The Darkness of Perfection

by Michael Schneider

  “You can sit with her, but I don’t want you disturbing her rest. If she wakes while I’m gone, call me immediately. Her stomach may be upset and she might need to vomit,” I explained, gesturing toward the small, lined garbage can beside the bed. “You can use that if I’m not back in time to take her to the bathroom.”

  As a kid, when I was learning the ins and outs of our ‘real’ business, I’d witnessed vomiting as a

  common side effect of the drugs in Jayden’s system. I’d only cuffed one wrist so she could easily turn over to the side if need be, unlike my usual immobilization technique. When I was fifteen, one girl suffocated on her own vomit and died before anyone thought to check on her. I wouldn’t allow anything like that to happen to Jayden.

  My mother came into the room to stand at the foot of my bed, pointing to the handcuff on Jayden’s wrist. “You could take that off so I can help her to the bathroom when she wakes up. She may need to relieve herself as well, and I’m sure she’d be more comfortable with a woman helping her. I also made a light soup she should be able to handle. I’ll have it brought up with something to drink. She’s going to be hungry. It’s been almost two days since she last ate.”

  “No,” I snapped sharply. My mother flinched in response to my sharp tone and her eyes darted back to me. “She stays cuffed until I return. A tray can be sent up when I get back. Call me on the intercom and I’ll come immediately. She needs to learn her place again, so until then everything she receives comes from my hand alone.”

  My mother looked at me and I saw that same flash of sorrow in her eyes before she dropped her head and nodded. “Of course, Nicholas. Don’t worry. I’ll take good care of her until your return,” she assured quietly.

  I walked to the door and turned back to see my mother sink into the chair beside the bed. She was brought into this life as a teen, unlike Jayden and her mother who were born into it, but she learned quickly and had never given my father a moment of trouble. She knew her place.

  Her only flaw, as I saw it, was the fanciful things she used to whisper to William and me when we were children. My father put a stop to her silly notions years ago, and my mother had been a perfect wife since and would be an excellent role model for Jayden to emulate.

  I didn’t understand that sorrowful look she kept giving me and the way she stared at Jayden now. She should be happy for me. I’d finally found her and brought her back home where she belonged. I remembered how fond she was of Jayden, and she knew how upset I was when Jayden’s mother stole her from me. She should be jumping for joy that I had her back and would soon be working on giving her grandchildren to dote over. It wasn’t like she was getting any from William and Grace.

  I shook my head in annoyance, shutting the door behind me. Women.

  “Nicholas, you have to take her back before she wakes up. Keep her sedated and you can still return her to her dorm none the wiser. She’ll think she dodged a bullet after having her drink spiked at that bar and making it home in one piece. A simple checkup at the campus clinic will confirm she wasn’t raped, and the whole ordeal will be nothing more than a bad memory and a lesson to be more careful in the future.”

  William was pacing the room, throwing out demands and grasping at straws, while my father and I listened. He kept shooting scowls and worried looks at Antonio, who stood silently in the corner by the door, his arms folded over his chest. He was brought into this meeting to confirm the staged accident wouldn’t be suspect. Antonio was William’s man and would be blamed if anything went wrong. I laughed at my brother’s rising agitation. He knew there was no going back, but for whatever reason, he was determined to find a way.

  “And what about her car? The one the cops pulled from the river yesterday. How does that get explained away? She jumped out before it went over the edge and walked back to campus in the rain with no memory of the events? Her parents have already been notified and I’m sure they’re on their way, if they haven’t arrived already.” I looked at him. “So tell me, how do you explain the accident?

  You can’t. I was very careful to put everything in place. If she were to show up in her dorm without a mark on her forty-eight hours later, with no memory of those missing days, then it would be suspicious. As it stands, no one suspects a thing.”

  I leaned back on the sofa and smirked. “You’re turning into an old woman, William. Maybe you shouldn’t be in charge any longer if you’re this upset. You know there were no flaws in the execution of my plan, and that just pisses you off, doesn’t it? Little brother is more than capable of handling the retrieval of his own property without any help from his big brother.”

