by Brandy Ayers
Now that the pain seems to have passed, I give Sierra a tentative thrust, meeting her halfway so that we slam together at the top of her arch. Her head slams back, and her eyes squeeze closed. Panic surges inside me, and I hold still, terrified I misjudged and just hurt her even more. But then a low throaty moan escapes her lips, and I know the opposite is true.
“Oh fuck, do that again.” Sierra’s hands grasp at the sheets, then come up to grip my ass as I pull back a little, then flex pushing inside her once more as she rises up against my hips. “I never thought it would feel this good.”
I wish I had both my hands free, I want to touch her everywhere. Trace her lips with my fingers. Pull her closer so there isn’t an inch between us. I resent the goddamn camera in my hand more than anything else in my life. But if I abandon it now, we will have gone through all this for nothing. Sierra will have put herself through losing her virginity in the most awkward of settings and still not have the money she needs to care for herself. And I won't get the money to provide for her like she deserves. So no matter how much I hate it, I have to keep going.
Seeming to read my thoughts, my girl pauses our slow thrusting and reaches up to place her hand on my chest, right over my pounding heart. “Hey, it is just us here. You and me. That camera is just an extra little bit of fun we decided to try. Think how fun it will be to play it back, relive fucking for the first time.”
Just like that, she’s changed everything. I can actually picture it: the two of us married for a couple years, popping in the tape on our anniversary, getting back in this moment where everything is new and unfamiliar. Then making love while we watch the tape. Showing the young ignorant us what we’ve learned in the years since this moment. Suddenly, I want to give that version of us something good.
“You have any idea how beautiful you look right now, through this lens?” I bring the camera a little more in front of me, no longer trying to make it fade into the background. If we’re going to do this, let's do it. I slide my hand up from her pussy, over her stomach. “This skin is so smooth, it looks like silk on the screen. But not even this camera can capture how you taste.”
Sierra’s mouth drops open just as my fingers reach her lips, and her tongue comes out to taste a little of her flavor. She moans and sucks my digits in deep, just like she did to my cock not twenty minutes ago.
“You like how you taste?”
Her eyes pop open, and she nods with this wide-eyed innocence that spears me straight through the heart. I swing the camera back down to her tits, taking my saliva slicked fingers from her mouth to pinch and twist at those sweet pink nipples.
“The way these beauties move, it’s fucking mesmerizing. I could watch them on slow-mo for hours. How they shake as I shove my fat cock inside you.” I snap my hips forward, showing her what I mean. Her eyes follow mine, taking in the way her own chest jiggles and shakes with each of my movements. “Someday, I’m going to fuck these too. Push them together and slide my cock between.”
“God. That sounds sexy. Can I lick you while you do it?” Her voice is so hopeful, as if I could say no to a request like that.
“Hell yes, you’ll be chasing the tip of my cock with your little pink tongue, beginning for me to give you my cum.”
“Yes, oh God, I want it so much.”
Words become difficult to force out, the slapping of our skin together as we fuck each other drowning out our poor attempts as the pleasure ratchets up higher and higher. I can feel her right there with me, racing toward the edge of an unknown bliss for us both.
Sierra’s tight walls are fluttering against my cock, getting tighter and tighter until I can’t take it anymore. To be honest, I’m shocked I’ve lasted this long. But I want her to come with me, don’t want to go anywhere without her, even over the edge of ecstasy.
“So close, sweetheart, touch yourself for me. I want you to soak my cock with your juices while I fill you with my cum.”
Like the good girl she is, Sierra reaches down between her thighs and frantically rubs at her throbbing clit. It doesn’t take long until she’s screaming and clamping down around me. That’s it. I’m done. With a roar I didn’t know I was capable of, I thrust hard into her one more time, gripping her ass with my free hand to keep her tight against me as I let loose inside her. Every ounce of blood rushes to my cock, leaving me dizzy and dazed. Even though I’m buried deep inside Sierra’s little virgin pussy, my hips keep trying to push me just that little further, to claim every single spot inside her.
