The Darkness of Perfection

by Michael Schneider

  “Jayden, you will look at me when you speak to me. Now try again,” he snapped.

  “I said I understand perfectly,” I gritted. I was scared and frustrated, and losing my mind. He kept me off balance and I never knew what to expect. The rage finally got the better of me and I couldn’t have stopped the word vomit if I tried. “I’m supposed to look at you and bow down to you like royalty and kiss your ass and thank you for gracing me with your presence after leaving me trapped in this damn room all freaking day until I’m ready to rip my hair out.” I wasn’t sure how my outburst would be received, but the humor I saw dancing in his eyes was the last thing I expected.

  “So, my kitten still has her claws after all. You’re kind of cute when you hiss and your fur stands on end, you know that?” he chuckled and eyed me speculatively while never releasing my chin. “So what should I do to sheath those little claws of yours? Hmm? Would my little kitten like to go outside?”

  I bristled when he referred to me as an animal once again, but the thought of going outside stopped me from saying anything else stupid. At this point, I’d do just about anything to get out of this room. I searched his eyes, hoping that it was an honest offer, and slowly nodded. “Really? You’ll let me out?”

  I asked timidly. The very thought of breathing in fresh air was so thrilling I was practically jumping out of my skin, but I was afraid to get my hopes up. Then I reminded myself that he’d never lied to me before.

  That thought hit me like a bucket of ice water. In a sick, twisted way, I trusted him. He had kept every single promise he’d made. He was my kidnapper, my jailer, my owner, and yet he’d earned my trust.

  Is this how being brainwashed began?

  A cold chill ran down my spine.

  He’d had his hand on my hip, and now he slowly slid it around to my lower back, pulling me closer to him until we were almost touching. The grin on his face turned decidedly wicked. “Yes, but what will you give me in return for that privilege?”

  My eyes widened and I swallowed hard against the fear that quickly rose in my throat, shaking my head in denial. I had always known this moment was coming, when he would demand sex, and now that it was here I was terrified. If I said no, would he hurt me more? “Please don’t do this,” I pleaded, my eyes welling with tears as my chin trembled in his hand.

  He held me closer, comforting me as he leaned down, placing a kiss on my forehead. “Shh. Calm down, Jayden,” he whispered soothingly against my hair. “Although the idea has merit and I would love nothing more than to make love to you, I’m a patient man and I can wait. I know you’re not ready for that yet.” He looked at me, brushing my hair away from my face and cupping the back of my neck.

  “No, my scared little kitten. All I want is a kiss. One kiss and I’ll take you for a walk before dinner.

  And if you’re a good girl, I’ll even consider eating out on the deck tonight.” He tapped my nose playfully. “But only if you’re good.”

  I was so relieved I was safe for another day that I nodded my agreement without hesitation. “I’ll be good. I promise,” I assured him, and rose up on my toes to kiss his cheek quickly, only to find myself trapped firmly in his arms.

  “I’m not your father, Jayden, nor am I the boy you call your brother. I want a real kiss from you,” he demanded harshly, the playful tenor of his voice gone. “Or you’ll stay in here another month before I offer again.”

  I heard the unwavering certainty in his voice. He wouldn’t budge on this. I was already lonely; another month would turn me into a basket case. Who knew if he would still be content with a kiss for payment then?

  “Decide now. The offer expires in sixty seconds,” he warned.

  I wanted so badly to slap the confident smirk off his face, and he knew it. With his looks and family’s obvious wealth, he could have any girl he wanted without resorting to kidnapping or all the threats. I wished I could understand why he was so insistent on keeping me.

  “Why?” I begged, searching for answers he refused to give. “Why are you doing this to me?” His only response was to show me his watch. “Tick. Tock. Eighteen seconds.”

  I pushed down the fear and revulsion, keeping my eyes closed so I wouldn’t have to see the certain victory written all over his face as I placed my hands on his shoulders for leverage and rose up once again on my toes to reach his lips. He tightened his arms, drawing me snug against his body so I could feel the solid muscles in his chest and abdomen. The first touch of his lips was a shock. I opened my eyes quickly and saw his were only partially closed, watching me. I had expected to see smug victory in his expression, but instead there was an unexpected tenderness that seemed to thaw a little of the cold ice so prevalent in his blue eyes.

  As his tongue parted my lips, I expected the kiss to be hard, bruising, designed to crush me. Instead, it was gentle and nonthreatening. There was no demand in the kiss, and I allowed the tension to ease in my spine as I began to relax. As he coaxed me to respond, I felt something stir inside of me for just a moment before he pulled away. He studied my face for another moment, and then pressed a kiss to each of my eyelids, causing them to flutter.

  “Now that wasn’t so terrible, was it?” he smiled.

  “No,” I answered honestly as he finally released me, leaving me standing in the middle of the room as he went into the walk-in closet, emerging a moment later carrying a mauve sweater for me. He held it out for me to slip my arms into, and settled it on my shoulders.

