The Darkness of Perfection

by Michael Schneider

  The momentum of his punch broke William’s hold on my arms and caused me to lose my balance. I fell to the rock floor of the porch, my hands scraping the rough surface of the rock.

  “You stay the hell away from my wife! What the fuck is your problem? I’ve never laid a finger on Grace and yet you attack Jayden! No one touches Jayden! You bastard! No one hurts her!”

  I backed away in horror at the violence that gripped Nicholas as he continued raining blows on his brother. William fought back, but only to block the worst of his punches. He didn’t attack his brother in return. He knew his actions toward me had gone too far.

  Antonio helped me to my feet and pulled me back to relative safety, then waded in to break up their fight, earning a few punches from Nicholas himself as he fought against him.

  “You’re scaring your wife!”

  Antonio said the only thing that would possibly stop Nicholas’s assault on his brother. Nicholas hit William one more time before pushing himself up off the ground and rushing over to me.

  I cringed on instinct when he reached for me, then fell into his arms sobbing and clung to him tightly.

  Seeing the violence he was capable of terrified me, but I understood now, beyond a shadow of a doubt, he’d never hurt me. Nicholas had always been and would always be my protector.

  “Are you hurt?” he asked worriedly. “What did he do to you?” His hands brushed over me looking for injuries. He snarled seeing the imprint of William’s fingers still on my forearms. He lifted my hands and pressed his lips to my scraped and bloodied palms. He finally cupped my face in his palms, raising my face to his and kissed me repeatedly, mumbling apologies between each one. “I’m sorry.

  I’m sorry. I can’t believe William would do this to you. I’m so sorry I wasn’t here to protect you. I swear it’ll never happen again.”

  “She never looked for me,” I sobbed brokenly. He rose up studying my face in confusion so I explained what William had done. “My family didn’t look for me because they think I’m dead. He told me-”

  He wrapped his arms protectively around me and turned to growl at William. “You son of a bitch! I’m trying to undo it but you just couldn’t leave it alone could you? Did it ever occur to you I didn’t tell her because I didn’t want her to know? I swear to God, I’ll kill you for this William.”

  I stared at Nicholas in confusion and turned to look at William. He was leaning painfully against Antonio, brushing dirt off his jeans. He was bleeding from his nose and lip and one eye was already swelling. He spat blood on the ground.

  “You should have thought of that before you faked her death, Nicholas,” he snapped.

  His words penetrated my brain. Even with everything Nicholas had done to me I believed he cared about me. That he wouldn’t really hurt me. I shook my head in denial. It was all a lie. Nothing was real. Everything was just another way to manipulate me.

  I stared in horror at Nicholas and no longer saw any trace of the boy who was my friend. I didn’t see the man who was my husband, either. I didn’t see the man who let me throw a cherry at his face and laughed about it. I didn’t see the man who promised to give our children the world. I didn’t see the man who crawled around on the ground grumbling, helping me plant the bulbs that would bloom this spring along the sidewalk. I didn’t see the man who listened to my ideas for our home and never said ‘no’. I didn’t see the man who made love to me at night taking my body to heights I never dreamed possible. And I didn’t see the father of my unborn baby.

  All I saw was the monster that lived in my nightmares standing before me.

  “Tell me it’s not true.” My voice shook with the depth of my emotion. “Tell me you didn’t.”

  His eyes filled with remorse and sorrow and I knew. I closed my eyes against the pain in his eyes and pushed against his chest to get him to release me, backing away.

  “Jayden-”

  “Don’t! Don’t you dare say you’re sorry!” I shook with rage and my voice cracked with anguish.

  “Don’t you dare say you care! You’re nothing but a monster!” I started laughing. The sound was sharp and brittle with my rising hysteria. “Why didn’t you just keep me in a cage? Why even pretend?” I kept walking backward, stumbling over the Adirondack chairs behind me; another gift from Nicholas.

  I held one hand up warning him to stay back when he stepped forward while I held my other to my stomach protecting my baby from the monster who was his father. I whipped my head around, searching for any escape and spied Nicholas’s truck nearby. The door was open and the engine was still running.

  I ran before anyone could guess my intent.

  “Jayden, no!” Nicholas shouted. I heard his feet pounding behind me, but adrenaline gave me the extra push to jump in the cab and slam the door, hitting the door locks just as he reached the door. He pounded on the glass and jerked on the handle. “Open this door, Jayden! Let me explain!” I backed the truck in reverse and the tires spun when I threw it in drive. Nicholas continued to run beside me, beating on the truck. “Jayden, please! I love you!”

  I ignored him and pressed the gas pedal harder, gaining speed until I left him behind. A glance in the rearview mirror showed him running to William’s truck and climbing in the driver’s seat. William rushed to the passenger side, climbing in as Nicholas took off after me.

  I reached the gate that barred my exit and grabbed my seatbelt, strapping myself in and tightening my grip on the steering wheel. I rammed the gate, causing it to twist in its frame, but still it held. I shifted into reverse and backed up several yards. Another look in the rearview mirror showed Nicholas and William almost on me. I put the truck in drive and stomped on the gas again. Tires squealed and smoked and I shot forward, ramming the gate again. This time it gave way and its twisted iron flew over the hood hitting the windshield, causing it to crack in several places before it scraped the roof

  and flew behind me.

