by Penny Jordan
‘Dear God, you’re driving me almost insane. Do you know that?’ The words were ragged and tortured, moaned against her mouth before it was covered by his. Selina tried to move closer to him, wanting the hard male pressure of him against her lower body, but he gripped her wrist, keeping her hand where it was, his voice thick and slurred as he muttered. ‘No…no…not yet. I want to know all of you…’ he added hoarsely. ‘I want to touch and taste every inch of you.’
His hands moved over her body, and when they came to the barrier of her briefs Selina trembled in need and tension. He tugged her panties down, his fingers closing round her ankle, caressing the fine bones until she shivered, her hands sliding up his body to grasp his shoulders as she felt the warm pressure of his mouth against her skin, teasing a delicate line of kisses over her calf, behind her knee, along the inside of her thigh. Her breath seemed to be trapped in her throat, her heart pounding erratically. His fingers touched her intimately, unleashing a wild flood of pleasure. She wanted to draw back away from the intimacy and yet she wanted also to prolong it, to respond wantonly to the delicate pressure of his touch.
‘What’s wrong?’ His voice was tense, almost curt. ‘Don’t you like what I’m doing? Tell me what you do like… You’re a woman of experience who knows what turns her on.’
Waves of shock coursed through her. She wanted to deny his assertion, to blurt out the truth, but some deep-seated instinct warned her that if she did so, he would withdraw from her. She was a virgin, and if he knew that he would probably stop making love to her, and then she would have nothing…nothing at all to hold to her during the long, lonely nights that lay ahead.
‘Fool, he’s going to find out anyway,’ an inner voice taunted, but by then it would be too late…her own duplicity shocked her. Was this what loving him had brought her to?
His fingers stroked and caressed, her mind unable to control her body’s almost delirious response. She shuddered and writhed, abandoning herself completely to the feelings he was arousing; deep, intense feelings carrying her along with them like a fast-flowing river, taking her to a culmination that she sensed dimly, but could not entirely envisage. Her hands had been clenched into Piers’ shoulders, but under the rhythmic stroke of his fingers she found them sliding downwards, her fingers stroking along the dark arrowing of hair that led past his navel, lower, and lower until she was enclosing him with tremulous fingers, feeling the life pulse beating up under his flesh.
They had been lying side by side, facing one another, but now, suddenly Piers disengaged himself from her, sitting up, pulling her towards and across his body so that her head lay in his lap, her body curled towards him.
His fingers trembled as he brushed her hair away from her face, his voice thick and uneven as he muttered, ‘I can’t stand much more of this… Are you enjoying tormenting me, is that what it is?’ She wasn’t sure what he meant and was even less sure when he added rawly, ‘Perhaps I ought to indulge in a little torment of my own.’
His fingers found her again, inciting a slow, languorous pleasure that built quickly into the same pulsating need she had felt before. She moaned wildly, her body arching, her mouth hot and tremulous as she pressed it into the hard flesh of his thigh to stop herself from begging him for release. Her body was shivering violently, pulsing with a need she had not known existed, driven on by desires and hungers outside her control. She felt the heat of Piers’ mouth sear her inner thigh and cried out in protest, anxiously trying to move away from him, her mind shocked by the intimacy of his caress, even while her body apparently craved it. Without being aware of it she had curled her fingers tightly into his thigh, and when he bit delicately into her skin she released them in sudden shock, his voice almost unrecognisable as he demanded hoarsely, ‘Touch me Selina…kiss me…’
She knew suddenly what he wanted and while her mind struggled to come to terms with the intimacy of his desire, her own body started to melt beneath the delicate stroke of his tongue, caressing her until she was mindless with the pleasure of it, trying to pull away from him with one breath only to give in to the waves of sensual pleasure exploding inside her with the next. Without conscious thought she reacted instinctively, searching out his maleness, stroking and caressing its pulsating power, her mouth hot and tremulous against his skin, her shyness and uncertainty banished by his hoarse sounds of pleasure, by the fever he was arousing within her by his touch.
