As we drove further from the house, I saw just how isolated we were. There was nothing but grass and trees; barns and several outbuildings that resembled military barracks were the only other buildings around us. The only signs of life came from the horses and cattle I saw grazing beyond the barbed wire fence that lined the road we were on. As the road curved I noticed another house in the distance and wondered if I was able to escape Nicholas whether I could ask the owners for help in contacting my parents and the police.
“That’s my brother’s house. You remember William, don’t you?”
Nicholas’s voice cut through the silence. He pointed to the house I’d just envisioned helping with my rescue, and my heart sank. I did vaguely remember William. He was older than Nicholas and didn’t spend a lot of time at the house, if I remembered correctly, preferring to spend his time shadowing their father. He wasn’t ever mean to me exactly, but he didn’t go out of his way to be nice either.
Mostly, I was beneath his notice. I imagined he grew up to be just as cold and heartless as Nicholas and their father. There wouldn’t be any help coming from his direction.
The fields gave way to a more heavily wooded area filled with tall pines, broad bushy cedars and massive old oak trees. A tall black iron fence divided the land in front of us. Nicholas continued on through the entrance and I wondered how much farther we were going to this surprise he had planned.
I turned my attention to Nicholas when he clasped my hand in his and raised it to his lips, pressing a soft kiss on the back of my hand. His lips were cool from the evening air against my skin and I couldn’t prevent the slight tingling sensation I felt at the touch. Before I could think about it any further, he grinned and pointed, drawing my attention away from him and to what was in front of us.
I wasn’t even aware of Nicholas taking my hand and pulling me out of the jeep. My focus was on the house mansion really. There were no other words to describe the structure in front of us. It was huge.
What surprised me, though, was that in spite of its massive size, it wasn’t intimidating. Its white stone and rough wood exterior made it feel casual, almost homey. There was still construction debris lying in a pile on the bare ground, but I could picture how it would look with grass and the right plants and flowers. The only other thing missing was stained benches or a swing to sit outside and enjoy the view.
As I envisioned what was missing, Nicholas’s words finally penetrated my brain and settled like a stone in my stomach. He had called it home. Turning to stare at him, I saw the truth of what he was saying. This wasn’t just a house. It was his home. Our home. He had built it for us, for the life he talked about at night. Those whispered words had created the dreams I’d had on several occasions.
I turned away and saw the house with new eyes. Sweeping over the exterior, I zeroed in on the first camera I saw tucked into the eaves. As I continued along the roofline I noted several more cameras watching me. Suddenly the tall fence we passed through made perfect sense and in one moment it had gone from being a place of shelter to being a prison.
His arms slid around my waist, hugging me against his firm chest. I felt his warm breath against my cheek and stood numbly with my arms at my sides. I curled my fingers tightly; my nails dug into my palms and I closed my eyes to hide from him and the sight before me.
“I started building it over a year ago. I guess I just knew instinctively it was time, that I was going to find you soon and I would need it to be ready to welcome you home. I did the final walk-through this afternoon.” He pointed to the debris in front of us. “That will all be gone before the furniture arrives and we will move in by Monday at the latest.”
“Are you ready to see the inside?” he asked. His voice held a note of expectancy.
I couldn’t open my mouth to offer any response. My stomach churned and I clenched my teeth to stop them from chattering as anguish threatened to overwhelm me. This house destroyed all my hope for rescue or escape and made everything final. It wasn’t a dream I could hold off any longer. It was real and he was leading me down the path to my destruction.
Fortunately, he didn’t seem to expect a verbal response from me, accepting the jerky movement of my head as an affirmative. He led me across the porch and through the front door, ignoring the reluctant dragging of my feet.
Inside was just as beautiful as the outside and under different circumstances I would have loved it.
The ceilings were open all the way to the roof, only separated by stained beams that divided the open air. The double staircase in front of us was the only division between the living space around us.
Marble and wood floors defined the space. The smell of fresh paint and wood filled my senses.
Funny, but I never imagined hell would smell of paint and cedar. But then again, I never pictured Satan would be handsome, either. I guess evil is always easier to believe when it’s ugly; being attractive made it that much more insidious.
Our footsteps echoed throughout the house as he led from room to room describing the furniture he’d ordered to fill them. The kitchen was any woman’s dream with its commercial stove and refrigerator, smooth granite countertops and cherry wood cabinets, and I couldn’t stop the imagery that flashed in my mind of one year flowing into another cooking in that space until the day I died.
I closed my eyes to block out the sight, wishing I could erase it in my head as well.
“Once we’ve settled in, if you don’t like the furniture it can be changed. You’ll just need to tell me what you want,” he was explaining.
We climbed the stairs to the second level, entering an empty bedroom and he released my hand. I took advantage of the freedom he offered and walked to the window seat to put distance between us and stare out the window. I was disappointed to see nothing that could help me escape, though I didn’t know why I should be surprised. Obviously Nicholas had put a lot of thought into my kidnapping.
“The bedrooms are on this floor. I only ordered furniture for our room for now since we won’t be needing the other rooms for a while yet.”