  “Nicholas, that’s enough,” Father ordered. “Your brother is just overly cautious, which is an excellent trait for his side of the business.” He turned to William, who was conversing quietly with Antonio near the door, and waved his hand. “Antonio, if you’re certain everything was handled, you may go.”

  Father waited to continue until Antonio closed the door behind him. “William, sit down now. You’re giving me a headache with all of your pacing. You know as well as I do that Jayden cannot be returned. Moreover, I forbid it. She was given in payment for her father’s thievery and I gave her to your brother as a gift, so she belongs to Nicholas to do what he wills. He is the one who found her and brought her back. If he decides he no longer wants her, then other arrangements will be made. Either way, to the outside world she is presumed dead and will remain so. I’ll have no more discussion on the matter.”

  William leaned back in his chair, staring at the ceiling. He rubbed his face before blowing out a hard breath and looking at our father. He finally threw his hands up in the air, knowing his argument was defeated.

  “Fine. Whatever. I’m just worried about the family and the business. You put me in charge and gave me full rein to handle things as I see fit, then you encourage Nicholas, knowing his volatile temper and penchant for reckless behavior. He isn’t known for his self-control.”

  I ground my teeth in anger. As kids I may have had to put up with his shit because he was older and bigger, but I sure as hell didn’t have to put up with it now. Picking up my glass, I drained the last of its contents, slamming it back down on the side table.

  I stood up and pointed at William. “You got a problem with my actions then take it up with me directly. I merely took back what belongs to me. I didn’t endanger the family or our business in any way, so what exactly put that stick up your ass? I’d really like to know. I’m not a kid anymore, and I’m sick to death of you acting like I am. I’ve run H, O & E all by myself for the past few years. No one holds my hand when I’m dealing with the activists. I’m the one who pushed to invest in alternative energy resources, quite successfully I might add.” Now I was the one pacing. “I haven’t lost control or been ‘reckless’,” I said, making air quotes. “I haven’t lost my temper and shot any one of those bureaucrats, as much as I’d like to sometimes. So tell me, how exactly have I lost control of anything?”

  Instead of giving me the answer I demanded, he slapped his hands on his knees and stood again, striding to the door, clearly done with this meeting.

  Before he left, he turned to face me. “I just wish she’d been left alone. She’s going to be nothing but trouble, and you’re not going to be able to handle her. The training she had as a child is most certainly forgotten, and even then she was a child. The only thing she learned was to heel like a damn dog and stay out of trouble. There’s a big difference in molding a little girl versus controlling an eighteen-year-old, and you know it. She’s been away from this world for a long time and lived a very different life than the one you’ve just brought her back into. So stop being delusional that she’s just going to heel to you now.” His jaw flexed in anger and his eye twitched. “She’s not that same timid little mouse, Nicholas,” he said, his voice dropping as he stared at me, while his eyes reflected the stress he felt and some other emotion I couldn’t identify. “Why couldn’t you just leave her the hell alone?�
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  I returned his stare, crossing my arms over my chest, and stated somewhat smugly, “Simple, because she’s mine.”

  He shook his head, allowing me to briefly see the disgust in his eyes before slamming the door behind him.

  I continued to stare at the closed door, my fists clenching and unclenching with the desire to pound an answer out of him. I didn’t understand William’s attitude and it was really beginning to piss me off. I turned back when I heard my father’s deep chuckle.

  “Sit down, Nicholas.” I tried to calm myself as I sat down as he’d instructed. Still laughing, he said, “You and your brother are so much alike. Neither of you were ever willing to back down and admit defeat. That’s good in our business. It’s why you’re both so successful at running things.” He rocked back in his chair and took a long pull on his cigar before blowing the smoke back out. Then he picked up his bourbon and took a drink to chase the heat.

