CHAPTER 26
A lik barely had time to get Treestomper back in her stall before Zuriel ordered everyone out of the stables.
“Where did you go?”
“Alik and I just went for a ride. You said that I could come and go as I pleased without asking permission.”
“I meant within the halls of the castle.”
“So I do need to ask if I intend to leave the castle?”
He ran his palm down his face in blatant agitation. “No, you are a queen, you may come and go as you please. But why didn’t you take Tannin with you?”
“It was an impromptu trip.”
His jaw tightened as he struggled with his words. “Was it because you wanted to be alone with the human?”
I laughed. “The human? Isn’t he your ward?”
“I noticed you didn’t answer my question. I know vampires have their appetites, but I will not tolerate disloyalty.”
This was all Mara’s fault. She filled his head with a bunch of nonsense. “If you fear my appetites might lead me astray, why don’t you satisfy them?”
He wouldn’t even consummate his own marriage, and yet he was lecturing me on disloyalty.
“You don’t understand, for us, sex isn’t just recreation, it binds us. How can I bind myself to you when I don’t trust you?”
“But that’s exactly what you expect me to do, isn’t it?”
“Why didn’t you tell me about the werewolf?”
“Because it didn’t matter.”
“He’s been your lover for almost a century, how could he not matter?”
“I didn’t say he didn’t matter, I said that it didn’t matter, as in my relationship with him.”
“I don’t understand.”
“What would have happened if I refused your offer?”
“The council would have insisted we go back to war and I would have been inclined to agree with them.”
“Exactly. Maxwell has lost his entire clan defending the kingdom, and he would have also died if the truce ended. An entire line, wiped from existence in service of my house, and it would have been for nothing because the Deabru would have killed every last one of us. There was no reason to tell you about Max because my feelings for him don’t split my loyalties, they make me even more determined to make this marriage work.”
Zuriel backed up against the wall and slid down onto the floor with his face in his hands. “I proposed at the end of a sword. Didn’t I?”
“I assumed that was fairly obvious.”
“I just didn’t want any more blood. I wanted my sister’s sacrifice to mean something. I didn’t mean to do this to you.” I stood there confused. I was in awe of his honesty and of how vulnerable he had made himself. But part of me was still questioning his every word.
“There were worse things you could have done.”
“Come here.” He held out his arms for me.
I hesitated momentarily but quickly pushed my doubts away and slipped into his lap allowing him to pull me into his warm embrace, his wings cocooning us.
“You must be hungry. You haven’t fed since you arrived here.”
“I am.”
He offered me his wrist and I automatically shook my head.
“Why not?” His dark eyes flickered with concern and confusion.
“I don’t wish to drink Deabru blood.” I stated quickly, avoiding my reasoning as to why, as if he didn’t know already. “Can we send for my slaves?”
I could feel him going stiff around me. “You claim to be the protectors of humans yet you keep them like chattel, how do you reconcile those things?”
“It’s complicated. We’re incredibly possessive over our sources of food. They nourish us. It’s hard to be reasonable when it comes to our humans, so for the sake of maintaining our composure we must have complete dominion over them.”
“So if you were to drink from me, you’d become madly possessive of me and unable to stray?”
“I already won’t stray. I gave my word. Doesn’t a vow from someone who can’t lie mean anything to you?”
“It would mean more if you would drink from me. Bind yourself to me, biologically and then I can trust you.”
I sighed. “That’s not how trust works.”
“Fine. Drink from me. I command it. Isn’t that how a vampire husband would handle this?”
My fangs grew in response to his command. The vein in his wrist pulsed like clockwork, inviting me to take a bite. But I found myself unable to move. His arm was only a few inches away, but I couldn’t close the distance. I couldn’t allow myself to drink from the creatures that killed my people.
Hot tears rolled down my cheeks as I sat there frozen.
“Claudia?”
“Take it back,” I begged in a choked whisper.
“What’s wrong?” his voice laced with genuine concern.
“Please, don’t make me.” I pleaded softly.
“It’s fine. You don’t have to drink if you don’t want to.” He pulled my head against his firm chest and rocked me. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he whispered against my tousled hair. “I just want you to want me.”
His confession threw me through yet another loop. I had grown up being taught how wicked his species was, yet here I was in the most tender of embraces being soothed by their very leader. This was a side I had never been subjected too before and nothing I had ever learned about them had prepared me for it. Something inside of me stirred at his embrace and I couldn’t figure out what it meant.
“If you refuse to believe anything I say for the rest of my days, please believe me when I tell you that forcing your blood down my throat is not the way to win my affections.” I whispered softly against his rugged chest.
We sat in the darkness trying to reach for each other, but lifetimes of pain and hatred stood between us. A chasm so deep and wide I wasn’t sure how we’d ever get across it and reach one another.
CHAPTER 27
Weeks passed and all I had to show for my marriage was a few more fumbling instances where neither of us would cave. The difference being he could probably go without sex indefinitely, I had to feed sooner or later. The day I'd be forced to choke down black Deabru blood came closer and closer and I could see no way of avoiding it. Zuriel's jealousy wouldn't allow me to bring my slaves here. I couldn't be sure of their safety anyway if they did come.
