“I don’t pity you,” I said honestly. “I don’t pity people who want to die because calling a quits is stupid. Being crushed by the world around you is very real, and so is the pain it causes. But you don’t have to do any of this alone. I’m here, and I’m telling you that I want to be your friend.”
“You don’t know me,” he came back with bite. “Why do you care at all?”
My blonde eyebrow went up, and I crossed my arms. “Because every single person is important, and it would be a loss if you didn’t exist.”
My words broke him in a second, and he dipped his head, choking on a sob from his throat. My hands started shaking on my lap, and I didn’t know what to do. Honestly, I was awful at making people feel better. I was hardly human at all, and this poor boy was so incredibly human.
I moved forward and put my arms around him. He didn’t fight when I pulled his head to my chest. He cried on me, and I hushed him gently. His boyish face was wrinkled and tearstained, and there was nothing I could do about it. So I sat there quietly and let him get it out while I ran my fingers through his shaggy hair.
hen Bennett eventually sat up, he looked drained. “I’m worthless. I’m twenty-one, and I don’t have a job, I don’t have friends, I don’t know what the hell I’m doing with my life. I’m the world’s biggest loser. I’ve never even kissed a girl.”
I waved my hand. “Me neither. It’s not that big a deal, and I’m only a year younger than you.”
“You’ve never kissed a girl?” He smiled, clearing his face with his sleeve.
“Nope. Or a boy, and I actually like boys.”
Bennett stared at me, and I knew what he was going to say before he even said it. I was the picture of a Barbie doll. I’d put on a good amount of weight since being freed, but everything else… Long blonde hair, blue eyes, pretty face. I didn’t look like someone who would be as alone as I was.
“You’re so pretty,” he said.
I smiled again. “You’re not an unattractive boy,” I pointed out. “I don’t think that has anything to do with it.”
Even in such a state, he was very cute. He had those high cheekbones that I heard people went for, but they were subtle on his face. His eyebrows were a little thick, but I liked it. Lips… very soft-looking, and he had a little abnormality in his earlobe. It was a little flatter than it was supposed to be. That too, I liked. He was a very attractive boy, and he should have seen that.
“People just don’t like me,” he said. “They think I’m weird, which I am. I couldn’t get a girl to touch me if I paid her.”
Okay then. Easy fix.
I jumped him, and he fell flat against the bed, looking petrified. I ignored that, and crushed my lips against his once I got onto his lap. He relaxed instantly and parted his lips. I didn’t have a clue what I was doing, but I went with it, slipping my tongue into his mouth. Mmm. He tasted like candy. Warm, fruity candy.
I took his hands from the bed, and I put them under my shirt. Without interrupting the kiss, I got them under the cups of my bra, and let him do the rest. There, now he couldn’t complain, he had a nice little handful of me to play with. Layla did good today.
The kiss went on longer than I thought it would, and I didn’t know which of us was to blame. It felt a lot better than I had been expecting. Kissing always sounded a little icky to me, but this wasn’t so bad. And really, he tasted awesome.
I sat up, and his eyes widened. I thought his mouth was the only part of him that had been moving. Even his hands didn’t really do anything.
“You can keep them there if this is making you feel better,” I told him. “I don’t mind.” It wasn’t so bad. I’d never been felt up before, but this was for a good cause.
He pulled his hands out of my shirt, and I started fixing my bra.
I smiled at him. “You tasted like Jolly Ranchers.”
Still frozen in the face, he reached over to his nightstand without looking, and opened it. A goldmine of them were in there, and I wiggled happily on him. I bent again, reaching to take a handful. When I got them, I collapsed on the bed next to Bennett.
After I got myself a grape candy, I unwrapped a strawberry. “Open up, honey.” I turned to look at him with his petrified face, but he opened his mouth. I dropped the candy in, and he closed his mouth.
“Um,” Bennett said, voice deep. “You guys really go above and beyond, don’t you?”
I nodded. “I am very good at what I do. I don’t normally let strangers feel me up, but what the hell. You’d never been kissed this morning, and now you’ve been to second base. How do you feel?”