The intensity of the orgasm begins to fade just a little bit, so that reason creeps in ever so slightly. I realize I have no idea where the camera was pointing when we came, but quickly point it to where we are joined.
Slowly, I pull out from her warm, tight body, regretting that I have to leave that place that feels like my safe haven. The head of my cock pops free from her still pulsing pussy, and three more ropes of cum shoot from the tip, splashing onto her stomach and hips. I love seeing it there, marking her as mine, and only mine.
Her fingers reach down, swirling in the viscous liquid and quickly retreating back to her mouth, where she sucks and licks it all up. I make sure the camera catches every second of that little show. “You taste a little salty, but sweet. Next time, I want to drink it right from the source.”
Fuck me.
Chapter Seven
Sierra
Simon collapses next to me on the tiny twin bed, pulling my body in close to his and wrapping his arms around me. The camera is still in his hand, and he silently presses a button to turn it off. The studio is eerily silent now that we are both recovering from the intensity of the past hour or so.
“Wow, I was so wrong.” My mind is reeling with the implications of everything that just happened and the question of what happens next. But mostly, clips of what we just did play over and over in my head, like I’m editing this stupid porn together myself.
“What were you wrong about?” Simon whispers into my ear, nuzzling his face into my sweaty hair and inhaling.
The comfort I feel in his arms is remarkable considering I’ve only known the man a few hours, but I enjoy it while I can since I’m not sure if I’ll be feeling it again anytime soon. “I thought losing my virginity wouldn’t be a big deal. Always thought people blew the whole thing out of proportion. I mean, it isn’t like I’m any more of an adult now than I was this morning. But, I was wrong in a way. It was a big deal. But I think that is thanks to you, mostly.”
“It was a big deal for me too. I always wanted to wait until I met someone I cared deeply for. It is nice to know that despite the odd circumstances, I was able to have that little dream of mine.” He kisses my shoulder and rubs his hands up and down my arm. “Everything I said, I meant it all. I want to take you home. I want to be with you. Find out all the intricacies of what makes you shine from the inside out. That wasn’t all bullshit for the cameras.”
Needing to see his eyes, I gingerly roll over, making sure not to fall off the edge of the small bed. “Are you sure? This was an intense situation. I don’t want you to say something now that you’ll regret when you have some distance.”
“Do you think you’ll regret this?” Fear is visible in his eyes, and I know he is really asking if I will regret him, not the movie. The movie is what it is.
Cupping his cheeks in my hands, I move closer, giving him a sweet, slow kiss. “I’ll never regret you. This was a million times better than what I expected thanks to you. But I’ve always been a realist. I have to look at things from all angles before I make a decision. And even though I feel a strong pull toward you, my heart is pounding just thinking about a life with you, I need to do the same here. I need to look at all angles.”
Simon nods, his eyes unfocusing slightly as he contemplates what I’ve said. After a moment, he seems to come to some decision. “I tell you what. We’re going to get up after another minute, get dressed, finish things up with Liza, and then I’m going to take you to my pub, feed you a good hearty meal, and we’ll lo
ok at this from all angles. Together. Now that I’ve found you, I don’t want to let you out of my sight, for even a minute.”
I nod, loving the idea of going over all the thoughts running through my head with him. That right there should tell me that this is more than a simple physical connection. The oxytocin and endorphins aren’t the only things at work with us right now. The love and affection swelling inside me is more than chemicals can explain.
True to his word, Simon holds me close to him for another minute before we stand to get dressed and head out into the hallway.
“So, all finished then?” Liza, of course, is waiting right there for us, an unpleasant look on her face. Gone is the sweet understanding woman that greeted me three hours ago. In her place is a shrewd business woman.
“Yes, thank you for being flexible.” Simon crosses the hall to hand her the small camera.
Liza scoffs at his words, obviously not missing the note of sarcasm behind them. Turning to me, she sticks a small smile on her face that I’m not buying for a minute. Obviously, this woman is not happy we hijacked her shoot. “Sierra, you can go back to the dressing room to change back into your clothes. The girls will be there to remove your extensions and makeup.”