I dressed for yet another state dinner. This time in a flowing pink gown that was more my taste than Zuriel's, but I didn't care. Delighting his senses wasn't getting my marriage consummated, so what was the point of doing so?
As I entered the dining hall, the jovial discussions turned to low whispers. I walked past twelve lords and ladies with my chin up pretending not to know they seemed to regard me as the killer of joy.
I took my seat next to the king, and smiled softly as he brought my hand to his lips, a gesture meant more for the court than for me but something about his tenderness still struck a part of me, new and confusing. I had to compose myself as I had before. Regardless of my strange feelings it was still fake. If they discovered our marriage was a sham they would rebel, desperate to finish a war that had cost them so much over the years. I had to make sure that didn't happen.
The servants had finally stopped putting a plate in front of me a few weeks back which I was eternally grateful for. The smells alone were too much for me to stand. And their food was at least one thing Zuriel hadn't insisted I partake in. But they did have the good sense to keep my goblet filled with sweet wine.
"So, do you think you're with child yet?"
I didn't even need to look up. I could recognize Mara's voice from anywhere. It was the sound of claws tearing against stone. "No. I do not believe I'm pregnant." I said simply, taking another sip of my wine.
"How strange. Alaster and I conceived our brood on our wedding night. They say a woman's passion plays a part in the chance of conception. No surprise such a cold thing has trouble creating life."
I tur
ned to Zuriel. "Brood? How many offspring do you produce and is that number a function of the male or the female? Because no one said anything about broods." Beastly.
He took my hand in his. "Don't worry. You won't be given more than you can bear."
"Are you sure of that?" Mara interjected. "After all, she's so delicate. Even if she could carry half Deabru children to term, I doubt she'd be able to survive the birth. Maybe she knows this. Maybe she's doing something to prevent getting pregnant and is only playing the role of wife to keep us from decimating her people."
Once again Mara questioned my loyalty and yet Zuriel did nothing to defend me. But he tensed at her words. Something I wouldn't have noticed if he hadn't been holding my hand. He was upset, yet he was holding back? Why?
Then I remembered something he said to me before about having to fight my own battles. These people respected brutality, if they were going to accept me as their queen I had to show I was capable of being as temperamental as they were.
I shot to my feet allowing my pent up anger free for the first time. "How dare you question my loyalty? I am your queen, and until you give me the respect I am due, there is no room for you at my table. You are banished from court! Leave. Now."
Mara dismissed everything I said like I was a bit of foul wind and turned to Zuriel. "Are you really going to let her do this? I've lived at court since I was a child."
Every eye in the room was on Zuriel. Would he take the side of me or his best friend? I had to give him credit. He didn't even seem to hesitate when he said, "Your queen has spoken. Why you are still here?"
Mara threw her chair against one of the stone pillars, but then she stormed from the room with Alaster following quickly behind after offering an apologetic look to me and Zuriel.
I had done it, finally, something that must have pleased my husband, but also freed me from the constant degradation of that harpy. I sat back sipping my wine and feeling in control of something for the first time since arriving here. And it felt wonderful. I could sense a change in the room. The other lords realized I had the power and resolve to at the very least deprive them of access to their king. To some of them, that was a fate worse than death.
After dinner, Zuriel took my hand again and staring deeply into my eyes asked, "Shall we retire to my quarters?" I couldn’t help but gawk at him for a moment, where had this come from?
I grinned wickedly. "If it pleases you, Sire."
I had no idea how far putting Mara in her place would get me. If it would get me a legitimate marriage that couldn't be annulled, then expelling her from court was the best decision I'd ever made.
My thighs clenched in anticipation. While I still had many hang ups about Zuriel's species, I couldn't deny that he knew how to touch a woman and the experience would be pleasurable if nothing else.
As the door to his quarters shut behind us, I was already reaching for the shoulders of my dress, ready to leave it in a pile on the floor.
"How could you?"
That's when I realized sex wasn't on the table. I readjusted my dress. "What would you have me do? She once again suggested my intentions were treasonous in front of the entire court."
"Why couldn't you break her nose? Why did you have to permanently send her away? She's my oldest, dearest friend."
My mouth fell open. "You wanted me to brawl with her in the middle of the dining hall? Perhaps we should have oiled up first. Maybe there was time to place bets. I am a queen, not a brawler."
He rolled his eyes. "Yes, fighting is beneath you. Everything is beneath you. I get it."
"Including you."
I regretted the words the moment they slipped past my lips and the look on Zuriel's face was that of a man having his worst fears confirmed.
He turned from me. "Go back to your wolf."
"I thought you said that once vows were made they couldn't be broken and that by Deabru law we were married and always would be no matter what."
"That's true, but I can't imagine you'll have trouble continuing in your old life given your husband is so far beneath you."
"What about the truce?"
"This will destabilize my rule, but I can handle it. A few of my lords will have to die before they can organize to overthrow me, but in the end I'll maintain my throne and as long as I refuse to attack then you and your people will be safe."