  I sat in the chair William had recently vacated and propped my ankle on my knee, bouncing in agitation, wanting to get back to Jayden before she woke up. I gestured at the cigar in his hand. “You know, the doctor told you no drinking and no more cigars. You’ve already had a heart attack and a triple bypass; you want another?”

  He brushed away my concern with a wave of his hand. “Damn quack is lucky I like him so much.

  Telling me I can’t have my cigars,” he stated, gruffly. “I’ll have you know your grandfather smoked at least two packs of cigarettes a day and had a whiskey every night, and was healthy as a horse until the day he died.”

  I shook my head. It was hard to argue with that fact. It was true. The man would probably still be alive except for the bullet that stopped his heart when we were kids. He was murdered by one of his closest men. My father walked in just as he pulled the trigger, but was too late to save him. He executed the traitor on the spot.

  “Maybe so, but still, you should at least cut back. You want to live long enough to see some grandkids running around, don’t you?”

  He stared thoughtfully at me through another haze of smoke as a grin slowly spread across his face.

  “Hmm … my grandchild,” he said, and then drained his glass, setting it down and leaning forward as he ground out his cigar, bobbing his head in excitement.

  “Son of bitch, you’re absolutely right. No more cigars. Send Jayden over to the training facility as soon as she wakes up.” He stood and walked to the window, his back to me. “The sooner they get started, the better. We need to be sure they take all the fight out of her before you get her pregnant. I want her previous life completely erased from her head. She’ll have no desire to ever run from us again. It’s going to be intense and could take a while, but it’ll be worth it. She’ll be molded to perfection as she was always meant to be.” He lowered his voice as he rubbed his jaw and I had to strain to hear the last comment. “She’ll be absolutely perfect.”

  This was the time to tell him my plans. “I’m not sending her to the facility. I’m going to train her myself,” I stated.

  He spun around to look at me. “You need to send her there. She needs this if you want her in the right frame of mind. You don’t want to risk her running away again, do you? You just got her back,” he reminded.

  “She didn’t run before. She was stolen.” I held up my hand to stop the argument I knew was coming.

  “I know that was different and she was a child, but I will train her. I saw plenty growing up and you taught me what to do. Jayden may have had twelve years to forget, but what we started is still buried inside of her and she just needs to be reminded. Once she remembers, I’ll build from there.”

  The buzz of the intercom on his desk phone interrupted us. “What?” he snapped. “You know better than to interrupt.”

  From the speaker came my mother’s soft voice. “I’m very sorry Richard, but Nicholas told me to let him know when Jayden woke. She-she isn’t feeling well and …” she paused, “and she needs the bathroom,” she explained.

  “I’ll be right there.” I stood as he ended the call.

  “Nicholas-“

  “Drop it. No one touches her but me.”

  A soft feminine voice penetrated the darkness along with the gentle hand that stroked my head. I couldn’t focus on the words being said, but the tone gave me a sense of warmth and security. The voice conjured an image of baking cookies with a woman with soft brown hair. I could almost smell them.

  “That’s right, Jayden, squeeze the handle and the cookie dough will come out of the scoop. This way the cookies are all the same size.”

  I looked up and smiled at the nice lady. “I’m-m-m d-ddoing good?” My hands were shaky when I tried to squeeze the ice cream scooper.

  “You’re doing a very good job, sweetie. I don’t know howI ever made cookies without you. You’re a wonderful helper and such a good girl. Everyone is going to love your cookies.” She put her hand on my head. “They’re even better than mine.”

  I put my head on her tummy and she kissed me on my head and put her fingers through my hair. It made me think of Momma.

  “Can I m-m-make a sp-sp-special cookie f-f-f-for my momma? Y-you could send it to her in the mail.

  You ddo-don’t have to t-tell her it’s f-f-from me,” I whispered sadly.

  I looked down, not wanting her to see the hurt in my eyes. Daddy Harrison told me Momma and Daddy didn’t want me anymore, that I was too ugly and too much trouble. He said my daddy took money to get rid of me. I was like a kitten from the pound that nobody wants and throws away. He said he only wanted me because of my pretty eyes like my momma has, but my stupid words made me ugly.

