Nora, who’d risen gingerly, drew a deep breath. Instinctively, Leo moved to take her arm. “What’s wrong?”
“Well…”
His gut tightened. There was a problem. “What, honey?”
She fixed her gaze in the vicinity of his shoulder. Why wouldn’t she look at him?
“I…I’m afraid I might be having a miscarriage, too,” she said.
Chapter Fourteen
Nora steeled her resolve. She wasn’t going to melt down in front of Leo. And she certainly wasn’t going to point out the irony that their situations were reversed from Ralph’s and Suzy’s.
This wasn’t his fault, any more than Suzy was responsible for her miscarriage. Besides, Nora didn’t feel any cramping.
Not yet.
“Shouldn’t you be lying down?” Leo asked.
He sounded so worried that Nora’s heart squeezed. “It’s unlikely to make a difference. With a problem this early, there’s no way to prevent it.”
“You idiot,” he muttered close to her ear. “I’m talking about how you feel. What kind of symptoms, I mean…what’s going on?”
Alone with him in the lounge, she fought the impulse to nestle into the shelter of his arms. “I’m spotting. Bleeding a little.”
“That sounds bad.” He took her hand.
“There are several reasons why women might bleed early in pregnancy. Not all of them are serious.” Since there was nothing to be done, she didn’t want to dwell on this. “Come on. I want to be sure Suzy’s all right.”
Leo kept her hand enclosed in his. “You sure? You may be a doctor, but that doesn’t mean you’re careful enough about your own health.”
Although she appreciated his support, she removed her hand from his. They were about to step into a hallway, where they might run into any number of her coworkers. “I’m fine.”
“We’re surrounded by doctors. Let’s have one of them check you out.”
She’d already taken care of that. “I called my friend Paige. Dr. Paige Brennan. She’s an ob-gyn in Newport Beach and I asked her to supervise my pregnancy. Her service promised to have her call me right back.”
“There are doctors right here,” he insisted.
“I’ll wait.” Nora respected the obstetrician attending Suzy, Dr. Zachary Sargent, an intense young ob-gyn who’d recently joined the staff. And her own pregnancy was hardly a state secret. But she felt an instinctive need to keep this deep hurt private. “Besides, with you hovering over me, everybody would figure out real quick who the father is. It’s better if we do this somewhere else.”
“We can worry about that later.”
“Let’s give Paige a few minutes to call me.” She led the way down the hall, taking care to avoid jolting movements. Although she wasn’t in pain, she felt fragile.
Leo kept close beside her, as if ready to swoop her up at the first sign of collapse. Despite her resolve not to read too much into this, Nora was grateful for his nearness.
They found Ralph and Suzy cuddled together on the bed, arms around each other and faces wet with tears. “I’m sorry I ignored how you felt,” she was telling him. “This was your baby as much as mine. Don’t be mad, okay?”
“I’m staying right here,” he answered. “You’re my girl. You always will be.”
Nora strove for a professional air. “Everything all right?”
“We’re okay,” Suzy said.
“The important thing is, we’re together,” Ralph told her.
The tremulous smile on Suzy’s face lifted Nora’s spirits. The girl was going to recover. There’d be painful moments ahead and she’d never forget the baby she lost, but she didn’t have to go into the future alone.
Abruptly, a wave of hot, raw envy washed over Nora. Unreasonable, unworthy, completely unprofessional envy. Yet with an ache that seemed to echo through her bones, she craved this kind of love in her life. To be truly and unreservedly cherished by a guy who put her before everything else. Who would stand by her, be her partner and lover, care for her no matter what happened. And cherish her children, too, not as an obligation but from an abundance of love. Although this young couple before her might not even be twenty years old, they’d found something she might never know.
Then her gaze fell on Leo. Standing right there, watching her, ready to take action if she needed him. Was it possible he might be changing?
“We can have more children,” Ralph was saying. “You do want children someday, don’t you?”