  Standing on the balcony, breathing in the cool evening air as I waited for Nicholas to finish giving instructions to the man who guarded the door to our small deck, my mind drifted back to the kiss and my fingers trembled as they automatically went to my lips. The kiss had only lasted a moment. If it had been done willingly, I would have thought it was a sweet first kiss. The fact that he had been gentle terrified me even more than if he had crushed me.

  I rubbed my arms, feeling the soft material against my skin, recognizing that the chill in my bones had nothing to do with the air outside.

  Jayden stood only a few feet away, rubbing her arms against the slight chill in the air, so I kept my instructions to Manuel brief. I handed him the iPad and said, “Monitor for anything out of the ordinary and check in with me. I’m going to drive over to the house and then we’re coming straight back for dinner with the family. It’ll be the first time I can really test it and I want to be sure it works the way it should.”

  “Yes, Sir,” he replied. He glanced up from the iPad in his hands to look where Jayden was standing and back down again, letting out a low whistle. “Damn, what will they think of next?”

  I clapped him on the back in agreement and turned away to go to Jayden. Approaching her from behind, I couldn’t resist wrapping my arms around her. She startled and stiffened in my arms as I pulled her against my chest. I chuckled, her determination amusing me, and bent down to place a warm kiss behind her ear. Her swift intake of breath pleased me as I continued sucking gently on her skin and trailing more kisses down her neck until the collar of her sweater got in the way and prevented me from going any further.

  “I have a surprise I want to show you.” I murmured against her ear. “We’re going to take a little drive.

  Would you like that?”

  She turned her head, searching my eyes, and I wondered if she knew just how easy she was to read.

  Probably not, but I loved how much easier it made knowing what was going on inside her head, since it wasn’t like I could actually read her mind.

  “A piece of advice, Jayden.” I grinned. “Never play poker. Those beautiful eyes of yours are the window to your soul and show me every thought behind them.” I turned her in my arms to face me as I narrowed my eyes in warning. “Do I need to remind you of your promise or the consequences if you break that promise? We’re not actually leaving the property, but it’s too far on foot if we’re going to be back in time for dinner. Now, should I take you back inside or are you going to be good?”

 
She started to nod her head, but stopped when I raised my eyebrow at her. When she licked her lips, it caused me to stifle a groan as I was reminded of the brief kiss we’d just shared. It was so damn hard waiting for her to come around, holding her every night and knowing how good it would be between us when we finally made love, but I couldn’t push too fast or too hard.

  I could always threaten or force her - there were drugs to make her pliable and willing - but I refused to resort to those methods. No one would ever be able to accuse me of having raped Jayden the first time we made love, including Jayden. She would be willing and fully aware when she finally gave in.

  In the meantime, there would be a lot of cold showers in my near future.

  “How do you answer me, Jayden?” I reprimanded. “Have you forgotten the rules already with just the few minutes of freedom you’ve been allowed? Perhaps it’s too soon and you need more time alone to help you remember.”

  Her beautiful eyes darkened and welled with tears, making me feel that gnawing guilt. I hated seeing her so miserable. I wanted her smile and the sound of her laughter.

  “Please, Nicholas. I’ll be good, I promise,” she pleaded. Her hands stretched around my waist hugging me, while her cheek rested against my chest as she tried to placate me. “I want to stay outside.”

  Feeling her holding me dissolved my irritation and I wrapped my arms more securely around her waist. I couldn’t resist chuckling at the fact that this one small girl had me wrapped around her finger just as she had when she was five years old. I could envision years of doting on her and giving her anything her heart desired just to see her beautiful smile and make her happy. Within reason, I quickly amended.

  “Kiss me and I’ll reconsider,” I grinned, knowing full well I was taking advantage, but I didn’t care.

  Until she capitulated and accepted me, I would take what I could get.

  She watched my face carefully as she hesitantly rose up on her toes. Before her lips reached their goal she pulled back. “Do you promise you won’t make me go back inside?” she dared, questioning me.

  “Have I ever lied to you?” I demanded in return, my tone indicating the seriousness of my declaration.

  I was always honest in my dealings with Jayden. Just because I didn’t offer up everything didn’t mean I lied. Some things she was better off not knowing and besides, I consoled myself, she hadn’t asked.

  “No,” she begrudgingly acknowledged. Her breasts brushed against my chest as she took a breath, steeling herself to comply.

  She kissed me hesitantly, watching me cautiously for my response. I could see the uncertainty in her gaze, not knowing if she could break her kiss yet and pull away to relative safety, though you couldn’t call it a kiss, really. She just stood there with her lips pressed against mine, her jaw locked so tight I’d be surprised if she didn’t crack a tooth from the pressure. I took the decision from her, seeing her silent plea for understanding and closed my eyes to savor her.

  I kept one arm wrapped around her waist while I cupped her face, stroking her cheek with my thumb, applying gentle pressure to coax her mouth open. I could feel the trembling in her jaw as her mouth opened just the slightest bit under my steady pressure. I would win this battle with her.

  I spread my hand over her lower back, molding her snug against my body, enjoying the feel of her jeanencased legs and her breasts pressed against my chest. I rubbed her back in an attempt to relieve the tension in her spine. Eventually I felt the sweet taste of triumph when her lips finally parted.