When he suddenly pulled away from her, her sense of deprivation was acutely shocking. She tensed in fear and rejection, not knowing what she had done wrong, terrified that he had somehow realised the truth and meant to tell her so, all her earlier fears that he was simply playing a part, returning to torment her.
In the dim light she could just make out the outline of his face, and what she saw there both reassured and scared her. He still wanted her…that much she could see, but suddenly she was very much aware of her own inexperience; of the ache deep within her body; of the flooding waves of pleasure his touch had engendered, of her own new knowledge of what it meant to arouse a man, to touch and caress him until his desire was at the fever pitch she could see flaming in Piers’ eyes.
‘Afterwards he’ll hate you for deceiving him,’ a small voice warned, but wantonly she ignored it, watching him staring down at her as though waiting for some signal.
Her body trembled and she looked back at him in mute entreaty, her voice thready and uncertain as she begged, ‘Piers…please make love to me.’
The weight and heat of his body against hers made her shudder with pleasure. It felt so good to have the warm satin of his skin caressing her own, his thigh between hers, hard and firm, stilling the wild trembling in her body. He moved, arching over her, his mouth, hot and hungry on hers, whirling away her fears. Her body lifted to meet the fierce thrust of his, absorbing the brief shock wave of pain. She thought she felt Piers tense and she moved urgently against him, her fingers curling into his back, her gasp of mingled pain and pleasure as he thrust deeper into her lost beneath the heat of his mouth.
Waves of pleasure built up inside her, finally exploding cataclysmically, her sharp, shuddering gasps of fulfilment echoed by the harsh male sounds Piers compressed against her skin.
Filled with the wonder of what had happened, she was dimly aware of Piers harsh breathing gradually slowing down; his heart hammering heavily against her ribs. His fingers gripped her wrist, his harsh exclamation of her name forcing her to look at him and realise that it wasn’t exhaustion that made his heart hammer, but anger.
‘Why?’ He lifted his weight away from her as he asked the question, shaking her slightly as he repeated it, ‘Why?’
‘Why what?’ She was tempted to defy him, to pretend she had no idea what he was talking about. Perhaps then he would think he had been wrong, but she had forgotten how hard a man he was to deceive.
‘Why didn’t you tell me you were a virgin?’ he demanded curtly. ‘Why did you let me believe you were experienced?’
What could she say? Because she wanted him to make love to her and knew that if he knew the truth he would not? If she said that how long would it be before he guessed the rest? That she had fallen deeply in love with him?
‘I didn’t think it was important.’ She managed to sound carelessly unconcerned, but only by averting her eyes from his. He soon put a stop to this ploy by releasing her wrist to cup her face.
‘If it wasn’t important, how come I’ve been your first lover? You’re an extremely beautiful woman, Selina…and I can’t believe I’ve been the first man to desire you.’
‘Maybe not, but perhaps you’re the first I’ve desired back in return.’ She said it lightly, praying that he wouldn’t guess just what her calm words masked. When he was silent, she added tensely, ‘I’m tired Piers…surely it isn’t that important. We made love because it was what we both wanted. I enjoyed it, and I refuse to spoil it by conducting a post-mortem on it.’
She could see his mouth thin and tighten, and arched her eyebrows slig
htly, ‘Logically I’m the one who should play the injured party role, Piers, not you.’
‘You knew the truth, I didn’t.’ He said it flatly, almost accusing her.
‘I can’t see what difference it makes whether I was a virgin or not.’
‘Can’t you? Then you’re exceptionally naive.’ His voice was dry and mocking, and Selina shivered, cold now that she was deprived of the warmth of his body.
‘Now isn’t the time to discuss it. We’ll talk later,’ he added curtly, stretching over her to hand her his shirt. ‘Put this on, you’re cold.’
