The jurors took a surprisingly long three days to deliberate on the case and charges. When they reentered the court room, Fabian stood pokerfaced as they read their decision. To my glee, he was found guilty on all charges.
I collapsed into Ruben’s arms as I heard Fabian’s mother screaming in the background. She came at me, swearing in her thick Spanish accent, but was stopped by the guards.
“¡Máldita sucia! Dis is all your fault! You did dis to my son!”
Ruben stood in front of me and glowered at her. “Back up, lady,” he warned.
“ ¡Eso es un cuero, niño! ¡Ten mucho cuidao con esa!” she ranted.
He laughed at her, took my hand, kissed it and led me out of the courtroom. Two weeks later Fabian was scheduled to learn his fate.
I became increasingly sick as the sentencing day approached. I continued to blame it on jittery nerves but Ruben wasn’t buying it. One day he came home with a pregnancy test.
“What the hell is that for? You pregnant, babe?” I half joked. The prospect of being with child scared me shitless.
“Let’s just make sure, India.”
I urinated in the cup and stood over it with him as the test stick marinated in it. When the plus sign appeared, Ruben jumped. He embraced me and screamed, “Oh my God, I’m going to be a father!”
I stood there unable to say or feel anything. Just the night before, we’d celebrated with my Mom and Professor Daines my finishing the first draft of my memoir and Fabian’s conviction. I couldn’t believe what was happening now.
I sat on the edge of the tub and stared at my feet. The tiles seemed to mock me.
“India, you okay?”
“I don’t know how to feel babe. I …” Then the tears came and didn’t relent for what seemed like hours. “How can I be a mom? I’m not ready for this. I’m still getting over the horror that’s been my life and I’m expected to bring another life into this world? I can’t… I can’t…”
Ruben held me while I purged. “You can and you will. It’s just what the cosmos have in store for you.” He lifted my face to his. “You’re ready for this, Indiecita. Your life culminates to this. Everything you’ve experienced, the joy and the pain, culminates to this task, the central, most crucial duty of your existence. You’re going to be an amazing mother because of it not in spite of it. Have faith, India.”
I rubbed my belly and wept. I knew I couldn’t abort my child. Not because Ruben wouldn’t allow it but because I couldn’t allow it. This was the hand that I was dealt and I would have to come to grips with it.
Morning sickness incapacitated me for the next few days. On the day of the sentencing, I could barely dress myself I was so weak. Despite this, the idea of motherhood was slowly but surely losing it’s fear-provoking effect. Yes, I was young and yes, my relationship was new, but I was thrilled by the image of my legacy being left on this earth long after I was gone. Somehow, my instincts told me that the child I was carrying was female and nothing and no one could tell me otherwise. Ruben insisted that I should prepare myself mentally for either but I wouldn’t have it. I trusted what my heart told me.
I accepted that motherhood was going to be difficult, more arduous than anything I’d experienced, but it was worth it because it was for my seed, a life I would shape and mold into a strong being with conviction and integrity. I’d work to establish a solid friendship with her so that she’d come to me when she needed guidance rather seek advice from another who would lead her astray. I understood that I couldn’t possibly be there 24/7, but I vowed to provide her with the proper ethics so that when it was time for her to make those life-altering decisions, she’d hear my voice in her ear telling her not to be a follower, that she was the master of her destiny. I promised myself that I’d be honest with my child, tell her of my mistakes. When she was old enough I intended on confiding the misery I’d endured at the hands of Fabian. I hoped she’d learn from my errors in judgment.
When we entered the courtroom, I eyed Fabian pensively. I silently thanked the Higher Power that I’d never had a child with that man. I couldn’t fathom what type of father he would be, certainly abusive and sadistic. When he looked back in my direction, I unconsciously put my hands over my stomach.
The judge asked if anyone wanted to speak before he announced the sentence. Despite my frailty, I felt compelled to say some last words to Fabian. I walked to the podium and leaned on it for support. I looked into Fabian’s dark eyes.
“You deserve the worst because that’s what you’ve given everyone who’s crossed your path. I hate you for stealing my innocence but pity you for not realizing the extent of your immorality. It’s over now, Fabian. You can’t hurt me anymore. You can’t control me or manipulate me. Now you can sit in your jail cell and dream about the life I’m living on the outside while you rot on the inside. Enjoy it!”
I walked away defiantly and buried my face in Ruben’s chest when the judge hit him with the maximum sentence, fifty years with no chance of parole for 30. “Your crimes were heinous but it’s your lack of remorse that I find most appalling.”
As he was led away, Fabian stared at me with anger and revulsion. “It ain’t over!” he bellowed. A ferocious maternal instinct overwhelmed me. The first thing that crossed my mind was my baby, protecting her from this devil incarnate.
Out of nowhere, Ruben stepped in front of me and stared Fabian down. “It is over, hijo de puta! You so much as write her a letter and you’ll regret the day you were born. I dare you, motherfucker! Bring it!” he yelled as Fabian was pulled out the door, a look of sick pleasure on his face.
Ruben turned to me and led me out of the courtroom. When we stepped outside, he wrapped his arms around me and crooned, “It’s finished, India. He can never hurt you again. Now we can direct our attention to what’s really important.” He rubbed my stomach with paternal affection. “Are my nenas hungry?”