I turned to him in confusion. My brain was evidently so overwhelmed that I didn’t grasp his meaning.
“Why not?” I couldn’t prevent myself from asking.
Instead of answering immediately, his demeanor shifted, a wolfish grin spread across his face and he seemed more predatory as he crossed the room and joined me in front of the window. Stopping in front of me, he leaned in close and placed his hand low on my stomach, pressing lightly. “The other bedrooms are for our children, Jayden,” he explained, slowly. I felt his lips brush against my neck, making me shiver, as his voice took on a husky quality. “Even if we started tonight, it would be a few months before we need to start furnishing a nursery.”
“Oh God, please don’t,” I cried. I feared the worst was about to happen and pushed his hand away, backing away from him until he reached for me and grabbed my wrist to bring my retreat to a halt.
He jerked me forward, causing me to stumble into his chest and held me against him. His expression darkened, glaring at me. “Stop that,” he snarled. “I’m not gonna hurt you! I won’t say it again.”
No matter how many times he said it, I wouldn’t believe it. At some point he’d get fed up waiting on me to be willing and force me. He might be honest about his intentions, but what if he got angry or impatient? It’s not like I could stop him if he tried. I was at his mercy.
He loomed over me; his expression filled with anger. “If I wanted to force you beneath me in my bed, I would,” he snarled. His grasp tightened painfully around my wrist, causing me to wince. “I could rape you by force or by drugs. I could threaten you to make you spread your legs for me and we both know there isn’t a damn thing you could do to stop me.”
I cowered in terror at his icy glare and the truth of his words, and twisted my wrist in a vain attempt to get away from him. My vision blurred with the tears that filled them. I flinched as his free hand cupped my face, waiting for him to s
trike. His fierce gaze slowly softened and I would swear I saw remorse in his eyes when he looked at me.
“If I was going to force you, I would have done it already,” he said again. This time his tone was calmer when he spoke. He used his thumb to wipe away the tears that spilled down my cheek and pressed his lips against my eyes, causing them to close in response. “I want you to accept me willingly. You’ve always belonged to me, Jayden. From the moment you were born, you were mine.
Do you remember when I used to come to your house with my dad? You always wanted me to play with you and I did. When you finally came to live with me, I took care of you. You colored your pictures while I did homework. I always took care of you when you had nightmares, so no one would know and you wouldn’t get in trouble for wetting the bed.”
His softly spoken words were punctuated with chaste kisses pressed against my eyes and the corners of my mouth and I found myself tilting my face upward, recalling those times he spoke of. Nicholas had always been kind to me before; punishing me at his father’s insistence had upset him almost as much as it terrified me. A slight whimper escaped my lips, recognizing my action for what it was. I was seeking that old comfort and reassurance from my Nicky and a part of me wished he was still inside of the man in front me now. At my surrender, he released my wrist, pressing my hand against his chest where my other lay as well. He wrapped his arms around me, sheltering me now instead of threatening.
“That’s all I want, Jayden, is to take care of you. You’re the most important thing in my life. Just let everything else go and let me take care of you like before,” he murmured against my ear. “Can you do that for me?”
My brain was a fog, wrapped up in cotton so that clear thought couldn’t get through and the warning bells were muffled in my head. I was so wrapped up in the tenderness he was showing me and my memories of a young Nicky who I had thought was my friend at the time, that I opened my mouth to give an affirmative answer, before I could stop myself.
“Ye-” I quickly snapped my jaw shut, my eyes opening in horror at my actions. I realized my fingers were curled, clutching at the front of his shirt. I spread my fingers wide, releasing him and pushed against his chest. I needed to break the hold he had on me, both physically and psychologically.
“No!”
I tried to sound firm in my denial, but that one syllable sounded shaky and unconvincing even in my ears and seeing the confident look in his eyes I knew he heard it, too. He let me back away, putting space between us and I recognized what he was doing again.
Weeks of fear and anger bubbled to the surface before I could stop it. Being here, in this house, facing the future he envisioned for us, the thought of bringing children into this nightmare was my undoing. I thought about my mom and finally fully understood the very real risk she took stealing me from Nicholas. I couldn’t help but wonder if one day I’d be in the same position, stealing my child from a monster to give her or him a chance at a real life.
I clenched my fists in my hair, pulling at the roots, and let go with a bloodcurdling scream. I dropped to my knees when they buckled under me, sobbing.
“No! No! No!” I screamed. “I won’t fall for it! I won’t! You’re screwing with my head and trying to make me think you actually care about me!” I looked up at him with tears streaming down my face.
He seemed stunned by my actions, surprise written on his face. “You don’t care. You never did. I’m nothing but a pet to you. Your kitten!” I sneered. “You may as well rape me, because I’ll never give in. I’ll fight you until the day I die. I swear to God, I will! Do your worst, you bastard! You aren’t my Nicky and you never will be. You’re just a cold-hearted monster who likes to prey on women and I’ll hate you forever.”
My chin dropped to my chest, utterly defeated and completely wiped out from the emotional tidal wave I was on. I knew the consequences I faced now. In releasing the pressure valve on the emotions bottled up inside of me, I was practically begging Nicholas to rape me or lock me in that cage until I rotted, or both, and like he said, there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to stop him.
