I leaned in and kissed him on the cheek, my lips landing close to his, so I could feel the corner of his mouth under mine. I lingered there as I spoke, the scent of him rushing through me, making me wish we were alone because I would have had sex with him to show him I was okay. “I’m fine. I was emotional about something earlier, but it’s all settled now. Don’t worry. I’m happy to be here with you and David and everyone at the party.” I kissed him again, this time on the lips, and I added, “I love you.”
Jeremey leaned into me, putting a hand on my arm. He squeezed tight, a hard pressure so it didn’t tickle my skin. “I love you too, Emmet.”
Darren arrived at The Roosevelt as we were finishing setting up for the party.
Sally went to get him, but it took her a long time, and when they came back, she had an angry face I didn’t need any emotion flash cards to know what she was feeling. She smiled when she introduced Darren to everyone, but once this was done, she took Tammy’s arm and pulled her into the kitchen. This meant they wanted to have a private conversation, but there was a window in the door, and I could see them through it. Tammy was raising her arms and pointing at the wall toward the street and yelling, but Sally looked angry too, so I didn’t think Tammy was angry with her. Something was definitely going on, but I couldn’t tell what it was.
I wanted to ask Darren why they were so upset, as it was logical to assume he might know since he had been with Sally, but he was sitting on the couch watching a YouTube video and didn’t look as if he wanted to talk right now. He had asked me for the WiFi password before he came over, so he was already hooked up and plugged in with his headphones. Probably he was nervous in a new space and needed the comfort of his videos before he could be social.
I decided not to ask him about anything yet, but I did think I should focus on making him feel welcome. Jeremey was busy helping David hand out snacks, and I didn’t have a job assigned to me yet, so I assigned myself the job of keeping my friend company, because no one would know how to do it quite the way I could.
The first rule was you had to understand how much space he liked around him, especially when he was feeling uncertain about a new situation. No one else was sitting with him on the couch, but when I joined him, I made a point of sitting as far from him as I could get, and I didn’t make eye contact or do anything to draw attention to myself. If you think about it, the whole sitting-down thing was pretty much attention-drawing enough. For Darren, me sitting would be like an elephant landing, though I was careful to disturb the couch as little as possible.
My autism makes me a highly sensitive person, but compared to Darren my autism is nothing. I’m high functioning, and Darren is not. His autism keeps him trapped inside himself, and it has his whole life. There are people who think this is a bad thing, that there’s something wrong with him and it needs to be fixed. Darren disagrees. He says the world needs to fix itself to accept him. He’s not depressed at all, except he wishes sometimes he could find someone to share his life with. He isn’t interested in body parts, but he is interested in romance. He flirts with people on Tumblr all the time, though it’s Darren flirting so people don’t always know they’re being flirted with. He also gets in a lot of arguments there. I don’t do Tumblr because there’s not enough math.
Darren wasn’t on Tumblr when I sat next to him. As I said, he was watching YouTube, which is what he usually does when other people are around, but also what he does when he’s nervous. I could see from my camera eyes he was watching an unboxing video of someone opening Star Wars toys. He had the iPad close to his face, both hands on each side, his headphones tight on his ears, the hood to his sweatshirt pulled in close. He was tuning out the room.
I knew he could still see me, though, so I signed to him.
Hello, Darren. This is Emmet. Welcome to The Roosevelt. Do you want me to visit with you, or would you like to sit alone right now?
He didn’t answer right away, but I waited, knowing it might take him a minute to respond. Eventually he did, in Darren sign. I would like to visit with you in half an hour. Would you mind sitting with me until then?
I was fine with this, but I had to think a moment, because I wondered if Sally or Tammy would give me a job if they saw me sitting there. I decided what would happen was people would bother us. I knew how to fix that, but first I had to answer Darren. I don’t mind. Please let me know when you want to speak with me. I’ll wait here until you’re ready.
Thank you. He went back to watching his video.
I pulled out my phone and typed a text to Jeremey.