“Nenas? I thought you said I should prepare myself for a boy?” I joked with a flutter of my lashes.
“You say it’s a girl, I believe you. She’s growing inside of you, not me. You’d know better than I would.”
“So, you admit to being wrong? My God, a man exists that can admit to being wrong.”
“I have and I can.” He smirked. “So, are my nenas hungry?”
“A little. I still feel sick though.”
“You’ll probably be feeling like that for a while or at least that’s what the book says.”
“What book?” I asked perplexed. He pulled out What to Expect When You’re Expecting. “When did you get that?”
“I bought it a couple of weeks ago after we talked about how not careful we were being. I bought it just in case and well, I guess my intuition was right.” He chuckled and rubbed my belly.
I beamed. Now that Fabian was imprisoned, I could carry on with my life without looking over my shoulder. My life was starting anew and the path ahead looked rosy. I was finally free to enjoy my pregnancy. I had a good man by my side that adored me and would die to protect me and our child. I’d just finished my memoir and was eager to pursue a career in writing. At long last the cosmos were endowing me with happiness and joy to make up for my extended ordeal.
I looked up at the sky and raised my hands high above my head. “Thank you God! Thank you!” I looked at Ruben and giggled.
“Let’s get some food, pa. I think I can eat and keep it down.”
“Let’s go to Carmine’s.”
When we walked into the restaurant, I was surprised to see my mom and Professor Daines sitting at a table. They alleged that they’d met up for lunch and that our meeting them was entirely coincidental but I wasn’t convinced. I looked at Ruben as we sat down and ordered drinks and appetizers. They were elated to hear of Fabian’s sentencing. We celebrated with a toast. My mom wrinkled her brow at me when I ordered apple juice instead of wine.
I looked at my mom. She looked so content and proud, so at peace. I realized this was the perfect time to tell her that she would soon
be a grandmother.
“I have some news,” I started.
“Before you do that I have some news,” Joanna interrupted. “I think I found a publisher. Remember that friend I told you about, the one that works at Simon and Schuster? Well, I sent him a couple of stories from your memoirs and he absolutely raved about them. I’ve set up a meeting in two weeks.” She squeezed my hand with excitement.
My mom smiled wide. “¡Viste! I told you that all good things come in time. Look, now you have un buen hombre in your life and you have your book to look forward to.” She leaned over and kissed my cheek. She’d met Ruben three weeks into our relationship and fell in love with him instantly. When she saw how tender and attentive he was, she told me that he was the one I was meant to be with. Initially, I was abashed by her honesty, after all our relationship was so new, but now I saw that she’d been right all along.
Ruben looked around the table and smiled at us. “Well, we have big news too but first thing’s first.” He stood up from the table and got on one knee.
My jaw dropped. I couldn’t believe he was about to propose. I tried to stop him but he wouldn’t listen.
“India, mi India linda, you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You are my earth, my everything. Let me be your sun. Let me take care of you and love you forever. Marry me, Indiecita. Marry me.” The entire restaurant erupted in applause.
“You don’t have to do this, baby. You don’t have to propose because …” I stopped and looked at my mom and Joanna.
“Ma, I’m pregnant and I think Ruben is proposing because he feels obligated.” I turned to Ruben. “I’ll be with you regardless. You don’t have to feel forced to marry me. I know you’ll be there for me and the baby.”
My mom looked from me to Ruben and back to me. “Ruben, did you know this when we went to pick out the ring?” she demanded.
“No. I’m doing this because I want to spend my life with your daughter.”
“You went to… When?” I stuttered.
“Yes, I got the ring before I found out about the baby. I want to marry you, pregnant or not.”
I threw my arms around him and screamed, “Yes, I’ll marry you! Yes!”
AFTERWORD
Despite Ruben’s objections, I refused to marry him before the birth of our child. I wouldn’t even set a date. There was no doubt in my mind that I wanted to marry this man but I wanted to focus on enjoying our pregnancy and one another.
I was hugely creative while I was with child. In six months, I compiled a book of short stories and vignettes, wrote a book of poetry and started a novel. My memoir was published when I was eight and a half months pregnant. I went into labor at my book release party. There was no better way to celebrate my officially becoming an author.
Solae Maldonado Sanchez came into the world after twenty excruciating hours of labor. She was a healthy 8 lbs 5 oz. Ruben held my hand the entire time and bawled like a baby when he saw our child come into the world.
When Solae was placed in my arms, I counted her fingers and toes and cradled her to my breast. “Life is hard,” I whispered. “It hurts but it’s moments like this that make it worth the while.”
WHERE HIP-HOP LITERATURE BEGINS...
Agustus Publishing was created to unify minds with connects to readers through shared language, culture and artistic expression. From street taLes and erotica to coming-of age of sagas, our stories are endearing, filled with drama,and Laced with a Hip Hop steez.
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This is a work of fiction. names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events, locales or organizations, or persons, living or dead is entirely coincidental.
Copyright 2007 by Vanessa Martir
eISBN : 978-1-935-88312-8
Edited by Lisette Matos
Design/Photogaphy: Jason Claiborne
All rights reserved. No parts of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. For further information contact Augustus Publishing
First printing Augustus Publishing paperback May 2007
AugustusPublishing.com
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