by Dana R. Lynn
Lilah’s head dropped forward, the regret coming anyway. Except it was regret for having seen a fine police officer shot while protecting her. Protecting Levi.
Lilah had watched, horrified, those last few seconds when bullets rained down upon two very fine men.
“Lilah!” Levi rushed into the waiting room, his gaze starting around nervously.
“I’m all right.” She looked past his shoulder, having trouble meeting his eyes. She couldn’t let herself continue to be drawn to this man. He didn’t want her in his life, not really.
“What’s going on?”
Was it her imagination or did he sound confused?
“Lieutenant Quinn is in surgery. I haven’t heard anything else.”
She wasn’t that surprised. After all, it had only been five minutes since he had dropped her off at the emergency door entrance. But those five minutes had seemed more like an hour.
Edgy and restless, she turned away and veered toward the window. She disliked hospitals immensely. Hadn’t she spent more than enough time in one?
“I’m glad you weren’t hurt.” She felt more than saw Levi’s presence at her side.
“Danke. I’m glad you weren’t, either.” She looked out the window. She longed to say more but held back. Finally, the pressure building inside her burst with a hiss. “I hate hospitals! The last time I was in one was the night Jacob died. Before that, I was in a hospital after the accident that killed my parents.”
He sidled closer, offering her his silent support. A different kind of edginess slid along her nerves. She wanted what she could never have.
She should move, put more space between them. She couldn’t. These random moments of closeness might be all she ever had with Levi. She’d have to cherish each and every one.
At the same time, she had to be careful. Talking was the best way to distract herself right now.
“After the accident, I had months of physical therapy. I came to the hospital for a few sessions, but that was very difficult. After that, the hospital allowed a physical therapist to cumme to the haus. It was during that time that Jacob must’ve become addicted to the painkillers. I had them, too, but I only took them for a couple of days because I didn’t like the way they made me feel.”
A wave of sadness nearly drowned her.
“How could I not have known? How could I not have seen how Jacob was suffering?”
Levi wrapped his arms around her and drew her close. She knew she should fight it, but she snuggled closer, sighing as his embrace wrapped around her like a warm blanket. If only for a moment, she felt loved and protected.
Was it her imagination, or did she feel a kiss on the top of her head? It was hard to tell while wearing her prayer kapp.
“You can’t blame yourself, Lilah,” Levi’s low voice whispered. She shivered as his breath tickled her ear. His hold tightened in response. He must’ve thought she was cold. “Hannah didn’t notice it, either. Otherwise, I doubt she would have married him.”
She frowned. “Unless he’d already broken free of the addiction when they married. Officer Dawson didn’t really say when he started working for the police.”
She still had trouble believing that one. Although, it would have been in character for Jacob to try to help those who had suffered like he had. So maybe it was more credible than she had thought.
“My brain hurts from all this.”
Levi’s chuckle caught her by surprise.
“What’s so funny?” As far she could tell, there was nothing humorous about their situation.
“It just sounded funny.” His chin rested against her head. “I think I’m just really tired.”
“Jah. I’m exhausted.”
Finally, she backed out of his embrace. Foolishly, the moment his arms dropped away from her, she wanted them back again.
Looking down, the light of the room flashed against the silvery cast of his right hand.
“You’re amazing. You know?” She flushed. She hadn’t meant to blurt that out. She blamed tiredness for affecting her, also.
Peeking up at him, she caught the astonishment stamped on his face.
“Me? There’s nothing so amazing about me. I’m a simple man, doing the best I can. The same can be said of my father and my brothers.”
“Well, I think the way you’ve gone out of your way to help me is amazing.”
She let it go at that. How could she explain? She knew it had to be hard for him, suffering from PTSD, to be helping her when people were after them with guns.
She thought of something. The explosion hadn’t triggered a flashback. She asked him about it.
“I don’t know why. Maybe because I was out of it for a few minutes afterward. I’m glad I didn’t. Not only for me, but if I had, we wouldn’t have escaped.”
Shuddering, she wrapped her arms around her middle. “Gott protected us, that is true.”
He nodded but didn’t say anything. The conversation died between them as they stood side by side, staring out at the parking lot.
Lilah started when she heard her name.
Officer Dawson had arrived. “Hey, are you okay?”
When they assured her that they were fine, she visually checked them over. Finally, apparently satisfied, she nodded. “Listen, you two really saved Quinn’s life, acting so quick like you did. I just talked to a nurse. He’s still in surgery, but they expect him to pull through.” She tilted her head at Levi, her brow furrowing. “Say, you won’t get in trouble for driving, will you? With your bishop, I mean.”
Lilah blinked. She hadn’t even thought of that.
Levi shook his head. “I don’t think so. I have permission from him to drive in my interactions with the Englisch. Besides, he would be all right with me saving a life.” Levi scowled suddenly. “He was in danger because he was driving us to my parents’ haus.”
Remorse covered his face when Lilah flinched. “Hey. This is not your fault,” Levi said.