“Sure, in a few years.” Suzy’s forehead wrinkled. “I didn’t choose to be pregnant, but I got used to the idea that I was sheltering a life. I started picturing this baby, even if I wasn’t going to raise it myself.”
“When you’re ready, you’ll make a wonderful mother.”
Ralph’s words painfully reminded Nora of her own threatened miscarriage. Anxious to check her symptoms, she could hardly bear to stay in the room a moment longer. But she had to make sure Suzy was all right.
“Do you want me to stay?” she asked the girl, and tried to ignore Leo’s disbelieving look.
“No, thanks, Dr. Kendall. I’m okay.”
“You have my number,” Nora reminded her. “I hope I’ll see you at the counseling center again. Saturday, if you’re up to it.” Even if she lost her own baby, Nora should be well enough by then.
“Thanks,” the girl said. “I’d like that.”
Finally, Nora escaped into the corridor. She felt as if she’d been holding her breath for hours.
Leo exited right behind her. “I’m not sure if you’re a saint or a maniac,” he said. “With what you’re going through, you should be taking care of yourself first.”
“I chose this profession because I love helping others,” Nora replied. “It’s a privilege. Don’t you feel the same way about serving the public?”
“Not always,” he admitted. “As a cop, you see the worst of human behavior. It’s easy to get cynical. But being around Ralph reminds me why I chose this job.”
Zack Sargent came around the corner, looking every inch the caring physician in his white coat. “Ask him to check you over,” Leo murmured. “Please?”
Zack must have noticed them looking his way, because he paused. “Something I can do for you, Nora?”
“No, thanks.” Her phone vibrated and she drew it quickly from her pocket. To her relief, the name on the screen read Paige Brennan. “As a matter of fact, everything’s taken care of.”
LEO WAS GLAD TO SEE THAT doctors, like cops, were willing to do favors for friends. Dr. Brennan could have referred Nora to whatever colleague was on call at the hospital where she practiced, but instead she met them at her office suite in Newport Beach. Located in a cluster of one-story buildings, the office had her name and those of three other doctors on the door.
The place was closed for the evening, but no matter. Off went the alarm, on went the lights and they were in business.
A tall woman with dramatic red hair and a lab coat thrown over her jeans and sweater, Dr. Brennan asked Nora a few questions and got her prepped in an examining room with a portable ultrasound machine. Positioned on a large, wheeled frame, the device resembled a computer, complete with screen and keyboard.
Nora lay on the examining table in a flimsy hospital gown that was open at the front. “Let’s have a look and find out what’s happening,” Dr. Brennan said.
She didn’t fuss or offer sympathy, for which Leo was grateful. On the drive over, he’d noticed Nora blinking back tears. Her whole body seemed tight, shoulders held tautly, fists clenched in her lap. Now, the doctor’s calm professionalism seemed to soothe her, and it eased the situation for Leo, too.
Emotional drama had always been uncomfortable for him, and seeing Nora in distress alarmed him. Still, he couldn’t have been anywhere else. He was partly responsible for putting her in this situation. And, even if they went their separate ways, he would always feel concerned for her well-being.
After spreading gel, Dr. Brennan moved a smal
l scanning device over Nora’s bare stomach. Black-and-white images shifted on the screen. How could the doctor tell anything from those curves and squiggly movements?
“If she’s bleeding, shouldn’t you do something about that first?” he asked, and wished he’d thought of this earlier. “I mean, like surgery or something?”
“She isn’t bleeding heavily enough to be in any immediate danger,” the woman reassured him. “Let’s see what’s going on and then we can decide how to proceed.”
He stifled the almost overwhelming urge to insist she take action. Let the woman do her job.
Each time the device stopped moving and the doctor peered intently at the screen, Leo nearly shouted with impatience. He wished he understood what it all meant. “What’s it tell you?”
“Nothing yet. Ultrasound or sonography employs high-frequency sound waves. They bounce back and form a picture of the body’s internal organs. It takes a while to get a firm idea of what’s in there.” Dr. Brennan’s voice had an almost hypnotically calming effect. “This portable machine doesn’t produce as dramatic images as some of the more advanced equipment, but we should be able to determine… Ah, there we are.”