He stared at me again, looking frightened before it changed into satisfaction. “Pretty good, actually.”
Yay.
“Can I ask you something?” Bennett said after a few quiet minutes. He turned his head to see me better. “If you wanted to die bad enough to try, why are you still here? How do you do it?”
That, I could answer easily. “For a really long time after I tried, I didn’t want to be alive, and I really wasn’t. But my life changed a few months ago, and I got back some of the things I lost. I lost something else not soon after. It’s still hard sometimes, but I know I have to keep going.” I stopped, and closed my eyes, trying not to get lost in memories. “It sounds dumb, but I have a trick. I try and find little things to get me through another day. Like a movie I want to see, or a book I want to read. And I think about if I never get to see or read them. I think about how it would feel. Then I think about my sisters. I have four. One from my parents, three from life. One of them is gone.”
“Gone?” he asked, but he knew.
I could see it in his eyes, and I was sure he could hear it in my voice.
I nodded. “Gone. She chose to leave us because she didn’t think she could keep going. Maybe,” I sighed. “I don’t know, because she didn’t talk to us. She didn’t leave a note. She didn’t come to us, and now we’ll never know if we could have fixed what was broken. We’re all damaged, but damage doesn’t make you worthless.”
He smiled sadly. “I feel worthless.”
I reached out and took his hand. “Me too.”
I checked the time again, and it was late in the afternoon. My parents would expect me home soon, but I couldn’t leave Bennett. I didn’t trust that he would be okay by himself.
I sat up and patted his tummy. “Come on, sweetie.” I threw my legs over the bed, and stood up, smoothing out my clothes once I did.
Bennett stayed in place, but he sat halfway up. “Umm, where are we going?”
“My house. We’re having dinner with my family.”
His eyes bugged out, and I thought for sure he would try and run. “Uh, that’s really nice of you, but no thanks. I don’t do well with strangers.”
I smiled and tugged his hand until he followed me out of the bedroom. I looked over my shoulder at him as we walked. “Neither do I, but you don’t have a choice. Don’t worry, if you get scared, just think about that time I put your hands on my boobs.”
He grinned like a dope, and I knew I did well.
I got him into my red Bug after a long walk to the car. I turned the heat all the way up and put my hands in front of it. “AH! Where is the summer?”
I hadn’t gotten to see a summer above ground in… over seven years. I didn’t think I could properly remember what it felt like to have that kind of warmth on my skin. I wanted to lie out in the grass until I wasn’t so pale anymore. I wanted to be wind-chaffed and tan.
“You have a few months,” my shaky-voiced companion said as he rubbed his hands down his pants.
I put my hand over one of his to still it. “Do I need to let you feel me up again, or are you gonna be okay?”
“Hmm.” His eyes looked down. “No, I think I’m fine. Unless you wanna…”
I rolled my eyes, and pulled out of the street.
Even though there was no warning, I expected my parents to be okay with me bringing a friend over for dinner. Since the only people I ev
er brought over were Riley and Adalyn, I thought they’d actually be happy. And Melissa, my sister, was so sweet. Always down for new people.
Then I thought about my baby sister. I missed so many years with her. She had been only nine when I had been taken, and I’d been twelve. Now she was all grown up at seventeen, and tall. Taller than me. Her blonde hair was darker. She looked like she was an adult, and I missed the years that was happening. Now she looked like my mother. We all had the same eyes.
We got to my house and parked in the driveway. Sometimes when I saw it, I had to stop and stare. It was surreal being here and having my family inside the house. I had to brush it off now. Bennett needed me.
I pulled the boy out of my car, and I held him by the shoulders when I led him into the house. I heard noise in the kitchen and could see my sister at the table from where I stood, so I made the entrance grand.
“GUYS!” I yelled.
A few seconds went by, and my family filed out. Mom had a dishtowel over her shoulder, and Dad chewed on something. Melissa had been doing her homework, and she looked all too willing to dump it. Ah, and I could smell burgers cooking. Today would be a good day.