  “Shh, Jayden, it’s all right sweetheart.” She hugged me real tight.

  I was crying like a baby again. I just missed my momma and daddy and wanted to go home. It’d been a long, long time since I sawmy momma. I was bigger now and lost two teeth, and had another one that was loose. Nicky’s momma was teaching me to read and spell and I could even add numbers. My birthday was coming up soon and I knewwhat I was going to wish for. I only wanted my momma and daddy to love me and want me again.

  I dropped the scoop and hugged her back. There was a hurting inside me. Why couldn’t I say my words better? I used to say words real good. Momma loved me then. Now I was stupid and ugly. Nobody would ever want me except Nicky. I tried really hard to be good so Nicky wouldn’t drown me like an ugly kitten like his daddy said. Nicky said he was my friend and he promised he’d always keep me and not throwme away.

  She kissed both my wet cheeks. Her eyes were always soft and kind like my momma’s, but not the same.

  She leaned in to whisper in my ear for one of our special talks. We had lots of special talks when no one was around to catch us. She said special talks were secrets just for girls and I couldn’t tell even Nicky about them. She always told me my words weren’t stupid, just scared, and that I was going to growup and be just as beautiful as my momma.

  “Jayden, your momma would love to have a cookie from you. Your momma loves you and misses you so much. Don’t ever doubt that,” she whispered. “I love you, too, so much, you sweet, beautiful girl. I always wanted a little girl just like you to love. I don’t knowhowor when, but I promise we’ll find a way for you to see your momma.” She kissed my cheeks again and gave me another big hug. “Nowwipe those tears and let’s finish these cookies so we can read a story before starting supper for the boys.”

  I rubbed my nose with the hem of my apron that was just like hers and tried to smile like a big girl.

  “Can we read about the tree and the little boy again?”

  I struggled to climb out of the darkness I was trapped in. I finally opened my eyes and blinked to try and focus in the dim light. I licked my dry lips as I studied my surroundings in confusion; I wasn’t at home or in my dorm room. My dorm was white and my bedroom at home was a buttery yellow. This room was large, stark, and cold. A couple of pieces of modern art hung on the tan walls providing the only color, and a dresser set
against the far wall was stained a dark lacquer with black iron pulls. A matching desk and black leather chair sat in front of large windows covered by black and tan drapes.

  The drawn curtains hid what lay beyond.

  As I shifted on the bed I felt an ache in my right shoulder, making me aware that my arm was numb and stretched above my head. The sound of metal scraping against metal as I flexed my fingers startled me, and I turned to find the cause, shocked when I saw my wrist encircled in a metal handcuff attached to the iron headboard. I tugged uselessly and cried as my memory came rushing back: the creepy guy in the club, seeing the man from our summer cruise, getting sick at the club, and then nothingness. A pair of cold blue eyes flooded my mind, bringing all the pieces together: Nicky.

  “No. No. No,” I wailed in denial. I looked around the room quickly to see I was alone. I heard water running from beyond the bathroom door and knew I had only seconds to escape, however hopeless it appeared to be. I rolled over and rose up on my knees for leverage, groaning as my stomach twisted in pain. I swallowed the bile that rose in my throat and began jerking and tugging at the cuff and headboard. “Please God, help me. I can’t be here,” I cried urgently.

  The bathroom door opened behind me and I screamed, quickly turning to press my back against the headboard, instinct kicking in to protect myself from being attacked from behind.

  Instead of Nicholas, though, it was the woman in my dream. She was older than in my memory, her hair a little shorter, and fine lines surrounded her eyes, but I still saw the same gentle woman who used to read and sing to me. Her eyes were filled with so much sorrow as she looked at me. She walked forward cautiously like she was approaching a wild animal, her hands held out showing me the cup of water and damp washcloth in her hands.