I took a step closer to him. "Why would you do that?"
He looked at me with such sorrow it hurt to meet his gaze. "For years I've heard tales of your beauty. But not just your beauty. I heard about your wit and your charm, your kindness and bravery. When I look at you, I see a worthy queen. I just wish you saw the same when you looked at me."
"When I look at you, I see a king who is strong, wise, merciful and a damn good kisser. But I also see razed villages. Mutilated children. And the near extinction of my kind. And I understand that you didn't start this war and you've only been dealing with the mess you inherited, the same as me. How do I push aside mountains of blood and open my heart to you?"
He brushed my cheek so tenderly I could feel my heart tremble. What was happening?
"Your brother and my sister managed to find a way. Why can't we?"
I chuffed, forcing down whatever it was I was feeling. "Julian was always far less sensitive than me. It was something I envied about him."
"My sister was the same. She always put the mission before her feelings. Drove me crazy."
"If Julian had any idea what she was going to do, he would have released her. He would have done anything for her, including risking war if it meant saving her life."
Tears welled up in Zuriel's eyes and the sight threatened to break me.
I gently slid my thumb across his cheek, wiping them away. "I'm not leaving. I won't cause a civil war just because you want peace between our peoples."
He pulled himself together and nodded.
"I should go to my room. I'm sorry about Mara. I really did think sending her away was the best course of action." I left his room without another word and headed to my own in a daze. My one job was to support my husband and yet I was systematically destroying him inside and out. Maybe Mara was right, maybe I would be his downfall whether I intended to or not.
CHAPTER 28
I awoke to a hunger that cut through me without mercy. I clutched my stomach and willed for my fangs to retract. I needed to eat. If I'd drunk a person to the death then I could go months without needing to feed again. But I hadn't killed anyone in years.
Before I left I'd only taken a little from each of my blood slaves every few days which meant after weeks with no blood at all, I was famished. I wouldn't make it much longer, sooner or later, I would have to eat or risk going into a frenzy and attacking everyone around me. Though given Deabru ways, they'd probably like me better after doing so.
When Leya entered, I asked for my riding leathers. A trip around the castle with Treestomper was exactly what I needed to clear my head. She happily saw to my needs, even plaiting my hair so that it would stay put as I flew.
Alik was in the stables tossing large squirming rodents to the hungry drakes. Each one catching it midair with ease. "Good morning, your majesty. Going for a ride?"
"Yes. The fresh air should do me good."
His eyes narrowed and he walked over to me. "Are you okay? You're looking a bit pale."
"The king and I are still fighting. Last night he asked me to go back to Sanguine." Everything I said was true, even if it wasn't the reason for my paleness.
He dropped the bucket and pulled me into a hug. "I'm so sorry. I can't believe any man would ever let you go."
He felt so warm, which meant I had to be cold. And the pulse in his neck called to me like a siren. Begging me to sink my fangs and fall into those blissful depths.
It didn't have to ask twice. I blacked out for a moment, my awareness only returning when Alik jolted against me, my fangs breaking the skin of his neck.
He didn't scream or struggle. He accepted my bite like h
e'd always been mine. Rich, red blood poured into my mouth and I never wanted it to stop.
A roar of anguish sounded behind me causing me to pull away from Alik.
Zuriel stood there, his wings flared, his claws growing, his muscles tense. I knew he'd be angry with me from the moment I lapped the first drop of Alik's blood and I was willing to pay the consequences of that decision.
But Zuriel's black eyes weren't directed at me. They were locked onto defenseless, fragile Alik. Would he really kill his own ward from jealously?
Zuriel charged towards Alik and I quickly blocked his path. I swiped my nails across his chest leaving deep black marks.
He tried to get past me, but I was too fast. "Alik. Run!"
He ran from the stables, holding the bite marks I left on his neck.
Zuriel tried to go after him but I grabbed his arms. I had been trained to fight, but he was much stronger than me. Reason told me that he was holding back. Even in all his rage he was trying not to hurt me.
But all he did was hurt me. Having to live in this place. Rule over my enemies. It was nothing but a lifetime of hurt. And if that wasn't enough, he wanted me to live off his demon blood.
Rage bubbled up inside me and exploded. I went from struggling to tearing at Zuriel's neck with my fangs. A person with a drop of self-preservation would have stopped me. I was ripping into flesh. Yet, he stilled and let me do it.
My plan to chew his head off halted at the gesture of trust. He assumed I wasn't going to kill him when even I wasn't sure of that. I was hungry and miserable and I blamed him. But I couldn't kill someone standing there willing to let me.
"Drink," he whispered. "Let me be what you need. What you want."
That's when I realized my mouth was filled with his blood. I swallowed. If the stars could be bottled, they would taste like Zuriel's blood. Our eyes met and all the anger I had built up inside of me diminished immediately. His tender gaze and look of pleading desire melted me to my core. It was me. I had been fighting this the entire time. I closed myself off while all he wanted, all he yearned for was a tried and true connection with me. All the while my attempts to making this work had only pushed him further away.
Moonstruck (Warring Hearts Book 2) Page 13