When her fingers tensed over the buttons he fastened them for her. Tears stung her eyes. She badly wanted some show of tenderness from him right now, but tenderness was the very last thing he was likely to show her. As he moved away from her she could see the outline of his body, lean and very masculine and she shivered, remembering how she had caressed him…how he had wanted her to caress him. Almost as though he read her mind, he said, ‘I’ll say one thing for you, you’re certainly a quick study. If I hadn’t had proof positive, I’d never have believed you to be inexperienced.’ He had his back to her which probably accounted for the raw, almost angry sound of it. He turned back to her, his mouth still tight. ‘You do realise how badly I might have hurt you?’
When she made no response he gripped hold of her, and demanded almost savagely, ‘Did I? Did I hurt you?’
More concern, where she wanted love was demeaning and painful. Pride came to her rescue, allowing her to say coolly, ‘Did you want to? Is that how you take revenge on my sex?’
He released her, swearing under his breath, pushing angry fingers through his already ruffled hair. ‘We can’t talk about this now…but talk about it we will, Selina, I promise you that.’ Holding her eyes he said softly, ‘You do realise you could have my child?’
She had, but only in the last few seconds, and his awareness of her vulnerability made her lash out and demand sarcastically, ‘And if I should be pregnant, what would it mean? That you would have to do the honourable thing and marry me?’
She had meant the words to be a reminder to herself of how little their lovemaking meant to her, but was shocked into silence when he said quietly,
‘That’s right. There’s already been one child born into our family who hasn’t known her father. I won’t see that happen to another.’
He was talking about her, Selina realised numbly… she was that child, but hard on the heels of this thought came tearing pain. How could she allow him to marry her, knowing that he despised rather than loved her? No…at all costs she could not allow that to happen. Too tired and exhausted to risk a verbal battle with him that she knew she could only lose, she kept silent, sinking down on to the floor, and turning her back to him. Her actions seemed to irritate him.
‘I hardly think either of us is likely to sleep now,’ he told her crisply, ‘and that being the case we might as well start back. With a bit of luck by the time we get there someone should be up.’
CHAPTER TEN
IT was almost fully dawn, the sky serene and pale blue, when they finally reached the house. As they walked in silence through the wet garden, a solution suddenly came to Selina. Her mouth went dry with the enormity of it, but she knew shudderingly that it would work; that if she used it there would be no further question of Piers marrying her—child or no child. Although he didn’t realise it, it was a measure of her love for him that she was prepared to use it. She loved him too much to trap him in a marriage he had never really wanted. And if she was to have his child? Memories of her own fatherless childhood beat down on her, and yet the thought of aborting Piers’ baby was unthinkable…
She would worry about it if and when it happened. What was important now was ensuring that Piers cut her out of his life and permanently. And she knew just the thing.
Mary let them in, her expression concerned when she saw their still damp clothes. ‘Thank goodness you’re all right. Gerald said that you would be, but I was so concerned.’
‘We got caught right in the middle of the thunderstorm,’ Piers told his aunt, ‘and we decided it was best to take shelter where we could. Luckily we were right by Thompson’s winter barn. Hence the straw,’ he added with a faint grimace, plucking a couple of stalks from Selina’s hair.
‘Well let me make both of you a cup of tea. Selina looks exhausted,’ Mary commented with renewed concern. ‘I’m terrified of thunder, I’m afraid,’ she told her commiseratingly. ‘Poor Gerald didn’t get much sleep last night because I was so restless, so if you feel like spending a lazy morning in bed, I’m sure he won’t mind.’
It was a convenient escape route and Selina took it, not daring to look at Piers as she picked up the mug of tea Mary had poured for her.
Piers followed her out of the kitchen, his expression faintly grim. ‘We still have to talk,’ he warned her. ‘You can’t run away for ever Selina.’
Not for ever, Selina promised mentally, climbing the stairs, just for long enough for her to find the courage for what she knew she must do.
Much to her own surprise she fell asleep, waking only when someone opened her bedroom door. Sunlight streamed in through the windows, the sky a soft bright blue, the air wafting through the opening pleasantly fresh now that the storm had cleared the air.
‘Don’t bother feigning sleep, I know you’re awake.’