Jeremey, this is Emmet. I am on the couch with Darren. We are visiting silently, but other people might bother us. Would you please bring me card stock and a marker so I can make us a do-not-disturb sign?
He answered right away. Yes, I’ll send David. Thanks for being a good host to Darren. I love you.
A big ball of happiness expanded inside me, and I hummed and rocked. I love you too.
David came over with the supplies, and he looked as if he was going to say something, so I put my hand on the side of my face, which was my special signal for don’t talk to me, and he said nothing, only handed me the stuff and left. He knew I didn’t mean to be rude, which is why signals are so nice. After considering a moment, I put the card stock in my lap and wrote out the sign.
DO NOT DISTURB. SILENT CONVERSATION IN PROCESS.
Then I tented the sign and put it on the couch between us and waited.
I didn’t mind waiting at all. I counted things, mostly, because I always find that soothing and relaxing, and sometimes the information comes in handy. There were fifteen people in the room and the adjoining kitchenette, for example. Eleven men and four women. Two staff, twelve residents, one guest. We had only eleven places to sit, though, which would be a problem. I texted Jeremey and told him this and suggested he tell Sally to find us some more chairs, though of course David didn’t need one since he brought his with him. I counted the ceiling tiles, though I already knew how many there were, but I also counted how many people were wearing blue, and how many people had shoes with laces, and how many people were watching television and how many were listening to the music. I hadn’t begun to run out of the kinds of things I normally count, let alone had a chance to think of new things, when I saw Darren sign at me.
I’m ready to talk to you.
I was glad to talk to him, but part of me was disappointed because I’d had fun counting. I’m glad you could come to our party. It will be fun to have you stay over at our apartment. Did staff take your things upstairs already?
Yes. They let me in, and I put my bag by the door in your foyer. I didn’t look past the living room and kitchen, but your place looks nice.
It’s a good apartment. Bob helped set it up so it would be perfect for the two of us. You should see my sensory closet.
Darren made a noise and rocked back and forth as he signed. You’re really lucky. The Roosevelt seems like a great place.
Do you want to meet other people? Some of them are nonverbal, but some would like to say hello. Stuart screams a lot, so you might not want to meet him right now.
Maybe in a bit. I’m still kind of upset. There was an incident when I was leaving Icarus.
I wondered if this incident was why Tammy was still in the kitchen making hand gestures at Sally. An incident with you?
Darren hesitated. Sort of. It’s complicated. I’d rather not talk about it.
Do you want to be by yourself in our apartment for a while? I could take you upstairs.
No. I want to be at the party. I’m trying to desensitize myself so I can participate.
This seemed reasonable. I’ve always admired this aspect of Darren’s personality. All right. I can continue to wait with you. Jeremey or David could join us too.
Darren made another noise, this one like a seal, and he rocked hard, flapping his hands before he signed. I don’t want them to feel awkward because of me.
They won’t feel awkward. Remembe
r. These are my special friends. They’re the Blues Brothers.
Darren’s mouth moved slightly, a subtle flicker of his lips. This, for Darren, was a smile. They’re The Roosevelt Blues Brothers. The best kind.
Yes. And we want to be with you. Even if you’re not at your best. We understand.
He hesitated a long time, then made the sign for yes. Okay. If you think they don’t mind. I can use my iPad to talk. I think I’m ready for that, with The Roosevelt Blues Brothers.
I texted Jeremey, and he brought David over. David hadn’t ever met Darren, I realized. We needed to introduce them.
I knew how to do introductions. I have several flash cards that help me practice them. I had them memorized, so I visualized them and tried to think of which one would be best to use right now with David and Darren.