She turns back to Simon, more or less dismissing me. I’m not sure what to do, because it seemed Simon didn’t want us to separate, but I feel like I can’t just refuse to change out of the skimpy clothes they put me in either.
“Simon, I’d like to go over the footage with you, let you know if it is acceptable before you leave.” Liza doesn’t even look at me. It is obvious now that I’ve served my purpose, and she doesn’t give a hoot about me.
Simon squeezes my hand, turning away from Liza so we can speak for a moment. “Why don’t you go back and change back into your things. I’ll do this with Liza and meet you out front. I don't want you to have to watch and think about the video, okay?”
I’m part relieved, part nervous. I don't want to watch the footage, not yet at least. The whole experience is too raw. But I also don’t want Simon to be alone with Liza. When it comes down to it though, I need to shed this porn star persona they stuck on me and get back into my everyday clothes. I want Simon to see me, not this vixen they made me up to be.
“Okay. I’ll wait for you by my car.”
We kiss, nothing obscene, just a sweet pressing of our lips together. Liza scoffs. When I glance back at her, she’s rolling her eyes to the point her head is tilted back and she’s looking at the ceiling. Not wanting to be around this phony woman any longer, I slink off to the dressing room to transform back into plain old Sierra. The hair and makeup girls chat over my head as they remove the extensions and wipe the makeup from my face. Then they leave me alone to change back into my black leggings and loose tunic. I wish I could take a shower, but that will have to wait until later. Hopefully back at Simon’s place, otherwise, I’ll have to wait until the college’s fitness center opens in the morning.
As I walk out, the receptionist waves goodbye, but doesn't make eye contact. It really is like no one gives a shit about you once you’ve fulfilled your purpose in this place.
Outside, the air is chilled now that the sun has slipped beneath the horizon. I wish I had thought to bring my sweatshirt inside with me, but honestly, it wouldn’t do much against this cold. As soon as the check clears my account, the first thing I’m doing is buying a new winter coat. My old one was stolen out of the closet at the local soup kitchen when I went for lunch one day. I learned my lesson after that. Now if I need to go there for a meal, I leave everything in my car several blocks away.
Leaning against my car, I wait for Simon to come through the doors, each minute passing ramping up my nerves. Maybe he changed his mind and already left?
A big black SUV rolls up beside me, blocking my view of the building.
“Hey there gorgeous. You the lucky lady who got to devirginize our little Simon?” There are at least four guys in the SUV, all laughing at the guy in the passenger seat’s joke. He’s handsome in a J. Crew catalog sort of way. His hair is perfectly gelled and eyebrows tweezed. Not my type. Nothing like Simon. Someone in the back wolf whistles, and I can feel the blood rushing to my cheeks, embarrassed that they know what we just did.
“I can’t wait to see this fucking video.” Passenger seat guy sweeps his eyes up and down my body, and my skin crawls with just that one look. “Let me know if you want to do a sequel to tap that ass, ‘kay sweetheart.”
Tears prickle behind my eyes, but I refuse to let them out. How can this guy know Simon?
“Asshole, shut the fuck up.” The driver pipes up, and I see a hand reach across the front to smack the guy talking to me upside the head. “I knew we shouldn’t have brought you along. Simon’s going to murder you for talking to her like that.”
Creepy asshole in the front turns to the driver, and the two begin arguing back and forth. In the backseat, another window rolls down, with yet another man sticking his head out. I immediately dread whatever it is he’s going to say. I’ve always believed that the company you keep says a lot about a person. These guys are making me second guess who Simon is.
“Hey, don’t listen to him. He’s an asshole.” The guy hanging out of the window gives me an apologetic look, and I start to relax, relieved that maybe Simon’s friends aren’t all bad. The guy is the perfect caricature of a hipster, complete with thick black glasses, beanie cap, and goatee. “Listen we’re—”
“There is no way that asshole was a virgin.” The guy from the front seat raises his voice, overpowering everyone else. “Don’t get me wrong, he’s a fucking Einstein for pretending to be so he could get paid ten grand to bang someone even half as hot as this girl. I wish I had thought of it first.”
