by Dana R. Lynn
Levi mulled his friend’s words in his mind. Could he be right?
“I want to believe you.”
“Listen, Levi, I know it’s hard. Tell me this. Do you believe God can do anything? Really believe?”
“Jah, I do.”
“Then why are you doubting that He could make a woman who will accept all your human flaws?”
Why indeed?
“So, my next question is, can I come to your wedding? You know Sophie will want to meet your Lilah.”
Levi laughed, the burden of his own inadequacies lifted from his soul. Gott was enough. He would make up for what Levi lacked.
“I haven’t even asked her yet. Ask me if she says yes. I haven’t told her I love her yet.”
“You will.”
“I will.”
Aiden bumped his shoulder with his fist. “I’m thinking positive. When she says yes, I plan to be there to see you hitched. Might even wear a suit and tie.”
Levi chuckled, shaking his head. “If she agrees to be my wife, then jah, of course you will be invited. I’d ask you to be my best man, but that’s the Englisch way. You won’t be able to sit with the community, but I would be disappointed if you weren’t there.”
“Mr. Burkholder?”
Levi’s head snapped up. He and Aiden had been so busy talking, the nurse had sneaked up on them. “Jah?”
He held his breath.
“The doctor said that you can go in and see Miss Schwartz for a few minutes. She needs her rest, and she might be a little sleepy from the anesthesia and pain medication, but you can see her if you’ll follow me.”
He was out of his seat before she completed speaking. Blood pounded in his ears. He knew what he wanted. What he didn’t know was whether she shared the same dream.
* * *
“Lilah? Can you hear me?”
Levi’s voice came to her through the fog clouding her mind. Her eyes were glued shut. She couldn’t open them. She had to. What if he went away?
Struggling, she fought her way to the surface, peeling her lids open. Everything was blurry. She blinked several times, clearing her vision. The room came into view slowly. She was in a hospital room. Her breathing sped up as she recalled being shot.
“Lilah.”
Turning her head on the pillow, her gaze met Levi’s. Deep furrows creased his forehead. They cleared as he stared at her.
“I was starting to get worried.” He reached out his left hand and stroked a finger down her cheek. “You wouldn’t wake up.”
She was distracted by his gentle touch. “Hannah?”
Her voice rose when she thought about her sister-in-law. Hannah had been injured.
“Shh.” He tried to calm her. “Hannah is well. And so is her daughter.”
She’d had her baby. She fluttered her lashes to clear the tears forming. “Jacob has a daughter.”
A sweet little girl he’d never get a chance to meet. But his daughter was alive, and his wife was well. That would be all that mattered to Jacob.
She sighed. How was it possible to be so happy and yet so sad at the same time? Happy because her family had survived the horror of the past few days. She would praise Gott forever for that blessing. There had been several times that she hadn’t believed that they would all make it out alive. But He had proven once again that He was in charge.
At the same time, however, there was a deep sorrow spiraling down in her soul. Lilah had been aware that Levi was pulling back. From the moment he kissed her, his withdrawal had been evident. She knew he had feelings for her. Just as she had feelings for him. She didn’t think it would be enough. Something inside him was broken. More than just a physical injury.
“I only have a few minutes, Lilah. I won’t be able to tell you everything now.”
Here it comes. Levi was going to tell her that they would never work out. He was walking out of her life. Lilah braced herself. She’d tried to pretend that she would be fine without him, but it wasn’t true. Her heart would always bear a Levi-shaped hole if he left her.
“Say what you must. I’m tired.”
He hesitated. The light was funny in the room. His face seemed pale.
He sucked in a deep breath. “I love you.”
She blinked. “What?”
“I knew I wouldn’t get this right,” he growled.
“Wait!” She struggled to sit up. Pain shot through her leg. Falling back, she groaned. Levi leaned over her. Tears blurred his face.
He grabbed her hand. “It’s gut. I’m not leaving. Not until the nurse comes back and kicks me out.”
“Say it again. I must have heard you wrong.”
He stepped closer to the bed and squeezed her hand. “You didn’t hear me wrong. I love you.”
She sighed. “I was sure you were going to tell me you didn’t want to see me anymore.”
“I almost did,” he admitted, his voice a low rumble.
She knew he’d changed his mind. Otherwise he wouldn’t be here now telling her he loved her. Levi was not a man who would play with a woman’s affections that way. Still, the knowledge that he had considered walking away from her hurt. She rubbed at her chest, trying to ease the pain.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I forgot to trust Gott. I had convinced myself that my flaws made me unlovable.”
“You are lovable,” she exclaimed. “You’re honest, hardworking and kind of quirky! You are also so strong.”
One eyebrow lifted in response to her last claim.
“I don’t know how true that is, but danke.”
She scowled at him. “Jah, you are strong. You have been through war, lost an arm, and in the last few days, you have kept me, and then Hannah and her boppli, safe from a killer.”
His eyes brightened. He dropped his gaze. She watched a slow tide of red swarm up his neck and face.
“Levi.”