“David and Darren,” I began, once I’d selected an introduction card from my brain, “please allow me to introduce you to one another. Darren.” I laid my hand flat and made it point to David though I’d just said Darren’s name. This is because when I said Darren, it was to get his attention, and now I was going to tell him about David. “This is David Loris. He is the son of Bob Loris, who owns The Roosevelt. He is one of my best friends, and he is a Roosevelt Blues Brother.” I hadn’t ever called us Roosevelt Blues Brothers before, but I liked the way Darren had phrased that. I was going to use it from now on. I switched my hands and pointed to Darren instead. “David. This is Darren Kennedy. He is also my friend, who I know from when I lived in Iowa City. He lives in Icarus House and is visiting us this evening for the party. He isn’t a Blues Brother, but he could be one. He should be.”
David raised his good hand in an awkward salute as he smiled at Darren. “Pleasure to meet you, Darren.”
Darren didn’t look at David, but he lifted his iPad as it spoke for him. “It is nice to meet you, David. Thank you for having me at your party.” He pulled the iPad down, rocking and humming as he poked at the screen. I waited because I knew he had something more to say, and soon enough, he raised the iPad. “I would like to be a Blues Brother. How do I apply for the job?”
I laughed and rocked, smiling at Darren’s joke. He’s a pretty funny guy. I’ve always enjoyed his sense of humor. David and Jeremey weren’t laughing, though, and Jeremey appeared thoughtful. “I think we should consider Darren a Blues Brother, for sure.”
Darren made another noise and shook his head. He signed at me, apparently tired of typing. I translated for him. “He says he has to be in a video first, to be a Blues Brother.” He wasn’t joking anymore, either, I didn’t think. I signed back at him. I don’t think you have to be in a video to be a Blues Brother.
David grinned. “I’m always down for another video. Been wanting to make one, actually. The question is, what song? It’s going to be tough to top ‘Happy.’”
Darren poked at his iPad. He rocked a lot, and he hissed through his teeth, which I knew was a noise he made when he got especially excited. He still made the noise when he held the iPad up to speak for him. “I will do research and find a good song and send it to Emmet to play for you. If you like it, I will help you make a new video. I’m good at tech.”
“Oh yeah?” David leaned forward in his chair, as much as he could. “Say, how good are you? I see you have an iPad that helps you talk. I want to be able to do more on the computer, and my dad says he’ll get me whatever system I want, but I’m overwhelmed with what to get. Do you know enough about that kind of thing to guide me through my accessibility options? Hardware and software, I’m talking.”
Darren made a loud, excited sound, and he grinned at the top of the iPad as he typed. “Yes. I will be happy to help a Blues Brother out, anytime.”
“Sweet. God, thanks, man. You think maybe you’d have time tomorrow? Unless I’m being pushy.”
“I would like to help tomorrow. But it all depends on when I go back to Icarus.” He typed some more. “If you get bored at the party, I would rather play with your computer than be in a room with strangers, to be honest. Say the word and we can go right now.”
David perked up, then glanced at Jeremey and Emmet. “You guys mind?”
Jeremey looked at me, and I knew he wanted me to make the decision because he doesn’t like decisions. I considered the question carefully. I wanted Darren to fit in with my friends, and I wanted David to get help with his computer. But I wanted to spend time with all of us at the party too. I decided there wasn’t any reason we couldn’t do both.
“Let’s all go to David’s room for a little while, but we have to finish in time for train dominoes.”
“It’s a deal.” David backed his chair up, grinning. “Jeremey, steal us some popcorn on the way out, will you? Hell, load my tray up with all the goodies you want. Party’s in my room, boys.”
CHAPTER EIGHT
Jeremey
Watching David and Darren work together was interesting.
At first I couldn’t decide if I should help or not, because they each have physical limitations that don’t exactly go together—David’s paralysis and Darren’s jerky mobility issues because of his autism. Something told me I should let them sort it out, though, and so I did. It took them a lot longer to get organized and settled at David’s computer than if I had helped, but they managed it. David would have asked me if he needed assistance, and I trusted Darren would have done the same.
Soon they were engrossed in their work. Darren became excited when he discovered a cable that allowed him to hook his iPad into the back of David’s system, and then he could use it to talk more easily to David as they worked. I’d forgotten how jarring it was to speak to Darren for long periods of time and hear the evidence of how brilliant he was, something it was easy to dismiss when glancing at his shuttered exterior. I’d never seen him like this, though, working with someone, helping them. All this intelligence was going to waste every day at Icarus, and it upset me.