  I kept a tight rein on my passion, knowing unleashing it this soon would terrify Jayden and destroy the fragile trust she had in me. I savored the warm, moist cavern of her mouth, rewarded for just a moment when she responded by kissing me back, before she retreated again. A groan of sheer pleasure vibrated in my chest and I fought the urge to crush her in my arms and devour her.

  I gave myself another moment before ever so slowly raising my head to gaze at her upturned face. She finally opened her eyes, dazed for only a brief second before her expression again reflected the ever-present worry and fear as she remembered where she was.

  I had gotten a positive response from her, however brief, and that was all that mattered. I knew it wasn’t from an actual desire to kiss me in return. It was too soon for that, but it was proof that she would respond on her own with enough time and as familiarity grew between us. Soon, I was positive, she would accept me fully.

  Hoping to ease her conflicting emotions, I gave her a reassuring smile. “My sweet, beautiful girl,” I murmured, stroking her flushed cheek. “No more tears tonight. I want to see you smile. You’ll be happy in the life I’m building for us if you allow yourself to let go of the past. I only want to take care of you, Jayden,” I professed, letting her know how much she meant to me.

  She stared back at me, her eyes so wide and full of fear. I sighed, lowering my forehead to rest against hers and resigned myself to what I already knew. It was going to take time for her to forget the past and accept our life as it was meant to be, but this was the course I set for myself and I was determined to see it through.

  Stepping back, I clasped her hand. “Come on. I want to show you your surprise.” I needed to shift her attention so she wouldn’t dwell too much on her emotions from our kiss. She needed to take each step forward and not overthink her reactions, but accept them as a natural response to our connection.

  I ushered her down the stairs and across the patio to where the open jeep was parked in the drive that connected our homes. I helped her climb in and then went around to slide into the driver’s seat and start the engine.

  As I shifted into first, a thought occurred to me. “Can you drive a stick?”

  She had been looking around, probably to get her bearings. My seemingly random comment brought her attention back to me.

  “If I have to.” She stared at me in confusion. “Do I?”

  I gripped the steering wheel tighter in frustration and swore under my breath. “No, you don’t.”

  It was just another problem to contend with. The vehicles we used for every day were always parked in the garage, the keys either on our person or secured. However, we also owned several farm vehicles, all stick shifts, for use around the property. Our workers used them to tend to the cattle or fields. Since different people used these vehicles, the keys were kept more easily accessible. It hadn’t been a problem since my mother and Grace didn’t know how to drive at all.

  We drove in silence for the ten minutes it took to reach our destination. Jayden watched the scenery and I watched Jayden out of the corner of my eye. I knew her seemingly casual perusal of the landscape was to hide her attempt at finding a way to escape or seek help. She could see now there was none.

  Driving through the unfinished entrance to our parcel of land caught Jayden’s attention, and she turned to me with the unspoken question in her eyes. I grasped her hand from her lap and brought it up to my lips. Her attention was so focused on my actions, she failed to notice when the house came into view, so I pointed out the front window.

  She turned and stared at the house, her gaze sweeping over the cut limestone and cedar exterior, the front porch and upstairs balcony that spanned almost the entire length of the house, and the large screened-in porch to the right of the house that came off the kitchen and the four-car garage to the left.

  The grounds were left bare for now. Jayden would have the final say as to what she wanted done for the landscaping or if she wanted to plant it herself like my mother had.

  A proud smile spread across my face seeing the twostory home I had built for us and our future. It was over five thousand square feet and offered every amenity. I had spared no expense for Jayden’s comfort and security. This was where we would live and raise our family. Where we would love and grow old together. And where Jayden would never leave from again.

  “Welcome home, Jayden.”

  The crisp, cool air filled my lungs while I hugged my sweater tighter around me. I d
idn’t know if I was fighting off the wind that whipped around me in the open vehicle or the cold fear in the pit of my stomach when I thought about that kiss. I didn’t know what happened back there. It was only a split second, but I responded. I know I did. What I didn’t know was, why?

  Looking at Nicholas, furtively from the corner of my eye, I tried to analyze and make sense of my actions. His light brown hair was tousled from the wind, the denim jacket he wore hid his muscular chest and back, and I knew the muscles in his arms, resting casually on the gearshift and steering wheel, would ripple when he shifted gears or turned the wheel, causing the sleeves of his t-shirt to strain in protest. Even though the strength in those arms kept me a prisoner, they also held me gently at night when I cried.

  He turned his icy blue eyes on me on several occasions, which in turn made my eyes dart away.

  Watching him, I had to admit Nicholas was very handsome. Maybe that’s why I responded? It was a purely physical attraction, nothing more.

  I could live with that reason. I couldn’t live with anything else. Any other reason scared the hell out of me that he was actually winning. I couldn’t let him win, but if he continued to keep me completely isolated I was afraid it was a very real possibility. I was used to affection and being surrounded by my family and friends. Now the only one I had was Nicholas and it scared me. Not because he withheld that affection, but because he gave it freely and it was all I had now. How long before my resistance crumbled and I returned that affection out of desperation just to feel connected to another human being? When that happened I would be truly lost to the darkness my life had become.