She waited until he raised his head and looked at her again. “I know you still have nightmares. I know you sometimes struggle with the things you had to do while you were Englisch. I ache for what you suffered, but I don’t think poorly of you because of it.” She could do this. “I love you, too.”
He stepped closer to the bed, his eyes devouring her face. “Jah? You’re sure?”
“Jah. More than ever.”
“Would you consider walking out with me?” he asked.
She smiled. He wanted to court her. She wanted more than that, but they had time. Now that a killer no longer hunted her.
“Jah. I will walk out with you. Gladly.”
His left hand moved up to cup her cheek. “Gut. Then after a few weeks, I’ll probably ask for your hand in marriage.”
She laughed, a soft breathy sound.
“Why don’t you ask me now, since you have already decided you will?”
He shook his head. “Nee. I will do this the right way.”
“Jah? So, if you ask me to marry you this fall, will we get married before Christmas?” She hoped so.
“Of course. In late October or early November. Unless you want to wait?”
“Nee!” She narrowed her eyes. “I have waited long enough for you, Levi Burkholder. I want to be your frau as soon as possible.”
“I promised Aiden he could come to our wedding,” he murmured, his hand clasping hers. “He told me I’d be a fool to let you go. I agree. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“I look forward to meeting your friend.”
Gently, slowly, he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. Her heart pounded in her veins. Her lips tingled after he moved back. “I will do my best to be a gut ehemann.”
“You will be,” she assured him. “Gott has brought us together for a reason. Hopefully, someday soon, He’ll bless us with kinder to raise.”
He bent to kiss her again. Before thei
r lips touched, the door swung open. Levi straightened. Lilah tried to appear calm, despite the heat pooling in her cheeks. She didn’t need a mirror to know they were as red as the lipstick on the nurse who entered. The amused look she swung between them confirmed Lilah’s suspicion.
“Time’s up!” she sang. “Visiting hours will start again tomorrow morning at nine. You can come back and see your friend then.”
Levi nodded. “Jah. I will be back.”
Lilah touched his hand. She needed to make sure they were in agreement before he left. Otherwise she’d worry about it all night until he arrived in the morning. “He’s not my friend. This is my fiancé.”
Levi met her eyes and grinned. She grinned back when he didn’t argue. She was engaged. Bubbles of happiness buzzed around inside her. She was floating, she was so happy.
“Well congratulations, kids!” The nurse smiled. “I’m happy for you both. Now go, Mr. Fiancé. Your sweetheart needs her rest if she’s going to get well enough to meet you at church for your wedding.”
Levi swooped down and kissed her cheek before tossing a jaunty wave at the nurse and leaving. Lilah sank back against her pillow. The nurse bustled around the room, but Lilah barely noticed. Her mind was occupied with thoughts of Levi and what kind of life they would have together.
She could hardly wait for it to begin.
EPILOGUE
Three years later
Lilah gave the soup simmering on the stove a final stir. Tapping the wooden spoon against the edge of the large pot to remove the excess liquid, she put the utensil back on the ceramic spoon rest. The house already smelled like apples and cinnamon from the pies she and Hannah had baked that afternoon. They had spent a lovely two hours picking apples yesterday. It had been quite an undertaking with the children, but Lilah had enjoyed every chaotic moment. Tomorrow, she’d can the rest to make applesauce and spiced apples to eat through the rest of the year.
She cast a glance at the clock on the wall. Levi would be home soon. Her pulse sped up as it usually did when she thought of her handsome husband. They’d been married almost two and a half years, and she thanked Gott every day for blessing her with so much.
Grabbing the broom, she hummed as she swept the floor. It gave her so much pleasure making the haus spotless for Levi. Setting the broom aside, she cast her glance around, making sure everything was perfect. The kitchen floor was clean enough to eat off, the countertops gleamed. The kitchen opened into the living room. From where she stood, she had a clear view of the next room. Sighing, she hugged herself. She could hardly believe this was her haus.
Normally, they would have moved into Levi’s parents’ haus since he was the eldest son, and his parents would have moved to the dawdi haus, a small haus next to the main one. However, Levi and his daed had decided it would make more sense for one of Levi’s brothers to take that haus and take over David’s business when it was time. Both of his brothers had joined the family painting business. Although Levi helped them from time to time, he had no interest in painting full-time.
Lilah didn’t mind. Levi had given up his job driving buggies and was now dividing his time between working as a carpenter and earning a few extra dollars as a mechanic. When he’d announced they wouldn’t be moving in with his family, she’d wondered where they would live.
He’d surprised her with plans for their own haus. He’d sold the haus that he and Aiden had built years before, along with the ten acres of land. The money the sale had brought in, combined with the money he’d saved up, had been enough for him to buy land locally. He had called in his brothers, his daed and his buddy Aiden to build the two-story structure.
Lilah had enjoyed spending time with Aiden’s pretty wife, Sophie, and her sister, Celine, even though it had been difficult to keep from peeking to check on the progress the men were making. One thing that had helped keep her occupied was watching Sophie’s daughter, Rose, and her baby, Brian.