I got out my phone and opened the notepad app so I could talk to Emmet without either of the others overhearing me.
I don’t like that he’s stuck at Icarus House on his own. It makes me sad to think of him there when I know he would be happy at The Roosevelt.
Emmet accepted the phone when I handed it to him. He typed a reply to me, but he also added initials and colons in front of our words because he needs things to have order.
E: I will look into my ideas for helping him more. I was distracted by another project, but I am free to pursue the Darren issue now. Though I worry I won’t find any good answers. What he needs is a job. Money is a big problem.
I replied, adding my initial this time so I didn’t upset Emmet. J: Maybe he could help people with computers the way he’s helping David. Maybe he could be an aide too.
E: I don’t think Bob could afford two aides.
This was true, especially given the shaky status of The Roosevelt itself. I hated money so much.
J: Maybe Darren could be David’s aide and I could get another job. I didn’t know what other job that would be, and the thought made me queasy, but I would find a way to get over myself if I had to, if it meant getting a place for Darren to stay.
E: You can’t give up your job for Darren. Also, Darren isn’t physically able to do what you do for David.
I hadn’t thought of that. My shoulders slumped, and I leaned into Emmet as I typed. J: I wish life weren’t so hard all the time. It makes me so sad.
Emmet held my hand and squeezed it. His squeezes are slightly awkward, but I like them because they’re his. He surprised me by letting me go and turning to hold my face carefully in his hands and kiss my forehead before he took my phone. E: Please don’t let depression take away your party. Darren is having fun right now. You should have fun too.
This was a good reminder, the kind of thing Dr. North would say to me. I nodded, then kissed his cheek and whispered, “Thank you,” into his ear.
Emmet took the phone again.
E: I want to have sex with you later.
Th
e request was a bit out of the blue, but that’s how sex was sometimes with Emmet. He never missed a chance to plan it if he could. I blushed, thinking about sex with Darren next door.
J: We will have to be quiet.
E: You will have to be quiet. I am always quiet. You’re the one who makes noise during sex. Do you want me to do research on what kinds of sex will keep you quieter?
I laughed, and he frowned, because he hadn’t meant his comment to be funny, which made me laugh again. I kissed him on the mouth, and replied out loud this time. “No, I think I can handle it on my own.”
We played Mexican train dominoes soon after, though Darren and David talked all the way down the hall, discussing software. David didn’t mind that Darren’s replies took time as he typed into his iPad, though while Darren and I arranged our seats at a table to play and I made space for David’s chair, I heard David asking Emmet if maybe sometime he could teach David to at least understand some of Darren’s sign language so he didn’t have to type into the iPad. I smiled to myself, pleased to see the two of them were already so friendly. I liked how our group of friends was growing. Emmet was right. Darren would make a great Roosevelt Blues Brother.
Train dominoes went about the way it always did, which is to say it was fine for me and a blood sport for Emmet. There aren’t any actual trains involved, only that you put your dominoes in a line like a train, but between the name and the math of it all, this was Emmet’s favorite game in the world, and he played to win. Unfortunately so did Sally, who had also sat at our table, and I soon learned Darren wasn’t holding back either.
David and I didn’t exactly sit on our hands, but neither of us cared a whole lot about the game, not compared to the others. I think David would have been more into it if he could have moved his own pieces, but as it was he had to tell me which ones he wanted where and I had to place them for him. Some of them he was able to nudge forward, but laying them on the table was too delicate of work for his hands, and so the task fell to me. I didn’t mind, but it was boring for him, when all he could do was tell me which tile to pick up and where to put it down. I didn’t care much about where mine went, since if I did well, other people had to lose, and all I ever wanted was for other people to be happy and not upset with me. This drove Emmet a little crazy, but he was too focused on beating Darren to scold me for my poor play this time.
Shelter the Sea Page 7