A tiny shape appeared on the screen. “It’s still there?” Nora asked.
“Still there,” Dr. Brennan confirmed. Pointing at the screen, she addressed them both. “You can see the head here, and the arm and leg buds. This is very early in gestation, but—there’s the heart! Beating away. Incredible to think it might still be beating a century from now, isn’t it?”
A chill ran through Leo. He was staring at the squiggly image of his own unborn baby. The beginnings of an individual who would grow up, perhaps marry, have children and become old.
It didn’t seem possible.
The little creature shifted as if to protest the pressure from the device. “You aren’t hurting him, are you? Or is it a her?”
“The reactions are perfectly normal. And it’s too soon to tell the gender. Hold on.” The doctor froze the frame and pressed a button. “I’ll run off a copy for you. Baby’s first photo.” She smiled over at Nora. “I suppose you’ve done this a zillion times with your patients.”
“This is different.” Nora’s eyes shone with wonder now, instead of tears. “You’re sure everything’s all right?”
“I don’t see any problems, but let me check around.”
“You mean, something could still be wrong?” Leo asked as the tiny figure on the screen continued to wriggle.
“Sometimes the placenta—the organ that nourishes the baby—attaches low in the uterus,” Dr. Brennan told him. “That might cause bleeding. Nope, looks fine.”
“Something caused it,” he pointed out doggedly.
“It could be my cervix,” Nora said, adding for his benefit, “That’s the neck of the uterus.”
“The cervix can be very tender and sensitive. In some women, it’s easily irritated.” Dr. Brennan clicked off the screen. “You didn’t by any chance have intercourse earlier tonight, did you?”
Leo felt himself flush. “That could cause problems? I mean, I guessed that it might, but Nora said everything was okay.”
“Might want to refrain for a while, Dad,” the doctor said. “Sex isn’t likely to cause a miscarriage but we don’t like to see bleeding, so I recommend holding off.”
“Not a problem.” That wasn’t entirely true. With Nora beaming, he felt a strong urge to pick her up and cuddle her, and he had a pretty damn good idea where that would lead. Man, this was going to be a long nine months. No, wait, about seven more months until November.
Seven months until he got to hold his kid. Until this little person peered up at him and made funny noises. Smells, too.
The doctor had called him Dad. Yep, Leo was going to be a father, like Tony. Even though he’d known about the pregnancy for a few days, it was still hard to wrap his mind around the notion.
Well, the baby definitely seemed real to him now.
As Leo listened to the doctor tell Nora to take it easy for a few days, he wondered how they were going to work this out. Right away, he’d planned to provide financial support, but now he wanted more. How much more, he wasn’t sure.
At last, the doctor went out. Watching Nora put on her clothes for the second time that evening, Leo felt a surge of warmth. “That’s my baby.”
She glanced at him uncertainly. “Well, yes.”
He inhaled the scents of antiseptic and medicine overlying Nora’s sweetness. “This is incredible. We have a lot to discuss.”
“Absolutely.” She turned away to fiddle with her purse. Looking for a brush, or hiding her expression?
Whatever was running through her mind, he’d find out soon enough. Maybe by then he’d figure out what was running through his.
A SHORT WHILE AGO, NORA’S world had been falling apart. Now, pure happiness welled up. She recalled a saying one of her college roommates had stuck on the wall of their dorm room—Suppose you lost everything you had, and then you got it back again?
That little fellow—or girl—inside her was lively and healthy. Miraculous. And the amazement on Leo’s face thrilled her almost as much. It was as if he’d bonded with the baby while seeing it in the ultrasound.
She might be kidding herself, but Nora didn’t think so. It was too much to hope that he loved her, too, or was it? On her birthday, maybe her dreams really could come true. All of them.
When they were ready, she thanked Paige. “Be sure to send me a bill.”
“Are you kidding?” Her friend gave her a hug. “This was fun. Besides, it’s part of your obstetrical package, so I am getting paid.”