Everyone in the SUV starts talking at once, actually yelling at once. But I don't hear any of it. Could he have been lying? If these are the guys they interviewed to cooperate his claim of never having sex, I have no doubt they would have happily lied for him.
The confusion and embarrassment rumbles through my heart and mind, making everything else go fuzzy. I’m an idiot for thinking I could meet a guy on the set of a porn and trust anything he said. Maybe he was even working with Liza to make sure they got the best performance out of me. That would explain why she wanted to see him alone. How could I believe trusting this stranger, allowing myself to fall in love with him, was a good idea? I couldn’t even trust my own mother.
My lungs burn, and chest tightens to the point I’m afraid I’m going to black out. I need to get away from these assholes still yelling at each other in the car. I turn, rounding my own car as quickly as I can. Just as I get the old rust bucket turned over and start to pull out, the doors to the building housing Fresh Films open, and Simon steps out.
His eyes shift from the black SUV full of arguing men to me speeding away in my car, and then they widen. I’m not sure if that expression is panic or confusion, but I’m not going to stick around to find out. I’ve already been screwed over by one person I was supposed to love and trust. I’m not going to let it happen again.
Chapter Eight
Simon
I have to find her. Sierra is out there somewhere, probably confused and hurt. And all this right after losing her virginity on camera. I swear, if I could kill George’s fucking cousin, I would. I barely know the guy, but every time I’ve been around him, he’s said something that made me want to throat punch him. George has been apologizing left and right for bringing him along on what was supposed to be a celebration of losing my V-card. I really don’t know what he was thinking.
After ditching his cousin, George, Dave, and I started canvassing the area, searching for the distinctive teal and rust old car I saw burning rubber out of the parking lot when I got done with Liza. But we’ve all come up empty handed.
Dave took the campus, searching every parking lot, garage, and side street in the area. George has been looking at the east end of town, and I took the west end, where all the bigger shopping
complexes and big box stores are. She had said that that was where she’s been sleeping lately, and just the idea of her alone in a cold car and hurting makes me want to punch a hole through my windshield.
Starting on the third circuit of the same mall in the last two hours, my heart leaps into my throat as I see her shitty old car sitting under a big light at the back of an abandoned grocery store. This is what she thinks is a safe place to spend the night? I want to smash everything in sight. Sierra deserves so much better than this. She deserves the world.
I stop a little ways from her car, afraid if she sees me pulling up next to her, she’ll just take off again. I get out, shoving my hands into the pockets of my coat and force myself to walk over to her car. I want to run. I want to rip the doors off and pull her into my arms, never let her go. But I remember that she thinks the worst of me right now, and that helps me to slow down. The closer I get, I begin to doubt that she is in the car, I don’t see her silhouette sitting in the driver’s or passenger's seat. Once I’m a foot away, I notice a pile of blankets in the backseat shift and realize she’s laying down back there. There must be at least three huge comforters covering her, and my heart cracks inside my chest. I’ve never been an overly emotional guy, but just seeing her trying to sleep in this old car on a night that might reach down into the thirties, tears start to prick behind my eyes.
Gently, I tap on the back window just over her head, which is covered in a knit hat. Immediately, she springs up to a sitting position, scrambling to get to the opposite side of the car. I crouch down so she can she me better, and her eyes widen. Sierra is cast almost entirely in shadow thanks to the light directly overhead, but I don't miss the puffy skin around those gorgeous emerald eyes, and the tracks of tears down her face.
“Please, Sierra, open the car. Please talk to me.” A tear of my own escapes the corner of my eye and falls down my cheek. I really can’t remember the last time I cried. But seeing the woman I love and want to spend the rest of my life with wearing enough layers to hide any hint of the shapely body underneath has me damn near on the edge of blubbering. If I don’t get her in my arms soon, I’m going to lose it.