  I flew down the blacktop road, Nicholas and William on my tail. He kept honking his horn at me, but I refused to slow down. If I stopped I would never have this chance again. I didn’t know how I would make it past the gate or the armed guards at the entrance to the property but I had to try.

  And if I died trying to escape? Well, that was okay, too. My family had already mourned my death for over three months; nothing would change for them. They wouldn’t even know. “I’m sorry,” I sobbed to my unborn baby. “I can’t protect you from them. It’s better this way.”

  I stood in front of the window of my high-rise office, not seeing the city that had always been my home. Instead I saw a pair of jade green eyes staring back accusingly against the darkening sky. We were expecting rain later this evening and the weight of the air pressure matched the tight feeling in my chest. Jayden was quieter than usual and I would often catch her unawares staring pensively into space and absently stroking her flat stomach.

  She was keeping a secret from me but I already knew. She was pregnant. She lied to me. I had someone hack her family doctor’s database last summer so I had all of her medical records to be able to take care of her. I knew about her allergy to morphine which was discovered during knee surgery following an injury when she was ten. I also knew you set a clock or calendar by Jayden’s menstrual cycle. She was never late and never missed a period.

  She’d only had one since I kidnapped her and that had been just before our wedding. We weren’t having a honeymoon baby, but we were close. I sighed and stared down at the wedding band on my hand. I’d hoped to have more time to gain her love before we had a baby, but I wasn’t sorry. I was happy about the baby, but I wanted Jayden to be happy also.

  “This isn’t the way,” I mumbled. I turned away from the window and sat in my chair and stared broodingly at the phone on my desk. Minutes ticked by while I warred with myself.

  I loved Jayden, not the illusion I’d built up in my mind over the years. When I saw her last summer I thought correctly that she was perfect. When I plucked her out of her life
and forced her back into the life she was born for, I’d thought I wanted a meek, agreeable wife who never gave me a moment’s concern. What I’d discovered instead was that I loved her exactly the way she was. I loved the strength she displayed when she faced me. I loved how she challenged me and faced me ready to fight if she didn’t agree with me.

  I rubbed at the blister on the palm of my hand and smiled. It was almost healed now but it had hurt like a bitch.

  The only television or radio in our home was in my home office and off limits to Jayden. She wasn’t allowed anything that could bring outside influence into her life. No television, no magazines or newspapers. Everything in her life was carefully controlled and monitored. The only music she listened to was the classical music on the iPod I gave her a month ago when she complained about the silence driving her crazy.

  I, however, was relaxing on the leather sofa in my office watching a football game while she worked in the yard.

  My mother had given her a bunch of dead-looking plants and bulbs for the flowerbeds she wanted to create. She’d been working on them all week.

  “Get your ass out here and help me,”she demanded.

  She was standing in the doorway glaring at me. Her jeans had mud on the knees and dirt covered my denim shirt she was wearing over a t-shirt. I could see the dirt covering her feet as well. She was pulling off a pair of garden gloves and wiped her arm across her forehead, leaving behind a smudge of dirt on her face.

  I made the mistake of laughing at her.

  She stalked over to me and snatched the remote off the end table before I could stop her. She pointed it at the television and pushed the buttons until she managed to turn it off then threwit back at my chest.

  “If this is our house then you can put in some of the effort to make it look better.”

  I calmly turned the game back on, ignoring her. “You’re not allowed in this room, Jayden. Besides, I built it. I’ve done my part. Gardening is your job,” I answered stupidly. The game had switched to commercial and I groaned. “I missed the damn play.”

  She stood in front of me and leaned down until her dirty face was inches from mine. “Unless you cut every board and nailed every nail, stacked every rock or painted every room then you did not build this house. You wrote a check and paid someone else to do the work. I have to live here, but I’m not going to be the only one who does the work while you lay around playing the palace lord. You can record your stupid game and help me.”

  She stood back up and turned, walking out of the room again only to pause at the door for a parting shot. “If you don’t put in the effort today then I’m not putting in the effort tonight.”

  With that she left the room and I listened to her bare feet slap against the wood floors and the distant sound of the front door slamming behind her. I sat there for all of thirty seconds before I followed her outside.

  I don’t think our field hands worked harder than she made me work that afternoon. There was only one pair of garden gloves, which she wore, thus earning the blisters on my palms.

  It had been worth it. She laughed when I grumbled and we had a fight with the garden hose.

  We ate grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner-that I made while she relaxed in her swing. She cleaned my battle wounds and kissed the worst ones. Making love to her that night was the best ever.

  I bought a pair of gloves in my size the next day. Now at least twice a week, I helped her in the yard.

  Our house was becoming a home and we were having a baby.

  I was going to be a father, but what kind of father would I be? I thought about the promise I made on our honeymoon. A son was easy. I would teach him everything. He would follow in my footsteps and take over Harrison Oil & Energy when I was ready to step down. I thought about the side of our empire my brother ran and was never so glad my father turned that aspect over to William. Our son would never have to deal with the seedy side of our world. He could grow up to be a respectable member of society.