Officer Dawson gave a sharp nod. “He’s right, Lilah. You can’t be responsible for the bad choices other people make. And Quinn? Even if you knew there had been a shooter out there, he still would’ve offered his help. It’s what he does. I’ve never known him to back down, to save himself when someone else needed help.”
Interesting. There was more than a little admiration in her tone. In fact, Lilah was fairly certain that the efficient Officer Dawson had some less than efficient feelings for the handsome lieutenant in surgery.
“Anyway, if you guys are ready to go, I can give you a ride back to your house.”
“Before you go, what happened to the person chasing us?” Levi inquired softly.
Lilah blinked. For a second or two, she’d actually forgotten why they were there.
“Yes. It was Tammy Spitts. She demanded a lawyer before we even got her in the police car. It’s unlikely she’ll give up Oliver so quickly. We strongly suspect he was the one shooting at you.”
“I hadn’t thought about it. But there had to have been two people,” Levi mused. “The shots came from somewhere in front of us, but the car that chased us came up from the other direction. Maybe that’s why we had time to get Quinn into the truck.”
“What do you mean?” Lilah asked.
Levi quirked a smile at her. “The shooting stopped for a few seconds. The guy shooting at us probably had to call her, let Tammy know our exact location. Which means he couldn’t get to us immediately.”
“We still don’t know how this was all set up.”
Lilah fought back a yawn, but it still managed to work its way out.
“Okay, time to get you two home. The chief has agreed to let us patrol your street for the next couple of days, Levi. Nothing extreme. Just a car to drive by every hour or so.”
Lilah didn’t want to admit it, but knowing the police were looking out for them mad
e her feel better. It would haunt her forever if something happened to Levi or any member of his family. She would never be able to accept that she wasn’t to blame for that.
Five minutes later, they were heading back to Levi’s haus. The weariness she’d pushed aside finally overcame her. Leaning her head back against the seat, she drifted off to sleep.
A gentle hand nudged her awake. Blinking, she opened her eyes, still drowsy, and smiled up at Levi.
“I fell asleep,” she murmured.
“Jah. You were snoring.”
That jolted all drowsiness out of her system.
Bolting upright, she glared at him in outrage. “I do not snore!”
Officer Dawson laughed. Lilah flushed. She’d forgotten that they weren’t alone.
“Don’t worry, you weren’t snoring, Lilah.” The pretty police officer gave her a small smile. “Much.”
Grinning, Levi opened her door wider so Lilah could step out of the police cruiser.
They both thanked Officer Dawson for the ride and watched as she returned to the car.
“If I hear anything about Oliver, I’ll be in touch,” she promised.
Simultaneously, Levi and Lilah turned to go inside the haus. Fannie Burkholder was standing on the porch watching them. Concern lined her face.
“Mamm? Is something wrong?” Levi rushed to her side.
“Not anymore.” She patted his cheek. “The mare returned hours ago without the buggy. All lathered like she’d been galloping. We were concerned you’d been in some sort of accident. Your daed and brothers are out looking for you.”
Ashamed, Lilah realized she’d forgotten that Tammy had scared the horse away. It had never occurred to her to wonder if the animal would return home or not. Levi lifted stricken eyes to her. He hadn’t thought of it, either.
“I’m sorry!” Agony twisted her voice, making it tight.
“Nee, all is well. You are home now.”
The sound of a buggy on the road broke the silence of the early summer evening. David Burkholder drove the buggy into the driveway.
“Ah, gut!” Sam popped out of the buggy. “I told Mamm and Daed you were fine.”
Abram followed with a smile, but his tight eyes searched Levi.
“I’m fine,” Levi assured him quietly.
“Jah! All is well. David, cumme esse!” Fannie called him in to eat. “All our kinder are safe.”
The older woman patted Lilah’s shoulder. Heat collected in Lilah’s cheeks as she realized she was included in that statement.
Without meaning to, Fannie had let her know, let them all know, that she saw Lilah as more than just Levi’s friend. Lilah didn’t know how to tell Fannie without sounding rude that she and Levi would never be more than friends. Because Levi wouldn’t allow that to happen.
Dinner was awkward. At least, it was for Lilah. Every minute she sat at the table, the longing to truly become part of this family grew.
She excused herself and escaped to her bedroom as soon as possible. How had it happened? How had she fallen for Levi in just a few days? Weren’t things like that supposed to take years?
But not only had she fallen for him, she now understood that if he were to ever think of her that way also, she would be accepted by the whole family. They had made that more than clear at dinner. Although, she wasn’t sure Levi had caught all the winks and sly looks.
The family had been concerned, true. When they explained what had happened, both Fannie and David had gone pale. The idea that someone was out there shooting at their son! But neither one of them had by a single look, expressed any inkling that they thought Lilah might be to blame for this. They were only glad to have both Levi and Lilah safe.
It also amazed her that neither one of them complained at the thought of having a police car doing drive-bys. It would probably have been a different story had an officer been planted at the haus, but just driving by seemed to be okay.