Her mouth compressed indignantly as she struggled to sit up, thankful that she had taken the time to shower and pull on her cotton nightdress before sliding into bed.
When her bedroom door opened the last person she had expected to see was Piers, and as she controlled the shock waves of pleasure the sight of him brought she realised that he was dressed formally in a dark suit and plain silk shirt.
‘I have to leave for the airport in half an hour,’ he told her curtly, ‘an unexpected complication in New York and they need me back there. I wanted to see you before I left.’
Here it was, her golden opportunity to do what she knew must be done. Sickness crawled through her stomach, her nerves tensing in dread of what was to come.
‘When I get back I intend to announce our engagement—we can be married quite quickly.’
‘Always supposing there is any need for us to be married,’ Selina broke in huskily. Dear God he was offering her heaven and she had to refuse it… She had to both for his sake and her own.
‘Whether you are carrying my child or not makes very little difference.’ He turned to watch her, his eyes hard and determined as they searched her pale face. ‘I was your first lover Selina, which must mean something. You’re no adolescent, too young to have experimented with sex. The very fact that you were a virgin tells me that you can’t be totally indifferent to me.’
‘I wanted you physically, yes.’ God how it hurt to make such a statement, but she had to go through with it. ‘But that is no basis for a marriage.’
His eyes were burning into hers, an expression twisting his mouth that might almost have been pain if she hadn’t known better.
‘It’s a damned sight more than a good many other couples have.’
‘And you’d marry me even with your suspicions about me? You were right to suspect me, Piers.’ How cool and controlled she sounded. She almost marvelled at her own ability to act. ‘Would you like to know the truth? Very well you shall have it.’ Her mouth curled mockingly, her total involvement with the role she knew she had to play so convincingly that he would never suspect what she was doing, bringing a febrile glitter to her eyes, narrowing them to almond slits of anger. ‘Yes, I wanted you to make love to me, Piers…and do you know why? Because I wanted to see if you were as vulnerable to me as you were to my mother. Do you know who I am, Piers?’ She laughed, wondering if he would guess how much the sound tore at her throat.
His expression hadn’t changed; he was standing completely still, only his eyes betraying any trace of emotion. They turned from blue to black, burning into her, making her ache with a need to stop what she was doi
ng, but it was impossible. She was her mother’s daughter, and sooner or later Piers would remember that and hate her for it. She would not marry him without him knowing the truth, and he would not marry her once he did. All she was doing was stretching the truth slightly…stretching it and concealing part of it from him, like the fact that she had fallen deeply and permanently in love with him, she told herself wryly.
‘Just what the hell are you trying to say?’ His voice was harsh, splintering the fragile silence. ‘Stop playing the actress Selina and just tell me…’
‘Very well.’ Her face cool and unreadable, she said quietly, ‘I am Sir Gerald’s illegitimate daughter; the child of the woman who taught you to distrust my sex Piers; your cousin…I…’
It was the small explosive sound from the door that broke the thick silence. It was still open and Mary stood there, her face drained and pale. Selina knew with a surge of remorse that she must have overheard nearly every word.
‘Piers, your taxi’s here,’ she said huskily. ‘Shall I…’
‘I’ll be right down…’ He looked at Selina and she faced him proudly, as Mary closed the door and walked away. ‘Do you still want to marry me now?’ she asked tauntingly. ‘Now that you know the truth about me?’
‘Why did you apply for that job?’
Everything depended on her answer now, Selina sensed. Gripping her hands together beneath the bedclothes, she shrugged coolly and replied. ‘Why not? Surely you must agree that my father owes me something…a very substantial something too I should say, especially when one adds on interest for all the years of neglect.’
‘You wanted money…revenge…is that it?’ He had crossed over to her, his voice harsh as he bent towards her, fierce lights glittering in the darkness of his eyes. ‘Haven’t you realised yet that in terms of financial worth I’m a far richer man than my uncle? My father was extremely wealthy, and I inherited it all when he died… You’ve misplayed your card very badly my dear. As my wife you would have had my fortune to run through…and to think I actually…’