“You don’t give everyone special treatment. I’d rather not take advantage.”
“Well, you never know when I might need a favor. Like, maybe a reference.”
“You’re thinking of leaving here?” Nora asked in surprise.
“Not in the near future,” her friend assured her, “but perhaps eventually. I’ll see you at your next appointment.”
“Great.”
Paige turned to Leo. As they shook hands, Nora noted that they were almost the same height. “Nice to meet you.”
“I appreciate everything you’ve done for Nora,” he responded, his voice rich with gratitude.
Paige gave Nora a wink, as if to say, Way to go, girl! You caught a winner.
Leo was definitely that.
Nora knew she’d better not wish for too much. But right now she couldn’t help it.
Chapter Fifteen
Whatever Leo had intended to say on the drive back to her condo, Nora missed it. She fell asleep almost the moment she settled into his car.
Blame it on pregnancy hormones, a long day and roller-coaster emotions. In any event, she didn’t awaken until he was angling her in the seat, preparing to lift her out. They’d reached her condo complex, she noticed vaguely, and he’d managed to find a rare unoccupied visitor parking space.
“Oh, Leo.” She brushed her cheek against his arm. “It’s been an incredible day.”
“And it isn’t over yet.”
He was staying. A good sign. “I can walk, you know.”
“Lean on me.”
“Glad to.”
She leaned on him all the way inside, where he insisted on taking her straight into the bedroom. That might have been fun, had they not both been aware that they couldn’t make love.
Besides, it was Monday night, and tomorrow they had to work. Leo had mentioned once that his shift started at the inconvenient hour of 6:30 a.m., which didn’t allow time for him to go home and change.
If he lived here, that wouldn’t pose a problem.
“Sit.” Leo pointed to the edge of the bed. “Tell me where you keep your nightgown.”
“You’re dressing me?” she asked, delighted.
He swept her with a wry look. “Undressing you. And dressing you for bed. You heard what the doctor said. You have to take it easy.”
“The pink one, hanging on the peg
.” Much as she hated to call in sick tomorrow, Nora supposed she ought to. Perhaps Dr. Sargent, who hadn’t yet established a full slate of patients, would be willing to help.
What luxury, to lie here while Leo waited on her. Through half-closed eyes, she enjoyed the lithe way he prowled through her closet, and the moment of clumsiness when he tried to lift her nightie so carefully that he lost his grip and sent it floating to the floor. “Oh, damn,” he muttered.
“Butterfingers,” she teased.
His expression of mingled amusement and annoyance set her to laughing. How comfortable it felt, having him here. How natural.
Where would they put the pool table? Well, they could work that out.
He captured the escaped nightie and brought it over. “Okay, now what should I do?”
He apparently hadn’t considered that she was going to have to get up to brush her teeth, but never mind. “Sit here and talk to me,” Nora said.
Leo edged onto the bed. “How’re you feeling?”
“Euphoric,” she admitted. “You were wonderful tonight.”
His hands stroked along her arms. “So much has changed.”
“Because you saw the baby?”
“I saw a lot of things.” Deep breath. “Funny how I never expected to learn from Ralph. I mean, he’s just a kid. But he’s a man, too.”
The reminder of Suzy and Ralph’s loss gave Nora a guilty twinge, as if she shouldn’t be enjoying her good fortune quite so much. But what harm could it do? “They’re growing up fast. Tell me what you learned.”
“That I can’t keep at arm’s length from my child.” Leo’s voice had a rough edge. He was struggling with this, she realized. Why did it have to be so complicated? “My family didn’t exactly give me a good example of how to relate to people.”
“They can’t have been too bad.” Nora had seen the closeness between Leo and his brother.
He shrugged. “We weren’t some soap opera, but we managed to be toxic in our own special way. My kid sister was an invalid who died when she was eleven, and Mom was so wrapped up in Tara, she hardly knew I existed. Dad only loved us when we won awards and got top grades. Tony excelled at that, but not me. I rebelled, and acted like a jerk most of the time. That’s the short version.”
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