There wouldn’t be a reprieve this time and I knew it, but I really couldn’t find it in me to care. Let him do his worst. It was nothing more than I expected of him.
Silence filled the room as the minutes ticked by, so that when he finally spoke the sound of his voice startled me.
“Forever is a long time, Jayden. It’s time to head back for dinner.”
I looked up swiftly, stunned by his quiet words. I expected anger, or if I was lucky, guilt, but there was neither. His face was a blank mask and there was no expression in his eyes or tone of voice to give me a clue what he was thinking.
He walked over to me and held out his hand to help me up from the floor. I watched for any change, giving me some indication that he was going to hurt me, so I could prepare to fight, but there was nothing. Just that same cold stare, but I sensed that somehow my words had pricked him, at least a little.
I debated the wisdom of taking his proffered hand and watched him warily for any immediate threat in his eyes. When I couldn’t find any, I tentatively reached for him. His fingers closed around my hand firmly and he helped me rise to my feet.
We stood facing each other, neither one speaking, though some silent understanding seemed to pass
between us; an acceptance to disagree, if you will. He would continue holding me prisoner and I would continue to fight him.
And for whatever reason, he would let me.
“Are you going to punish me?” My voice trembled as I swallowed against the lump in my throat, trying to sound calm and unafraid, but failing miserably. I wouldn’t believe that whatever passed between us in the last few minutes would cancel out the threats hanging over my head.
His eyes gave nothing away of what he was thinking while he stared at me. He finally offered a smirk in answer, and I found no comfort in it. Did that mean he was or he wasn’t?
“I already told you we’re going to dinner, Jayden. My brother has an announcement to make and I told him we would be there.”
His calmness in the face of everything I’d said and done in the past fifteen minutes grated on my nerves and set my teeth on edge. I couldn’t prepare or defend myself if I couldn’t see the attack coming. “Are you-?”
“Do you really want to push me right now?” His voice deepened and I finally heard the underlying anger he was fighting to control. “If you’re insistent, then I’ll be more than happy to oblige you.” His grip tightened slightly on my hand, still in his grasp. “If not, then I advise you to shut your mouth now and don’t say anything else this evening to piss me off.”
I swallowed hard and took a breath to calm my heart beating wildly in my chest. “I’m sorry,” I offered. I sunk in on myself, wanting to give every indication of being nothing more than a doormat to hopefully calm him before I pushed too far.
He shook his head at me and I opened my eyes wide at his sudden bark of laughter. “I’m not fooled one bit, Jayden, but go ahead and stage your little battles because I have every confidence that I will win the war. Just know that every battle you lose makes my victories all the more sweet.” He pulled me to him and leaned down to whisper in my ear. “And make no mistake, Jayden. I will win. We are inevitable and I’ll prove it to you.”
He stepped back and tucked the hand still in his grasp into the crook of his arm and pulled me from the room and back down the stairs, locking the house up behind us. He handed me into the jeep and drove back the way we came, leaving me in silence to chew on his words.
I tried to settle the butterflies in my stomach those last words had created, but to no avail. Saying we were inevitable I could convince myself was only his twisted belief and nothing more, but saying he would prove it to me filled me with apprehension. How could he prove something like that? If I didn’t give in then how could he make me believe it? If anything, that threat just put me more on guard against his games.
The sudden silence of
the engine startled me. I had been so caught up in my internal musings that I hadn’t noticed we were back. He helped me out of the jeep and toward the house. There were guards pacing around the property or standing sentry by the door, each carrying automatic rifles and holding
the leash of another vicious dog. One of the dogs growled and lunged against the restraint of his leash, his lips curled back displaying his deadly teeth at me when we stepped onto the patio, causing me to cry out involuntarily and clutch at Nicholas’s jacket.
“Keep that damn dog back, you fool!” Nicholas snapped at the guard. He pulled me to walk on the other side of him away from the dog when I shuddered. He kissed the top of my head, “Shh, you’re fine, Jayden. There’s no reason for you to worry about the dogs unless you try to run.”
His words were an unnecessary reminder of what those dogs were capable of. When I was a child I tried to run away once. Once was all it took to convince me then and now that running was futile. I had been cornered in a barn by two of those dogs and the only thing that kept them from tearing me apart was the fact that they were held firmly on their leashes. As part of my punishment and to teach me a valuable lesson, Nicholas’s father had ordered a man to run at gunpoint and then turned those same two dogs loose to chase him down. He didn’t survive the attack.
His attention was drawn to the door opening and I looked up to see the monster from my nightmares.
Richard Harrison. He had been larger than life, a veritable giant to a terrified five-year-old. His cold, heartless eyes had haunted me in the dark long after my mother and I escaped. Seeing him now, with the distance of twelve years, was still a shock to my system. The years had not been kind. His face was heavily lined and his hair was salt and pepper. He was still a large man, but the imposing stature he possessed before seemed diminished, weaker somehow.
The Darkness of Perfection Page 13