I grinned and stood at Bennett’s side, putting my arm around his middle. “This is my new friend, Bennett.” I stopped, and my nose twitched as I looked up at him. “What’s your last name?”
“Posey,” he said, looking like he wished he was a shadow.
I rubbed his stomach and smiled at my family. “Bennett Posey. Be nice to him, or I’ll have to take my revenge in the night.”
Our golden lab, Moulder, wandered out to greet us. He sniffed at Bennett and then rubbed his head on his hand until the dog got pet. Moulder was a smooth operator.
“You guys meet at the call center?” my little sister asked.
Bennett’s eyes changed, and he swallowed as he shuffled on his feet. Obviously, I didn’t want to give him away. It was so sensitive. “On my way home,” I said. It wasn’t a total lie. “I thought it would be nice to feed him.”
Mom smiled and held her hand out as she walked to him. “Nice to meet you, honey. I’m Becky, that tall drink of water”—she pointed to Dad—“is my husband, Jake. And my daughter Melissa.”
Bennett shook her hand, keeping his other in his pocket. “Nice to meet you.”
“AH!” my sister said from the kitchen, and we all looked to her. She stared out the backdoor, and the dog ran to see what was up. “It’s snowing. ‘Tis a Christmas miracle!”
Dad’s face scrunched up. “It’s January, Liss.”
“ALL THE MORE OF A MIRACLE!” She threw the backdoor open, and ran outside, the dog following and jumping all around her.
Mom sighed, and looked at the floor. “She’s never getting that essay done.”
I tugged on Bennett’s hand until he followed me through the living room, kitchen, and then backyard. It was cold as fuck outside, and I rubbed my arms when the snowflakes started touching me. My sister ran around in a circle, making the dog chase her. She yelled for him to dance with her, and he barked.
“GOOD ENOUGH!” she screamed.
Bennett bent down to my ear, and whispered, “Is she always like this?”
I smiled, and nodded. “Yes. And I was very happy to see that she stayed the same.”
His eyebrows pushed together, and it told me I made a slip up. Oops. Sometimes I forgot I was talking to someone who didn’t know. Everyone at the crisis center knew, thanks to me and my sisters. Bennett didn’t know, and I didn’t want him to.
Mom called us inside for dinner after a few more minutes of watching Melissa run around, and we sat at the table.
My parents were settling down when I patted Bennett’s knee. “Are you okay, Benny?” I asked quietly.
He blinked at me and nodded, his face blank. “I’m fine.”
He was not fine, but he would be.
Mom set out plates for all of us, and I served Bennett, much to his protest. I narrowed my eyes at him when he tried stopping me, and he backed down. I made him a burger, and put all the sides on his plate before I handed it to him. I poured him a drink, and then I started on mine.
“So,” Dad said to Bennett. “What do you do?”
Bennett opened his mouth, but nothing came out, so I had to step in. I smiled, and said, “He’s a writer.”
Bennett sighed, and spoke low. “Not really… I don’t have anything out.”
I arched my eyebrow. “Do you write?”
“Yes.”
“A lot?”
“Yes.”
I smiled at my dad. “So, he’s a writer.”
Dad seemed genuinely enthusiastic. “What do you like to write?”
Bennett clammed up again, so I took his hand under the table. He had been reluctant to tell me what upset him earlier, and I didn’t want to push.
When he actually answered, I was almost shocked. “I like mysteries and short stories. Sometimes comics.”
“Oooh,” Melissa said with a mouthful of food. “Comics. That sounds cool. Like superhero stuff?”
He nodded.
The conversation lulled when we all started eating, then it was mostly Mom and Dad telling each other what they had to do this weekend. Tire changes and a haircut. All very boring, but I loved it. I’d been home three months, and it still felt like that first day. Hearing my parents’ voices again and hearing things so mundane. It was a life I’d thought lost to me.