With a loud sigh, Lilah flopped over to her other side in the bed. As soon as she was safe, she had to leave. She didn’t know where she would go yet.
All she knew was the longer she stayed, the deeper the heartache would be when she finally got away.
FIFTEEN
Levi was busy in the barn Thursday morning when he felt his father’s presence. Although he was careful not to let his father see the expression, he grimaced. He’d been expecting daed to come have a talk with him since dinner Tuesday evening, after he and Lilah had survived the explosion and been shot at all in one day.
“Sohn.” David greeted him.
Levi ducked his head in response. He knew he should say something, but he couldn’t think of anything that would be appropriate in the circumstances.
Finally, his daed broke the silence. “Your mother and I, we both have thanked Gott many times. We thanked him when he returned you to us. You had suffered horrible things, but you were home. We thanked him when you found your niche, and we thanked him again when you and Lilah arrived home safely the other night.”
“Jah. I thanked Gott, too. He protected us.”
“Jah, he did.” His father paused, his gaze searching the wall of the barn as if he’d find the right words to say there. “Levi. You are no longer a boy.”
Oh, no. Here it comes.
“It is time for you to settle down, to build a home of your own.”
“Daed—”
“Your mother and I have watched you with the maidal in our community. You have been polite and kind. But other than that, it was clear you had no interest. Now we understand why. Levi, what do you plan to do about Lilah?”
“Nee, Daed. You don’t understand. Lilah’s brother was my friend. I am helping her until she finds out what happened. As soon as we know, she’s leaving. I’ll probably never see her again.” He forced himself to say it, to face that she would leave him. Wincing as he said the harsh words, Levi couldn’t stop himself from rubbing his chest with his left hand. The idea of her leaving struck him as a physical pain. His parents had obviously seen that he had formed an emotional bond with her. He hadn’t planned to. He had struggled against it but had failed.
His one fear now was that it was one-sided, and that she didn’t share the same feelings for him.
His daed watched him, disappointment gleaming in his dark eyes. “Levi, would you really throw away this gift Gott has given you?”
Startled, he jerked his face up to look at his daed. “Gift? What gift?”
Love and caring were great, but they also brought a huge risk. He remembered the months of anguish and doubt that followed Harrison’s death. The feeling of letting his friend down, of being responsible for the tragedy, had followed him all the way back to the States.
How much worse would such agony be if something happened to his wife? Or his children?
It hit him then. He was already thinking about Lilah in terms of marriage. There was no way he was getting out of this situation with his heart intact.
“Jah, a gift,” his father continued, unaware of the dark paths Levi’s mind had just traveled. “A frau, kinder. Family. It is all a gift.”
Levi shook his head. “I don’t know that I want that kind of gift. There’s no guarantee that I would be able to keep a wife safe, that she or one of my children would never get sick. Or worse.”
“Maybe so.”
Frustrated, Levi ran his hands through his hair. “Then what’s the point? Why put yourself at risk when you can live free, without that kind of pain?”
David narrowed his eyes at his son. “Are you free? Listen to yourself. Do you sound like someone who is free and happy?”
Levi stilled. He didn’t want to answer that question.
His father continued. “Jah, I know there is pain, ain’t so? I have experienced it.”
His sister, Marie. They rarely talked about her, but Levi remembered th
e older sister who had grown ill and died suddenly fifteen years ago. How could he be so cruel as to remind his father of his loss?
“I see what you are thinking, and you are wrong, my sohn.” David’s hand landed on his right shoulder. “We still miss our Marie, but we never forgot her. And we are thankful we had her, even for a short time.”
Levi shrugged. He wasn’t his father. Losing a friend had been agonizing, devastating. He didn’t think he had it in him to risk losing a child or a spouse.
It was better to be closed off.
His father left him to continue working. As Levi tinkered with the car he was fixing, his mind kept flashing back to the conversation.
Lilah was in the house working with his mamm. It was a beautiful day, but Levi knew he wouldn’t go in and ask her to go for a walk. The best course of action was to keep his distance.
The trouble was his heart didn’t seem to agree with his head.
It was late evening when a police cruiser entered the driveway. Officer Dawson emerged. He went out to meet her, conscious that his entire family and Lilah were sitting together on the porch, listening to the conversation. The police officer waved at Lilah. The young Amish woman broke away from the rest of the group and came to join Levi on the driveway.
“Hi.” Officer Dawson greeted them, a wide smile spreading across her face. “I wanted to tell you in person that we have Pete Oliver in custody.”
The weight he’d been carrying fell off his shoulders.
“Lilah is safe now,” Levi commented.
The officer’s lips flattened. “I can’t promise that. While we know that Oliver was involved, we don’t have absolute proof that he was the leader yet. We’re working to get it.”
“It’s gut news, though,” Lilah remarked. “How is Lieutenant Quinn?”
The officer’s cheeks flushed. “He’s going to be fine.”
As she left, Levi was struck with the realization that this was it. Lilah would be leaving. It was what he wanted, but it wasn’t.