Hannah had come out with her sister to join them twice that week. Tears stung her eyes. Jacob would have loved seeing his wife and sister becoming true friends at last. He would have been a wonderful father to his daughter. Adele was a precocious three-year-old now. Hannah still lived with her parents, but probably would be moving out soon. She had admitted to Lilah that she was being courted by a young man in her district. Lilah had caught her breath, but she’d been happy for her friend. Hannah was lovely and had much to offer, both as a wife and as a mother. It would be good for Adele to have siblings.
Hannah had sold the property where she had lived with Jacob and Lilah. She had told Lilah she’d never be able to live in a haus built on that land again.
A buggy pulled onto the driveway. Brushing her fingertips under her eyes, she smeared away the dampness collected on her lashes. She darted through the large opening into the living room and went to the blanket spread out on the floor.
“Harrison, your daed is home!”
The thirteen-month-old chucked his blocks away and stood on his chubby little legs. He toddled over to Lilah. “Daed home. Daed home.”
Swooping down, she gathered him in her arms and pressed a kiss on his cheek. “Let’s go meet him on the porch, jah?”
Harrison wasn’t a typical Amish name. But when Levi had asked if they could name their boppli for his friend who had once saved his life in Afghanistan and had never made it home, she had agreed that it was a fine name. Her little man looked exactly like she imagined Levi would have looked as a boppli. Stepping onto the porch, she lifted her head and smiled as a cool breeze brushed her cheeks. The air was thick with the scent of wood smoke and changing leaves.
She loved this time of year.
Opening her eyes, Lilah watched as Levi left the barn where he’d put the mare. He saw them on the porch. His face lit up, sparking a flutter in her heart. The air of loneliness that had surrounded him when they’d met was long gone. He still suffered from occasional nightmares, but had not a flashback since they’d wed. Another blessing.
“How’s my best girl?” Levi jogged up the steps to join them on the porch. He enfolded them into his embrace. “Hi, buddy. How’s my guy?” He plopped a kiss on Harrison’s curly blond hair. The kiss he gave his wife was much longer. Harrison started to squirm in Lilah’s arms. Laughing, Levi stepped back and took his son into the crook of his left arm. Together, they returned to the haus. The moment they entered, Levi closed his eyes and inhaled deeply.
“Mmm. Something smells gut, Lilah.” He sniffed again. “Apple pie?”
She grinned. He was like a kinder. “Jah. We have ice cream, too. And ham and bean soup with corn bread for dinner.”
He leaned down and kissed her again. “You take wunderbar care of us, Lilah Burkholder.”
She could say the same of him. Not only had he provided her with a roof over her head in a spectacular way, his love and faith in her had helped her to overcome her insecurities. No longer did she blame herself for Jacob’s death or the choices he had made. He had been a victim, but he had made those choices without consulting her.
After dinner, Levi helped her put Harrison to bed. They walked hand in hand back to the living room and looked out the large picture window together.
“I have something to tell you. I hope you won’t mind.” He kissed the top of her head.
She twisted her neck slightly to peer up at him. “What would I mind?”
She wasn’t worried. Not really. Levi had never let her down. She trusted his judgment.
“I was approached today by one of the Weaver brothers. He asked me if I’d be interested in being nominated for the vacant minister position.”
She sucked in a breath, shocked. It was indeed an honor to be nominated for such a position, but the role took an immense amount of time and energy, without any compensation. She pushed the worry away. If it was Gott’s will, that was all there was to it.
“What did you tell him?”<
br />
He shrugged, a smile playing around his lips. “I told him, danke, I appreciate the honor. And if he really feels strongly about it, I wouldn’t say no.”
“But?” she prompted.
He nodded. “But, if he wasn’t set on it, I would just as well forgo the honor. After all, I have a young family to care for.”
He put his left arm around her and drew her close, kissing her softly in the waning light. She placed a hand on his chest and looked up at him.
“Jah, you have a young family. And a rapidly growing one.”
He started to nod, then stopped, his dark eyes flaring wide-open. “Lilah?”
She placed a hand on her belly. “Harrison will have a brother or sister in about seven months.”
He pulled his arm from around her shoulder and placed his hand over hers. “A boppli.”
The wonder in his voice made her weepy. Knowing Levi, she had no doubt he’d react strongly with each new boppli. She hoped there would be many. She and Levi had talked about a big family. But she would be grateful for the children Gott provided, whether there were two or ten.
“Levi Burkholder, I love you so much,” she murmured, burrowing into his chest.
He hugged her tightly to him. “I love you, Lilah. You’ve taken a broken man and made him whole.”
She smiled. “We’ve both been changed, my love. Gott knew what He was doing when He had me hide in your barn that day.”
He laughed. “Jah. He knew I needed you in my life.”
He leaned down and kissed her again. Lilah wrapped her arms around her ehemann and held on tight to the man who had turned the sorrow in her heart into joy that knew no bounds.
* * *
Another boppli. Levi could barely wrap his head around the idea. He’d been overjoyed when Lilah had announced she was carrying their first child. It had been more than he’d dared to hope for. He’d not even been sure he could pray for kinder, not with his PTSD still affecting his life.
