbed for the loss of Rhys.
‘I am sorry, Lianna.’ Warrick softened his tone and came to kneel down beside her. ‘I thought you sent him away.’
‘He is leaving me,’ she sobbed. ‘And I don’t ken how I can get him back.’ She was well aware of how awful she looked, but her emotions were ragged.
Warrick let out a sigh. ‘Rhys is a proud man. He won’t yield in a fight. But he will come back to you, Lianna.’
She didn’t truly believe that any more. ‘He t-told me to stay here. That he had no need of me at Montbrooke.’ She wiped at her tears, not knowing what to do. But she doubted if pleading with him would make any difference at all.
‘What do you want? Do you want to follow him?’
She nodded. ‘My place is at his side, whether that is in Scotland or England. Especially now.’ Her hand moved unconsciously to her waist, and Warrick understood the words she had not spoken.
‘Does he know?’
She shook her head. ‘And if I tell him I am with child, he will tell me to stay here.’ It was the last thing she wanted, for she knew not if Rhys would ever return. He had said himself that he would only need to come back to her to conceive a child. And now that it might be true... She closed her eyes, trying to hold back her feelings.
Forbidden Night with the Highlander Page 17