So many nights when Master was in bed with me, I’d thought I was going to die in that bunker. I had thought he would kill me, and I’d been hoping for it. Just once when he’d beat me, I’d needed him to be a little too rough. Shove me into something or choke me for too long. I’d tried his patience because I’d wanted it. I had thought that if I went far enough, he would have saved me from being alive. It’d been selfish. I had known that. I would have left my sisters.
Then I felt the rain on my skin again, and I forgot what pain felt like for a few seconds. Riley. We owed it to Riley, who was the only one brave enough to do what had to be done. She had gotten us out of there after so many years. Everything up here was beautiful. That was why it was so important that Bennett and everyone else saw it. The world was magical, and I wanted them all to see what we saw.
My shaky friend got along just fine by the time dinner ended, but I was afraid of when he’d be alone again. I couldn’t keep him forever. I had more people to help in the morning. I needed to make sure that Bennett knew he had someone to talk to.
We got to his house. There was a car in the driveway, and Bennett looked anxious seeing it. I sat with him in my car on the street, and I didn’t plan on letting him go until I was sure he would make it through the night.
“So, you have my number,” I said. “Please, call me if you need to. Or if you want someone to talk to. It doesn’t matter what time it is or what day. Call me, and I’ll be here.”
He put his phone in his pocket and smiled ever so slightly at me. “Thank you, but I don’t know if I’ll do that to you.”
“To me? You’re not doing anything but giving me peace of mind. And I warn you now, even if you don’t talk to me, I’ll talk to you. I’m going to check on you lots. I check on everyone.”
He wiggled uncomfortably in his seat until he unbuckled. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to do that.”
My head hit the back of my seat, and I brought my voice down. “Do you still want to die?”
Bennett waited, and he wouldn’t look at me when he spoke. “I don’t want to die. I just don’t want to be alive. Do you… do you understand?”
I did. So, so well. “Yeah, I do. I know what it feels like to want to be dead, and I know how it feels to get to the other side of it. I want you to promise me that you’ll try and find it. You don’t have to do it alone, but you have to do it eventually.”
He nodded. “I know. It doesn’t feel like I have another side to this.”
I took his hand for the hundredth time tonight, and I made him look at me.
“There is always another side. You’ll get there. I promise.”
He smiled again, but it felt less forced. “I guess I can make it through another night. Maybe this is the start of a new trend where pretty girls let me grope them.”
I laughed. “I hope you get to touch lots of boobs in your life, Bennett Posey.”
The boy opened up the car door, and took one more look at me. “You too, Layla… what’s your last name?”
“Hall.”
“Layla Hall,” he said, a smile on his lips. “I guess I can expect a call from you in the morning, making sure I’m still around.”
I nodded, serious now. “I will. You ain’t seen the last of me, mister.”
I couldn’t tell what he thought of that, but I guessed I’d find out soon enough.
He closed the door, and I didn’t leave until I watched him opened his door with shaky hands and step inside.
I hated this. I hated knowing what was wrong and not being able to fix it. This ran too deep. It didn’t mean I would give up, of course. It just meant I had to try a little harder. And I would do that for him. I’d do that for any lost soul I found because I was as lost as they came.
hen my alarm went off, I growled at it as I turned the ringer off. Bright and early, the way I hated it. Sleep was really nice when a big, smelly, evil man wasn’t holding me against my will. God, I could still feel his arms when I closed my eyes and lay down. I wanted to shower it off until I couldn’t remember. Like Riley and Adalyn, I couldn’t really take baths anymore. Too many memories of being cleaned by those rough hands.
I dressed warmer today since there was a new blanket of snow outside.
I didn’t go into the center today, so I had my time to waste. First things first, I had to get something to eat. My sister would have just left for school, and Mom would be at work while Dad was in his office. There should be some leftovers for me in the microwave.
Sure enough, I found happiness when I opened the door. Eggs, sausage, bacon, and a cupcake. Ah, today would be a good day.
I sat at the table with my food and a mug of coco, and thus, my day began. Of course, I pulled out my phone from my pocket and called up Bennett. I didn’t want him thinking I’d forgot about him. I actually spent most of the night being worried.
The Dreamhouse Page 2