  But if we had a girl? I never thought of what it meant to have a daughter. I could picture a little girl with her mother’s bright green eyes, dark blond hair and inquisitive nature. She would be stubborn and obstinate just like her mother. She would run and laugh and play. She would sit in the stadium with the rest of the students like her mother dreamed. I wanted to give her the world and I would be completely wrapped around her finger.

  Just like Jayden had wrapped me around her finger when she was only three years old and I’d made her cry. I was wrapped around her finger then and I was wrapped just as tightly around her finger now.

  And I was just beginning to realize that it didn’t bother me.

  I held the photograph I kept on my desk and leaned my head against the headrest on my chair. It was from our time in Austin. She hadn’t known when I took the snapshot. She was the snapshot of serenity.

  She had been sitting on the large deck off our bedroom watching the water, her knees pulled up tight against her chest with her chin resting on her knees. The sun was setting in the background, surrounding her in a warm light that made her glow. She was ethereal in her beauty.

  Now I ignored the beauty of the photograph and saw instead the sorrow in her expression. I put that look in her eyes. Now that she knew she was pregnant the sorrow had deepened until it caused me physical pain to look in her eyes.

  I thought about what I wanted most in this life and I knew my answer. I wanted Jayden’s happiness.

  I leaned forward, picked up the receiver and while I continued to hold her picture in my hand I dialed the phone number I never thought I’d use.

  My heart stalled when I saw Jayden crash into the gate that blocked her exit from our home. The gate buckled, but it held firm and I breathed a little easier. Then it stopped completely when the reverse lights came on and I realized she wasn’t done.

  “Damn fool girl is going to hurt herself,” William grunted beside me.

  I couldn’t take my eyes off the truck in front of me long enough to glare at him. I watched as the tires smoked on the blacktop and she shot forward again, ramming the fence. This time it gave way under the pressure and I saw it shatter the front windshield before flying over the hood toward me.

  “Shit! Hang on!” I shouted. I slammed on the brakes and swerved off the drive when I realized it was going to fly through the radiator or windshield, and instead the gate shattered the headlight before landing on the ground.

  I pulled back on the road and floored it trying to catch up to Jayden. I laid on the horn trying to get her attention.

  “She’s not going to stop, Nicholas. The guards will open fire on the truck when they see her coming,”

  he warned.

  It was a standing order since her mother ran away with her that all vehicles were stopped at the gate and checked. Any that failed were fired on and questions asked later. If the occupant survived.

  “Call them off and tell them to open the gate,” I replied.

  He nodded and hit the speed dial on his phone.

  She made it to the gate just as it was being opened. A guard dove out of her way and the truck clipped the gate on her way through. It was obvious she hadn’t intended to slow down or stop. She turned sharply onto the road and sped away.

  “She doesn’t even know where she’s going!” I snapped. The road into the city was the other direction.

  The direction she was headed led to a narrow and winding gravel road that went to a closed narrow bridge over a dry creek bed. The county hadn’t bothered to fix the bridge because the road dead-ended to an abandoned oil field owned by my family.

  I caught up to her, constantly laying on the horn and gesturing and yelling for her to pull over. She flipped me off and took a turn too sharply, losing control of the truck momentarily and scaring the piss out of me.

  “I swear I’m going to beat her ass when I get my hands on her!” I snapped.

  “Calm down and just get her to pull over. You and I both know this road doesn’t go anywhere,”


  William reassured. “You can’t lose your temper with her.”

  I glared at him briefly, all the while keeping one eye on Jayden and her reckless driving in front of me.

  “What if it was Grace in front of us?” I snapped. “What would you do? Would you just let her drive away or would you stop her? And I still want to know what the fuck you were doing at my house

  without me? I told you I would call when I got there!”

  “I wouldn’t have driven Grace to this point,” he snapped back. “I told you-Watch out!” he yelled.

  I had been so busy yelling at William I didn’t notice Jayden had slowed down slightly to take the S

  curve in front of us. I was too close and I hit the back bumper. “Jayden!” I screamed her name even though she couldn’t hear me and watched in horror as she lost control in the turn. Gravel and dead leaves from the trees along the side of the road created a feeling of driving on glass. Her tires couldn’t find traction and she spun out of control. The truck flipped when the driver’s side tires left the road, landing on its side.

  I skidded to a halt on the road beside her and jumped out of the truck, yelling to William who was rushing out on his side also. “Call 911!”

  I ran to the truck and pushed my way between the brush and the truck trying to reach the front. The sight before me ripped my heart from my chest. A cedar tree had broken off on impact and punched through the broken windshield. Its jagged branch was pressing into Jayden’s shoulder and her shirt was stained with her blood where it seeped from the wound in her chest. Her head rested against the driver’s side door she was lying on and she was unconscious.

  “Jayden! Can you hear me?” She didn’t respond. I judged whether or not to finish kicking in the windshield to get to her but determined it would only put more pressure on the cedar branch so climbed the grille guard on the front of the truck instead to get to the passenger side door.

  “They’re sending Star Flight. It should be here in about fifteen minutes,” William explained, running over to me. “How is she?”